<p>Parents have the responsibility to take care of their kids until they
are 18. After that, they don’t.</p>
<p>I think that your prognositications on where America and the world are
going are sophomoric.</p>
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<p>There are lots of parents, perhaps the majority, that can’t afford
much, if anything, for their kids going to college. $25K is a
significant gift.</p>
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<p>Life is tough in a lot of places.</p>
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<p>Maybe you should read up on the Great Depression or grow up in a
third-world country. Get a little perspective dude. You’re not the
only person in the world or the country that had a hard time.</p>
<p>Bioboy12, The OP has indicated in another thread that her family income is between 100-150K. The OP has also been deferred at Brown, so I think perhaps the OP has worked themselves up over nothing in terms of being accepted to an Ivy League school.</p>
<p>Serious101 - I started at a pretty “bottom-of-the-barrel” community college. Then I transferred to a rather unselective 4-year private uni. Then I transferred again to a much more reputable 4-year private LAC. And I can tell you, there are “bottom-of-the-barrel” people everywhere. I’ve seen people flunk out of good, private LACs because of too much partying or a general lack of caring about school. I’ve seen hard workers at my community college. I’ve seen people get good jobs at both (or should I say, all 3 that I attended), and I’ve seen people not get jobs from all those schools, even comparing within the same majors. </p>
<p>If you act too good for the people you are around, people will pick up on it and probably not want to interact with you, either. </p>
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<p>By making this statement, you clearly limited the type of people you want to interact with, which means, statistically speaking, you are less likely to find people that interest you. So that statement is of no surprise, nor can the college you attended be to blame. I actually found the kids at my community college to be more interesting and diverse than the students at my small LAC. So even if you had attended your dream school, you’d probably still be in the same boat due to your selectivity and workaholic tendencies. Especially if you had to work <em>that</em> hard at a “bottom-of-the-barrel” school.</p>
<p>And to have “nothing but miserable memories after four and a half years,” well, what about your good grades and degree?</p>
<p>1) I have alternative safety schools. I would be more than happy to go to many of them, and until May I won’t know what I can and cannot afford. Unfortunately, that isn’t the issue, the issue is WILLINGNESS to pay, something I believe you are sorely forgetting. And as I recall @mini on another thread you wrote “the moral of the story is not to be born into a poor family” so your insensitivity to financial issues is not too shocking.</p>
<p>2) My deferral from Brown likely has more to do with my race than my academics. Also, of the 3000 who applied, 2000 were deferred and of the 500 or so accepted almost half were athletes. I am involved in graduate research at Rutgers and I have also been published in scientific journal articles. Furthermore, I have legacy status at both UPenn and Cornell. From the stats I have seen legacy students have a significantly better chance of getting accepted.</p>
<p>There are very few “full rides” at Tulane. There are some full tuition scholarships, but those haven’t been announced yet. So even if the OP got the top merit award given without separate application, sit still covers only about 1/2 the COA, and would leave about $25K or so to pay.</p>
<p>Lexie, unfortunately Penn does not give legacies a boost unless they have applied ED.</p>
<p>I am sure you will have several good acceptances coming your way.
But I find it interesting that you place all the blame for your potential financial limits on your mother, and none whatsoever on your father.</p>
<p>On your info in the Brown thread, you said your SAT score was 2180 and your gpa is 94/100. It’s far more likely that that is why you were deferred than your race. In fact, frankly, I’m surprised you were not outright rejected. </p>
<p>You are lucky that you have legacy status at UPenn and Cornell.</p>
<p>If Op’s family income is between 100-150k, it is most unlikely that she is going to have a 25k EFC (probably closer to full freight at a few places). Her biggest disappointment is if $25K is the MAX the family is willing to pay if she gets accepted to Duke or an another Ivy, then it may be financially out of reach for mom.</p>
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<p>As nice as this sounds, I would not take this promise to the bank. It is one thing to say that he is going to make it happen, but you can’t take words, good intentions or promises to the bursars office.
You have already stated that your father is financially unstable, doesn’t hold down jobs and you have a very ill stepmother. Unless he is willing to rob the bank or hit lotto, let’s keep it real, where is the money coming from? Your father is letting his mouth write a check that he has no way of cashing so at the end of the day, his talk is cheap.</p>
<p>The “best” is a relative term. Sometimes, the best means getting the best that falls within your budget. If you can apply that 25k to some serious merit $$ at a school where you would be happy to attend, then you can have the best of both worlds. </p>
<p>I think that you should use this week, to add a couple of schools to your list that you would be happy to attend, where you can be admitted and would be financially feasible options for your family.</p>
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<p>It is not going to help you if you did not apply ED. I agree with Kate, that it was not your race that got you deferred from Brown. I would consider it a soft rejection and move on.</p>
<p>Legacy? I thought you said you were the first generation to go to college. Listen, you will have choices in the spring no doubt. Parents are NOT required to pay for college. My oldest son had a friend with physician parents…both…and those physicians’s did not pay a dime for their son’s college. College costs are not a kid entitlement. Many parents do try to help even if it’s slipping their student $50 bucks now and then. $25,000 is very generous and that coupled with federal direct loans is a substantial amount for many colleges. You don’t have financial issues…you want more than you’ve been told is affordable. Financial issues are kids whose parents can afford zero or will not contribute at all. We can’t help you because we do not all agree with your assessment of the situation.</p>
<p>My father has not been actively involved in my life since I was 5. I have never expected much from him. My mother on the other hand condemns him for his irresponsibility (which I think is incredibly hypocritical) and has told me up until September that she would find a way to support my college education. My father could never contribute and I have known that for a very long time, but he never promised me anything either. So, while I know I should cast some blame on my father, (perhaps it is my immaturity) but I feel like my mother not only wronged me by filling me with false hopes, but is now trying to pressure me into a school that I applied to as a last resort “If I can’t get in anywhere else.”</p>
<p>And honestly, I do not like that legacy students get any kind of preference at all. I believe it is unfair to more qualified students (whether that helps or hurts me is irrelevant)</p>
<p>Also, I would like to point out that this is not a thread to tell me that I am lucky to not have been rejected from a college. From my school the average GPA for Brown is a 94.5 and an SAT of 2250, two things that, while not perfectly there, I come relatively close to. SO please, do not insult me. I would like to hold onto hope since it is a goal I have worked for and STILL have a chance at.</p>
<p>Most of the replies to me proves my point: complete lack of concern for fellow human beings. “Hey I had it harder than you, so you deserve it” or “Hey I killed only one person, this guy killed ten people.” It’s always “I know what I am doing is wrong, I know what these other people like me are doing wrong, and I know what this third group of people are doing on my behalf is wrong, but it is all ok because what these other people are doing is a lot worse, so that gives me a free pass to do whatever I want, as long as it is not quite as bad.” I am personally not religious, but it is truly mind boggling how the vast majority of people are, and claim they believe in and “follow” a righteous, divine force, yet openly follow this philosophy.</p>
<p>But I won’t further annoy anyone with truth, these conversations always end the same way: a split between those that care about universal truth/justice and those that do not, with only the words of expression changing with each discussion.</p>
<p>So your attitude towards the parent who didn’t run out on you, the one who stayed, the one who raised you, the one who is offering you 25K per year is that she is the equal of the one who did run out, didn’t stay, didn’t raise you and will likely not be contributing a dime. </p>
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<p>You just said he promised that he would do whatever it takes. A promise he has no intention of keeping.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, you have one good parent. If you’d give her a break and drop the entitled attitude, you might start to see that.</p>
<p>“And as I recall @mini on another thread you wrote “the moral of the story is not to be born into a poor family” so your insensitivity to financial issues is not too shocking.”</p>
<p>But there IS NO financial issue. You haven’t been accepted anywhere where it is an issue. And you may not be. Your mother hasn’t wronged you because there hasn’t even been an opportunity where she could do so. (And, thank heavens I’m not a admissions officer reading this forum - because I would never admit such an emotionally immature student. Hope it doesn’t come through in your applications.)</p>
<p>And, yes, poor people have it tough. (Deferred because of your race? What are you - Blue?)</p>
<p>Serious101, Believing that no one is entitled to their parents money after the age of 18 has nothing, absolutely nothing, with “complete lack of concern for fellow human beings.” </p>
<p>You sound ridiculous. Here, read this over and over and over;</p>
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<p>lexieam, I’m not your mother. It’s not my job to hold your hand and shield you from reality. Your gpa and SAT are low for Brown, even by your own school’s standards. Approx. nine out of ten students who apply to Brown are rejected. You need to get real and you need to get real right now. You’re the one claiming you would feel “bullied” into going to the fine colleges you’ve been accepted too. </p>
<p>It is your responsibility to find colleges that will accept you, you can afford and you’d like to attend. Thus far, you’ve not done that. Hopefully it will happen for you but you should carefully review your college list now and take action if necessary.</p>
<p>By talking about “bottom-of-the-barrel” students who are not good enough for you, you are making it clear that you are not deserving of awesome college memories because you are talking/looking down on the peers you went to school with. You had the option to make the most of it, and you chose to make it through on self-pity. </p>
<p>If you were really that depressed, then that is a deep-routed psychological problem that simply cannot be cured by attending a dream school. If you weren’t happy with your life then, and don’t seem happy with your life now, then what makes you think being around “smarter” people would change that? </p>
<p>Lexi - contributing $25k is not irresponsible. That is better than nothing. You are being offered a college education and a chance to do something with it. Honestly, even if you ended up at your last-choice, in a few years you’ll probably have friends and good memories (just don’t have the attitude of the above quote), and won’t care as much. You are talking about your mother enjoying the “finer” things in life, and you clearly inherited her attitude - you want the best school, even if the price tag is ridiculous.</p>
<p>Is there any way to remove this thread? The ugliness that has gone on here appalls me. People are not only NOT addressing the subject matter, but there is also an underlying air of rudeness which is incredibly unnecessary. I turned to adults for adult opinions on the issue - logically reasoned and well spoken with compassion and dignity. However, the replies I have gotten have been the same I would expect from a group of catty teenage girls. While I expect this post will upset some of the users, others will be unsurprised. I do not care if you disagree with me, as many of you have, but please do so tastefully and respectfully. Do not blatantly say, “you’re a spoiled brat and your mother is doing you a favor by providing you an education.” I am a teenager, not some kind of volatile toddler without concern for others, I am aware of my chances at the universities I have applied to and I am also aware of the realities of my financial situation. I work three jobs and I have done my best to provide for myself, but no teenager can reasonably make 200,000 and go to school full time and maintain academic standards.</p>
<p>@NovaLynn Thank you for your adult response. And my mothers contribution will not be taken for granted. I am aware how much 100,000 is and I know that she has put away money for me to get an education. No matter where I go, my education will be wonderful; however, I want to pick the college I go to, not be told that I have to go somewhere.</p>