<p>“If sharing a bedroom with a student of the opposite sex is not your idea of appropriate college housing for your son or daughter, beware. The college or university to which you have just sent a deposit may have other ideas.”</p>
<p>S’s school, Dartmouth, allows opposite gender students to room together, out of tolerance for the gay, lesbian and transgender students enrolled. The school did not inform parents of this provision, which is a recent change apparently, and so I was shocked when S told me he could have roomed with his girlfriend this year if he had wanted to. Thankfully he didn’t, or he’d now be completely financing his own education! Just like in the Stanford case, the problem goes beyond the housing policy itself–it’s the lack of information about it which is most offensive because it deprives parents of the choice to reject an institution which does not uphold their moral values.</p>
<p>What was Alfred E. Newman’s famous line? “What me worry?” </p>
<p>Its yet another attack upon traditional values by the illuminati in our so called institutions of higher learning. But what are they really teaching us?</p>
<p>I do not support what these parents have chosen to do…to not fund their daughter’s final quarter of senior year at Stanford. They are changing the agreement with their daughter. Yes, the school’s policy changed while their D was attending. But they are taking that out on their daughter, in my opinion, late in the game.</p>
<p>While I agree that the parents funding their child’s education should know the school’s housing policies regarding same-sex rooms, don’t you think it’s a little extreme to cut off a child’s funding for their final quarter of school? How many schools don’t even allow Senior transfers? And would there not be some moral quandry to be found at most schools?</p>
<p>I cross posted with GFG but as far as parents being deprived of the choice to reject an institution that does not uphold their moral values…the fact is, the policy can change while your child is a student at a college, such as in the case of this senior in the article. Would you pull your student from a college in their senior year when a policy changed to not be of your liking? There are other solutions such as another dorm or apartment off campus too.</p>
<p>While the D may not have been as vigilant as she should have been about taking care of her housing situation herself instead of leaving it to a proxy, it doesn’t seem that she is completely to blame here. So I also think the parents’ decision is extreme, but there may be more to this than the article makes clear, ie that the girl didn’t really take steps to avoid this.</p>
<p>Right, soozie, there’s not much you can do if the policy changes midstream. But if you know it’s changing, you can warn your own child and see to it that s/he find appropriate housing. The parents in the article weren’t able to do that.</p>
<p>Wow. I still can’t understand why any school would have co-ed bathrooms–now this? It’s just weird. How many teenage girls would even share a bedroom AT HOME with their teenage BROTHERS? Another odd thing is “changing rooms every quarter”–who would want to do that? </p>
<p>That said, I’d want my D to finish her last quarter and hope she can work something out.</p>
<p>My dorm when I was an undergrad had co-ed bathrooms, and it was a big fat non-issue. Seriously, nobody cared, nobody thought it was strange. I liked it that way - more bathrooms available, friendlier environment for trans students.</p>
<p>As far as rooming goes, I think that students ought to be allowed to choose a different-gender roommate if they want, but I think it should be voluntary.</p>
<p>Good grief fellow parents, what do you think is going on in a dorm or apartment? If your kid has a BF / GF most of the time they are spending the night together. It was that way 20 years ago when I was in college too. Perhaps this is a case of “do as I say, not as I did?”.</p>
<p>That having been said I think it is a bad idea for a couple to room together in a dorm. Too many of them break up and then you have a real mess on your hands.</p>
<p>I don’t agree with Stanford apparently violating their own policy and forcing this arrangement on the young lady. That is wrong. But I also disagree with the assertion in the article that Stanford should have notified the parents. Have those parents read the privacy laws that apply when their children turn 18? Parents don’t have access to the child’s grades, medical records, school billing, etc without written permission of their legally adult child. Why would this be any different?</p>
<p>Mixed-gender groups have been sharing apartments off-campus for decades, and nobody has been howling about that. However, in most cases that I know of, members of the opposite sex who are not romantically involved do not share bedrooms within those apartments. I suppose, though, in situations involving LGBT students, sharing a bedroom with a member of the opposite sex might be a non-issue, and putting two or more people in a bedroom can significantly decrease the cost of off-campus living. </p>
<p>As for the Stanford case, I think it would be pretty difficult to have sex in a room shared by two girls and two guys. It would be far easier to do so in a single bedroom – even a single in a single-sex dorm – which nobody finds objectionable.</p>
<p>The parents are punishing their daughter for the behavior of the school. The more appropriate course would be to pay for the final quarter to fulfill their promises to her but then sue the school for a refund for violating their agreement.</p>
<p>If daughter wants her parents to pay for her final semester… she should file a complaint. </p>
<p>However, this kid is a senior in college. She should be fighting her own battles at this point. It seems to me this Mom is a control freak of sorts and I think it’s telling that the daughter gave her proxy to another student and left the organization of her life to another. Obviously, she is used to her mother doing things for her regardless. And… can you imagine these parents paying for 3.5 years and saying… nope not going to do it. You can forget your degree.</p>
<p>Sheesh… get off your high horse. This is your daughter’s experience, not yours. Punish the University by writing the article and using the press. But don’t punish your daughter UNLESS SHE KNEW AND IS LYING. </p>
<p>My question is… what’s with the misspelling of parents? Parens is the abbreviation for parenthesis. Also… board is food. The reference by her sister that she is paying for board in a closet… unless she’s eating in the closet, it’s ROOM and Board. </p>
<p>About co-ed bathroom. I think those become more a function of brushing your teeth and most schools that have those actually also have gender specific bathrooms as well. However, I would imagine that boys have less of an issue with this than girls (or their parents).</p>
<p>modadunn, that’s what I was getting at. The dd seems passive in the situation, and I wonder if that’s because it’s something she really wants but doesn’t want the parents to know.</p>
<p>“As we told the president of the university, if Stanford had informed us that it was allowing such housing, we would have required her either to transfer out or to find another source of funding.”</p>
<p>Wha? Just the fact that Stanford was allowing it would be a deal-breaker for this mom? Even if the daughter wasn’t living in the co-ed housing? What a horrible thing to do to a third-quarter senior. And what an absurd standard – guess what, Mom, rampant gay sex was going on all over the Stanford campus during the 3.5 years you paid for. But I guess the sex is all right – it’s the proximity of beds that’s immoral.</p>
<p>“There will probably be plenty of families willing to bet their children’s happiness on the prestige of a Stanford degree. We, however, are not among them.”</p>
<p>Right, right, because this is all about the child’s happiness. It’s going to make her really happy to have to quit school ten weeks before graduation. Some people need to send their kids to Bob Jones and be done with it.</p>