Your post is an important one. I think this is very true for students trying to go to college at just about every high school. We’ve taken away the years of “being a teen” and replaced them with a pressure filled race. Then we wonder why kids have anxiety, depression, eating disorders, stress, use vape/smoke/weed/drink, etc. or they don’t feel they can reach the bar so they give up. I wish things would change.
@Empireapple, I agree. I wish more parents would demand change rather than normalizing it. “Better time management” (working during lunch and in the car) and a speed reading course should not be the solutions. Are schools truly “prepping” students or just grinding them down? Some schools are genuinely trying to address these issues more than others.
@dogsmama1997, there is an adjustment period to high school, but you know your daughter best, and I would pay attention to the red flags. With all of the research on sleep and the brain, I think schools have a responsibility to do more to ensure that students get enough sleep on an average night. It is interesting about the link between sleep and sports injuries.
It could be that everything settles down and falls into place in the next few months, but I don’t think I would ignore the uneasy feeling you have about how things are going so far. It might be worth scheduling a face to face meeting with the head of school. I know that no one wants to be seen as a helicopter or bulldozer parent, but you are not quibbling about a grade or demanding that your kid get into Harvard. You have legitimate concerns about your child’s well-being and whether the workload will get worse and even harder to balance. I don’t think it is ever a bad idea to get to know the head, and most leaders really want to hear from parents. You could talk to him about why you chose the school and what the first few weeks have been like. I would explain to him that you are also meeting with the advisor, but you really wanted to hear his perspective on how the school tries to foster somewhat of a healthy balance. You also questioned how they find time for joy, and it would be worth asking him that. You might also want to ask if there has been a student survey in the past few years (I think there might have been) that asks students about the pressure they feel and about how many reported medicating and/or self-medicating as way of dealing with the stress.
By meeting with the advisor and the head, you might come away feeling much better. Regardless, it should give you some insight into how the school thinks about these issues and how it handles these kinds of conversations and questions.
Asking to speak with the Head of School about a 9th grader in the first few weeks of school is over the top. Start with the advisor. 99% of the time any problems can be resolved at this level. If this is that 1% then meet with the class dean, and if that doesn’t resolve the issue – and this would indicate a very serious problem-- then ask to meet with the Head.
It sounds like she is spending a little longer on homework (3hours per day?) Than she is on sports (2-2.5 with changing, showers, etc?). You need to decide the right balance of each.
- A huge lesson to learn first year at BS is how to utilize Free Periods, as well as the set homework time in the evening. Many schools have a lights out policy @ 10:30-11:00.
- You cannot possibly read EVERYTHING (every word) you are assigned in BS or college (Ok, maybe some of you on CC actually can). So, another lesson to learn is how to read strategically).
- If your kiddo is spending an excessive amount of time doing homework on one subject and struggles, then he/she/they may be in the wrong level or section of that class. Now is the time to determine if your student needs to change the class or level of class.
- The OP mentioned quizzes not being returned quickly or in time for test...we have also found this at our BS. Sometimes NEVER seeing test or even corrections on the assignments. Most teachers at BS wear many hats - teacher, dorm parent, coach, advisor, etc.
- Do tell your student to go to office hours and/or extra help sessions. Some teachers give a grade “bump” to kids who regularly show up for office hours. It was our experience that (for some classes) this is where the real “explaining” is done for the material. Going to office hour sessions is part of the routine for many, and it is NOT like “extra help” in Middle school.
- On many tests/exams, students are expected to synthesize material and apply concepts. Your student should be prepared for tests that might be totally different from the homework problems or even what was covered in class.
- Be sure you understand the “game plan” and the big picture for the course this semester or year. WHY is “junior” reading these books, doing these labs, studying 2 countries at once? WHY did the teacher give us this assignment? Your kid needs to understand the WHY behind the homework.* ⛳️?
- Free golf tip of the week.⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️
@dogsmama1997, I am familiar with the school and the HOS. If you still have some concerns, please feel free to PM me. I don’t think I have enough postings to reach out to you yet.
@ChoatieMom Do you remember the name of the company or method your son used for speed reading?
Because your child is a day student, you control the study hours, right? You have the advantage there. Another thing, that has already been mentioned, is that any free time during the day - but not lunchtime - should be used to knock off some homework. I do know my more meticulous, slower-reading kid did stay up later than I would have liked some nights, and that was true her freshman year in a public high school, as well as in her three boarding school years. She has continued the pattern in college, while her brother, a champion time manager, almost always gets his 8 hours. My own point of view is that physical needs take priority over everything else, but not everyone agrees, including my daughter, unfortunately…
Kids do need to learn to triage their work. By that I don’t they need to fail to do work, but they need to learn what’s essential and what’s not. That can be difficult for kids who are used to equating being conscientious with doing every task possible.
Close reading does not equal slow reading. Back in the early 80’s my high school offered a brief speed reading course. While I can’t say it changed my life or dramatically improved my academic performance it did show me how I was held back by the speed at which I moved my eyes when reading. I found that I could comprehend faster than I had been reading and that when I needed to I could read much faster by simply using the methods I’d learned to speed up the physical act of reading.
One thing I think it’s a good idea to emphasize with kids is that multitasking is ineffective. Eat lunch and socialize when it’s time for lunch. Study without socializing when it’s time to study. Sleep when it’s time to sleep. Don’t try to mix them.
Also, @golfgr8’s post is excellent. Lots of good advice!
Curious - Which schools do people think are doing a good job of working on this issue?
So even if it were only 3 hours of homework she wouldn’t have had time to do it.
Boarding student have a 10 minute ‘commute’ while your daughter has 30? 45? minutes twice a day? It’s one of the disadvantages of having a different schedule than the other students.
My carsick kid did better with headphones on (even if just to cancel noise), reading from flash cards, listening to books on tape, even putting a blanket over her head. She did learn to studying while on bus trips with her team, mostly because she had no choice. She also went to bed early but got up early to study if she needed to. Trying to study after 9 pm just didn’t work for her.
@CaliMex: Sorry, no. Our son simply told us about it and took it and the follow-on on his own.
I am surprised at the number of parents who are willing to accept sleep deprivation as par for the course. If no one ever worked for change teachers would still be smacking kids in schools!
Also somewhat shocked by the concept that teachers would expect kids to work to the bone while not returning assessments. If that were/turns out to be the case in my kids’ schools I would/will have a serious problem with it. I get that the teachers wear many hats but so do my children and the teachers need to hold up their end of the bargain, especially at $60K a year!
If it’s a systemic issue and not the fault of teachers then again schools need to work for change.
Except we are talking about one of the top high schools in the country. I wouldn’t be so quick to assume they are doing everything wrong.
Not to say things can not change, of course they can and should.
The other piece to keep in mind is that these schools are not meant for average kids – and let me quickly say I don’t mean mediocre or anything pejorative! But they are meant for kids with a lot of internal drive, and with high intelligence. A normally disorganized kid, who doesn’t work very hard would not be a great fit at a school like this. As someone said upthread-- this is what you are signing up for.
Some schools are more pressure cookers than others. But even my son who struggled at a pressure cooker now says that the thing that made him who he is today is his boarding school.
@doschicos - We lived 40 minutes each way from my D’s HS. She absolutely learned to study/do homework on the bus to/from school and to/from games. Definitely not ideal but she tended to do easier homework en route to get it out of the way so she could focus on the harder stuff without distractions at home.
Ideal? Definitely not, but there were some positives. The pros, IMO, is that the kid has excellent time management skills, can prioritize assignments with ease, can study anywhere regardless of noise, etc… She has had a straight forward adjustment to her engineering workload at college. She prioritizes sleep and has good balance between studying and fun activities. That said, there was a learning curve and it sounds like OP’s student is in process.
But does anyone think that schools have been caught up in the same race to the top that parents and kids are caught up in?? There is no way schools are not watching rankings, pushing to increase SAT and ACT scores. This coupled with the repeat phenomenon (2 year spread is now typical in a class) is making school harder and harder.
The difference is your child doesn’t have to have the car pulled over to throw up. I’m not against doing work in the car but don’t force yourself to do it if it makes you physically ill. Find another solution - like napping - to allow for time to study later.
That hasn’t been my experience at all. These schools aren’t the ones pushing for high achievement, Ivies, etc. In my experience viewing one school and many students and parents, it was the students themselves and definitely parents who were wound up so tight about this. BSs know some kids will fall at the bottom and middle. In fact, I’ve seen efforts at several schools to make a better work/life balance.
Additionally, going back 15 years ago and more, schools didn’t have to vie with smart phones and screen time for students’ energy and attention.
Respectfully, there are 100s of quality boarding schools with a variety of expectations that can fit everyone. A “top” academic school is not for everyone. In adult life a top investment firm in NYC expecting 80 hours+ a week is not for everyone.
Through the whole application process at a challenging school that was ultimately a successful bid for our son, our parent message was you don’t need to go, it’s not for everyone, and if it is the wrong fit you can return to public school ASAP. We bought enrollment insurance year one for that very reason.
If our son was stressed to the point of regular anxiety or physical illness it would not have crossed my mind to blame Andover (not his school but similar demands).
Everyone should have their child’s health and wellbeing #1. A college resume does not matter in comparison. It’s just not the right fit and that is 100% OK.
All kids do homework differently. Could this be a homework style issue?
Our kids aren’t in BS but the most difficult prep school in our state. Twins - one comes home after sport practice or game and bangs out homework, no interruptions, doesn’t get up, 3 hrs straight (sometimes more) and usually in bed by 9-9:30 (with course load including multivariable calc, phys C, etc.); other comes home some days at 4pm and is still up at midnight (diff classes but mostly APs). What I see is that the one who’s up late doesn’t study in such a concentrated fashion in long blocks. There are breaks for snacks and checking the phone, and music in the ears. They are just wired differently. They have been like this since they started getting HW.
You might read How to Become a Straight A student by Cal Newport. It has great strategies for working smart (rather than long). Some strategies in the book might help your daughter.
And, If you think she is reading too slowly, I took Evelyn Wood back in 6th grade (centuries ago :)) and it’s still around. I swear by that training. I realize that I only read every word when I read an extremely well-written book (to savor the words as art). But for textbooks (and average novels), that’s unnecessary.