<p>I understand where the OP is coming from. I also have a sister in law who lies all the time and I am so sick of it. If I could extricate her from my life I would, but when someone is an in law all I can do is limit my contact and try not to get dragged into any of the drama.</p>
<p>If she lied about something like this I would also want to verify that she was lying, not for the purpose of calling her on it, there wouldn’t be any point, she would just start talking about something else.</p>
<p>I’ve been sitting her trying to figure out why I would want to know. I’ve gotten burned by my in laws more than once and it happens when I am caught off guard. I’m better able to not get taken advantage of if I have a clearer picture of what is going on.</p>
<p>Thanks so much because that is exactly how I feel. She has burned me several times and it is not a nice feeling. It is a complicated situation and I just am one to always be prepared, or prepared as much as is possible. It is hard to divulge years worth of history in one blog. I don’t honestly know why I want to know, I just do, to prepare myself for any future contact I guess. I go back and forth with questions in my head. I second guess my own instincts and ability to read situations which is important with what I do for a living. I want to see if my instincts are correct.</p>
<p>We do have limited contact because they are suppossed to be in Boston and we are in Ohio. Even my bil’s parents are not able to speak directly to him, or at least have not in several months. The calls go through her, she says he is working or whatever. Again, too much info to share on here.</p>
<p>As a side note, I don’t get the part about the non-contact with the BIL. I understand that the SIL screens his calls that come into the home. However, this man likely owns a cell phone and/or has a phone at his workplace. If HE wanted contact with these family members, he could place his own calls when he is not with his wife. So, I am having trouble buying the idea that nobody can reach BIL…which may be true…BUT it doesn’t seem like BIL wants to be in touch anyway as he does have opportunities to reach his family without his wife’s knowledge of doing so. He also likely knows the email addresses of family members or at the very least, he could also send them a snail mail (with no return address). So, if nobody can reach BIL, it sounds like HE doesn’t want contact and even if the SIL is an evil witch, he is still in control of whether he chooses to be in touch with family. So, lack of contact with BIL is not ALL due to his wife (the evil SIL).</p>
<p>Also, if family has concerns that are valid about BIL’s wife, the next time they are in touch with BIL, they can share their concerns. It sounds to me that even if SIL is a liar, that the couple themselves are not on the up and up if they are evading creditors. What I am saying is that while I detest liars, I can’t tell if BIL is part of this problem too as he is not in touch with family and he is also evading creditors himself.</p>
<p>PS, I missed the post that the BIL’s cell is disconnected but he is a grown man and can use email or snail mail or work phones or public phones and get in touch. Nobody in the family has his work phone or email address?</p>
<p>^^ unless the BIL has no idea that they are evading creditors and that’s the reason the SIL is not passing along the messages. OP has said she is not clear on what he knows. Otherwise, I agree.</p>
<p>BIL may not know that his wife is evading creditors…agreed. But it seems the OP even knows the couple is evading creditors and so had to learn that from someone and my guess is she didn’t learn that from the SIL with whom she doesn’t speak. But whether or not the BIL is aware of being chased by creditors, I don’t see how HE is off the hook for no contact with his parents or brother. Perhaps he is hard to reach but he can reach others as I doubt he is in his wife’s presence 24/7. So, the wife may be a liar, a debtor, and a witch, but not sure what the excuse is for the BIL.</p>
<p>I know about the creditors because bil used to live with us for several years and with creditors they trace any former addresses. So, we were getting calls all the time, several times a day from creditors calling for him. SIL told the inlaws that they were victims of identity theft which is why the creditors were calling but the creditors told me differently when they would call. Again, all information goes through my sil. I do blame my bil too, like one poster said, he is an adult, he can call us too. However, I wonder if he is just so embarrassed by all his wife tells people that he doesn’t know which way to turn. I have tried to give both the benefit of the doubt for a long time. I try to see the good in everyone just don’t want to be naive any longer either.</p>
<p>Hard to know if your BIL is part of the deception and all that stuff. He may be or it may just be her and he is trying to hold it together and is embarrassed if you confront him. I was just saying that the fact that the SIL screens incoming calls is not enough of an excuse for the BIL who could contact his family himself but appears to not be choosing to do so. Perhaps only the wife lies and the husband is innocent of that stuff, but the husband is also not in contact with family of his own choosing, it seems.</p>
<p>For instance, I could be married to a liar and a debtor but that would not keep me from connections with my own parents and siblings. </p>
<p>Also, you say that BIL used to live with you guys and so you would think he would have some closeness even if his wife wants nothing to do with you guys. Has he ever complained to you about his wife’s deceptions and/or debt issues? For instance, if he is not like that himself, he may have confided about some problems in these areas. If he did so, you could also raise concerns with him about whether to believe his wife is in school and so on. But it doesn’t sound like he is confiding any problems to his siblings or parents with regard to his wife, and so in that case, not sure how or why you guys would be involved.</p>
<p>I really miss BIL but he changed so much when he married SIL. He is so impressed by highend stuff and I think he got in over his head. He is not talking to anyone at this point.</p>
<p>Oh that is so meaningful. So the peon calling to track these folks down would know if there was identity theft involved? And this person would tell you whatever you asked? </p>
<p>I’m truly not convinced of who the problem child is in this relationship. This isn’t even your brother, it’s your BIL. What’s your husband doing in all of this? </p>
<p>You can’t find these people so who cares about the stories? We can’t choose our family and lots of people have difficult relatives. But I think you should honestly just focus on your own business. Sure it’s VERY annoying to be lied to, especially if you can’t stand the person doing it and if the person is acting ‘all that’. And it’s joyous to catch up someone like that. <em>It feels good</em>. But you are kidding yourself if you think you’ve come up with some valid or healthful reasons to make pursing this Harvard thing worthwhile. </p>
<p>Either distance yourself from these people, or try to repair the relationship because your BIL means something to you. But looking for evidence to prove she’s a liar will do neither of these things.</p>