<p>Hello CC crowd. I used to chat here a lot before the facelift. Well I need help and didn’t know where to turn and remembered the good advice here. I guess the key reason I left CC was that I started an afternoon affair. To make a long story short, I had been bored and unhappy in my marriage for a long time. My oldest left for college in September and left a huge void in my life. We were very close. So I got involved with someone. It actually did me a world of good. Now, however, I have been caight. My husband confronted me last night, went to the guest room and hasn’t talked to me since. I would like to work it out for the kid’s sake, but I’m not sure what to do. Help!</p>
<p>Introuble-
When I saw your thread heading and that 68 people had viewed it but none replied I thought “oh sure, a bunch of people are nosey but no one wants to reply” so I decided that if I looked I would reply and here goes.</p>
<p>First of all, not for nothin’ but are you for real? Affairs are always found out, they are never good and if you care so much about “the kids” why would you risk it? I also wonder at the fact that you would come here of all places for advice.</p>
<p>But on the outside chance you ARE for real, go see a counselor, a pastor, a therapist-someone who can help you see why you would do something so inappropriate after maybe 18 years of marriage and family. Also throw yourself on your husband’s mercy beg forgiveness and pray he is one of the RARE Y-chrom set that can get over the blow to his ego. And for the love of Pete-dump the honey and boot him hard so he doesn’t come back ever and tempt you [make rude comments about his size, his hair or his style in bed-that usually does it].</p>
<p>If you made this up for kicks-get a life.</p>
<p>I have doubts about the legitimacy of your post (you want to save the marriage for sake of the kids but the kids have left the home?). Assuming your post is true, however, then congratulations are in order. You have humiliated and mistreated someone who probably loves you very much. You should ask him what he wants you to do. If he says he wants you to move your stuff out of the trailer park, then that is what you should do.</p>
<p>I’d probably see a therapist or a counselor or someone qualified to deal with this. I don’t think marital advice on a college forum will be insightful to your case in most cases. Although I can sympathize with your husband. I know what it’s like to be stabbed in the back despite my trying.</p>
<p>Who would come here to discuss an affair? I think they pulled your skin too tightly when then did your face lift and your brain is getting smashed.</p>
<p>Unless there are some financial reasons for staying together I don’t see any point in doing so. I have an uncle who had two affairs and moved out of his own house twice to live with these women. And both times his wife let him come back. I guess when a guy makes as much money as he does a woman may be willing to forgive some affairs.</p>
<p>Are those of you being so judgemental free of sin? I’m not proud, but I’m human and I blew it. I remembered people on this site being open minded. I’m not going to go to neighbors with this problem. If anyone knows a better site for advice please tell me.</p>
<p>And to the person telling me to beg for mercy, let me assure you he is not without sin. I was raised to believe that men just cheat and he surely did not beg for my forgiveness. The first time he cheated was a year after we got married. I went home to my parents and they sent me back. I’ve lived in a house he has dominated ever since.</p>
<p>Anyway, I regret my behavior. I I think I went into a depression when my daughter left for college. She kept me sane. I have 2 sons left at home but the relationships are not the same. I guess I’m a cliche. A desperate Housewife. I started going to a gyn and met someone there. He made me feel attractive and alive and I fell right into it. My husband told me he became suspicious because I was suddenly so happy!</p>
<p>In a way maybe I’m relieved and want a new life. But we have an 8 yo and a 10 yo, and being boys, they need a father at home. I can’t be the only one here who has stayed in an unhappy marriage for kids,</p>
<p>So blast away at me if that’s what you feel is the right thing. I’m just hoping that someone who has been through something similar might have some words of wisdom.</p>
<p>Here’s an obvious suggestion–even without having had the affair, you and your husband are in desperate need of marriage counseling. If you are both interested in fixing things, you both should want to go. If he refuses to go, you must go yourself.</p>
<p>Ask your physician for a reference if you don’t want to ask your friends. Listening to anonymous people on a message board is not going to give you any helpful advice–except for this post, of course!</p>
<p>Good luck–and please find a qualified counselor instead of surfing for likely web sites.</p>
<p>It’s just ridiculous to come to this site, where the focus is on teenagers getting into college, and lay all of this out like there’s somehting here that will help you. It’s inappropriate and irresponsible to discuss this here. These kids have enough pressure without this crap. Please try <a href=“http://www.divorcenet.com%5B/url%5D”>www.divorcenet.com</a>. That’s the sort of site you need.</p>
<p>* introuble
New Member</p>
<p>Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 0 *</p>
<p>Heh zero posts.</p>
<p>WHOA!!! We are way too critical here. I’d like to have more compassion, but I’m too busy taking care of my balding, lumpy, bellowing, sometimes makes me crazy, husband to whom I have been happily and sometimes unhappily married for 32 years!!! Just a thought.</p>
<p>“I was suddenly so happy!”</p>
<p>You should reconsider your current situation if it’s causing you so much grief. I agree with the advice that recommends professional couseling.</p>
<p>it’s fake.</p>
<p>If it’s fake, it was well thought out…maybe even contemplated, perhaps!</p>
<p>First, I apologize if I offended anyone. I thought this part was mostly for adults. In my tizzy the other day I went web surfing. I saw the same names here that were here this time last year when was daughter was applying to college. Smart adults who seem to log on here very often. It was those people I was hoping to get input from, obviously not kids. However, there is part of me that would be happy to let kids read this so that maybe they will not be as naive as I was about marrying young and living happily ever after. When I look around my neighborhood, people who went to dream schools and married dream spouses, I’d have to guess than more than half are very unhappy. Of course they don’t talk about it, so I thought maybe if it was anonymous people might tell me how they have handled unhappiness, affairs and the like in their marriages.</p>
<p>it’s a little shameless to just post this to a sea full of unknown people. If it is for real, it’s weird that she came here instead of going to family/friends.</p>
<p>I suppose your post does expose some truths about marriage in America, especially when a number of researchers have reported that nearly 33% and up to 40% of us get involved in extra-marital affairs at some point in our lives.</p>
<p>And, babybird87, going to family and friends can be difficult. It’s sometimes easier, as you may know, to discuss issues with others instead of parents or siblings. But, in any case, I agree with many of you that this website is for college and not personal mistakes.</p>
<p>If this post isn’t a hoax or joke, my humble advice is to not resort to divorce, but to talk it out - either between the spouses or with the help of a counselor. I’ve known quite a few friends whose parents had extra-marital affairs, but didn’t resort to divorce. Even if they did, they later re-married, seeing the tremendous impact on the children.</p>
<p>You guys are getting soooooo played. introuble is sucker punching all of you.</p>
<p>Hello “introuble”! I’m a 17-year old girl who regularly (and by this, I mean every day! haha) visits CC. I stumbled across your post yesterday, but I didn’t know what to write. Well, I’d just like to say, “Hang in there!” I don’t agree with the people who are calling you a “fake” and telling you to “go away.” Frankly, I think that is mean and downright cruel, especially when you’re trying to get help for your problem. Being a teen, I really don’t know much about marriage, so I’d suggest that you find a support group somewhere in your area. </p>
<p>Is your husband still not talking to you? I’m not sure how to help you out on that, except that you could probably try to catch him and apologize (that is, if you know for sure that you want to stay in this marriage and not go with the other guy). By the way, what is it about the other man that makes you so happy? If he’s making you happier…well, I don’t know, but perhaps you are more in love with him than with your husband. Erm…I don’t know what to say, but I’m sure your husband is hurting right now (although I don’t sympathize too much since he already cheated on you! He’s getting what he deserved.). Perhaps you should reevaluate your relationship with both of these men–which one is treating you better? which one would you rather stay with?–and come to a conclusion. Yes, it would be bad to get a divorce since the kids that are involved will probably be very angry and traumatized, but…if you are unhappy with your life, then you should probably think about it. Just my thoughts. I hope this helps! (And don’t listen to the people who are posting negative comments!)</p>
<p>“it’s a little shameless to just post this to a sea full of unknown people. If it is for real, it’s weird that she came here instead of going to family/friends.”</p>
<p>^
That’s what message boards are for sometimes. She’s obviously ashamed about what she did so of course she’d rather tell a “sea full of unknown people” instead of her family and friends.</p>
<p>I also have my doubts about the sincerity of the OP, but if this is real, here’s my 2 cents without getting self-righteous and standing on a pedastal. </p>
<p>If you are willing to work things out with your husband and he’s also willing, then go for it. However, if he isn’t you should just leave him alone. There are only a few feelings worse than realizing that someone you care a lot about doesn’t care as much about you back. </p>
<p>And as for the other man, leave him for sure. No good can come from a relationship that started as an affair. I am only 18, but believe me I know. I’ve been watching soap operas and primetime shows like Melrose Place since I was 5. ;)</p>