<p>Perhaps you are confused riprorin. When your kids finish college and perhaps accept positions far from home and are financially independent they may unfortunately have less time to spend with family. Or they will have family and inlaws of their own. They may have met personal spiritual and financial goals. These are all good things. You know that. This has nothing to do with not wanting to spend time with family. No one but you seems to think this here on this thread. Enjoy your kids while they are still in college. They grow up fast. They will hopefully always want the family connection. They may simply have less time.</p>
<p>Well, if you were a stay at home mom and your kids don’t contact you, relish the roughly 18 yrs you had with them.</p>
<p>If someone else raised your kids, you might have a lot of regrets.</p>
<p>Who wa a SAHM and what does that have to do with the discussion? Agree that how often a child calls their parent does not directly correlate with how much they care about them nor does it have amything to do with the definition of success .</p>
<p>I called my mother, who was widowed when I was 12, every week of her life with the exception of the three years when we lived in Germany when I called once a month because of cost. She was by no measure a great parent and my relationship was strained at best. I have turned out pretty well, just ask me, but I have a brother who took a different path. </p>
<p>I really wonder how much parenting does have to do with it. I think I am going with the luck theory.</p>
<p>Riprorin- Is it 5 o’clock somewhere? Maybe I’m just not smart enough to understand your point!</p>
<p>So why don’t kids contact their parents? Being too busy or too successful is not a valid explanation.</p>
<p>What’s the expectation?</p>
<p>And they are haapy with that?</p>
<p>Now that you are aware that there are a lot of unhappy moms, will you ask yours?</p>
<p>There are probably some kids who think once a year is enough. Parents and children probably need to communicate.</p>
<p>What are your parents expectations?</p>
<p>Of how frequently you should call or visit.</p>
<p>I’d love to post something here, but I’m off to visit my mom. (really)</p>
<p>I find riporin’s point valid. When i am too engrossed with work stuff, I do neglect to contact my parents as much. Sshould I have been so immersed in work? Probably not. There shouldnt be a situation of this “happiness trade off” in the first place. </p>
<p>Then again my parents and their parents do not adhere to the western understanding of a family.</p>
<p>Maybe, we as parents feel like it’s never enough. My kids give me more attention than a lot of parents get because we live close by and I have cancer. But, I still wish I saw them more. I wish they lived here wish my H and I, I wish they were twelve, and I wish time didn’t pass. Obviously, none of that is realistic. And, wanting to see them or hear from them more than once a week would be selfish of me. I want them to spend enough time at work, cultivate their relationships and enjoy their downtime without their mom and dad. I’m very confident that we have a great relationship and that they love us.</p>
<p>Hi everyone… what were we talking about? I started this thread that I am feeling sad because I didn’t have a useful purpose in my kid’s lives anymore. I do call them,except the incarcerated eldest son,whom I visit every 2 weeks and talk to once a week. I wish I had an appropriate function equivalent to driving a carpool in their present lives. Then son #2 called to wish me a Happy Anniversary which my husband and I completely forgot! No grandkids on the horizon yet, because that would really make me useful!</p>
<p>"Feeling melancholy- when the kids are launched and we are not needed as much… "
This is the thread I was trying to find yesterday but cant seem to get the link to work on this device. If anyone is interested, it was back in July and is in the Parents cafe. Or if someone can link it, would be much appreciated.</p>
<p>Found it - it was a good one. <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1520447-feeling-melancholy-when-kids-launched-we-not-needed-much.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1520447-feeling-melancholy-when-kids-launched-we-not-needed-much.html</a></p>
<p>
I’m not saying that (and yes, I’m a mom). My d contacts me quite frequently - e-mail, phone, texts. But she needs me less. I act as a sounding board and emotional support, but that’s not the same as checking her homework, doing her laundry and keeping her schedule.</p>
<p>I love the relationship I have with my daughter. But it is different now that she’s an adult. It has less to do with the amount of contact than with the amount of reliance. She relies on herself more and more now, which is exactly how it should be.</p>
<p>My Dh and I see our kids more now than we did when they were in college. A lot more. My Dd lived 3000 miles away for eight years during school.
Dd now lives about 20 minutes away, and comes over for dinner or just to drop in around once a week. If we have a family activity planned, she likes to be included. Her business takes her to our side of town quite often, so sometimes she’ll buzz in for a few minutes in between clients. I’ll make tuna sandwiches and she’ll tell me about her life. There are times, standing in the kitchen, that it seems very familiar- almost like high school days. 
My son and his now wife live in Northern California, but they like to get down to LA fairly regularly to visit friends and family. It helps that her family lives very near us.
Right now, these two are on their honeymoon and I’m taking care of their cat for three weeks. (See? I’m still needed!! 
) Late September, Dh and and I will drive up to northern California to visit them and bring some of the things their small car couldn’t handle on their drive home. I’ll have all of them at the house this Christmas.
I’m pretty happy with the amount of time we’re able to spend together. Maybe not as good as what my son promised me when he was six (Mommy, I’m going to buy the house next door and live there when I grow up!), but it’s as good as I have a right to expect.
And contact in between? Texting! It’s great.</p>
<p>Thanks for finding and linking the thread, frazzled. </p>
<p>Those of you whose kids are nearby are so fortunate. The stories of kids popping in between clients is heartwarming. Makes me smile.</p>