<p>Having just spent the weekend on Block Island, I must say there is a world, no, a solar system of difference between the Island and Disney. Actually, every time I go there is a bachelorette party group at the restaurant, bar, beach, etc.
The choice the bride has made has me scratching my head.</p>
<p>I haven’t been to Block Island for many decades, but it strikes me as a nice place for a group of old friends to have a weekend. I have no idea how much it costs these days. Back in the day, there was a motley assortment of fun, sometimes run-down, old hotels. Disney or Block island seems like a kid whose college choices are USC and Earlham. Does not compute. :)</p>
<p>I put on my own makeup in the car while we were driving to the wedding.
My hair was easy. It is already wavy and I just stuck a comb in it that had fresh flowers to hold one side back.</p>
<p>Parties before the wedding aren’t common here.
However, I work restoring habitat on the Duwamish River, and we often have work parties with the community or local businesses.
A few months ago, we had about 9 women who were volunteering together before one of their weddings.
They got to spend the day together outside in the fresh air. What’s not to like?</p>
<p>Younger d, just turned 26 was just a bridesmaid for one of her oldest friend’s wedding. She was given a color as all the girls selected their own dresses, just needed to coordinate the color with the bride. There was a bridal shower at the bride’s parents house that I attended along with both of my daughters. The wedding was on the campus of the university where bride and her now husband met in law school. So younger d paid for air fare, I paid for the dress as we selected a pricier dress at Bloomingdale’s than what was on some of the bridal sites we looked at but pretty comparable to the J. Crew bridal site and the shoes as well as shower gifts from myself and both d’s. The bachelorette party was at a house that was borrowed for a weekend in the Hamptons as actually one of the other bridesmaids had been a longtime babysitter for the family. So there wasn’t any rental/hotel costs but there was cost for dinners/food/wine. The bride had several friends from college and law school who came for the bachelorette party but not the shower so they only had to fly in for one event and from wherever they lived to the wedding site. So the wedding involved two nights at the hotel and as d attended with her boyfriend who is in grad school, the cost of a weekend car rental to drive from his grad school to the university campus where wedding took place. She and he paid for the hotel but I also gave her $200 spending money. He had to buy a suit/dress shirt but that is okay, he will use them again. They girls all went to salon together for hair and make-up which was paid for by the bride’s family. Actually d preferred to do her own make-up but had her hair done, she had her mani/pedi before she left NYC. Had we been more organized we would have bought an nice accessory for her hair but didn’t think of it. She had an evening bag that was perfect already from her high school prom so good to see it get re-used, we also did not think of a shawl or something to wear around her shoulders. She and boyfriend together bought a wedding gift. I did not attend wedding although invited and I gave a generous/appropriate gift considering I know the bride since she was 3.</p>
<p>If they go in the summer, Block Island would be MUCH more expensive than Disney. If they go in the winter, no one will want to go to a Block island…and Disney will be pricier.</p>
<p>Honestly, this bride needs to communicate with her bridesmaids better. And really if the costs are too high, the bridesmaids need to speak up!</p>
<p>I agree that the bride and her family need to communicate whatever they’re planning to the bridesmaids. Some brides I’ve known chose the bridesmaid dresses (after asking the girls how much they’d be comfortable spending) while others picked a color and let the girls choose dresses in a style and price range they could afford. I’ve never known a bride who told her bridesmaids where the shower or bachelorette party should be held, but if the bride and/or her family are expecting something major they should let the girls know ahead of time so they can decide if being a bridesmaid is an honor they can afford.</p>
<p>I had 5 bridesmaids, three of whom either sewed or had mothers that sewed. They made their dresses and the dresses for the other two girls, one of whom was my sister. I picked out the color, bought the fabric and patterns and handed it all over. I had several yards of excess fabric leftover that I might still have in my chest. </p>
<p>My oldest has been a bridesmaid in two weddings. For the first, the bride just requested a certain color, any style as long as it was long. DD happened to be visiting her, so the bridesmaids (others were local) all went to the store and picked them out. For the second, she was the only bridesmaid and had an infinity dress. Neither dress needed any alterations.</p>
<p>My middle DD has been in one wedding. The dress was fairly expensive, but needed no alterations. She was overseas at the time, so ordered it in two different sizes and had my sister bring them to her when she came to visit. DD tried them on, sent both back and my sister returned one and mailed the right size on back to me so I could hold onto it until the wedding. She is going to wear it to a military ball next month.</p>
<p>DD1 was a flower girl in SIL’s wedding when she was 5. The seamstress failed to come through, so the bridesmaids were out buying off the rack dresses on Thursday night for the Sat wedding. SIL bought DD a white dress to wear, which ended up being used by all three of mine for First Communion. She never expected that it would get that much use from a last minute substitute dress.</p>
<p>As far as bachelorette parties, none had big fancy parties. The first was a group of the bridesmaids going to a live show, the second was my girls taking the bride out for a drink after a baseball game and the third was missed because DD was overseas, but it was just a night with some drinks at a club. </p>
<p>DD (about age 6) was once asked to be in a family wedding. When we learned there was a seamstress that would make the dress for $25 labor… I though wow… great deal. Then I learned the fabric cost $100. Eventually the wedding was cancelled. Oddly I can’t remember whether we paid for the dress or not. </p>
<p>I was at a baseball game a couple of weeks ago and there was a bachelorette party a couple of rows in front of us. Homemade wedding t-shirts, bride in a baseball cap with veil. They were remarkably sedate – didn’t see any beer!</p>
<p>“I’ve never known a bride who told her bridesmaids where the shower or bachelorette party should be held, but if the bride and/or her family are expecting something major they should let the girls know ahead of time so they can decide if being a bridesmaid is an honor they can afford.”</p>
<p>I think back to when I was a young married 20something and throwing showers, both bridal and baby, for friends. We had limited budgets and we prided ourselves on our creativity in making nice food and serving it on our best china, being innovative with decor, etc. - kind of Martha Stewart on a low budget. It would have been very hurtful to be told that other things were “expected” of us or that it wasn’t good enough. I think a bride has a heck of a lot of nerve telling others she wants a bachelorette weekend involving travel. </p>
<p>Like most other moms here, I have been to many weddings, been involved in other people’s weddings, and had my own formal wedding. I have seen over the years many things that I considered inconsiderate to guests, and somethings that were outright rude. Whenever I plan a party, I really try to be gracious and considerate of my guests. In general, I would never tell someone that I thought their behavior was rude or inconsiderate, but here is where I get into trouble. I will end up resenting what happened and the fact that I never said anything.</p>
<p>My opinion is that it is an imposition on friends to expect them to foot lavish bills in the name of friendship for parties, clothing, etc., if they do not have the money. If someone’s parents are chipping in on their rent, it is an imposition to expect that person to pay hundreds or heaven forbid thousands of dollars to participate in a wedding, IMHO. In the days when I and my friends married, most of us were associates at big NY law firms, and made good money, but living in NY money was never all that available at that time. However, without trying to sound unduly humble, most of the bridal showers were small affairs at someone’s home with either pot luck or food sent in, but not lavish catering. They were fun. The most tacky thing in my opinion was a small shower someone’s sister arranged for the bride at a restaurant, where half the guests were relatives, and the sister wanted to divide the check evenly among the friends (although I think she paid for the relatives). To invite someone to a party that is “dutch treat” should be done in advance! Don’t send an invitation where you expect your guests to pay. Maybe her invitations should have listed a cover charge for the wedding too. I would have gladly volunteered my apartment and cooked for everyone myself rather than attend that horrid shower. The sister, imo, embarrassed the bride and herself (and her mother too.) I could never see my mother allowing such a thing to happen. Mostly for showers that were more formal and lavish, someone other than the friends sponsored it and paid for it.</p>
<p>If young people want to travel all over the country to support their friends in their impending weddings, it is great, if they can afford it. I missed out on some weddings and festivities when I couldn’t afford it (associate salary or not). There were weddings that I traveled to where I barely heard from the happy couple again after the wedding. I would be horrified if my D had to spend $3000 to be in a wedding. To me this is just not right. </p>
<p>As to makeup, one friend of mine had a Mary Kay party during the months before her wedding. You could buy the make up if you wanted to, and I think she got a bunch of stuff from Mary Kay for having the party at her place. I thought it was fun, and if you didn’t want to buy it, you didn’t have to, and the Mary Kay lady helped you to apply the makeup so you learned ways to do it. </p>
<p>If someone is so set on expensive dresses, shoes, makeup,trips etc., they should be a good host, and foot the bill, IMHO. Unless of course the friends are independently wealthy.</p>
<p>
Yes! Why should the OP subsidize her D’s participation in the bridezilla’s demands? Surely D doesn’t expect OP to subsidize this? </p>
<p>“I mean, it’s sort of presumptuous to assume if someone doesn’t wear make-up it’s because they don’t know how. I’m not sure women’s faces wash out any more than men’s faces, so maybe men should be offered some lessons, too.”</p>
<p>^^^This is pretty much exactly how I feel. I don’t know about other people’s reasons, but for me personally, I don’t wear make up because I am not interested in it and most of all because I want to look the way I look, not try to cover anything up or enhance anything, not because I can’t apply it. There was a point when I tried out make up and had make up done for me by friends, so it’s not like I don’t understand what it looks like or how to put it on. </p>
<p>As for washing out, that’s exactly what I was thinking - half the wedding party (men) will not have make up on - it’s not like there is anything wrong with their pictures. Even if I did “wash out,” I wouldn’t really care, but the bride would? I honestly don’t know. I would like to think that my close friends would not care, but you never know.</p>
<p>If it were really important to my friend that I wear make -up, I guess I would do it, but to be honest, that request would irritate me - it’s kind of like someone asking you to change your appearance, not just wear something (which is completely fine with me - I like dressing up - and even if it was a crazy dress with ruffles, that wouldn’t bother me at all), but to change how your face looks. Now, if my friend offers to have my hair done, that’s a different story - I would be on board with that (although nothing drastic, just styling, no straightening with strong chemicals or anything like that).</p>