<p>
</p>
<p>yes!!! No matter how we try to socially engineer women into thinking that they can treat sex casually, you can’t change nature. Not only that, we (women) have too much to lose by being promiscuous – loss of personal respect, broken hearts, STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, single motherhood, etc.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>omigod…you dated a…Republican??? </p>
<p>(I can proudly say that I never dated one Democrat in all my popular days as a single gal. I need my men to be smart.)</p>
<p>Smart republican…okaaayyyyyy</p>
<p>I dated men with compassion and caring and vision</p>
<p>Not a republican in the bunch</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Exactly… Many, many girls will agree to a sexual relationship too early in a relationship in <em>hopes</em> that it will further the relationship.</p>
<p>Gosh, with no daughters, you are such an expert on young women; one can only hope to absorb some of the wisdom.</p>
<p>This thread seems to have digressed into a discussion of the wisdom and morality of premarital sex. The OP asked about actions colleges and parents could take to control partying and offered some suggestions, including professional RA staff, curfews and other controls. </p>
<p>When is comes to premarital sex, I doubt there is much a parent or college can do to exert an influence. We raise our kids as well as we can and by the time they go to college, they need to make their own decisions on relationships and sex. I would not like to see colleges operate as convents or monestaries. When it comes to alcohol and drugs, I believe many colleges need to take some actions. At many colleges, underaged drinking is tolerated and has become a very strong part of the campus culture. Kids can choose not to participate but it can be difficult if alcohol is everywhere and they have no social life if they do not join in. Studies have shown that young brains don’t do well in handling alcohol and drinking at an early age can lead to lifelong problems. The attitudes and culture appear to be different in Europe, but in the US I believe we have a well documented problem. As a parent I tried to help select colleges which have taken action and I continue to express support. For some colleges, changing the alcohol culture will take time, but I think some possible actions are clear.</p>
<p>I agree that a “professional” RA staff would be helpful. An RA should be more than a student who is hired to keep the building from being burned down. They need training, monitoring and support from a professionally trained residents life staff. They should be trained to handle roommate disputes, identify and provide support for kids who become depressed and they should be held accountable for enforcing the college’s alcohol and drug policies. RA’s should be expected to take action if students return to campus and are drunk and disorderly. Every college has policies against underaged drinking, but many times the official policies have been ignored. Some policies permit alcohol in the dorms for students of legal age. I think this is a mistake. There is no way to control alcohol if it is permitted for some students. Considering the magnitude of the problem, I believe the colleges should be dry. No alcohol permitted including alumni events and tailgate parties. Off campus drinking should also be controlled. Frats and sororities should be held accountable for controlling underaged drinking. I think there is also a lot that the colleges can do in working with the local communities to control underaged drinking. A little cooperation with the police and local landlords can go a long way in disrupting the exisiting culture. These actions will not prevent underaged drinking but will make it less prevalent.</p>
<p>Very well said, edad. I think we parents need to hold colleges more accountable regarding alcohol and drugs. As far as sexual behavior, that falls outside the realm of college control, but I don’t think it’s a waste of time to “talk” about on this forum. There are a lot of conversations we parents can have with our kids – and it is good for us to be aware of what’s going on “out there.”</p>
<p>I would agree, but I think most of those conversations need to take place at a much earlier age. I also found that there are some schools to be avoided due to the sexual climate. We visited one LAC that had provided a large space for students to do whatever they chose. After a while the drinking and drugs turned into public orgies. I guess this went on for a long time until one night when 30 kids ended up in the ER. The publicity forced the college to end this, but then the dorm parties became more of a problem. That college came off my D’s list.</p>
<p>the issue hasn’t been so much about “pre-marital sex,” which parents accept is a reality; the issue has been that young adults don’t understand or foresee the potential dangers in gross promiscuity and extreme casual sex.</p>
<p>As their parents, who have both “experience” and foresight in regards to these matters, we are obligated to share our concerns with our kids. We didn’t wait until the “hormones were ranging” to have these discussions with our sons – the ranging hormones would have interfered with their ability to “hear” the message. We talked to our kids about these things when they were quite young so that they would be more “ready” to accept the information.</p>
<p>Oh, what is the name of that LAC??</p>
<p>Another thought – the drinking and sex aren’t mutually exclusive. We all know that drinking too much can lead to unplanned/unwanted sex, but I also see kids medicating themselves (heavily) with alcohol when a relationship goes sour.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Garland, I may not have daughters but I am a female and have 2 sisters, 8 sisters-in-laws, lots of nieces and plenty of girlfiriends who have daughters. Plus, my sons have had plenty of girlfriends that have hung around the house. Education and job experience has also helped me gain insight… </p>
<p>I didn’t know that one had to give birth to a girl in order to know what girls are like… Is that a new rule? Gee, I wonder how male ob/gyns or childless female ob/gyns could ever know anything about pregnancy, giving birth, etc… I would never imply that a sonless male doesn’t know much about boys just because he only has daughters. That would be …</p>
<p>SuNa; good insight linking excessive consumption of alcohol to unplanned/unwanted sex. Not to mention the potential of somebody slipping a girl the “date rape” drug.</p>
<p><<< We visited one LAC that had provided a large space for students to do whatever they chose. After a while the drinking and drugs turned into public orgies. I guess this went on for a long time until one night when 30 kids ended up in the ER. >>>></p>
<p>Wasn’t it an east coast LAC? I think that story made national news about all those kids ending up in ER. Wasn’t there video, and weren’t the students also taking their clothes off? I recall seeing this on the news and they had to blur certain spots because of the nudity.</p>
<p>Bard College</p>
<p>There are several LACs with a tradition of some sort of annual event where students celebrate their sexual freedom, sometimes parade nude and in general act foolish. Usually these are centered around a gay rights parade or some other noble cause. Some of these events attract publicity, most are pretty harmless.</p>
<p>Renn Fayre has Picts- ( naked painted blue screaming like banshees)
rumour has it Theme this year is NeverLand
( the story not the themepark)
I am not planning to run through the campus naked and painted blue, but as my daughters guest I am looking forward to attending some of the festivities that precede graduation</p>
<p>What troubles me a bit about this thread is the fact that many parents feel the emphasis on regulation should be made by the college, when in reality, it’s far better to stop a problem before it starts.</p>
<p>Ever since I was young, alcohol was never a “forbidden fruit.” When my mom would order a mixed drink when we were out, I was always allowed a sip, little things like that. I also tell my mother everything and she responds in the most non-judgemental manner possible. Now, as a senior in high school, I know alcohol is OUT there, but I don’t have a crazy desire to go out and party. </p>
<p>On the other hand, a former close friend of mine grew up in an opposite situation: drinking and partying were strictly forbidden enforced by strict punishments. However, as soon as an inch of freedom was given, a mile was taken and unfortunately, my friend is now a binge drinker. In this sense, she certainly supports the fact that people who start partying hard in high school only get worse in college.</p>
<p>I wish I could say my friend and I were isolated incidents, but I’ve found the above examples to generally apply to much of my senior class.</p>
<p>Most of our social, political, religious, moral opinions are all formed by high school. MOST students are not going to radically change once they go to college, even when faced with peer pressure unless there was an underlying problem to begin with.</p>
<p>Therefore, the best brainstorm on how to cut down on dorm partying is to maintain an open - and HONEST - relationship with your child even into high school. And the more forbidden a fruit is, the more appealing it becomes…</p>
<p>Eckie, the opinions you stated so clearly are very prevalent. I think everyone would agree that family attitudes towards alcohol have some influence. Genetic factors may also be very important. It may be that the families with the best attitudes towards alcohol have the best genes.</p>
<p>I think peer pressure and the culture we live in are very important. I was raised in a family with a good attitude towards alcohol. My parents rarely drank but did have sort of a snobbish appreciation of wines. When we had company or for major holidays, my parents drank a little wine and by HS age we kids also got a small glass. Things changed when I went to college. The drinking age for 3.2% beer was 18 and the area surrounding the campus was ringed with bars. I remember trying to find something to do on Friday and Saturday evenings with very little success. Pretty soon I joined the drinkers and had a great time. I was one of the unlucky few who developed a serious alcohol problem that did a lot of damage for years. The studies show that those who drink at an earlier age are many times more likely to become alcoholics.</p>
<p>Controlling alcohol access by minors may prevent some kids from developing serious problems. There is a lot of risk when alcohol is readily accessible and a high percentage of the college students drink. Also if you are a kid who does not drink you should not have to put up with drinking parties or drunken behavior in the dorms. It may not be a big deal if it happens infrequently, but not if it starts on Thursday night and goes through the weekend on a regular basis.</p>
<p>“Therefore, the best brainstorm on how to cut down on dorm partying is to maintain an open - and HONEST - relationship with your child even into high school. And the more forbidden a fruit is, the more appealing it becomes…”</p>
<p>I don’t quite understand why we prefer anecdotes over evidence. There is plenty of data out there that shows that schools that have strict attitudes toward illegal behaviors have less of them - not none, mind you - but significantly less. Schools that have RAs with enforcement powers regarding illegal behaviors have less of them - not none - but less. Schools with “good Samaritan” provisions as part of their honor codes have cut down on need for emergency rooms for alcohol-related behaviors. Schools that hold suppliers of alcohol culpable for extreme alcohol-related behaviors have fewer of them. Schools that work closely with local law enforcement signficantly cut down the incidence of such behaviors. Schools without freshman ghettoes have fewer. Schools with below average binge drinking that then employ social norms marketing have success in cutting binge drinking still further. The list could go on…</p>
<p>Schools have plenty of reasons for not implementing any of these measures. That’s their choice, and they are welcome to it. But let’s not make believe that the poor little colleges are powerless.</p>
<p>i definitely have to agree with eckie here. i am also a senior in high school, and i have been allowed a small glass of wine or a sip of a drink for as long as i can remember. i really have no desire to party, binge drink or even really drink at all. the few of my friends that grew up in the same, open envoronment don’t drink either. the people i know who have parents that would ground their children for even asking for a sip of something are the ones who are out trying to get their hands on a keg of beer as i write this.</p>
<p>parents who are worried about their children probably have a reason to be. i know my parents know exactly what i’m up to all the time because i’m not doing anything i’m ashamed or scared to tell them. they’re not worried about what i’m going to do when i get to college next year. to prevent your kid from going crazy in college, let them know that they don’t have to be hiding from you in order to have a taste of a cosmopolitan or see what it feels like to take a puff of a cigar. to be completely honest, seeing my parents drink and knowing that i could drink with them kind of takes away the allure of drinking all together. the more teenagers think they can have, the less they will try to take.</p>
<p>(this is not to be taken as a huge generalization-- i know that there are some kids who are going to want to get hammered know matter what their parents do!)</p>