<p>I’m a little surprised at how many people think it’s just fine to lie to your SO about something like this. I guess I overthink these things (maybe that comes with being a physicist or mathematician). Obviously, in our public culture, things like this are de rigueur. Interesting to see that is the case in our private dealings as well.</p>
<p>Seriously this is what you’re concerned about? I was with my high school sweetheart for 5 years and honestly can’t even tell you what his ACT score was. I’m sure we talked about it at some point. I can’t even tell you what <em>my</em> SAT scores were and I didn’t take the SAT that long ago! </p>
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<p>No. It didn’t. </p>
<p>I promise, she’s not making any lifelong decisions based on his SAT score (or lack of). And it’s not “obvious he has lied.” It is just as easily a misunderstanding.</p>
<p>It’s not “fine” to lie to your SO but it’s not clear he lied. Plus, they’re young and he might be embarrassed.</p>
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<p>Regardless of whether one or both of them lied to the OP or not, my point is that when one or both of them brought up the business of BF’s SAT scores with her, they’ve effectively made that aspect of his/their lives…including the possible discrepancy her business…whether they like it or not.</p>
<p>As I said before, if either of them didn’t want it to be OP’s business, they had the option to not bring it up with her…especially in the context for asking her for help.</p>
<p>I think the greater issue, for something like this, is for people to allow others to keep their dignity and not to attempt to embarrass them for no good reason. Who lied, who misunderstood, who cares? What’s the purpose in trying to embarrass these kids? What’s the upside?</p>
<p>We are absolute sticklers for the truth. I won’t even tolerate a lie by omission, but this just wouldn’t even hit my radar. I get uptight about a lot of things but I would never have given this a second thought, let alone the brain space to determine who’s lying, if there’s been a lie, implications on high school sweethearts…</p>
<p>You seem like a wonderful person to have helped the bf study. Really, let this go and put your energies elsewhere. A good book, a long walk, a nap…I can think of a billion other things beyond dissecting this.</p>
<p>*I’m a little surprised at how many people think it’s just fine to lie to your SO about something like this. *</p>
<p>??? Who is saying that “it’s fine”? I think people are saying “ignore it”. </p>
<p>Just because we may have uncovered a lie, doesn’t mean that we have to be rude and point it out. do you point out everytime you come across someone’s lie? a boss? a sibling? a parent? a neighbor? a friend? a co-worker? I think that when most of us come across a lie, we just think “hmm…that’s a lie” but we don’t say anything unless the lie has serious implications or is from a child we’re raising.</p>
<p>Sylvan, I’m also surprised at the response you’ve gotten. I would be troubled to if it seemed that the SO of someone I cared about had lied to her on this. In the scheme of things, SAT scores aren’t all that important, but they generally are pretty important to high school juniors and seniors, and if he is lying about that, I wouldn’t necessarily assume he is totally honest in other things.</p>
<p>I agree that you need to tread carefully, especially because you don’t know that this wasn’t a misunderstanding - or even who is the liar here. Maybe he got an 800 on the writing section, or maybe your niece lied about the score because she wants the family to think well of him. In fact, if he had deliberately lied to your niece, I can’t imagine he would be stupid enough to tell you the truth. </p>
<p>So, I do agree that you shouldn’t pursue this - but if it comes up in conversation, which it very well might given that you are tutoring this young man and college admissions season is approaching, I don’t think there would be anything wrong with mentioning his actual score in context:</p>
<p>N: College admissions are driving me crazy! I was just helping SO with his essay the other day.
S: Where is he applying?
N: Gives list
S: That sounds like a good list, but school x is probably too much of a reach unless he gets his score past 1300.</p>
<p>Maybe he scored 800 on a practice test, or scored the equivalent on the PSAT.</p>
<p>No one is saying it’s OK to lie. I think most people are saying this is not the hill they’re willing to die on. And it’s not even clear that he lied. And, geez, these are HS kids. It’s not like he acknowledged having a second family the night before their wedding.</p>
<p>The kid did not lie to the OP. It makes absolutely no sense that he would lie to the OP’s niece but tell the truth to the OP. It is quite likely that there was a simple misunderstanding at some point. Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill.</p>
<p>Maybe someone just misheard. If he was frank about his scores when speaking directly with OP, that’s what would matter to me. I don’t think anyone knows what the true “point of failure” in communication is here. I think I’d deal with the bf “as is.”<br>
There have been times I experienced this sort of head scratcher with my kids, about their friends. If it was relevant, I might ask my kids. Often, they’d clarify in ways that made me realize my initial impression was wrong. Nothing more.</p>
<p>I would be troubled to if it seemed that the SO of someone I cared about had lied to her on this.</p>
<p>We have no evidence that he lied to his GF. He told the OP what his score was, so it’s unlikely he told his GF something different. His GF likely got confused or SHE lied. </p>
<p>Why not assume that a mistake was made until shown differently? If you see a pattern of lying from one or the other, then have some concern. Right now, there is no pattern, so assume a mistake happened.</p>
<p>BTW…those of us on CC make a huge deal about scores, but really the rest of the world doesn’t remember scores 10 minutes after being told. My own SIL (who is NOT a liar) mistold her son’s score. She truly didn’t remember the right numbers and thought that she did. She confused SAT II numbers with SAT I. No biggie. Not a liar.</p>
<p>Maybe he really got an 800 on CR, and told the OP a lower score because he thought the disparity with M made him look worse.</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>lol…I doubt it. More likely we’re dealing with the general population that doesn’t remember actual scores within minutes/days of being told them.</p>
<p>This is satire, correct? OP is worrying herself and comparing stories about what her niece’s high school boyfriend said he got on his first try at the SAT? Yes; get a life OP.</p>
<p>Sylvan, why do you assume that it’s the boy who “obviously” is lying? After all, if I’m reading your account correctly, he never actually told you personally that he had an 800 on anything. That piece of “information” was hearsay from your niece. At any rate, this issue is too trivial to shame someone (quite possibly your niece) over. Let it go.</p>
<p>I can’t believe it’s still on OP’s mind either. NO ONE knows where the discrepancy came from or IF anyone lied at all. Then to tie it to an unlikely future a decade or more down the road long after the “lie” happened is just…obsessive and weird. My D is very grade-conscious and couldn’t even remember what her score was on a test she just got back the other day. It happens.</p>
<p>Let…it…go.</p>
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I agree with mom2ckids and others who aired similar sentiments. OP, I hope you wouldnt call me morally deficient if I told you during a soiree that I am 39 when I am really 42. Wait did I say 42? I forgot what year I was born. I only remember the year when I sign legal documents.</p>
<p>Uh oh…what is the weight on my Drivers License? </p>
<p>;)</p>
<p>When I first began working at the colonoscopy/endoscopy center, I started out doing all the pre-op medical history interviews which are required for the docs/anesthesia providers. I came home and told my husband, “wow, it’s amazing. No one drinks alcohol anymore. Most people just have one or two drinks a month!” ;)</p>