<p>"I wonder, no matter how extroverted a particular person may be, doesn’t everyone need a certain amount of time alone to reflect or recharge? "</p>
<p>That’s correct, but for an introvert the time to be alone to recharge the energies is needed more often. The extrovert use time to be alone when is tired or occasionally, but for the introvert is a daily ritual. I will describe the need to be alone as the need of breathing, food, or similar to all other physiological needs described in the Maslow’s hierarchy.</p>
<p>D1 is definitely an introvert. She did not have much of a social life in high school at all.</p>
<p>Now one semester into college, it’s a whole different story. She has a nice group of friends, she’s going out doing things with them all the time, she’s happy and social and having the time of her life.</p>
<p>Is she now an extrovert? No. She’s an introvert who has found her people. </p>
<p>I think the big difference is that now she LIVES with other people her own age. In high school, most of the time she spent with her peers was in class, when it was discouraged or outright forbidden to socialize with them. Now she’s got time to hang out with people outside the classroom, and there are a zillion activities & events & clubs that she can get involved in–without needing transportation.</p>
<p>Honestly, before she went to college I wasted a LOT of time worrying about her shyness and whether she’d be happier in college than high school. I even started a thread about it last year on CC. But from Day 1 at college, she has been a hundred times happier than in high school.</p>
<p>Funnily enough, I love the bustle of big cities and feel blue / depressed when out in the country. I like having people around, but I don’t need to interact with them, if that makes sense. It will to introverts!</p>
<p>As someone married to an extrovert, I find that H often sees my need for alone time as a rejection of him, when it’s really not. I just need to clear my head.</p>
<p>I think as we grow and become more self aware and understand that there are real personality differences it helps to understand that this chatter is “important” socialization to that group of people. Whether the introvert chooses to participate or not, is as you say, not important, unless the introvert is hurt or feels excluded or left out. As lunatari points out sometimes the introvert finds “people” and suddenly has their own chatter as a connection to those particular people. As an introvert, I find the “chatter” much like a foreign language I haven’t learned or that I’m slow to learn and yes it can be overwhelming at times until I hit my groove or just acquiesce like Pizza says and chit-chat for a few moment prior to launching a Monday AM meeting even though I really don’t want to do so. I think this is the difference between someone who is “anti-social” and someone who is an introvert, that finding of the “people” or “learning” the chatter vs. never wanting anything to do with it. I don’t think the two terms are synonymous.</p>
<p>Right. It’s almost like the T vs F in Myers-Briggs. The people who are F would naturally care about what everyone did over the weekend, how they are doing. The people who are T are much more let’s-get-down-to-business. However, if the T can realize that by asking about the weekends, people are more relaxed and hence will be more productive, then they can see their way to asking about the weekend! It just starts from a different place – how do I motivate people to be most productive for me vs truly and sincerely wanting to hear about the weekend.</p>
<p>I wonder if there’s any correlation between enjoying participation on a forum like CC, and being more of an introvert than an extrovert. Or is it the other way round? Is it easier for introverts to interact with people on an extended basis online than in “real life,” or is that just a stereotype?</p>
<p>I guess the difference, to me anyway, is in the content of the conversation. So, if on Monday morning, my co-worker told me about a great concert they attended or a weekend getaway or a new restaurant, I would love to hear about it. If, on the other hand, the co-worker described in minute detail the cup of tea they made at noon, the nap, the walking of the dog, I would think to myself, “why do they bother telling people this?”</p>
<p>I do understand, that they share - or over share - because it makes them feel like part of the group and it helps them to socialize. The inability to listen to it does not necessarily make me an introvert!</p>
<p>Yes, I’m an INTJ so I did finally figure this all out somewhere along the line LOL. It just starts like you say from a different place. I used to say to people I was anti-social, but I realized I wasn’t really antisocial and I never make jokes about that anymore except to really close friends who know that isn’t totally true. I’m just a classic introvert who learned to be abit more extroverted when necessary and learned the language.</p>
<p>Yep - this has been a 20 year struggle in my marriage…still trying to get H to see it’s not him, it’s me.</p>
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<p>I tend to think there might be. I think a lot of introverts find that forums satisfy their need for deep discussions that they don’t always get in real life. After all, how many of your ‘real life friends’ are willing to spend hours arguing about the University of Chicago and whether a degree from Harvard guarantees you a financially successful career? :)</p>
<p>Shoot, most of my real life friends think the U of C is a state university.</p>
<p>“Yep - this has been a 20 year struggle in my marriage…still trying to get H to see it’s not him, it’s me.”</p>
<p>As an extrovert married to an introvert I can appreciate what you are saying, it took me many years to not take it personally. It still amazes DH & me that we ever wound up and stayed together ( going on 25 yrs) but it seems true that opposites attract. It hasn’t always been easy but eventually you learn to accept & appreciate the differences.</p>
<p>Another introvert married to an extrovert here. One constant source of friction in our marriage is that my wife really can’t understand my ravenous hunger for weekends entirely free of social engagements, with nothing on the agenda except catching up on household tasks, reading, and maybe going to the park to throw a Frisbee with my son. To her a weekend with no parties or visits or cultural events on the calendar is a hole crying out to be filled; to me it’s a gift begging not to be squandered. She thinks I’m a horrible stick in the mud. I think she’s a social slavedriver. </p>
<p>It’s not that I don’t like seeing people, but I need those off weekends sprinkled in, because it takes me at least a full 24 hours of ‘just laying around the shanty’ to fully recharge. I like people–I love many people–but even the company of my closest friends can be draining if I haven’t had my dose of downtime recently.</p>
<p>We are a family of five and both parents and the two oldest children are introverts. It is our youngest who is an extrovert. What is even more remarkable is she is our mathy/engineering child. We have a few more years to figure out a college for her and I think it will be a bit of a challenge since she won’t be happy with a school full of introverts and ahrdly any extroverts. But for now, I just have to concentrate on child 2 who is an INTJ and just wants the job of selecting a school done. She is a junior so it won’t be done quickly enough for her.</p>
<p>""I wonder, no matter how extroverted a particular person may be, doesn’t everyone need a certain amount of time alone to reflect or recharge? “”</p>
<p>I dunno. One of my most extraverted friends hates being alone so much that when she finds herself alone, she immediately finds people to be with. She’s one of the most engaging people whom I know.</p>
<p>I’m extraverted, but not that extraverted.</p>
<p>“I think a lot of introverts find that forums satisfy their need for deep discussions that they don’t always get in real life”</p>
<p>Heck, I’m extraverted, and the forums supply my need for deep discussions on issues that most of my friends aren’t that interested in or aren’t available to talk about 24/7.</p>
<p>I notice that the introverts in my life don’t hang out on Internet discussion boards. When they’re on the computer, they’re watching sports (H), editing photos (younger S) or checking sports scores or writing (older S). They aren’t connecting with a bunch of strangers on the Internet.</p>
<p>Another INTJ here. I definitely feel like these forums serve a need for me as an introvert. First of all, I actually learned about the personality test and the real characteristics of an introvert through some threads here (which led me to take the test). Now I find, that they satisfy my needs for interesting debate at the same time I´m able to check in and out at will, I can just leave when I get too bored or tired to engage more and go get that needed thinking time.</p>
<p>Nightchef, you have the same problem that I have. The weekends is my quiet time, while it’s H’s socializing time.<br>
FWIW, my kids who are introverts, play tennis, wrestle and fence, while the extroverts tend to enjoy basketball and lacrosse.
When my oldest D was in HS, one semester, she could not fit any art in her schedule but drama. For an introverted kid that was a dilemma. She told me there is no way she was going to stand in front of an audience to do a monologue. Luckily, the fear of an F was much greater than center stage.</p>
<p>I would like to add one more thing to this discussion, since I think it pertains to the OP’s question about college and introverts.</p>
<p>I think college is better for introverts than high school, not matter where they go (small or large institution) for one big reason: After each class you get a break. You walk around outside the building, perhaps even having enough time to get coffee or tea or go home. If you have two or three classes back to back, that’s usually the max. In h.s. you go in the building in the early AM and have one class after the other nonstop. And the breaks between classes are rushed and filled with many ppl rushing rushing rushing.</p>
<p>In college you get some quiet time in between classes. This is hugely helpful to the introvert! </p>