<p>“Of course the main message is that we expect him not to do it again and not to have it in the house under any circumstances”</p>
<p>I feel like you are being Charlie Brown letting Lucy hold that football again. Didn’t you just say this, and didn’t he agree, and didn’t he just disregard what you said and the agreement? You really think he’s going to now do as you wish? With the only consequence being a repeat of the message? What part of the message do you think he did not understand? It’s not just that he feels the benefits of pot outweigh the legal risks. That you don’t want it in YOUR house is not a big concern of his at all either. And that disregard and disrespect is what concerns me. That is not a good person there. Might be a good person in there, but it’s getting hidden pretty deep down there. </p>
<p>There are degrees of drug use. Some kids might take a toke when the stuff is passed around. Some might even pitch into pay for the supply that is used on the occasion. But when you find it stored in your house, that’s a step beyond that involvement. He bought that stuff to stash and use, at very least. This isn’t just a casual thing. He had to buy it, having the proper container to store it, and then transport it from where he bought it to your house, and unless he is planing on smoking it on your premises is probably going to transport it to another location. As a person moves up the ladder in what he does with the stuff, the involvment is more, and the chances of getting caught increases. Again, this is far more than finding a Facebook or text remark indicating he had taken some tokes at a party. This is bought and paid for,and transported and being kept for future use. He’s also totally disregarding your feelings about all of this. If his junkies get busted and decide to give out his name and address to assauge the cops, you might have them at your door. I’ve known this to happen. </p>
<p>It’s really the disregard he has for your rules in your house when you are going to be paying his bills that bother me. I seriously would make his belongings subject to search and would take the door off his room. Clearly what you tell him isn’t making one bit of a differrence.</p>
<p>“That, and we are not a stash house. You are not to bring anything onto my property or into my house that I would get in trouble for having.”</p>
<p>Magnetron, great talk. But what if they do after you make this clear? And you find the stuff? And maybe you tell the kid again, and it happens again. Pretty dang clear what you are saying makes no difference to them. That’s really the crux of the issue. What should a parent do when a such things are laid out, and the kid just disregards them and does it again, and again and again. At what point does it dawn on a parent that the kid isn’t going to go by your rules. The big quesiton, what should a parent do when a kid does something like this, directly against what the parent has stated? What consequences? How to stop this from happening again or lowering the chances that it will happen again?</p>
<p>You have to determine what the goal is. If the goal is “no drugs in my house” then that’s a possibly attainable goal. </p>
<p>So the answer to your question is, you ASSURE there are no drugs in your house, whatever that takes - daily searches of room and vehicle, not allowing guests in your home - in lieu of searching all guests, etc…you get the picture.</p>
<p>I find it, and I WILL FIND IT, and I flush it. End of story. Eventually he’ll probably get tired of you flushing his stash and find another place to stow it.</p>
<p>That’s one approach…mine would be more “radical”.</p>
<p>I recall hearing that schizophrenia incidence is raised in the population of people who smoked marijuana before age 22 (this is probably in the male population.) Clearly, this probably just increases the incidence among those already susceptible. However, it’s probably not a case of people who are susceptible to schizophrenia being more likely to smoke marijuana; I don’t think there are any defining characteristics of those who may end up with schizophrenia before they have their first psychic break.</p>
<p>It’s also worth noting that smoking marijuana does reduce short-term memory. Probably the worst health consequences for most are not the THC but the other toxins which you smoke with marijuana.</p>
<p>From a legal standpoint, it is in your system for up to a month and I believe you could be charged with a DUI if you are pulled over and you test for it. If you get into an accident, it could be considered vehicular homicide because you have the drug in your system, even if you are no longer high.</p>
<p>I think everyone is making a huge mountain out of a molehill. A gazillion kids smoke pot. I smoked pot back in the day, as did practically every single person I knew in high school and college. </p>
<p>17 states have already decriminalized it, fgs. The cops are not going to barge into the OP’s house because the kid has a small stash even in states where it’s not decriminalized. </p>
<p>The OP’s son got good grades in high school and did well enough to get into a top university so, imo, it doesn’t appear to be having any adverse affect on him and he will go off to college and probably smoke pot and do just fine. Seems silly to me to have a freak out and give kid all sorts of consequences and generally make his last month home miserable (and the parents) when it likely will do nothing to stop him from smoking once he is out of the house.</p>
<p>I don’t want anything illegal in my house. The probability of the cops searching my house for any reason is low. But if they were to, they would find no illegal substances. I prefer for it to stay that way.</p>
<p>I had some friends who lost their kids to CPS because of someone else’s drugs found in their home.</p>
<p>No thanks.</p>
<p>I know it’s a long shot risk - but I prefer to limit my risks.</p>
<p>Again it depends on the state OP lives because I’m pretty sure the kids at my son’s school don’t realize the risk they are taking with pot in Georgia:
Possession of 1 oz or more is a felony, punishable by 1-10 years in prison and a fine that is to be determined by the judge.</p>
<p>Possession of any amount within 1,000 feet of a school or other specified area (first offense) is a felony, punishable by 20 years in prison and a $20,000 fine, in addition to related penalties.</p>
<p>OP you are in a really tough situation.
I dont know what state you are in, I am in a state where both recreational and medical marijuana are legal. A few other states have medical marijuana and a few others have decriminalized it.</p>
<p>I am curious however, how much he tried to hide it and what you did to find it. I didn’t go into my teens rooms usually, they did their own laundry so I didn’t need to get into their drawers.
If he left it somewhere it could be easily found, that seems odd, and not a great way to start a dialogue. </p>
<p>Since he seems to have it together, I personally would give him slack, but obviously not everyone feels that way & if your state is hard a$$ed about it, your son needs to understand exactly what that means in the long run.
If he insists on using it & if he will be attending school in an area where they are unlikely to look the other way as long as they don’t burn down the dorms, I think it would be prudent to insist that he at least finds a college in a state where his use wont throw him in jail, even if that means he needs to take a gap year.</p>
<p>Here, ANY drug possession charge can result in a 6 month suspension of your drivers license. Possession of 2 oz. or less can get you 180 days in jail with a misdemeanor charge. More than 4, but less than 5 is a state jail felony, and can get you 180 days to 2 years in a state jail with a fine of up to $10,000.</p>
<p>You can be charged if it’s within your reach, or in an area you typically control. Even if you’re not convicted, the arrest goes on your record, and it’s a real pain in the butt, not to mention a big expense in court costs.</p>
<p>Here’s my experience with it. I certainly knew people who smoked pot in college and stopped afterwards and were fine.</p>
<p>There are two young men who are sitting in PRISON right now, who were raised in nice homes, private school, promising futures. Their lives have taken a horrible trajectory the day they thought it would be an easy way to make money in college. </p>
<p>A family member is addicted, and I don’t care what anyone says about it not being addicted. This smart, well educated person has sputtered through life in an almost arrested development way. A nice upbringing, started in hs, and is now way duller, less able to grasp new concepts, and keep up with modern working world. Not disastrous, certainly lowered his potential dramatically. It caused a way more chaotic life for the spouse and kids. </p>
<p>It’s just not a good idea. Aside from the legal issues you can’t guarantee who will and won’t have problems.</p>
<p>It looks to me as self-medicating. I’d have him getting therapy for stress management and figuring out some kind of drug education class to attend before leaving. Maybe it will help, maybe it won’t, but studies show the younger someone starts higher risk behavior with drugs and alcohol, the higher the chances are of addiction.</p>
<p>Decriminalizing it would also take power & money away from the cartels & perhaps we could spend some of that money on infrastucture or education.</p>
<p>I would agree that in most cases minors should not be using any substances. Then agsin, we currently write prescriptions for all kinds of psychotropic drugs that are given to minors, some much more harmful in the long run than marijuana.</p>
<p>Legalizing it, would permit more research so that the compounds that can aid pain relief or inflammation, or calm anxiety to be identified and isolated.</p>
<p>I really empathize with you OP. its one thing if you have an authentic change of heart, but since you haven’t- your son has put you in a very unpleasant position.</p>
<p>I agree with alot of Cromette’s comments. I would say that parents need a strategy. Clearly telling your son “not in the house” isn’t going to work on the other hand you don’t want the kid stashing the stash in the car (if he has one or access to one he uses regularly). That is courting even a bigger disaster and a greater change of getting caught if your area is not decriminalized. So the conversation is easiest to handle around the legal aspects and the health aspects. I also agree that if your son has depression and anxiety that is or can be medically validated working on those 2 issues may help him give up pot. Along with that conversation it is good to have the alcohol conversation, and if he’s using pot as an excuse not to drink then that is something you should have a strategy for. I did have one son who coped with high school drinking pressure by using pot. He got scooped up a few times in high school with kids who were drinking and always blew a zero and never got caught with pot on him. I have known other high school kids who did this so it’s not an alien concept and puts parents between a rock and a hard place, but all you can do is try to have an honest conversation that will result in a realistic outcome. I am for decriminalization of pot, I am for the drinking age returning to 18 and I am for extremely strict and punitive drinking and driving laws. But the ONLY position I have with my children is about what is legal and what is not and to work on a realistic boundaries for the family.</p>
<p>You told him you do not want it in the house, and explained the good reasons why.</p>
<p>He leaves it where you can find it again. </p>
<p>That’s strange. There are many places any resourceful teenager can hide it where you will not find it. I would ask him if 1) he is calling for help or 2) he is being very careless. </p>
<p>See what the answer is, and act accordingly.</p>
<p>Many kids smoke pot in college, agree to just keep an eye on mood and school performance. But kids do not leave it openly in their homes when their parents have asked them not to.</p>
<p>Lecturing probably won’t help and will just sound like the adults in the old Charlie Brown tv shows to him.</p>
<p>If it were my kid I would say that he has one chance in college. If he is suspended for drug use/possession, I wouldn’t help with expenses any more. No threats, just assurances of what will happen. He can make his choices, and you can make your own.</p>
<p>Since you are opposed to his breaking the law, you can also tell him that you will not pay for a defense attorney.</p>
<p>Not sure if your referring to CA as one of the states (with medical prescription). Please be aware that in CA., even with a prescription the CSU’s and the UC’s follow federal law and therefore will cite for marijuana. Not sure how it works at the privates. But, since it is still against federal law even states with lax laws can (and in certain places do) enforce Federal law.</p>
<p>The goal is not so much “no drugs in the house”, but “no ANYTHING in MY house that I say I don’t want in here”. </p>
<p>You tell a kid that you don’t want drugs, guns, guests you don’t know, parties while you are goine, alcohol, and he agrees, then goes right on ahead and brings whatever into the house. That to me, is the problem. </p>
<p>Where ever a homeowner draws the line as to what s/he does not want in his/her house, and an occupant agrees, and then deliberately breaches the agreement is the issue here. If this is how he treats any agreement he makes with you or others, that is a problem. I don’t care if a substance or anything is legal, if I say I don’t want it in my house, and make it clear to a person, and that person turns around and ignores what is said, yes, I think there is a big problem there. That it’s something illegal is also an issue. It’s your own business if you want to buy, use, stash pot or any illegal drug. It becomes mine when you bring it into my home when I don’t want it there and do told you and you understood what was being said and agreed.</p>
<p>Like Emilybee, I went to college in an era when smoking was more common than drinking. Everyone I knew who was a serious pot smoker back in the day went on to have normal, high functioning lives. Most quit smoking when they moved into the work world (and away from easy access to a supply),</p>
<p>At my kids’ H’S it seemed that drinking was more common than smoking, with several near misses (ER visits due to alcohol overdosing). No harmful effects related to pot smoking that Im aware of, one kid suspended for possession on campus.</p>
<p>At kids’ top 5 University the drinking/drugs policy is be safe. No one gets busted for having a party in their room as long as there is an open door.</p>
<p>Along with a minority of others posting here I am bewildered by the draconian tone of many responses. The spectre of jail, mental illness, expulsion, death etc. just seems so completely at odds with my lived experience. I’m curious about what others’ experiences have been.</p>
<p>(FYI an oz. of pot would supply a casual smoker for a good long time. Anyone possessing more than an oz. is likely dealing and that is a whole 'nother ball game.)</p>
<p>Picking up on jasmom’s post #34- a single conviction for drug possession makes one ineligible for any federal student aid for a year or until an approved drug rehab program is completed. This includes Pell, work-study, loans, etc. You can read about it on FAFSA website. Don’t know if this applicable to OP.</p>
<p>Also, if there are any scholarships, need to read the terms carefully. In addition to the common GPA and credit hour requirements for renewal, there is often a provision for automatic revocation of scholarship for any university code of conduct violation that results in suspension. Also at my D’s school at least, the violation need not have occurred on campus.</p>
<p>Kids should be encouraged to understand that yes it CAN happen to you and you are NOT invincible. People do get arrested for this all the time. Penalties may be minor for a first conviction in some states, harsh in others. Anyway, it behooves people to know what they might face, go in with eyes open.</p>
<p>Point about schizophrenia is well-taken. Pot is a known trigger in susceptible individuals, as is psilocybin mushrooms. If there is any family history, this is something to talk about with your son.</p>
You can use the fiber for rope & fabric and excess can be put into the compost pile, instead of being worried that your meds will end up in the water supply.