<p>Not much left to add, it looks as if this one got a little out of hand. While it sounds unreasonable to a lot of people that 25k isn’t enough, it depends on how the person receiving the gift was brought up. If she has been told repeatedly that this was a possibility and then her mother balked when the time came, I could see the frustrations. Again, everything looks a lot more black and white when you are that age. We will never know all of the details of the situation. It would have been more fair to have this exact discussion before applications went into the mail. That way there would be no surprises when they started coming back. This looks like a good time to really open the lines of communication and get all of it out. Talk out the possibilities and the what-ifs, but that really should have been done much earlier. Also, sometimes it doesn’t do a person good to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet or something that you can’t do anything about. There are so many situations that come up that are beyond your control, it will drive you crazy if you can’t learn to let them go and move onto what you can control. Just some advice.</p>
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<p>I agree with this. I think you hit a nerve for several parents here and the result was unwarranted attacks.</p>
<p>You are like many kids I’ve worked with over the years. Society and your parents suggested that if you just worked very hard, you would be rewarded with your choice of colleges. Many had Harvard banners hanging in childhood bedrooms. Teachers/strangers/parents told them they were smart and headed to the ivy league.</p>
<p>Then reality dawns and you’re totally bewildered. But, but, but everyone said all of my life if I just did my part the dream would come true…And it happens at all levels, not just kids shooting for ivies. There are so many posts here by kids thinking they can go out of state and get aid with low stats. The college myths are very widespread.</p>
<p>So I think what sounds like entitlement is often just the period of realization that something you believed for 18 years is not true. It’s painful. It’s shocking. It has many implications for how you perceive life and your future. It makes you grow up in a hurry.</p>
<p>So Lexi, I’m sorry this is happening. Maybe your mom is selfish, but whatever the truth is the reality is the same. You have a limited yet decent budget for college and you have to do the most you can with it. Maybe you’ll get into top colleges with adequate aid. But use this last week to make sure you’ve applied to schools you can afford that you will really be happy to attend.</p>
<p>thumper1 - I too believed that Ivies only gave need-based aid. Then a girl I know received a merit-based Scholarship to Columbia. From Columbia’s website:</p>
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Note the key phrase: regardless of their financial means.</p>
<p>The Ivies do indeed have endowed scholarships that are not FA, but are merit-based. (At least Columbia does). Turns out the conventional “everyone knows” wisdom of CC is not always right.</p>
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<p>No matter what you think of every post on this thread, this advice can only be good for the OP to consider. </p>
<p>As for the phrase “endowed scholarships at Ivies”, I think that’s just a language mash-up. It could be that someone is referencing the name attached to need-based aid. In response to the student’s FAFSA, an accepted student who is also a need recipient may receive a page of financial aid as awarded by the university that reads “$ X from the Princeton Scholarship Fund” (I just manufactured that name here). Sidenote: It might also list some federal loans for which the student has been deemed eligible, plus a stated expectation for a student Work salary expected to contribute each school year.</p>
<p>We know from reading that the source of such college scholarships (need based aid, really) is the school’s endowment, or interest from investing that endowment. Alumni contributions and investment of the endowment contribute to keeping the endowment healthy, in part so that need based scholarships can be awarded…as needed.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t generalize the situation so much. Certain pockets of communities put these expectations onto kids, but there are many more communities that celebrate simply going to any college. Parents raise the kids and parents plant the seeds. The mother did the OP a disfavor by planting the seed that the OP could go where ever the OP could get accepted. I do feel sorry for the OP on some level, hopefully the OP is mature enough to regroup if needed, again the OP has two great acceptances in hand already so regrouping may not even be necessary.</p>
<p>busdriver11, what major has summer internships that pay over $10k? I have never heard of an undergrad internship that paid anywhere near that amount. I would think $4k would be the absolute most I’d expect a student to earn in a summer internship.</p>
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<p>…and that could mean deciding to become happier about the acceptances already in hand, or adding a couple of last-minute applications now. Anything look do-able for you with a Jan. 15 deadline? Can you click buttons fast enough to add something with a Dec. 31 deadline?</p>
<p>Regardless of your Mom and all that, you might need to put more feathers into your own cushion for a softer landing.</p>
<p>Lafalum: there are some NYC investment banking internships that pay over $1,000/week for approx 10 weeks…we know a Cornell student who was in one last year</p>
<p>* My mother has not put away enough money to send me to a top private school. I received money from two of my safety schools and my mother has been pushing me into attending these schools. *</p>
<p>*My mother has been financially irresponsible and is able to afford 25,000 a year; *</p>
<p>*My father has not been actively involved in my life since I was 5. I</p>
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<p>Something doesn’t make sense here. She has a dead-beat dad (a jerk who hasn’t been in her life) and yet she says her mom is being hypocritical for criticizing her dad for being irresponsible??? Sounds like this girl got the logic-gene from her dad who probably has all kinds of excuses for not supporting his own flesh and blood. </p>
<p>If her mom will pay $25k, then that’s “her half”…the other half should come with the dad. Divorced parents are BOTH supposed to pay…and it’s often 50/50…yet this kid thinks mom should pay it all, while dad gets some kind of weird distorted love because he’s all talk and no walk…aka “an empty suit.”</p>
<p>*My father is very proud of me and wants me to pick a school and then he will help put together money, no matter what it takes. * </p>
<p>He has no business being “very proud of you.” He’s dont nothign to get you where you are today. And, he’s just “all talk.” If he’d get money together, no matter what it takes, he would have done so for the past 10+ years. If you add up all the back child support that he owes your mom, it might add up to enough to pay his half…and maybe if he had paid, your mom could afford to pay more for college.</p>
<p>Get over your phony romantic notions about your father. It’s insulting to the parent who was there for you, who supported you, who was there when you were sick, who provided a roof over you, your food and clothing, and is going to help you with your college costs. Geesh!</p>
<p>*> Oh, by the way, while I’m ranting–I do get tired of this idea that</p>
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<p>That is not a good analogy at all. Try again.</p>
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<li><p>The Ivies give only NEED based aid for undergraduates. The School of Journalism at Columbia is a GRADUATE program. There are some “name” scholarships for undergraduates–a friend’s D got one. It gives her access to some perks that most Columbia students don’t get, but it doesn’t reduce the tuition bill.</p></li>
<li><p>While it is possible to get an investment banking internship that pays over $1,000 a week, it is extraordinarily rare for any student to get such a job until the summer after junior year. BTW, major really doesn’t matter, but grades do. So does SAT, believe it or not. Lexie’s will eliminate her from consideration for most such positions. There are far more applicants than positions; it’s not something you can count on. It is wrong to lead Lexie to believe that she can earn $30,000 during the summers while she is an undergrad.</p></li>
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<p>Most people cannot put away enough money to send their kids to a top private school. Unless your mom is very wealthy, she probably doesn’t have $200k sitting around.
If your mom has to borrow to send you to a private college, that will definitely affect her retirement and security in the future, as she doesn’t have that many earning years left to save for the years when she won’t be working. It sounds to me like your mom is being prudent and at the same time trying to give you what she can. $25k a year isn’t peanuts, and there are many excellent schools, including state flagships, where this will cover tuition.
Try not to get hooked into the hype that HYP, Cornell, and other ivies are intrinsically better than all other options. It’s just not true. You can get a great education and make excellent contacts at Tulane and Fordham. It’s really about you, not the college.
One of my kids went to an ivy league school, and another to a small, private less well known college. Guess which one is the most financially successful and most satisfied with his life?</p>
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<p>Computer engineering majors interning at large Silicon Valley software companies in soph & junior years.</p>
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<p>There is NO WAY that any college, whether “bottom of the barrel” or not, has** no **interesting, ambitious students. Therefore the problem lies with you and/your attitude.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>If the op has a full tuition scholarship to either Tulane or Fordham or both and the mom will pay for the room, board, books, transportation, etc., that is already a lot. I think it is a true blessing to get a college education fully paid for and the OP should be very grateful for her mom being able to do that even if that is in conjection with a tuition scholarship. No, maybe that isn’t 25000 but it isn’t chump change either. Who is to say that any other college will have a left over COA after any merit aid or finanicial aid that is exactly 25K? Maybe some of the other schools will accept her but have expectations of 30K or 35K or even more. There is no reason to panic without all the acceptances and finanicial offers on the table.</p>
<p>Oh and there is a large, large difference between 100k and 150K.</p>
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<p>However, the financial aid systems basically assume that the parents (if they are not very low income) have such an obligation, regardless of whether they are able or willing to help pay. While that assumption exists to avoid otherwise able and willing parents gaming the financial aid system, it can cause problems for other families.</p>
<p>The full tuition scholarships for Tulane haven’t been announced yet. The most the OP could have at this point is $27K (which is still very good), which is about a 2/3 tuition scholarship.</p>
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CompSci.
DS and several of his classmates had internships that paid over $35/hr plus airfare and assistance for rent.</p>
<p>Accounting. My d’s was about $1,000 a week, plus benes.</p>
<p>^^^^^^mini, that’s amazing. Good for her.</p>