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<p>Good point Amrik! How come introuble has ‘0 posts’ when we can see she has obviously posted???</p>
<p>I’m surprised no one has mentioned love in this thread. introuble, not one have I heard you say that you actually love your husband. Now, I don’t know enough details to make any assumptions. But, if you don’t love him and/or he doesn’t love you, then you are doing your children no favor by staying together. Kids and teens are extremely smart, they can see through an insincere marriage like that. Knowing their parents are faking it is not going to make them feel loved or safe, it is only going to make them confused and feeling less safe.
On the other hand, if you sincerely love your husband, and you believe that love is reciprocated, then try to make it work.
Either way, you both need professional help to work this mess out, and I mean the whole family situation, not just the affair. Good luck, God bless.</p>
<p>about the zero posts - posts from the old cc don’t count. and posts in the cafe dont count.</p>
<p>It is so interesting that the kids have so much more compassion. I am starting to understand why I have stopped talking to my peers about my marriage woes. Deep down I think what underlies the judgemental attitudes is that they know they are unhappy too. Would you all really talk to friends and relatives? Maybe this says something about mine, anonymous strangers are much more comfortable for me. A question to the kids, would you really not want your parents together because they don’t love each other? How wou;d it effect you that you probably couldn’t keep your house and would have to move to something smaller? Would you really accept your life changing to make your mother happy?</p>
<p>introuble: your last post makes me suspicious. Just because you got divorced certainly doesn’t mean you would be forced to move. There are these things called alimony and child support. Earlier, you also mentioned dad not being around after divorce. There is this little thing called joint custody.
Asking the teens on the sight that question is setting them up. Of course, children are always going to want their parents to love one another, so they are going to want them to stay together as a sign of love. But, if you truly don’t love one another, it will show in your interactions with one another. It will seep in to your everyday behavior and make you a less happy, less well-adjusted person which will, in result, make you less of a good mother. The best way to take care of your children is to take care of yourself. LIving in a loveless marriage certainly isn’t going to add to the happiness of your family. But, your comments and your obvious lack of knowledge about divorce makes me suspicious. Possibly you are the child away at college in this situation and this happened with your mother and father?</p>
<p>Grammy, the reality is that when people divorce, the mother usually can not afford to keep the house. The same amount of money goes into two households instead of one. Especially where houses cost a lot, this is a key reason many couples stay together. Sad but true. Vacations and extras are gone too. If you don’t have a lot of savings, and we don’t with a kid in college, life is sure to change in a big way.</p>
<p>This is why I’m going to make sure I’m successful on my own and won’t stay in a loveless marriage for financial reasons.
I also think that kids are more “compassionate” because at this age, we are much more idealistic. Obviously, we’ve never been married or had the responsibility of taking into consideration the lives of our kids.</p>
<p>But even so, I think there are some deep emotional issues going on here. A part of you obviously wanted to cheat on your husband as revenge for his cheating behavior and you’re angry at society for condoning his infidelity (re: you were raised to believe that men cheat). But if the marriage has been so unhappy for so long (if he cheated on you after only a year!) it will break up eventually, and I don’t think it does the kids any good to stay together just for them. You will be unhappy and they will see that. </p>
<p>So, to answer your question, I would rather have divorced parents who are poorer but happier on their own than unhappy parents who are staying together for my sake and for the sake of a big house.</p>
<p>I second zantedeschia’s opinion. It’d take a physical and mental toll on the children if both parents aren’t genuinely loving each other and are constantly fighting. I can tell you this from seeing my the toll on my cousins back in my homeland. Constant fighting and a lack of understand and love made the situation worse for the kids - they performed poorly in school (since they were constantly worrying about their parents’ marriage) and as a result, also failed to focus on their health (the physical detriment).</p>
<p>But, my humble advice, is not to separate. I believe I’ve been influenced partly by my native culture back in India, but separation can perhaps have even worse disad’s as well. Counseling seems like the best option, in my opinion.</p>
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<p>Yes, to all of those.</p>
<p>i think you need to ask children of divorce that question. I would rather my parents be together, even if they were unhappy. I know that’s selfish.</p>
<p>I assume you meant that you met this guy at the “gym” not the “gyn”. Great typo.</p>
<p>lol I totally thougth she meant gyno haha.</p>
<p>It may be selfish to say that you want your parents together even if they are unhappy, but it’s not just a matter of unhappiness. Wouldn’t it affect you too? What if they constantly fight, never took care of you? How is that better than divorce?</p>
<p>I simply meant that asking everyone is impractical because if you haven’t been through it, you couldn’t possibly understand it</p>
<p>Well, celebrian, you do have a point there. But, still, it’s practical to post here because many of us have had parents who went through a similar situation. So, therefore, we can provide input from the child’s perspective.</p>
<p>I agree, i simply meant someone who’s had a near to perfect family situation really can’t relate at all</p>
<p>Yeah, that I can agree with.</p>
<p>that’s all I was saying. I’ve had friends who have had their parents together for 30 + years, and I’ve never felt like they really understand “the other side”</p>
<p>ok, back to introuble’s comment that the kids here have so much “compassion”</p>
<p>bull. the only reason they’re showing any kind of understanding at all is because none of them are mature enough to grasp exactly what you have done to your husband and family. they haven’t been in a marriage where you’ve given your whole life to that one commitment and then watched that commitment be thrown away because of, as you say, an “afternoon affair”.</p>
<p>so don’t turn to the kids that don’t know better for help.</p>
<p>I think we have compassion, but that isn’t going to help the situation. You can’t really describe a marriage in a few posts.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I can agree with you, babybird. Obviously, no one here has been in marriage - as we are all only in high school. However, many of us have lived in families where we faced a similar situation (where the family almost or was separated). And seeing how, introuble wanted CHILDREN’S input, we can help.</p>