<p>I hope you will read over the thoughts and ideas and find a way to lessen the tension of planning your wedding.</p>
<p>One thing I hope you have learned from this experience is that you will need to learn how to be very circumspect with your mom. I am not sure how your mom knew your F’s family wasn’t contributing - but that wasn’t really any of her business.</p>
<p>Last year, my stepdaughter got married. When she got engaged, we told her how much we would be contributing and never asked how the money was spent. We don’t know what her mom and step-dad contributed or if the groom’s mom contributed anything. The couple was in their early thirties, both with advanced degrees and we thought of our contribution as our way of helping them celebrate. </p>
<p>My advice, for what it is worth, is to find things to talk about with your mom that are more superficial. Be warm and loving - but cautious. You can offer more info - but you can’t take your words back.</p>
<p>Maybe your Mom is worried that 100 guests and the plan you as couple have created will be beyond what you and your fiance can afford without sacrificing essentials from your own household budget. On that, she’s either Right or Wrong, but only you two know which it is.</p>
<p>Lots of Moms think a couple can’t well afford something (wedding, vacation, house, car…) Sometimes the Mom is right, sometimes she’s wrong. </p>
<p>She’s assuming you can’t afford it…and jumping in (unrequested) to negotiate this FOR you with groom’s family. But that’s a conversation she should be having with you, not making assumptions and re-negotiating with future in-laws. </p>
<p>IF you (with fiance) realize she’s correct, and you (couple) now feel it’s gotten too expensive, THEN groom should be the one to ask the groom’s family to pitch in.</p>
<p>But if your budget still is fine with you (couple), even with a current review, then it’s true… you two are very well able to afford a party for 100 without a penny of help from the groom’s family. </p>
<p>Go over total budget with fiance and be SURE you can both afford the wedding. If you can, tell your Mom very clearly that this is so, and she doesn’t need to get in there to save your money for you. </p>
<p>And what if Mom’s correct? If you now see it’s slightly more than you two can afford, after crunching ALL the numbers… then thank your Mom for pointing out the problem and clearly tell her you will take it from here…and make the necessary adjustments so the wedding is affordable to you as a couple. “Adjustments” could mean asking groom’s family to invite fewer; inviting fewer friends; changing the details of what will be served, etc. KEEP THOSE ADJUSTMENTS, if any are needed, between yourself and the groom. She should not need to know anything further about dollars and cents.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for your input. I wanted to make this post so I could see many different points of view on the subject, and I appreciate all the responses. I got everything straightened out with the vendor yesterday, and they have a written statement not to honor any requests that don’t come directly from me. </p>
<p>I think the common questions many of you were asking is if my mother was asked to pay for the wedding. simply put, no.This is how the planning occured: In 2001 F and I graduated with post BS degrees and started to plan. At this point we decided how much we were willing to spend (no more than $10k), and I purchased my dress. In February of 2012 we told them (both families) that we were going to set a date by the end of 2012 and book a reception hall. So to date the reception hall has been booked for 12.8.12, and the wedding cost with honeymoon is at ~$8000 so I think we are doing pretty well in terms of expense.</p>
<p>As far as what MIL will do? I’m sure there will be a gift from his family of some kind. She originally wanted to book us her time-share when were thinking of a Disney honeymoon, but we decided on a cruise instead that we already purchased so I am assuming there will be some other gift in the end.</p>
<p>Things have quieted down on my mother’s end for now because one of our relatives in UA passed away over the weekend.</p>