<p>Both of mine are still young, (8th and 5th G.) they’re definitely both extravert. I myself was very obviously introvert when I was their age but later opened up quite a bit. While loving them both dearly, I do sometimes hope they add more weight to their personality. D. likes to be with friends so much that sometimes I feel she goes to academic events (including summer camps that cost a fortune and private sport lessons like skating) mainly for the social aspects of them. Oh well, that’s how she is and I respect that. I wonder whether that will change when she hits puberty, or later. She is also quite sensitive to her relationship with her freinds in school, which is so not me. I remember how I disliked that kind of peers when I was in middle school. S. is crazy. His sole pleasure is to be with friends - at least that’s how I feel. What a life. I know this is normal for a 10 year old.</p>
<p>Wonderful input and great information has been provided here. Momlive I’m so happy you joined the discussion. Thanks for sharing with us your experiences.
Now another question should a parent obligate a son or daughter to socialize more or should we live them to discover the world in their own.
As a child I was introverted and when my parents required me to participate in games with other children I disliked it very much. When I graduated from high school I was still in the introvert side. With the years I have learned to be more “assertive” (not saying that all introverts are not- Are they or they are not assertive-maybe another question to discuss), but believe me I was in the shy side for many years.</p>
<p>Yes olive007, but I have seen introvert adults that lack empathy for others. Isn’t that sad?</p>
<p>I think it’s important to teach any kid a skill that he/she may be lacking. I would never make my kid do something he really didn’t want to do. But I have encouraged both of them to do things a little out of their comfort zones.</p>
<p>Youdon’tsay: I love and relate to yor first post. </p>
<p>For your following concern I think the second scenario could apply to this situation: “I do wonder how life will be when he goes to college. I would prefer a smaller school because I think he’d thrive there and it seems more like his nature, but I know that spreading the wings a bit in a big pond would be good for him, too. He’s so resilient that I know he’ll bloom where planted.”</p>
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<p>Exactly right.</p>
<p>Yes, of course, clearly some introverts can lack empathy and some extroverts can have empathy and vice versa. Some extroverts can be dominating and insensitive - I’ve met many. I’ve also met extroverts who have the wonderful ability to bring people together. Likewise, I know introverted people who are unfortunately withdrawn and seem to have little of themselves to offer to most of the world.</p>
<p>My point was that being an extrovert isn’t always preferable to being an introvert. We should be able to accept both types of personalities and not criticize kids who are not naturally outgoing.</p>
<p>OK, yes agree, one is not necessarily preferable to another. I do agree that introverts should not be criticized. I do agree that extroverts that “hog floor space” or add no quality to a discussion need to adroitly be managed by the teacher or the manager. By the same token if class participation or other team aspects of class (or business) is a qualification, then the introvert needs to understand why they aren’t achieving on those measureables. Just as the extrovert must walk the talk both in a school setting and a business setting. There’s pros/cons/measurements associated with both types. We had a great class that every employee had to take from the line workers right up to the VPs at my last company. It centered on the Meyer Briggs test, but the all day class was to “teach” people how to work with people that had different personalities. The teacher was excellent and did a great job of explaining to extroverts how introverts function and explaining to introverts how to work in a team with extroverts and how every personality type can work with one another and how each personality type contributes to the whole. Good stuff.</p>
<p>My introvert is not shy. He just doesn’t derive energy from being around people - rather the opposite. He’s at a medium sized university with a culture that suits him very well. (Lots of computer nerds.) He’s MUCH more social with them than he ever was in high school with anyone. He can be tiresome, he doesn’t do small talk and what interests him is beyond are capability to discuss. Sometimes we can get him to talk about books or games. </p>
<p>I used to be an introvert, but have been thrust into so many situations that require an extrovert that I am pretty much converted. I’ve always been a bit of a joiner even when I felt shy.</p>
<p>My extrovert makes me laugh; my introvert makes me think. Both are necessary and wonderful.</p>
<p>There are extroverts who are secretly introverts(me) and there are introverts who are secretly extroverts(my husband). Each of my kid has introvert and extrovert tendencies. The extrovert one has good intra-personal skill while the introvert one has good inter-personal skill.</p>
<p>I haven’t read this whole thread, but…</p>
<p>I have one that is very much an extrovert, and one just as thoroughly an introvert. My extroverted kid is at a small LAC with about 1600 students. He could not be happier, he feels like he knows so many people there, that he is in a community where the students share the experience of being there on so many levels. It’s a kind of happiness that comes from being a part of a dynamic, interactive human-scale society.</p>
<p>My introvert opted for a large state U. She felt that she would have more privacy, more anonymity there. I’m sure she’s right about that. It would be too tight, too inter-meshed for her in a small school where so many people knew each other, knew each other’s business, and social interaction would be constant and expected.</p>
<p>So I tend to think the opposite of the OP’s original premise. I am a very introverted person, and I know I’d also prefer the large-school setting (and did, in fact, many years ago.)</p>
<p>I’m not a parent, but I think I am an introvert or extrovert depending on the situation or the other people involved. I have an easier time holding lengthy conversations with people older than me, although that is not always the case.</p>
<p>My son is probably the most extroverted person I have ever met or even ever heard of. He is constantly out, on the go, with friends. He meets and makes friends with great ease. He is out every night, and it is frankly exhausting to me, an introvert. I like being home, regrouping in the quiet of my own thoughts, and he gets all of his regrouping with his friends.</p>
<p>People have to acknowledge how hard it can be for an I to raise an E or vice versa. They simply don’t understand each other well. I get annoyed at my son for not thinking about the need for more sleep, quiet time, etc., but I am speaking from what <em>I</em> need, not necessarily what HE needs. He points this out to me all the time. I am exhausted by his schedule and his desire to be social and with friends all the time. But that is the way he is wired. He is constantly reminding me that I am not him, and that our needs are different.</p>
<p>I do have to disagree with the person who said extroverts are “gasbags” or the equivalent of insensitive schmos. Sure, there might be some who are like that, but being introverted does not give a person the edge on sensitivity.</p>
<p>I’m heading to work so only have a sec. Just wanted to say that it’s important to remember introversion/extraversion exist on continuum. Some people are so extroverted that they exhaust everyone around them (I have a friend like there - bubbly, outgoing, fun and very high-maintenance!) others are so introverted that to get them to smile is a huge job.</p>
<p>It is possible for an introvert to learn to be more extroverted. I’ve learned how to do small-talk well enough to get along fine in the world. I’m great at interviewing - almost always get the job due to my interviewing skills (which can be learned, btw). The biggest problem I have is I often see things that others do not initially see because I can sit and observe before speaking. In the corporate world, I have a hard time speaking up in certain circumstances to share what it is I’m seeing. Sometimes even when I do speak up, it takes people a while to ‘catch up’ with me.</p>
<p>The main thing for me is I have to make sure I get enough down time after I’ve had to ‘extrovert’ for a while. When I’m working full-time and having to spend the day talking to people, I am literally exhausted by the time I get home and just want to be left alone for a while.</p>
<p>This is a fascinating thread. As I mentioned before, I am an extrovert (I always suspected that and years ago took a Meyers Briggs test at work which confirms it). One of the things that surprised me about that class at work was a co-worker who tested as an introvert. She was very outgoing and social. The leader explained that there are social introverts as well as shy extroverts and I agree. That’s why it is so hard to stereotype. For example, I can talk to anyone face to face, am very comfortable with public speaking but hate calling people on the phone. As much as I love being with people, I treasure my time home alone and do not have to be around others all of the time. Although there are basic characteristics of E/I, there are degrees as well as individual quirks (such as my phone phobia).</p>
<p>Younger s is much more naturally outgoing than older s, but older s really developed social chatter and the ability to be more outgoing in college. It is still more effortful than for younger son, but he is very diplomatic and has developed good leadership skills.</p>
<p>I think many kids are more self aware than we as parents might believe. If I had a child on the far end of introvert I’d take my cue from them whether they wanted to be in a large school where they could be relatively anonymous or a small school. And some kids look forward to a fresh start or trying on a new personality as part of their college education, something that could be done at small or large. As a parent, I’d be more nervous sending an introvert out the door than an extrovert simply because the extroverts are pretty much all “out there” with their personalities and the introverts are much harder to “read” in terms of what’s going on. My second is at neither end of the spectrum, but definitely more introverted than his older and younger sibling and I have to step back sometimes and let him tell me what he wants as I can’t read him quite as easily in order to help him with decision making. He will digest and mull over suggestions before finally spilling what he’s really thinking.</p>
<p>My sons are both introverts, and express their personalities in different ways. Older son is a cynical introvert who trusts very few people. Younger son is a compassionate introvert who is active in many groups, thinks that having a roommate is a fun part of the college experience, but needs time alone to recharge. </p>
<p>When I was younger, I was an introvert, but became an extrovert in middle age.</p>
<p>I have no preferences about which type of person I like best. Each has its plusses. I wouldn’t change either son’s introversion, but I do wish that older son wasn’t so cynical.</p>
<p>Shyness isn’t the same as introversion. Introverts get their energy from being alone. Extraverts get their energy from being around other people. One can be a shy extravert.</p>
<p>Younger son used to be so shy that as a child, he would hide behind me when I was talking to other people. Shyness is something that is fairly amenable to change if parents don’t enable it. I helped S with social skills – as did his elementary school, and I insisted that he get involved in group activities that I thought he would like. </p>
<p>Son evolved from being a kid who hid behind me to a kid who stood there and said nothing to being a young adult who can thoughtfully participate in conversations. Through his ECs, he learned that he blossoms when he’s in situations in which he can help others, so he has been a wonderful peer mentor and workshop facilitator.</p>
<p>I think introverts have an easier time than extroverts in universities socially, actually.
Extroverts thrive in high school because there was pressure to become “popular” and “involved”. Universities are so big that there’s no point in trying to be popular and offer so many things to do that people can’t possibly join them all. Whereas extroverts might feel overwhelmed by the number of things to do at college and the independence that comes with living in a university, introverts will find this refreshing. Because of the new qualities of life that universities bring (more time to oneself, less pressure to become involved, less pressure to be popular), introverts would be able enjoy that quiet life. They would eventually try out a few things and find a good group of friends, of course, but they wouldn’t be as overwhelmed socially because they’re used to the quiet life.
Extroverts might also feel pressured to drink and party to fit in, whereas introverts would not.</p>