Caveat Parens

Parents Forum
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<p>I also think the d purposefully deceived her parents with intent. Most young girls would not share bedroom with unknown(not having a clue who they were) males willingly. I don’t care what they say. Yeah share an apartment, but same bedroom, no don’t think so.</p>

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<p>From the article, "She didn’t ask for this room arrangement. She missed the room meeting because she had a friend visiting from the East Coast. She appointed a proxy, and said she wanted a room with no smoking and no sex in the room, but she didn’t ask for a single-sex room.” </p>

<p>You have to read the article - this is NOT about a student requesting a room with her boyfriend and then having her Mom object. It’s about being randomly put in a room with one other girl and two guys that she doesn’t really know. At least that’s what the daughter told the Mom. The dorm in question sounds like a specialty dorm, where the students do the cooking. Many colleges now are going to residential housing for all four years.</p>

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<p>Caveat parens means parental (patriarchal) problems… it is not a mispelling as one you said.</p>

<p>I don’t think the university has any reason to take someone’s religious beliefs as something they need to provide for… they shouldn’t discriminate but they shouldn’t bend over backwards for people who claim that this is wrong.
Also, how do they know the roommates aren’t transgender? I thought one of the reasons they were complaining was becasue they have to go to the bathroom to change?</p>

<p>National Review/Conservatism/Biases = FAIL</p>

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Maybe Mom’s stocks weren’t doing so well.</p>

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<p>That’s the key.</p>

<p>Personal story: I was first in my family to go to college. My parents didn’t know the ropes and trusted me. I told them that as a junior transfer I was required to live off-campus as the freshmen were guaranteed housing in the dorms. My parents said OK. Of course, the real reason I told them that is because I had a much-older bf and wanted to see him when and where I wanted.</p>

<p>Now, COULD I have told my parents the truth? Yeah, but then all those college funds would have had to pay for my funeral. Sometimes, it’s easier for the kid to lie to the parents, and I can’t help but think some of that is going on here.</p>

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<p>Thank you EngProfMom… I googled, parens for that very reason, and came up with the abbreviation. Should have done the whole phrase. </p>

<p>So the mother is smart enough to come up with a latin phrase for the title. Too bad she is also trapped in antiquity with her parenting style as well.</p>

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<p>I think we can credit a good headline writer, not the mom. :)</p>

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<p>I don’t think I know one girl out there that wouldn’t show up for the room assignment day, especially when there is a chance of rooming with 3 other people. No girl is that easy going. When my daughter was getting her room assignment at her sorority house…the planning that into it, you would it was a strategy to invade China.</p>

<p>At the same time, if the morality was not for sale, then put the money where her mouth is, get an off campus apartment for the daughter for 3 months. If the daughter refused to move out, then I maybe would have considered to do something drastic.</p>

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<p>Wow, this mother sounds like a nightmare. What a crappy job setting up a straw-man doomsday scenario to try and demonize gender-neutral housing. Sucks that she had to cause financial problems for her daughter to further her political agenda.</p>

<p>I don’t know of a single school with gender-neutral housing that puts people with random different-sex roommates unless they’ve specifically opted in. With the co-op the article talks about, I’d say it’s a fair bet the every-quarter room switches aren’t officially logged with the university, and mixed-sex rooms have probably been happening there under-the-radar (but known to everyone) for years, even before the gender-neutral housing pilot existed. It also makes perfect sense that Stanford wouldn’t act on a complaint from someone who wasn’t party to the housing agreement, and it doesn’t sound like the daughter was actually unhappy with the living arrangements–I would bet that all the stuff about her sleeping on a futon in an all-girl room was a farce to keep the peace with her parents.</p>

<p>The UChicago policy mentioned at the beginning of the article sounds absolutely spot-on. Why should parents automatically have the right to know who their kids are living with? Reminds me of the story of Michelle Obama’s roommate’s family freaking out that their daughter was living with a black girl. There are plenty of scenarios where parents knowing their child was living with someone of the “opposite” sex would be harmful–what if the student is transgender, but not out to his or her parents? If parents are notified of rooming arrangements, you give trans kids who aren’t ready to tell their parents a choice between living in same-sex mixed-gender rooms, which might create uncomfortable situations on campus, or disclosing to parents before they’re ready. No win scenario there.</p>

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<p>My parents did that to me when I was a freshman in college. My original roommate’s name was Gardenia. And my mother actually called the school and asked for a room change. I have no idea what she said, but I was completely mortified. Thing is, I ended up in a quad room that was miserable and when I met my almost room mate she was incredibly nice and we would have gotten along perfectly fine. To this day, my mother insists it was an order handed down by my father’s mother whose trust was helping pay for my education. Still… even if that were true, my mother had to have opened up her mouth so she knew. Granted this was in 79 and there was no such thing as the family privacy act so parents knew everything – even our grades! Imagine that?</p>

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<p>First of all, this lady graduated from Yale? Yuck.</p>

<p>Secondly, I hate that this is being promoted as a thing “for lesbian and gay students” in many schools. Frankly, I’m a lesbian, and the idea of rooming with a man is absolutely disturbing to me–I think I would be miserable. I certainly do not feel more comfortable with men than women, and I think that’s a dumb stereotype perpetuated by one “kind” of lesbian that should stop.</p>

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<p>A dumb sterotype? Spread by one “kind” of lesbian? So the requests for this option that came from gay and lesbians students and the rave reviews written about it by gay and lesbian students are all a hoax being perpetuated by that one “kind” of lesbian?</p>

<p>My, my, those women must be very busy.</p>

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<p>May 4, 2009 NationalReview Online, “Caveat Parens.” Mother describes Stanford’s “gender neutral housing” which has her daughter sharing a bedroom with a girl and two boys. She has to dress in the bathroom. Parents worried about safety given stories of alcohol fueled sexual predation. Daughter says that one of two boys is a “happy drunk.” U Chicago planning same thing and won’t necessarily tell parent. </p>

<p>Author thinks Stanford has violated housing contract and will not pay last quarter’s tuition.</p>

<p><a href=“http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YTk5NGFjOTY3YjFmYmIxNzY3NThmMWJjNTU3OTMyMTM=&w=MA==[/url]”>http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YTk5NGFjOTY3YjFmYmIxNzY3NThmMWJjNTU3OTMyMTM=&w=MA==&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Can she do so without her parents co-signing? I’ve known people who were trying to get out from under control-freak parents to run into problems with this. Perhaps it would be easier for a senior who’s soon expected to have a well-paying job.</p>

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<p>exactly, no girl is that easy going.
My d and friends are already planning the decor for their next years suite. Invading China is an appropriate description of the room planning girls do.</p>

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<p>“The dorm in question sounds like a specialty dorm, where the students do the cooking.”</p>

<p>Sounds to me like this is one of the crunchy alterna-houses at Stanford (they’re the only ones referred to as co-ops). The fact that it is run by “consensus” is another clue that we’re dealing with a lefty crowd. Room draw within a co-op is handled by the co-op community, not by university housing.</p>

<p>Can someone from Stanford tell us whether it’s possible for a student to be randomly placed in a co-op house? My understanding was that you had to sign up for them, and that you even had to participate in some house chores in order to be eligible to apply. If this mom had instilled her “moral values” in her kid, the daughter wouldn’t have signed up to live in the Enchanted Broccoli Forest, Synergy, or their sister houses. ([columbae</a> [Stanford Cooperatives]](<a href=“http://www.stanford.edu/group/coop/cgi-bin/wiki/doku.php?id=columbae]columbae”>http://www.stanford.edu/group/coop/cgi-bin/wiki/doku.php?id=columbae))</p>

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<p>It requires an advanced degree to understand Stanford’s housing process. Seriously, it is way complicated. It might by possible to be randomly assigned into a co-op, but I don’t know how likely.</p>

<p>As far as Gender Neutral housing, people should get used to it because it will be the norm within 10 years. At every school I’ve seen it at, it isn’t assigned randomly. Also, in most cases it isn’t romantically linked students requesting it.</p>

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<p>The parents need to realize that she is an adult and she is responsible for her own decisions. If she wishes to live in a room with other males, then it’s her choice. If she is in fact being truthful about not choosing this living arrangement, then I do believe it’s grounds to contest the school’s decision. It’s not right for any university to force co-ed living on the individual student.</p>

<p>It’s wrong for a mother to enforce morality on her child’s decision and it is not up to the school to change the students decision based on how disgruntle the mother is acting. Unfortunately for those students that have overbearing-controlling parents, they may be denied funding on the grounds of morality. Is it right? No, but it is their money. I hope she can get a loan for her last semester. To deny her a degree simply because she shares different values is sickening to me.</p>

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<p>In my day it was just about impossible to end up in one of the co-ops unless you wanted to be there. I think that Stanford practiced a sort of don’t ask, don’t tell policy with regard to them. I’m wondering if the girl in question cooked up a story for her parents to explain her living situation because of an imminent visit by mom. If so it sure backfired!</p>

<p>Why is the mom so insecure about the values she has taught her daughter that she finds them threatened by the mere proximity of boys? Not that I would like to room with them - not after smelling my son’s room after a sleep-over. Two boys in a room with a closed door equals unbearable smell of dirty feet.</p>

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<p>Gender neutral housing has been openly discussed at UChicago for some time:</p>

<p>[Student</a> Government Blog Open Forum on Gender Neutral Housing with Kim](<a href=“http://sg.uchicago.edu/blog/2008/05/18/open-forum-on-gender-neutral-housing-with-kim/]Student”>http://sg.uchicago.edu/blog/2008/05/18/open-forum-on-gender-neutral-housing-with-kim/)</p>

<p>Here is the current, quite openly stated, policy, Gender neutral housing is NOT required:

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<p>It is the student’s decision and one would hope a student would inform their parent’s of the decision, it is not really the place of the University to do so (and is probably not legal).</p>