Please get an attorney!! Your husband is taking advantage of you while trying to look like a good guy to the kids. Most married people do not sell their home to pay for college and divorced couples do not sell their homes to pay for college either. The home proceeds will be needed for you to have shelter. Shelter, food, heat and other essentials come before the college fund whether married, single or divorced. GET A LAWYER!!
Wow. Your husband is trying to screw you big time.
It sounds like you haven’t gotten a lawyer because you don’t have the money to pay for one. Divorce attorneys usually ask for several thousand upfront as a retainer, and someone in your situation may not have several thousand to do so.
So…parents…what does a low income person do to get an atty if they don’t have the retainer money??
“what does a low income person do to get an atty if they don’t have the retainer money??”
There are attorneys at many price points. If we’re talking about college-tuition, house-down-payment amounts of money, though, it’s probably penny wise and pound foolish to skimp too much on this. People borrow from family, put the retainer on credit cards, etc. It’s happened in my extended family.
In our state there is a Volunteer Lawyer Program in which those who cannot afford a lawyer are matched up with a lawyer who will do it pro bono (other than getting reimbursed for court costs).
I can only speak for the attorneys I know, good people and they’ve all done quite a bit of pro bono work or worked with their clients to get them through the turmoil considering their finances. They are top attorneys. And it doesn’t take them long to solve some problems because they’ve already seen it all and done it all.
I’d call the best firm in town, explain my situation and ask for a consultation or referral to someone. Often the best divorce attorney in town is already retained by one party and the referral may be to someone out of town.
Ask around. You’re bound to know someone who has gone through this who may have a recommendation.
I’m NOT an attorney but…
Get one. NOW. I agree that OP is about to get screwed. Not getting one may be the most expensive mistake made.
I’ve heard enough stories to see that OP’s future ex is powering up.
I’d take all my financial records of any sort to my attorney.
Write down anything you THOUGHT you agreed to already. Get your thoughts/history on paper.
I’d open new personal accounts for anything from this point forward and investigate if any joint accounts had money withdrawn from them Make a record. (I’m not suggesting someone withdraw money because that could possibly get you in trouble maybe but make have a dated record if needed for court–ask your attorney).
OP- if there is a law school in your city, most of them have clinics where students work (supervised by both professors and practicing attorneys). They are often free; sometimes they operate on a sliding scale where you pay what you can. PLEASE reach out to one of them! There are some hugely expensive mistakes that might be happening here. You need to retire some day; your husband could die and have designated his life insurance to a girl friend and not your kids, your kids need to stay on his health insurance, etc. Get a lawyer.
My friend’s divorce agreement provided that college expenses were paid according to the ability of the parent to pay. So if the ex makes 6x your salary he would pay 6x your contribution.
Hire an attorney.
I’d guess most state bar associations have referral services where for a small fee (eg $25), one can get a short (eg 30 minute) consultation with an attorney.
I hear you that your income is lot less than his and your finacial situation could be the reason you are hesitant to hire a lawyer. This is one of the time that you need to hire a lawyer, not any lawyer but a good divorced lawyer.
It won’t be cheap but it will be worth it. Like @blossom and @gouf78 , you can call around. My friend went through an “amiable” divorce ( as opposed to a hostile one). She said she was so thankful she had her lawyer through the whole process. Otherwise, her ex would have gotten away with paying less than the amount he should to their child’s college education. And this was an amicable divorce. From the look of it, yours won’t be. You need to bite a bullett and get a good lawyer on your side ASAP.
This is a very stressful and emotional situation you are in. Please try to leave the emotion side out of it. You need to be strong and look out for your best interest which will be your children’s too. This is the time you can do something before it is too late. Best regards.
Get a good divorce attorney ASAP.
A friend of a friend used all the funds she received in the divorce to put their S thru expensive U. Her Ex refused to pay a penny, tho he’s a successful dentist and she was unemployed. She’s now 60s, living paycheck to paycheck in a small rental, working in a labor intensive job. It’s NOT a happy picture.
@NNH2000 – Do NOT stick your head in the sand. Get on the phone and call an attorney.
It’s hard. VERY hard to power through this process. Do it now.
Divorce is hard and it’s SO hard to believe that someone you trusted doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Protect yourself and your kids.
Of course, that requires putting down a definition of “ability to pay”… and it would not be surprising if the ex-spouses each tried to manipulate their finances to make their “ability to pay” appear smaller.
Again, OP needs a good divorce lawyer to help negotiate these things.
Is hiring a divorced lawyer potentially better in that s/he may be more familiar with divorce issues from a personal standpoint? If so, maybe even better if s/he helped pay for a kid’s college after divorce.
Seeing that no divorce attorney has jumped in yet, I will add a bit more general information. Some are not directly for the OP.
May family courts have self help program that pro-bono attorneys help you without making a formal attorney-client contract. Find phone number for your local court on website and ask about pro-bono attorneys for self help in divorce. Some are phone only. Face-to-face ones are better and they usually have a fixed time. You could visit another county’s court to get help, even if you can’t file your divorce petition there. There will be a waiting. Bring your music, book, and snack.
There are online forums that real attorneys answer for free or for a small fee. Google them. But avoid general forums where non professionals give wrong advise all the time. INCLUDING THIS ONE! The only real advise you can get here, and are getting plenty, is the advise to find an attorney. I am sure many people know a lot. But you can’t know what is the correct advise.
Well, except that your husband is screwing you big time. I think that is unarguably obvious. Possibly with some unknown malicious intent of economical benefit if his intelligence correlates his 6x times income. We can’t know why. Even experience divorce attorneys will need more information from you to guess why he is attempting something apparently so stupid. But if you try to rely more on nonprofessionals beyond emotional support, then you may end up believing a critical but wrong advise which you can be more inclined to believe.
As others have said, not all attorneys charge several thousand dollars of retainer fee. Some will give enough advise with hourly charge. Some will give free initial consultation. Call around.
If you have asset, then whatever attorneys fees you paid for the control of the asset may be worth may times more than what’s at risk.
If you have a custody issue, other than child support amount which is usually based on a formula, well, then it is difficult. Because it can really cost unlimited fund. In this case, find a good expensive attorney or even two if you could afford, or find a marriage counselor. They help with divorce too.
NEVER EVER think that the attorney your spouse brought up will represent your interest.
“Well, except that your husband is screwing you big time. I think that is unarguably obvious. Possibly with some unknown malicious intent of economical benefit if his intelligence correlates his 6x times income. We can’t know why. Even experience divorce attorneys will need more information from you to guess why he is attempting something apparently so stupid. But if you try to rely more on nonprofessionals beyond emotional support, then you may end up believing a critical but wrong advise which you can be more inclined to believe.”
Read this over many times. Especially the first line. And then the second sentence.
Don’t be stupid.
Now, if I may add some totally random baseless guesses, if you become financially ruined due to the money legally tied up, and can’t afford safe stable place for your child, then it would be easier for him to claim full or partial custody of the child and save on child support. Or give up the custody to get a better deal on child and spousal support.
In divorce or any law, there are plenty of tricks in the grey area, which can be completely legal unless your spouse attorney orally advised him to do it intentionally, or he had a premeditated hidden agenda. Either of which are impossible to prove.
Very talented and experienced attorneys know what they need to do when they are facing their own divorce; They find an attorney better than them.
Get the free pro-bono attorneys at your local court even if you have no asset, debt, custody, and support to discuss. He will at least help you to fill out the forms correctly and what to do after filing the form. If you are low income, then he can also help you for fee waiver.
@NNH2000 , I suspect you are being lied to. You absolutely need to get your own attorney who will represent your interests and those of your children. I cannot help but imagine that this is an abuse scenario.
There is 100% agreement on this thread…get your own lawyer. You aren’t just doing this for yourself…but for your kids too.
Get a lawyer…and get one…NOW.
There are very few threads on this forum with 100% agreement…take the advice…get a lawyer.
And all this certainty when all we know is he earns a lot more and you sold the house.
Not how much profit or where the kiddo has in mind for college. Big difference, applying to a FAFSA-only that can offer a lower price point, aid, merit, or state funding, and that won’t look at Dad’s picture. We don’t even know what kiddo may qualify for.
100k profit that would be eaten up at 35k/year college costs? (Assumes he pays half.) Or 400k and a reasonable expectation OP set aside $x? What $x?
Get a lawyer or consult but the chances they understand fin aid, financing, merit aid, or college options, is slim. OP still needs that understanding.
I used a mediator because it was less expensive, but met once with a lawyer of my own. This was the most cost effective way that also ensured my point of view was represented.
Our house was sold a few years after the divorce as stipulated in our agreement, once the kids were out. We split the proceeds. No way could I buy at this point. I also was a stay at home mom due to health needs of kids. I rent and often live in a studio or seasonal rental.
I’m fine, and the kids got financial aid based on my finances.
I do get alimony of $400/month to make our social security benefits more equal.
I think it should not matter. She said she needs it as a down payment to be able to afford mortgage payment. So we can assume that it’s all if not the most of what she got. Her immediate need to fund her own living should be the priority over the child’s college fund.
We do know that the child will at least qualify for in-state tuition, and guaranteed admission to an in-state 2 years college in the worst case. We also know that reserving the fund for college can only be detrimental to need-based financial aid, regardless of the child’s own qualification and ability/willingness of the father’s support.
Should the mom decide to use the fund for the child’s tuition, it should be her decision at the time, and she can still use the fund to buy a house, and later refinance or sell it.
It should not matter either. She cannot estimate the future situation accurately enough to make a fine tuned decision. I doubt if anyone possibly can at the moment. Hence, she should make a safer and more versatile decision which is preserving her rights on how to use the fund by gaining control of all her portion, against her husband’s intention.
.
This is of course, just my philosophy. You may still disagree.
But than we haven’t even started with possible tricks to be played on or other unforeseen problems that may rise from her loosing control of the fund.