<p>Leave it to the National Review to take a case of bureaucratic incompetence (about which the mom is justifiably outraged) and turn it into a conspiratorial assault on all that makes America great. And I agree with others who say the daughter shouldn’t be punished - Stanford will still get the money.</p>
<p>And, as an aside: did this mother truly think that an education at Stanford would rubber-stamp, rather than challenge, her daughter’s “values?”</p>
<p>I think the DD is probably being passive because she knows she can’t win with these controlling parents. Last quarter senior year? She is probably over 21 and it’s not about their morals. Like any senior she chose housing where she knew the norms. Outrageous and hypocritical to withold funding, do they really think half the campus wasn’t living together before this policy?</p>
<p>monadunn, parens is not misspelled. It is part of a Latin phrase, with “caveat.” Caveat parens means “parents beware!” or “Parents, Watch Out!”</p>
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<p>As usual, coureur and I are in hopeless agreement.:)</p>
<p>Yes, I agree that’s part of the passivity, too. That dd really doesn’t give a damn about it (or somehow orchestrated it) and is too scared to stand up to her parents.</p>
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<p>“Parens” is Latin for “parents” - in keepng with the Latin phrase “caveat ______.” In this case literally “Parents beware.”</p>
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I hope you don’t think that not “rooming” together in any way prevents them from sleeping in the same bed!</p>
<p>Does this mother think that boys and girls can’t room together without an official policy? I’m a parent and when I was in college it happened, even though it was “against the rules.” Here’s how it worked: Two boys agree to room in a double. Girl gets a single. (the three people agreed beforehand). In reality, the girl moves into the double with her boyfriend. The other boy gets the single that the girl was supposed to be in. They are all on the same hall. I’m sure similar things still happen. Does this mother think that kids will or won’t have sex just because of the rooming situation? Will her daughter really be corrupted by living with a guy for 3 months? I think some students have proposed gender neutral housing because they say the way it is now discriminates against heterosexuals, i.e. two gay students who are romantically linked can room together, but two heterosexuals can’t.</p>
<p>I hope I’m not deluding myself, but when ds goes off to college, I just don’t want to know any of this stuff. I can’t imagine that when he is one quarter from graduating that I will be so wrapped up in his living arrangments. But I could be wrong. Check back with me in five years.</p>
<p>How hard would it really be for her to just get one loan for her final term? I mean, it wouldn’t be a cakewalk, but it should be doable since she is going to one of the best schools in the country.</p>
<p>For me, it would be a modesty and comfort issue. I think your room should be a place where you can wear as little clothes as you feel comfortable with and be able to change right there - not in a bathroom. Also, boys tend to be a bit smellier and messier then girls. (My opinion as the mother of two boys and one girl.) I’m not saying I wouldn’t room with one but I would want it to be my choice. Sometimes, I would prefer that my husband and I have separate rooms. ;)</p>
<p>For the record, I also don’t agree that the parents should have punished the daughter by withdrawing her. I also agree that by senior year, this was the daughters battle to fight.</p>
<p>In college, I moved into my boyfriend’s single in my sophomore year (I had roommate problems). No one at the school said a word to me. My mother knew where I was living. She did not say a word either. A 20 yo woman really has the right to pick her own living arrangements. Sheesh!</p>
<p>I sgree, kathiep, which is why I think she must have chosen this arrangement.</p>
<p>4 kids in a room!? Wow. And I thought a triple was the kiss of death. Last time I heard of a quad, it was when I was looking for cheap B& B’s in London.</p>
<p>And maybe I missed something, but the parents made the daughter move out to an “all-girls” room and THEN yanked her funding? Because Stanford is immoral? Maybe that was the only way for Mom to get the story published.</p>
<p>I do think that kids have a right to room with their own sex if that makes them more comfortable.</p>
<p>As far as I know as a parent of a recent graduate, kids choose their living arrangements and their roommates after the freshman year at Stanford (and in freshman year the rooms are never coed. There are some coed floors, and some single-sex floors; the coed ones are in much higher demand, so whoever wants a single-sex floor their freshman year, gets it.)</p>
<p>Gosh that mom is honestly the worst… And she thinks what she did was totally the right thing. Unbelievable! I hope that D took a loan and got on with the real stuff… Education</p>
<p>When my husband and I went to college in the early 70s, the dorms were co-ed - some dorms had co-ed bathrooms. Some people roomed with their boyfriend/girlfriends. I figured this was the norm since both of our schools were like this. These were both very small LACs.
Opposite sexes (or gay or lesbians) rooming together seems preferable to me to “sleeping over” in which one roommate is subjected to the actions of the other - and sleeping over happens in every college in the nation - like it or not - and has been since I was in school and probably years before that.
I AM surprised by the story. Because communally housing coeds in one bedroom without their “choice” seems strange. I wonder if the daughter really did not “know” who her roomates would be, or of this is what she wants her parents to think.
College is a big wake-up call for most kids. This is where former strong parenting skills will hopefully pay off as our kids make choices that we cannot affect.</p>
<p>Why can’t she just get an off-campus living arrangement? I would expect seniors to prefer off-campus anyways.</p>
<p>Those parents are a nightmare. It’s not their ethics, it’s their logic that is alarming. </p>
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<p>Thank you!</p>
<p>I agree that the daughter knew what she was doing, this wasn’t an oversight or a mistake. It’s probably her way of exercising her independence from overbearing parents. That said, I think co-ed rooms are not a great idea for the general student population or for those who don’t specifically WANT to room with the opposite gender. But if someone wants to do it (and lets get real, people do it all the time unofficially) I don’t really care. It’s the holding back of tuition on moral grounds that makes the article seem iffy to me, like an exaggeration for dramatic purposes.
When we agreed to finance D’s education it was with the expectation that she study and graduate, we aren’t using it as a means to control her “morals”. In fact, I haven’t been happy with her choice of housing/roommates either, she skipped the dorms and has always lived with boys (random apartment dwellers, a boyfriend, a homosexual friend, etc.) and she has learned from it. Entering her final year she is now moving into a townhouse with 3 other girls. She swears she won’t live with a guy again unless she gets married and she has no other choice.</p>