<p>The weekend bachelorette party thing is very common here. Personally, I hate it, but the young people know what they’re getting in to. I was at a wedding last year where the bridesmaids wore navy slip dresses, completely plain. But they had the most gorgeous shoes and flowers. I loved, loved, loved it. The dresses were totally wearable, even to a work day because it was a knee-length navy sheath and the shoes were gorgeous, but not weddingy at all. The flowers were truly epic, though, and the bridesmaids used them really as accessories. I hope my D does something like that.</p>
<p>I had one maid of honor, my sister.
She made her dress. I told her what color my flowers were going to be ( pink roses) and she whipped up something that would coordinate.
Oldest eloped early this year, no bridesmaid ( shes 32, although I expect her sister was there), she has been bridesmaid in other weddings.
The last one, the bride simply told them the color and asked to see it before they bought it. She bought a dress she can wear again.
As for her own bridal dress, she also bought a dress she could wear again, and she has, several times.
Actually that seems much smarter and more fun, than spending a boatload of money and hours of fittings on something she would wear once. :)</p>
<p>Who knows what younger D will choose. I can see her having a several bridesmaids wearing different dresses from JCrew, ( or that’s what I would do, and she has similar taste) All those dresses you could easily wear again.</p>
<p><a href=“https://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Features/RealWeddingsErinTimmy_sm.jsp”>https://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Features/RealWeddingsErinTimmy_sm.jsp</a>
( They had their photo shoot at the library!)</p>
<p>@2VU0609 - thanks for the good wishes. Yes, my Vandy daughter is getting married. She’d only been a bridesmaid once before, when she was MOH for her older sister. That older sister is not her MOH, but planned the bachelorette because she’s been in several weddings and really knows how to pull an event together. The youngest is the MOH this time around, but happily stepped aside to let the oldest take the lead in planning.</p>
<p>This d’s bachelorette consisted of several local events that people could drop in for as they wanted/were able. They visited a winery, went out to dinner, went to a dance club, and had brunch the next day. Some people did come in from out of town, but stayed with friends to minimize their costs. Some came for dinner only, some just for brunch. </p>
<p>My D was married a year ago. She chose a color (“spiced wine”) for her bridesmaids’ dresses at J Crew. Then the young ladies could choose any dress they wanted in that color. Each chose something a bit different, but since the colors and fabric were identical they looked lovely together. My D chose to pay for her attendants’ dresses herself, so there would be no financial burden to them – the girls let her know the style and size, and D ordered them all once they went on sale. </p>
<p>The only bachelorette shindig was a manicure session a day or two before the wedding, followed by a tea party. My D did not want a bridal shower – had her own place for years and did not need more “stuff.”</p>
<p>IMO no bride should insist on any party being thrown for her. IF one is being considered by members of the bridal party, then any member can explain if what is being discussed is not financially feasible for her, and should feel free to opt out.</p>
<p>My D’s bridesmaids were wonderful during the wedding weekend. One was in charge of keeping mother of groom from discussing religion at the rehearsal brunch – sat next to her and would simply redirect the conversation. Another was responsible for getting certain items to the reception site. They intercepted and handled phone calls that came in for D on the wedding morning, helped her stay organized, helped her prep, etc. IMO the best attendant is one who is supportive of the bride in such ways, and D’s were heartwarmingly devoted. But there was little expense incurred on their parts.</p>
<p>I love the idea of choosing a color at J Crew and then having bridesmaids picking their individual dresses. Stores are across the country and sizes likely to be had. My youngest D would be all over this idea ! (and would want to pick an “extra” dress up for herself!!!"</p>
<p>David’s Bridal offers a ton of different dresses in the same color palette–e.g., ten different styles in the same periwinkle crepe–and the prices are very moderate. The sizing is also normal, not “bridal”, and there are dresses to try on in every size. I wouldn’t use their alteration department, which is slow and not terribly skilled, but I think the place is a great option otherwise.</p>
<p>As to how a bride can have a blowout party if all her friends don’t pony up to attend, well, it was always my impression that the blowout party was the wedding! Given that half of these marriages will end in divorce, the idea of treating each wedding like the coronation of the British queen is just absurd. Brides, you aren’t that special!</p>
<p>I am always intrigued by the notion that you have to pay for hair , manicure / pedicure, professionally-applied makeup, etc. if you’re in a bridal party. I think those are personal grooming choices, not something a bride can dictate that her bridesmaids do. I don’t know, if someone offered to pay for my makeup to be done professionally, fine, that could be fun, but I’m not going to outlay that myself just because I’m standing up in a wedding - my own makeup application is enough, IMO.</p>
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<p>I have to agree that weddings have slowly become more and more like Princess for a day rather than a celebration of the joining of TWO people-bride AND groom. All these tantrums prefaced and ending with “But this is MY DAY” have convinced me that somewhere along the line we’ve messed up in communicating that the wedding is not a beauty pageant of one, but a sacred event about serious commitment. Even if it’s secular, it should still be a revered ceremony rather than a broadway production.</p>
<p>But I do just have to say - it is NOT TRUE that half of all marriages end in divorce. That was cooked up when someone noticed that the # of marriages in a year is roughly twice the # of divorces, so they concluded that half of all marriages end in divorce, but that’s not right, because the denominator is all marriages in existence at the time, not just those marriages that occurred in the same year. The real divorce rate is lower than 50%. Sorry, this canard bugs me!</p>
<p>@thumper post #35 - You may have misunderstood me. I meant to say that the giant destination bachelorette party seems silly if your peeps are put out financially or time wise and can’t attend. It seems way more important to me that all the people be able to do whatever it is than the fabulousness of the event itself. I think it’s sad that a bride or maid of honor would not be inclusive.</p>
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<p>PizzaGirl is correct. </p>
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<p><a href=“http://www.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2014/May/Divorce-Shocker-Most-Marriages-Do-Make-It/”>CBN.com Error - The Christian Broadcasting Network;
<p>Nrdsb4-YES!! The longest and best marriage I know began with a wedding thrown together in a week (long story) and in which the bride and her MOH wore prom dresses (no, they were not in high school). Second longest was an elopement. When it’s all about the perfect cake and the expensive dress and the biggest hall and covering the plate and all that nonsense, I wonder if the actual point of the wedding gets lost somewhere.</p>
<p>DIL got her dress and the bridesmaid dresses from David’s. Her civil ceremony dress was $79 from an online shop in the UK. A friend of mine did DIL’s hair as a wedding gift. The bridesmaids did their own. They all did their own makeup. </p>
<p>I didn’t pick out shoes/jewelry for my bridesmaids or do the hair/makeup thing. Worked for us.</p>
<p>“I am always intrigued by the notion that you have to pay for hair , manicure / pedicure, professionally-applied makeup, etc. if you’re in a bridal party. I think those are personal grooming choices, not something a bride can dictate that her bridesmaids do. I don’t know, if someone offered to pay for my makeup to be done professionally, fine, that could be fun, but I’m not going to outlay that myself just because I’m standing up in a wedding - my own makeup application is enough, IMO.”</p>
<p>^^^Interesting indeed. I didn’t know that was the case. I don’t wear makeup, and I can’t imagine one of the friends I am close enough to be in the bridal party requiring that I wear makeup.</p>
<p>“I don’t wear makeup, and I can’t imagine one of the friends I am close enough to be in the bridal party requiring that I wear makeup.”</p>
<p>It strikes me that if I had a friend who didn’t wear makeup, I might be more inclined to say “Hey! do you want your makeup done?” (thinking that she just didn’t know how) compared to someone who I already know wears makeup and I trust to apply it just fine for a big occasion. Not having makeup can wash you out in pictures. </p>
<p>And before someone goes in paroxysms over pancake makeup, I just mean a little eyeliner, mascara, blush, and lip gloss, not Tammie Faye Baker. </p>
<p>^Sure, but though you might be thinking that, she might be thinking–well, I don’t wear make-up, but I guess PG expects me to. </p>
<p>I mean, it’s sort of presumptious to assume if someone doesn’t wear make-up it’s because they don’t know how. I’m not sure women’s faces wash out any more than men’s faces, so maybe men should be offered some lessons, too… :/</p>
<p>I don’t think there has been any real communication among the bridesmaids and between the bridesmaids and the bride. They come from different places and know the bride from different times in her life. I know that D was hoping to be a bridesmaid because it would be the first wedding among her college friends, but she had not given it any real thought, nor did she have any real concept of what it would involve prior to being TOLD she was a bridesmaid and put on the spot.</p>
<p>D was asked to attend the engagement party for the bride and groom in the summer. It turns out that the only friends of the bride and groom who were invited were those who were going to be asked to be in the bridal party.</p>
<p>In the middle of the engagement party the bride brought out shopping bags that contained customized T shirts that proclaimed them bridesmaids. The girls were told to put them on over their clothing and were therefore officially anointed bridesmaids. They were not ever asked, but told.</p>
<p>So now D has been put into a Facebook group with the other bridesmaid and told about the dresses. The bride has had several text message exchanges with D where she said she was looking into Disney or Block Island for the bachelorette party. D has not really spoken up about it, because she has no idea what to expect in terms of who is paying for what, etc. And no mention yet, of anything else that she may need to plan or pay for. </p>
<p>I am happily paying for D to go on a family vacation in December. She needs help with rent in Manhattan which my husband and I have no problem paying to keep her in a safe building/ neighborhood. She pays as large a portion of the rent as she can realistically afford, plus all her other expenses. But I resent that someone would expect these girls (half of them are actresses) to support an extravaganza without even being asked or given a heads up in terms of cost. </p>
<p>Obviously it is time for D to have a heart to heart with her friend and find out the details that have not been forthcoming.</p>
<p>wow–sounds like the bride is all about the spectacle and big events. I think that behavior is sort of appalling. Sympathies to your D!</p>
<p>The bride sounds like an egomaniac. It will probably only get worse. I think your D should start looking for ways to get out of it. :)</p>
<p>I normally do NOT wear makeup. I DID wear makeup for my wedding, as well as all the weddings I participated in as a bridesmaid or MOH. I wanted the brides to be happy and to fit in with the rest of the wedding party. The brides always paid for any makeup and hair, including me paying for me and my attendants or having a loved one do it as a favor or gift for me or the bride.</p>
<p>I have no problem wearing makeup and dress that the bride purchases for me that she really wants us to wear, even if it will only be worn once (as most of the dresses I had were). My wedding gown cost only about $150, so it was a pretty good deal, even though I only wore it once.</p>