<p>The school may be closed for the summer, but there will be some administrators and guidance counselors there most of the time. Perhaps a discussion with one of them should precede the conversation with the lawyer. It’s cheaper, anyway.</p>
<p>This is much more than playground bullying. The heck with the school at this point unless you need the teacher later on as a witness. I would collect the evidence and head right over to the police station – tell/show them what’s been going on – and ask what they recommend you do or what they can do. I’m sure they’ve dealt with this type of thing before. If you get no satisfactory answers from them, I would then retain a lawyer.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry this has happened to your daughter. I hope the steps you take will put an end to it for her as well as the bully’s next victim. This teenager is going to be a very dangerous adult if he’s not stopped now. Good luck.</p>
<p>Schedule a face to face with the principal and the teacher who called right away. Ask them what plan they have to deal with this since it is occurring on school property as well as off. Be firm and polite and simply say “with what occurred recently at VT where an angry student with mental issues fell through the system. I figured you would want to be proactive in this situation, rather than explaining to the media after the fact how things could get this far…”</p>
<p>Make it their problem too… even invite the super. The super and principal are polictal animals. What you have is a political hot potato… share the problem.
The district should have an anti harrasment/bullying policy, find it and read it </p>
<p>This is one situation where I agree with some of my “pov” opposites. Document now, seek resolution now. Don’t wait until something really bad happens. The only thing I disagree about is whether it is sexual harrasment, I think it is much worse than that. This doesn’t sound like sexual ineuendo (sp) it sounds like ANGER. </p>
<p>I would bet that kids parents already know what type of kid they have. Start with the school, visit the police station and share your concerns… Always let whom ever know you are documenting this… A simple “could you spell your name for me?” works pretty good… </p>
<p>You need to make inaction on this problem … “a problem” for somebody else.</p>
<p>Calling in law enforcement is likely to make more of an impression on this kid and his family than anything the school system can do including detentions or even expulsion. If he gets kicked out of the school and goes to another, I don’t think that’s going to stop him. In addition to needing psychological help, he and his family need the crap scared out of them.</p>
<p>a few thoughts … all my opinions and your mileage may vary …</p>
<ul>
<li><p>don’t get hung up on what it should be called … the behavior should not be tolerated and must stop … ultimately if it is called bullying or sexual harrssment does not matter; what matters is that it is happening</p></li>
<li><p>go through channels … if this is only occuring at school go through school channels (quickly and escalate if needed). Jumping right to threats of law suits before trying less antagonist approaches may well exasperate the situation now.</p></li>
<li><p>Start today … schedule a meeting with the appropriate school personnel for tomorrow … the principal, the teacher, the guidence couselor … whoever should be there. DO NOT accept a delay … if they are taking this seriously they will meet with you very soon … if they will not meet right away jump a level to the superindent of schools … if that doesn’t work jump to the school board.</p></li>
<li><p>Meet and describe the suituation … do not judge the bully, do not tell the school how the bully should be punished … describe what is happening to your daughter.</p></li>
<li><p>Make the school find out which school personnel were aware of what up to this point … and what has been tried to remedy the situation … you likely will be surprised how much they have tried or how unaware they were.</p></li>
<li><p>Make sure next steps focus on the bully and what needs to change from his end. DO NOT let the outcome be that your daughter needs to accommadate the bully … he should change classes, he needs to use the other hallway, he needs to eat at a different time, etc.</p></li>
<li><p>Make the school give you a specific action plan of what is happening next and what happens if anything reoccurs.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Please ask any other questions if you would like to. This advice comes from a parent that, unfortunately, knows way more about this topic from the viewpoint of a bullying victim’s parent than I wish I did. </p>
<p>FYI - while my list sounds strident my kids school steped up big time when they realized what was going on and eventually led to first a class and then school wide bullying curriculm being implemented … all ended well but as parents we had to make the need very clear and help the school realize the “right solution” might be harder for them (for example, one initial suggestion was my child not go out for recess to avoid the place where the bullying was occuring … as soon as we … um, highlighted, this solution was backwards and putting the burden on my child instead of the bully the school corrected itself). Our school did respond well … it was clear they had not thought through their response to bullying before this situation occured … we essentially partnered with the school to figure out an good bullying program (and once we got the ball rolling the school went way beyond anything we were thinking). I truly believe the outcome would not have been nearly as positive if we had gone combative from the get go.</p>
<p>You have received lots of good suggestions. The school administration should be there over the summer- they are 12 month employees. In most districts, the schools and the police department work together on issues like this, so it almost doesn’t matter who you contact. But, you should contact them…today…</p>
<p>^ and even if they are off … they should come in to meet with you about this topic!</p>
<p>zoosermom - my heart goes out to you for all you’ve had to deal with. I’m so sorry this situation happened at all, but it’s even worse with the timing. </p>
<p>I agree with all the other posters. Get an attorney to help you through this process. Don’t try to collect the evidence before hiring an attorney, since you’ll need the lawyer’s guidance on what and how to collect and preserve the evidence. Should there be any further contact with this boy, you’ll want the attorney’s advice on how you and your daughter should respond before hand, not after the fact. </p>
<p>Good luck to you and your family. You may never know whose life or emotional stability in the future you may save by acting now.</p>
<p>I’ll tell you what, zoosermom, I was bullied by 2 girls older than me when I was in 6th grade (they were 9th graders). It was in the late 60s and while we weren’t as aware then, as we are now, about how bullying erodes self-confidence, and self-esteem, my mother took it first to the school district (it was happening on school grounds) and eventually filed a formal complaint with the police department. A mediation was set with the parents of those girls as well as my mother. I think my mother made her point as clear as day (she told me this many years later, and it still makes me laugh), she calmly told the other parents, “you should feel lucky that your daughters are picking on my kid, and not on me, because if it was me, you’d STILL be picking up their pieces off the floor!” </p>
<p>Now I’m not suggesting getting verbally aggressive here, times were different, but I later found out that my mother had been bullied, and NO ONE stepped in to protect her, and that hurt her more than the bullying.</p>
<p>In my cyber-opinion, your D needs to know you are on her side and will protect and defend her foremost.</p>
<p>I would absolutely get the authorities involved. </p>
<p>And to my mom, who would be 75 today, I say RIP, your gumption carries on!</p>
<p>You may not have to go through all this, depending on who the parents are and how engaged they are with their kid.</p>
<p>We had a situation similar to this not too long ago. This kid just had a thing for my two girls (young teens), calling them names, threatening them, spreading rumors that they were lesbians because the two sisters were walking and holding hands. They are very close, almost like twins. So this kid would go after them both. My girls tried to reason with him, but things just got worse. So the girls asked my advice. I told them the boy was very much hurt inwardly, and that he was also a coward-- unleashing his rage on people he was convinced would not make him pay for doing so. I suggested they try ignoring him. Just made matters worse. It was as if the boy was onto what they were trying to do and became even more determined not to give in. When the girls came home in tears yet again, I knew this kid wasn’t gonna just go away.</p>
<p>I didn’t know the family at all. Knew where they lived. But had never really dealt with them because they were just far enough away from us that it would have seemed a bit weird of me to approach them as neighbors. But, we baked a bunch of cookies, and the three of us took them to the boy’s house. When the mother answered, I explained where I lived, that I wanted to introduce myself in a friendly way as I discussed with her a problem I was having with her son. The boy was there. I explained to her what was happening. Then explained that maybe we could just all of us talk for a second to get this squared away and then go on about our lives. She was very embarrassed and started apologizing. I told her it was no problem at all, that the boy just didn’t understand that when he was messing with my girls, he was in a real sense messing with me and that I was feeling pretty hurt and wanted to be friends with the boy, not enemies. It was awkward for everybody, but after awhile it smoothed over pretty well. The boy told the girls he was sorry, that things had just got out of hand and that he wouldn’t mess with them anymore. And he hasn’t. If I had got a lawyer on that kid, I probably would have made enemies of the whole family. Now, those people are just fine. The boy is still as lazy and stupid as ever, but he hasn’t bothered my kids since.</p>
<p>I am not saying this would work for you. It is hard for me to talk about this here, but I think what I am about to say matters. If the kid who is hurting your daughter is of another socio-eco status, culture, race, etc., etc., then it may be a little trickier to deal with this as I have described. I am thinking, though, that maybe you can find some other, similar way to handle it, other than by getting a lawyer or by calling the cops and getting all “official” on the boy. The parents may not really know the deal here and might appreciate your giving them a shot at the boy first. If you don’t do this, then it might cause the kid to get even angrier and become a lasting enemy of your kid. He may not say another word to her, but if he ever gets the chance to nail her without getting caught, he might do it just because of the force you used against him earlier. Sure, you may have to use that force. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I am just saying that maybe you don’t have to do it. Maybe you could approach the folks, or send a letter with some small gift to show friendship. Just think about this and be careful before you pull out such big guns as a lawyer or the cops.</p>
<p>I hope this goes well for you. I know what it feels like to have some dumb person hurting the people you love.</p>
<p>I would do it ALL, go to the police, go to the school district</p>
<p>And today, get a journal, and log everything you can, talk witnesses now to get their recollections etc</p>
<p>I would change schools if that boy isn’t kicked out, as it seems your Ds school is incapable of dealing with the situation, sad as that sounds</p>
<p>It is also fraud to send things like that through the mail, so contact the postal service and see what the recourse is</p>
<p>I would guess that sending porn to a minor is a felony, and I would contact the company that sent the porn and threaten to sue them</p>
<p>I would go in with all my ammunition and go after everyone</p>
<p>Contact the phone company about tracing harrassing calls</p>
<p>And get your daughter into a self defence class, not the martial arts types, but the down and dirty ones, there is something empowering about them, this is not so she can beat the guy up, but it is so she gains back her inner power that this jerk has tried to take</p>
<p>This boy is a stalker, and I wonder if your area has anti stalking laws and restraining orders</p>
<p>imagine if this kid got drunk or was on meth, the damage he would do</p>
<p>and I would not let the school blow you off, saying to wait until the fall…you need to have this documented</p>
<p>as well, what physical access to your D does this animal have, I hate to use the word male, because he is below that, this summer…</p>
<p>look up the schools policies on harrassment, bullying etc, and print them out</p>
<p>write down all the behavior, and for how long, and what this animal has done in the past</p>
<p>bring it to every meeting</p>
<p>good luck, I hate bullies and if I was there I would go with you…sometimes schools will blow this stuff off</p>
<p>if he has used the phone to make threats, that is a federal crime, far as I figure, so pursue that angle with the phone company immediately</p>
<p>I’m really struggling here with so many competing things. My personal way of dealing would be Drosselmeier’s, but I don’t know the parents at all, although I do know that they weren’t of any help when the same situation arose with two other girls in middle school. That was all resolved by the fact that they graduated and he became the problem of the high school. I read about a teenaged girl that was viciously killed by two boys in her school just the other day and it brought home to me how dangerous teenagers really can be. I wish she had brought this to our attention a little earlier because I’m not sure what the school can do over the summer and may tell us to go to the police. We don’t have any documentation as of yet, but the boy knows where we live, so I am genuinely afraid. Ugh.</p>
<p>why are you waiting? this is your Ds well being…and it will not get better…get on the phone and call the phone company now so they can track the calls, this is no joke</p>
<p>the parents obviouslly are not useful people, they know all about their spawn</p>
<p>I am getting a bit peeved right now, and wonder why you haven’t contacted a lawyer yet. This is imperative. </p>
<p>If you wait, and something happens to your D, you will be miserable…your personal way, while in other circumstances, may work, this has gone WAY beyond that and you really need to see that</p>
<p>And the school can do quite a bit over the summer, believe me, they are still working…I would go to the police and tell the school you have done that, but that you are not stopping there</p>
<p>This is not just bullying this is stalking, and harrassment…do you still have the stuff that was sent, can you track the order, i would, that is one thing you can do, I would have done that immediately with the company the sent it, a credit card or something had to be used if it was sent directly, and if a minor child bought it, the sellers can get in major trouble, and if the parents bought it, it can be considered distributing pornography to a minor, which is a federal crime</p>
<p>so please, please, be a model to your Ds and step it up and get on the phone and handle this</p>
<p>no more excuses!!!</p>
<p>“why are you waiting? this is your Ds well being…and it will not get better…get on the phone and call the phone company now so they can track the calls, this is no joke”</p>
<p>We just found out yesterday. I have, however, already alerted the cell phone company and gone through computer stuff. I’m in the process of speaking to a couple of people who have witnessed the stuf and just placed a call to the school. There was no one there. I think I’m going to email my family attorney this afternoon to see if there is someone he can recommend because I think he does mostly real estate and trusts and estates. I’ll keep you posted . . .</p>
<p>sorry if I am coming across as harsh, but arggh!!! mom, you can do this and you have to do this, your D can well sink into a depression, be afraid to do things out of the home, etc and that can last a long time</p>
<p>do you want her to have a fearful summer, and to go to school or the movies, or anywhere fearing for her safety, or YOU fearing for her safety</p>
<p>too often people ignore the signs and these are in our faces, so don’t let anyone tell you no, there is nothing they can do, of course there is and they know it, but for awhile seems everyone let this animal hurt others, what will it take, a death?</p>
<p>go down to the school district offices, someone is always there over thesummer, to deal with new people moving inm, transfers, summer programs, etc</p>
<p>K, sorry, you did just hear about it, but this stuff, these bullies, make me so angry, especially if for years they just keep changing targets</p>
<p>go to your local police station, go to the school district, a person sitting there is much more powerful then a phone call</p>
<p>I would also call your local crisis center, that deals with family issues, as if this boy is treating others like this, who wants to bet he is doing it to animals, siblings, even the parents</p>
<p>This boys sounds like he could be on drugs, drinking, etc, and the police need to show up at his home</p>
<p>My dogs barked at a lady, and at midnite the cops were at my door…</p>
<p>zoosermom - CGM’s posts made me think through this a little more. </p>
<p>In the case my kid dealt with we knew the kid doing the bullying who actually is pretty nice kid with some emotionally issues … that have since been addressed. That said while the bullying was inappropriate, should stop, and had no business happening at school or anywhere else … we in no way were concerned about the physical safety of our child. The bullying needed to stop so school was a safe / happy space but we had no fear of the bully going postal on our kid. </p>
<p>All of us in cyberland are not there … only you know your child, the bully, and the bullettes. I still stand by my advice, which is tempered compared to CGM’s, in situation where you do not fear severe physical harm for your child. If however, you believe your child is truely at risk I would move much closer to CGM’s end of the world … I would involve a lot more people starting now … but would still start presuming they are not aware of the problem or the full extent of the problem and that they will respond well given the complete picture (and with a VERY short fuse for them to live up to my belief or I join CGM).</p>
<p>CGM, you weren’t harsh at all. It’s good for me to hear that I’m not over-reacting. My husband is the MOST passive, non-confrontational person ever. I was accosted by a gang member when I was 8 months pregnant with my son and hubby just walked away so his presence wouldn’t “escalate things.” He’s in my ear telling me to leave it alone, but I don’t think that’s the answer, so I’m going to first speak to my attorney and daughter will go to the therapist. I’m sort of leaning toward the cease and desist letter option and sending a copy of it, with a letter from me by fax to the principal. She’s a very, very nice woman who may have the best ideas for handling it. Just getting to her is the problem, but faxes are less often ignored than phone messages, so . . .</p>
<p>Just curious. About how old are these kids?</p>
<p>“Just curious. About how old are these kids?”</p>
<p>My daughter just turned 15. She’s 5’2 and weighs 84 pounds. He’s going to be 16 and is over six feet and probably over 200 pounds. Very heavy guy. I had observed (before this started) that he is treated badly by boys his age, but has a gaggle of the misfit girls following him around.</p>