<p>I wanted to apply to about 8 very good schools, some are safeties. My parents made me apply to 13 schools total, all safeties that I hate. The schools they picked gave me a ton of money, after room and board/tuition all they would have to pay is $10,000 Now they want me to go there. </p>
<p>My dream school is about $40,000. This school would give me the bets of everything, the best connections, the best education for my major (i’m a journalism, creative writing major). I know that this school would put my foot right in the door, I would not spend 7 years being poor, and hunting for a job like crazy (this school is affiliated with CNN, MSNBC, it’s just amazing). The other school, which I was talking about previously, will offer me none of that. They accepted me into their honors program, so at least I know my education will be okay. But the thing I really need, the connection, will be nonexistent. So OP, I understand, just hunt, hunt, hunt for scholarships. If in the end it does not work out then at least you know that you tried. Parents don’t change their minds easily, if you just follow every single word they say it could lead you to a school that you hate. I understand why you used the word bullying, although I would not have chosen that word. It’s more like your mom is putting you where she feels most financially secure putting you. Although she can afford around 20,000 she would rather not. Perhaps she is thinking “ohhh, maybe i won’t have this money later” etc etc. So apply for scholarships, just work your butt off for them. If you’re smart enough for an IVY then you might be smart enough for outside scholarships.</p>
<p>Good luck! If you need websites that can help you find stuff then message me. We’re in the same boat, it’s only good if people like us help each other out. :)</p>
<p>Just so you know, there are a lot of teens in the same situation as us. So you have every right to worry, just don’t pass out from the anxiety or go crazy.</p>
<p>I did address the matter in a previous post of mine - the adult thing to do would be to figure out the finances (will you take loans? Are there outside scholarships to apply to?) and offer solid, rational reasons to pay for the more expensive college. </p>
<p>And I did attend a $30k/year school without any parental help and am paying on my own loans. It isn’t impossible, but you have to make sure it is worth the job/income you have at the end, and how difficult it is to find a job in the field you are in. I realize the schools you have your hopes set on cost more than $30k/year, but if you have your mom helping, or receive some aid, then it’d still balance out to what I paid for. So again, not impossible, but may not necessarily be worth it, either. And just having top grades isn’t always good enough to secure a job, either, depending on your field.</p>
<p>and for those of you saying that it’s this persons fault for applying to a bunch of random schools, not all parents let their kids pick out all of their own college choices. You may not think it’s right, but it happens. The OP may have been “bullied” into applying to certain schools. It happens all the time. My own school GC calls people’s parents and basically tells them “you’re child should apply to xyz” then those parents listen to him and force their kids to apply to random places. My GC told me to apply to Princeton with an 1800 SAT and 93 avg. Seriously? It’s ridiculous. </p>
<p>and being around smarter people helps a lot. Do you know how it feels to go to school with people who don’t pick up a single book in the summer? They are so uncultured. At least if you go to a good college you can (hopefully) be around smarter people. It helps your own growth as well. I just thank the heavens that my school has divided the good bunch from the bad bunch.</p>
<p>I think you repeatedly got the advice to wait until all financial packages are in. Arguing with your mother now over hypothetical concerns is a waste of your time and will not result in any discusssion that is “logically reasoned and well spoken with compassion and dignity”. I can not advise you how to tell your mother that she needs to stop getting expensive haircuts in order to pay for an Ivy League school. Once you are inat schools that you love, I would say that you need to be able to objectively explain to her why your favorite schools are better than your safety schools. Make pro/con lists, learn abotu graduation rates, career placement/grad school rates, strength of department, etc.
I also need to reiterate that you need to love your safety schools, and you have a chance to do an application or two now if you need to. From other posts it appears that you have a great deal of selective schools, and you may get some merit aid at a few more before this is all over. Now is not the time to be stressed.</p>
<p>Perhaps, but there are still plenty of smart kids who end up at community college due to finances, and not-so-smart kids who are perhaps book smart but lack common sense and maturity who end up at good schools. </p>
<p>And ultimately, no one can force their kids to apply/attend a school. It might strain the relationship (perhaps tremendously), but the final decision to put in the work to write the essays and sign the papers is up to the student. Parents can nag and even threaten, but it is still the student’s decision. And if the student really wants another option, they should do the research to find a school they like that is just as affordable, or prestigious, or whatever the situation is, that they think they might like to attend. And find the $50-60 to apply, whether it be through work, or borrow from another family member, or sell something they don’t particularly need, etc.</p>
I just wanted to note that I also don’t agree with this–certainly, it’s a matter of opinion. But I will say that if a person’s own parents paid for his education, and he thinks he doesn’t have any obligation to pay for his own kids’ education, in my opinion, that person is a punk.</p>
<p>I would also note that it always happens that when any kid comes on the parents’ board and says anything that can be interpreted as “entitled,” people immediately pile on. I don’t consider that very constructive.</p>
<p>OP, talk to you mom. Try to be as positive and non-confrontational as possible.</p>
<p>Oh, by the way, while I’m ranting–I do get tired of this idea that you must have a safety that you love. To me, that’s like saying you need to find an less attractive person to love in case the person you really love turns you down. Easy to say, not so easy to do, at least in advance.</p>
<p>Sounds like my family. Except my mother worked two full-time jobs to
support us kids so we saw very little of either parent. We all
realized that we weren’t going to get much in the way of parental
support. Our mother really wasn’t involved in our college stuff. We
had to do it all on our own - figuring it out and then doing what had
to be done. We all had jobs in our mid-teens for spending money. There
were many times when there was no dinner.</p>
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<p>Well, we were never told that though one of my sisters expected that
my mother would fund her ivy education. That was quite a shouting
match.</p>
<p>So did your mother promise you $60K/year for four years or did she
just say that she would support your education? Did she say that
while realizing what colleges cost today? A lot of parents believe
that there are lots of scholarships around at top schools for top
students. That’s a misperception but that’s what I believed and I
run into many other parents that believe the same thing. The senior
year is when reality sets in.</p>
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<p>Perhaps you should just operate on the premise that you won’t get
anything from your parents. That would free you to be realistic.
From your story so far, it sounds like you’ve had disappointments
from adults in your life before. Welcome to the real world.</p>
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<p>How do you feel about the parents that contribute regularly in terms
of money and time to their schools, perhaps with the expectation that
their kids will have a leg up? If Bill Gates donates $40 million for
a new building, should his kids have an advantage in admissions?</p>
<p>How do you think the real world operates?</p>
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<p>That’s really odd that you’d make this point as the bulk of your thesis
is that you had it so hard.</p>
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<p>Non sequitur.</p>
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<p>You should ask for a refund from your community college.</p>
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<p>My mother was so ready to pull the trigger on calling social services
to take us all away to foster care as there were many times when she
couldn’t cope with raising a family on her own.</p>
<p>The children in this thread are so focused on their own lives that
they can’t appreciate how hard it is to be a parent today.</p>
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<p>Mini uses a variety of rhetorical devices which many will take as
humorous or satirical while others that don’t get the device usually
interpret it as an insult.</p>
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<p>Her mother is willing to give her $25K/year or $100K.</p>
<p>[say, “you’re a spoiled brat and your mother is doing you a favor by
providing you an education.”] and [I want to pick the college I go to,
not be told that I have to go somewhere. ]</p>
<p>b => a</p>
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<p>Your right - it is only your opinion. I know parents that don’t have
the financial means to pay for college - so their kids worked extra
hard in earlier years, applied to many contests for free rides at
their in-state public. I also know parents that think that giving
their kids $250K to go to college is spoiling them and that they
should figure out their own way.</p>
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<p>Maybe you don’t but perhaps there will be one, two or a thousand kids
that will learn a little about reality.</p>
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<p>Poor analogy. The current topic is time-sensitive.</p>
<p>I know a girl who worked her butt off in high school and earned some acceptances to great schools (Georgetown, among others). Only in April, after all the acceptances were in, did her parents tell her that they couldn’t afford any of those top schools. She looked at her choices - huge loans at dream schools or a full-ride at her super-safety, a second-tier state university - and made the mature decision to go to the non-flagship State U with the full ride. She wowed the professors there, got involved with the theater group and ended up managing their productions, got great grades and incredible recommendations, and is now enrolled in a PhD program at a nationally-recognized university for free (her TA stipend covers her tuition, and she has returned to live at home).</p>
<p>It was a difficult but smart decision, and she has not looked back. If you are accepted at an Ivy-level college with insufficient FA, make the smart decision and move forward with your life - and be thankful that you have a decision to make. There are some folks who don’t have any choices. </p>
<p>But I think that all of this is premature. You might not get into the Ivies - or you might get in and get an endowed scholarship. Its too soon to say.</p>
<p>I don’t know why so few people mentioned here to trying to convince your mom to wait until April to see what places actually accepted you and what your FA situation there would be. Yup, that’s it.</p>
<p>Do you think your Mom intentionally filled you with false hopes? </p>
<p>Your mother could be like us- we didnt expect our college savings to plummet with the stock market nor did we anticipate pay freezes. Did your Mom just complete the CSS Profile? We didnt know that how we did college savings dramatically increased the costs. </p>
<p>My daughter could say we bullied her - we insisted she had to apply to a safety school- state school or a Natl Merit school that was very generous. She was very irritated but is now very pleased when shes receiving acceptances & scholarship money for some fine universities. We are happy that we “bullied” her into a financial safety school especially after MIT deferred her. She has a backup plan if April decisions don’t bring in great news.</p>
<p>We are incredibly proud of our daughter as I’m sure your Mother is. She wants to give you the best but wants you to have viable options in April.</p>
<p>Lexieam, what comes through loud and clear from your posts is that you don’t have a safety. You put random applications in to Fordham and Tulane, but those do not count because you don’t like them. You stll have time. Find yourself a couple of safety schools that you like.</p>
<p>"The reality is that parents have no obligation to pay for their kids for college. And if they do, it is a hugely generous favor that I hope the students understand. </p>
<p>I just wanted to note that I also don’t agree with this–certainly, it’s a matter of opinion. But I will say that if a person’s own parents paid for his education, and he thinks he doesn’t have any obligation to pay for his own kids’ education, in my opinion, that person is a punk."</p>
<p>If you are referring to my specific post, I think you got it backwards. My parents paid for my first quarter in community college. I will be paying for two kids in private colleges, full pay (count it, I’m guessing over 450K + 500K for K-12). So…yeah, I feel I’ve done my duty. And would hope my kids appreciate it. But family dynamics are different for every family. It’s just a bad deal when it comes down to crunch time and expectations are different.</p>
<p>So lexi, I think the reason why you’re getting some flak is that you didn’t put enough information at first, and said some phrases that resonate with parents like " bullying" and “being financially irresponsible”. People assumed you were acting entitled, where you may have full reason to be upset. If you were promised one thing, and you mom changed the deal, it would be upsetting. But I recommend what you probably already know, ignore the inflammatory posts and pay attention to the ones that are useful to you. Been there, done that.</p>
<p>My son applied to four safeties that I picked for him. Not crazy about any of them, seems to like them, they fit the bill, but he’s much more interested in his 7 reaches. A stupid ratio I know, but oh well. He knows we’ll pay for all of it. If I changed the deal now, he would be rightfully upset, unless our financial picture changed and he understood it. You just can’t find enough schools that you’re in love with. It would be nice to find safeties you absolutely love, but not everyone can. </p>
<p>Nobody on here can really chance you. You sound very bright and responsible, and you just might get into some of those top colleges. But really, the best advice you can take is to listen to people who say to wait till the acceptances and financial packages come in. See what you get, then compare then. If your mom is still sticking to the 25K/yr, then accept that’s what it is and figure out if it’s worth it for you to take out loans/work study for the rest. If you have a high paying major, you might pay off the student loans quickly, or earn over 10K/summer in internships. It is so much easier when you have all the data, realize what it will cost you and make the decision for yourself. Forget your mom’s financial mistakes, we have all done stupid things with our money, hopefully you won’t. Take the emotion out of it, look at the numbers and make your own decision. And don’t put your own kids through this!</p>
<p>What endowed “scholarships” exist at the Ivies? Ivy League schools give need based aid only. Hopefully the OP has used the Net Price Calculators on the school websites to get an estimate of what her family will be expected to contribute. </p>
<p>But really…this is all speculation until the acceptances and financial aid awards come in. As noted, the OP has some good choices of acceptances…and may actually have more choices at the end of the process.</p>
<p>Lexi, also make sure you look at the schools you are in to already with an open mind. They are both wonderful schools. Don’t refuse to consider them just because they are not Harvard or Princeton…
Tulane and Fordham are excellent schools with excellent students etc…and they are places where you could shine.</p>