Can you please?

I can only speak for myself, but if you’re just a little tired, feel free to share. For those of you that I’m offending, I’m so sorry.
But there’s a slew of us out here who’s kids are not going to the IVIES, are not going to become doctors, biotech engineers, the FBI Director, a professional athlete, President of the USA (this one literally kills me when they say: gosh she’s so smart I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s the President one day!) or Jesus. And for the record, we are okay with that! Let me be clear, I’m not talking about the parents who are humble, or just so excited for their kid that they present it in a way that makes you happy for them too! They know they have a bright kid, who’s worked hard, and he/she has been accepted someplace pretty wonderful. But they’re humble, they’re cool about it. In fact, often they’ll shake their head and say they didn’t have to do a thing except stay out of their way. It’s the parents who are just so caught up in it all. They wring their hands all 4 years, or they’re smug (way worse than the hand wringers). You know them, you’ve stood next to them, and it’s annoying. Meanwhile, some of our kids won’t go to college. Maybe they’ll stay local and work, I hope so, we need more bright kind young folks in my community. Maybe they’ve got a learning disability, and so they’ll learn a trade, IF it’s possible. Maybe they’re cash strapped, and will work till they have enough to go. Maybe they don’t want to go. Yes, there are some high school grads who simply have no interest. Please don’t look down on them. You never know what they’re thinking, and they sure don’t need your condescension.
Maybe there’s trouble at home and they’re a little lost right now, and just keeping their head above water is all they can do for now. For some of the above, it’s a tough season of acceptances. They do their best to hold their head up high, but for gosh sakes, they’re 18. There will be plenty of changes coming, and I sincerely hope the best for all of them. Just take it down a notch, that’s all I’m asking.

  1. I don't think anyone intends to put anyone else's kid down by being stupidly proud of their own kid.
  2. Of course there are multiple paths to success. I don't think anyone is suggesting differently.
  3. Hand wringers are hand wringers...they'll do what they do. Ignore them. Smug people are smug. Ignore them. So what? Isn't it kind of entitled of you to expect people to experience their emotions your way?
  4. Asking parents not to be proud and nutty about their kids...on the parent board of the college like asking people at the Westminster Dog Show to stop kissing their dogs on the lips because you think it's gross. You're in the environment you're in by choice. No one is held here with a gun. LOL.
  5. Sounds like you're stressed about something else entirely and just needed a vent. Which is fine. But it might be more helpful to talk about what's really bothering you instead of deflecting to assumptions about other people.

^ #4 made me laugh. I do that (with the dog, not the kids)!

Nope, it’s legit. And I’m as nutty about my kids as the next peanut. It was a vent. I’ve used this site for tons of great stuff over the years. It’s been extremely helpful as I’ve navigated the waters myself. Yet, I’ve seen plenty of venting over the years. I’m not even talking about the adorable nutty proud parents…and I’m not entitled just because I have an opinion.

@fullmom, Thank you for sharing your point of view. ! It’s nice to read a completely different and realistic view of how other people are dealing with the next phases of their children’s life. You are absolutely right that not everyone wants and or can afford to go to college. Completely fine with me. Let’s celebrate the positive things our wonderful children do, whether it is big or small.

This site isn’t for everybody, that’s for sure, and it can be plenty annoying (aren’t all online forums that way to some degree)? Many posters are sincerely helpful so CC can be a great source of information. However, CC is not always the healthiest environment to be around. There are likely aspects of it that will eat you alive if you don’t ignore parts of it, the ones that bug me the most…

-how it seems most students have a 4.0 and 34, 35 or 36 on the ACT, when we know it is less than 1% for each of those scores (are they ALL posting on here?)
-the continuous debate about the angst of whether to go to MIT or Stanford or Harvard, etc.
-how no one seems to pay for college, or the people that don’t think they should pay and no one else should either;

  • those that adamantly tell people where to go and not to go based on their idea of money and the other person’s finances that they know nothing about
    -those that can’t see beyond their station and want everyone to stay there with them and their kids
    -how some keep mentioning the full merit rides (which may have been need based) over and over, even 5+ years after the kid has graduated
    -and the risk of asking for information that you should get from the college directly, but come on here and get wrong answers.

The list could go on and on, but anyone on cc can likely have their own list of pet peeves. It takes time on here to segregate the good from bad. I feel for new posters that get strong information that may not serve them well, especially the kids posting. Over time I learned to ignore the stuff that peeves me and don’t count on it to improve. One has to disregard the things that bug them or find another interesting forum. You mention kids do other things than go to college and they can find great success if many ways elsewhere, that is a certain. But then why come on a site called COLLEGE Confidential to seek more discussion on that?

Let’s hope that the people whose attitudes irk you express those attitudes only on CC and not in real life.

It’s much easier to ignore people who irritate you on a message board than in the supermarket.

Also, for what it’s worth, I have two kids (now past college age), one of whom was much more academic than the other. Nobody on CC has ever acted condescending about my less academic kid.

This is actually quite offensive. There are plenty of bright, motivated, hard-working kids that have no desire to go through 4-6 years more years of formal education and decide instead to focus on a trade. I taught Reactor Plant Technology to many when they enlisted in the Navy. I just paid a pretty smart kid in his early 20’s ~$75/hr to fix my air conditioner. There are over 5 million trade jobs available right now that employers cannot fill due to a dire lack of young men and women seeking to enter the trades.

So, while its fair to say that this site exists to serve the students and parents that have decided college is the right path for them, it’s completely unfair to denigrate those who decide to enter trade schools (and who have no need of this site).

Sure there are kids who won’t go to college, who will join the military or head off to walk the world or join a commune, but College Confidential is for college seekers so it makes sense that people will talk about their children’s qualifications, how to finance a $70k bill, whether being able to tap dance while chewing gum is important.

You don’t have to read any threads that don’t talk about things you are interested in or that only cover schools you aren’t investigating. There are specialty forums on the military and Ivies and Theater and Dance that may not interest you. That’s fine.

I have spent a huge amount of time here over the last three years. By a long shot, it’s kids obsessing about HYPSM a thousand times more than parents. Sure, there are parents whose kids have done amazingly well. But I would also say there are MANY more who have totally ordinary kids and are just looking for ways to help them do their best. Everyone wants their child to get into the college of their choice, but the majority of parents here, I would say, are looking for how to financially make it happen. Often, it can’t. No one looks down upon others for that.

I am just one of many parents on this forum who has two vastly different kids. Kid 1 had the high grades and scores, kid 2 has learning disabilities and most likely won’t. Kid 1 goes to a fairly selective college, kid 2 probably will not. Plenty of parents have kids at publics, less selective schools, all sorts. I think those situations are more the norm here than parents whose kids all go to the top USNWR schools and brag about it.

Your post isn’t offensive, but I think you are addressing the wrong people with the wrong message. Or maybe the right people with the wrong message. If I had to sum up an average day on CC, I would characterize it as being a pit stop for hand-wringing teenagers who are obsessively questioning how they can get into HYPSM and the like. And sometimes it’s not hand-wringing, it’s more like a complete lack of awareness of reality. As for parents, your message to them maybe ought to be “as long as your children are happy, you shouldn’t give a fig where they go to college.” I do feel that too many kids on CC are pressured by parents to get into those tippy top schools. But there are also a large number of kids who are just clueless and often need a reality check. I don’t think adults here look down on kids.

Fianlly, of course you are right, not all kids are going to go to college. But this forum is called college confidential. Why would anyone here be looking down on kids who don’t go to college? And I see many adults encouraging kids NOT to look down their noses at community college. I myself attended a CC and am proud to say so. Maybe I am wearing rose-colored glasses, but I do not see what you are seeing on this forum, or at least only occasionally.

Ok ok hitting myself with a wet noodle. The truth is I was somewhere today when a kid I truly adore was at work and while I was waiting to be helped there were two folks who’d been going on about their graduates when one of them turns to him to ask him his plans. The kid said he was not going to school. And it went downhill from there. I went back to my office and I was annoyed. But I got busy and quickly forgot @ it. Then I started thinking about buying my son a computer, was trying to think of who might have some good advice and it hit me! CC! Haven’t used the site much this year so after I asked my question, which btw I got some good advice, I vented. It was so liberating. I was honestly not directing it at all of you as I’ve not been on this site in a long time. But I struck a nerve. I was just getting something off my chest. To the poster who I offended with my trade comment. I too have a kid who learned a trade, I was not making the case that you have to have a disability to learn a trade. Honestly disregard my post, I just reread it and it does sound like I was being snarky.

A good ending & explanation.
My thought was, well it is COLLEGE confidential.

Thanks alooknac. I feel ridiculous. Sigh. It was to the universe, and not towards CC peeps.

Confession: I kiss both my dog and my kid on the lips. LOL.

fullmom, no worries. We all have that day.

Ha, I just kissed both my doggies, on the lips, on my bed!

I understand your point, though I agree that this probably wasn’t the right place for the vent.

I was giving extra help/makeups one day after school, and asked one of my seniors where she’s going to school next year. She’s kind of a non-descript kid: nice enough, but not incredibly memorable with a habit of sleeping in class when she’s not absent.

It turns out she’s taking a “gap year.” On the day she turned 18, dad stopped paying her way (that’s her explanation; I have no idea of the actual custody/support agreement.) So she’s been working every shift she can at the supermarket (hence the sleep and absences) hoping to save enough money to buy a car so she can get a better job.

She’s an 18 year old kid.

Graduation this weekend will mark the end of her education, at least for the forseeable future.


I would like to add that, the assumption that an individual with a learning disability would therefore learn a trade, while I’m sure was meant no harm, was a bit misguided. Please just be careful of a comment like this. It implies that if you have a learning disability, then it’s a trade for you when many very, very bright, and even brilliant people work in the trades. Its a choice and often a passion. The definition of a learning disability is someone with a high I.Q. but learns differently. That means they are very, very bright. This is different than someone who might have a diminished capacity to learn. People with learning disabilities go to college and excel in professional and all kinds of careers.

Class 9601 here. NNPTC at Orlando and prototype at Ballston Spa. When I went through, there were incredibly bright people in Naval Nuclear Power. Resilient, too. That program can be incredibly brutal.

I have been shocked a the prevalence of this view in the area I live in. Parents who wash their hands of any responsibility the minute the clock hits 18 years of age. Referencing the OP, we get that kind of response more than anything else when people find out that we pay for our daughter to go to college. “Not me, told her/him they were on their own”.

I get different strokes for different folks but man, do some of these kids struggle. One I know, the kid has damn neared killed himself working two jobs to pay his way through CC, was accepted at a great 4 year, and Mom balked at even helping him with a 200 deposit until his next pay check. I will never get that view.

Hear, hear. I have two kids. Both will graduate from top of the heap academic schools. One will likely end up living in a tree and picking bugs out of his beard to study under a microscope. The other wants to save the world with unicorns and puppies. The neighbor kid is going to the local CC for twelve to eighteen months to finish his training as a C&C programmer/operator. I guarantee he will out earn at least one if not both of my kids throughout his lifetime. There are a whole lot of different paths to success for a whole lot of different kinds of people.

I ‘get’ the gist of your post! Hope you’re feeling better.