<p>kelsmom</p>
<p>I am adding my energy to support you and your family. My deepest condolences.</p>
<p>There is a lot on your plate right now, that is for sure.</p>
<p>Kelsmom - my condolences. Your niece is lucky to have all of you to support her. She will need it, especially if her mother is not in the picture. Take care of yourself.</p>
<p>kelsmom, I am so very sorry to hear the news about the sudden loss of your brother. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.</p>
<p>Just checking in … thanks for your continued support. Although my parents insisted my mom was fine at home while my dad flew out to deal with the body/etc, I couldn’t stay at home. I flew to Florida yesterday & surprised my mom. She & my dad both appreciate it … they say, “No, don’t come,” but I think they wanted to say, “YES, PLEASE COME!” So, here I am.</p>
<p>I am taking my mom’s health issues in hand & we are going to the doctor’s today to add me to her “okay to talk to” list. She MUST have a neuro consult, even though she is mad at me for that. Hopefully, I can make at least some headway while I am here. My dad is afraid that he will hear Alzheimers, I think. However, there does not seem to be any doubt at this point. It’s time to deal with the reality of the situation. </p>
<p>My niece won’t eat, and she is devastated. My dad & brothers are doing a good job with her, and my sister in law is on the phone with her a lot. She got my niece to talk about what to do with her dad’s body, so that was a good thing. They are doing a cremation & my niece will keep the ashes.</p>
<p>My brother’s room & affairs are a total mess. My brother thanks everyone for the great advice, which he has been using to plan out what to do this week.</p>
<p>Thanks again. Mom is calling … confused, as usual.</p>
<p>kelsmom, dehydration can lead to confusion, especially in the elderly. You might encourage your mom to have more water than she might ordinarily take in. (Confusion can also be the result of a UTI.) Good luck with your mom, and how good of you to be with her!</p>
<p>Wishing you and your family continued strength.</p>
<p>Hi Kelsmom - so sorry to hear about your brother. I also wanted to provide some support as you deal with your Mom’s health … if it is Alzheimers please do come back to CC … I’m sure many of us can provide some helpful hints about this situation also.</p>
<p>kelsmom - when I read what you wrote: “My niece won’t eat, and she is devastated.” I immediately thought of my D when her Grandmother died suddenly. My D had her own room there, and was there nearly every weekend. “Devastated” was the right word. Consider crisis counseling for your niece, it can do wonders in a very short time.</p>
<p>Anyway, my D also wouldn’t eat, simply said, “I’m not hungry”. She was much younger, only 9, but within 3 weeks had lost a significant amount of weight for an already small 9 yo. We had had a family counselor from before, so I called her (we hadn’t been for close to a year) and asked for an emergency appointment. Within 30 minutes of being in that office, D began sobbing her eyes out, and said, “I can’t swallow, I feel like my heart is stuck in my throat”. Probably the breakthrough statement for her. This appointment lasted close to 3 hours as counselor waited for D to say she was ready to go (counselor is awesome). As we walked to the car, D looked up and asked, “can we get something to eat, I’m starving!”. </p>
<p>Big hugs all around.</p>
<p>Kelsmom, I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my dear brother suddenly, two years ago. You are in my prayers.</p>
<p>Just reading the concern about not eating. That is a normal reaction in grief. We all lost weight following both my dad’s and brother’s sudden death. You just don’t think about your daily needs, you are so overwhelmed with grief. Don’t worry about that. You have your plate full right now without putting other worries on top of it.</p>
<p>Kelsmom, so good of you to be there for your niece. She needs to know that she is still a part of your family. Take good care of each other. Sending best wishes and prayers your way.</p>
<p>My condolences to you and your family. :(</p>
<p>Hugs and condolences.</p>
<p>My MIL has reccently been diagnosed with Alizheimer’s, situation is complicated by prescription anti anxiety meds that seem to be over prescribed (per her neurologist). Be sure the doctor is aware of all the meds your mom is taking, particularly those prescribed by other doctors (MIL sees a cardiologist, internist and a counselor–they did not know what was being prescribed by each other). Getting the medicines under control has improved her situation, although it has taken some time.</p>
<p>I hope your family continues to cope with this difficult situation. I’d keep an eye on the not eating and call a counselor or cook comfort food as needed. </p>
<p>My thoughts are with you.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>My condolences to you and your family. This is a most difficult time in so many many ways. I went through a similar experience a few years ago when my brother was suddenly in an accident, then in a coma and then died without ever gaining consciousness. He was divorced and had no children. My parents and I were in limbo not knowing how to handle his affairs while he was in the hospital as we didn’t know if he would survive (although the odds were small). He had no will, no one had power of attorney, and we didn’t know where to begin. </p>
<p>As others have said, as my brother’s correspondence came in we were able to piece together his assets and debts and any investments. Some things came quarterly, not monthly, so it took time. I also found his checkbook and was able to find the recurring payments. And we got his tax return. It was necessary for the estate lawyer we hired ( (a family friend) to contact banks and such as they did not want to talk to us.</p>
<p>My brother didn’t have much in the way of assets, other than money tied up in IRAs, but he had credit card debt. I caution you about creditors. One of the credit card companies pressured our lawyer to make a settlement of my brother’s debt. There wasn’t money in the estate to cover the full debt and the settlement offered would have depleted the funds in the estate. In trying to get the debt settled, the credit card company’s representative said that my father had cosigned on the credit card and that he was therefore personally responsible for the debt. They offered that if we agreed to their settlement that same day they would not go after my father for the money. It wasn’t inconceivable that my father would have cosigned for a credit card with my brother, but he didn’t recall having done so. But I don’t like to be pressured like that, so I asked for a copy of the cosigned paper. We didn’t hear from the credit card company again. But I’m still angry at the trick they tried to pull on my elderly father. </p>
<p>So as others have advised, take all of this slowly, and think everything through.</p>