<p>Allow me to doubt both the perspective of the mom and of the daughter. The writing is so biased that it is hard for me to tell apart irrational fears and actual concerns about possible problems. I think that everyone is overreacting and there is always something to be done. I also believe that the daughter is passive and waits for mom to fix stuff for her: if it were such a great problem for her, she would have pressed harder for solving this issue, made some noise about in the co-op or the community itself. Forgive my lack of trust in human kind.</p>
<p>Plus, what exactly is “common sense morals”? And they are not for sale. Yeah, great morals. If it makes them happy to add such pressure to their daughter in her final quarter of study, fine: still, it’s stupid and rash. If it was only money that could do the talking, then this is just a short, angry sentence that is not going to do much. A quarter is too short to significantly affect the university. To me, cutting back the money and saying that this is done in order to have an impact on the school is just a pathetic excuse, hiding another impulse: to punish their daughter.<br>
I am not even going to comment on these morals… No, I will. What does the co-ed dorm with gender-neutral rooms has to do with them? Does this woman imply that her daughter can only uphold her morals in a clean environment? Then these would not be too much of morals, to begin with.</p>
<p>Holy shift, such a mother is scarier than a co-op.</p>
<p>I didn’t know a lot of passive types at Stanford who waited for mom to fix things for them. They wouldn’t do well there. Posing as one might be a reasonable tactic for keeping mom under control, however.</p>
<p>I’m going to bet that the loan this student has to take out to buy her freedom from her parents will be the best money she will ever spend.</p>
<p>Marinmom, That would be my concern. To know that my 21 year old child was going out into the world beyond college without the confidence to speak her mind? Of course, I can only imagine how well disenting opinions go over in her family home. No wonder she’s not developed that skill fully.</p>
<p>I have no problem with people choosing to share rooms with people of the opposite sex. My daughter has a couple of gay male friends that she would have been fine sharing with if she had to share with anyone (she likes her own space). But to be made to share a bedroom with a member of the opposite sex that you don’t even know - I would be very uncomfortable with that.</p>
<p>I certainly don’t think it’s a hoax. I just think that lesbians that tend to be towards the more “butch” or “out” side tend to be more vocal. Those people requesting it and giving it rave reviews tend to be more “butch.” I know plenty of lesbians, myself included, who would feel very uncomfortable living with men, and I’m tired of people assuming that because I’m gay I must like to hang around with guys all the time and/or am not feminine.</p>
<p>I’m sure having people make those assmptions must get very tiring. You’d hope they’d understand it’s just one option among many that might be right for one person but not for another. </p>
<p>Hopefully a side effect of more visability will be the ability to see that gays and lesbians are individuals. Here’s to the idea that that happens sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>MarinMom - posing as one is still being passive for me because it is not real dealing with problems. Of course, that’s just my opinion. Plus, we don’t know whether she did well or just reached senior year, or something in between, as well as that her being at Stanford does not guarantee being “active”. It’s likely, but not sure.</p>
<p>My husband’s aunt and uncle refused to pay for their daughter’s housing some years ago when they found out she was in a coed dorm. They simply did not want to support that situation.</p>
<p>The issue of the young lady at Stanford is that she did not get her room paperwork and process down in a timely and proper manner. When that happens, you are only left with whatever rooms that are available, and that is something covered in the housing contracts. My son found himself in a quad one his sophomore year for the same reason. Any sophomore or other upper classman is not going to find himself in that situation unless he did not get the room request and process done on schedule. In many cases, you may not even end up with a room. You missed the boat.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want my kids sharing a bedroom with someone of the opposite sex. Am still old fashioned that way. Why should I pay for something that bothers me enough that I don’t want to support it? I would assist my student in finding off campus housing if the college offerings did not meet my standards.</p>
<p>1) This girl chose funky coop living arrangements that she enjoys </p>
<p>2) and then felt she had to tell her known-to-be-reactionary mom she was stuck with this oh-my-goodness-so-unusual room arrangement for her final quarter</p>
<p>3) and her mom didn’t like it (which the daughter could have predicted)</p>
<p>4) and then her mother wrote about it (which the daughter probably did not expect). </p>
<p>I think that in a few posts, or in a few hours, someone who really knows how Stanford housing works will explain how/why the sequence of events that occurred really could not have been a shock to the daughter.</p>
<p>College is all about teaching kids to make smart choices, hopefully based on the values that you instilled in them over the previous 18 years. I think National Review mom should relax a little and trust that her daughter has internalized the values she was raised with.</p>
<p>It is not unreasonable that parents paying college tuition should have expectations and standards. All of the posters who say “the daughter is an adult and should be able to do what she wants” - I agree absolutely, as long as she is paying for the privilege. College tuition, especially $50,000/year at a private college, is a huge GIFT, not a RIGHT. Most parents are sacrificing a lot to pay college tuition - if the student does not respect whatever “strings” may come along with that sacrifice, they should get a job and take out loans and pay their own way.</p>
<p>I find it hard to believe that if the daughter went to the housing office at Stanford and said she was uncomfortable living in a mixed-gender dorm the university wouldn’t make sure she had another options. Interesting that the mom didn’t try to reach any spokesperson for the university before writing her piece. (If this were my daughter and she were doing something contrary to my values, I would similarly refuse to fund her education. But this is a mother-daughter issue, not something to blame the university for.)</p>
<p>My son’s school (Brown U) has this option. My son opted to live in a suite with 5 single bedrooms. Some were guys, some girls. They shared a bathroom. He had to sign a separate gender neutral contract in order to do this - and the bedrooms themselves were not shared. But the option is there for kids who want to share a double. BUT Brown strongly discourages “couples” from sharing a dorm room. Morals aside - imagine breaking up half way through the semester. Not good. I think I remember reading that less than 10 people opted to “share” a room in this way. </p>
<p>Sharing a bathrooom wasn’t a big deal for my son. His dorm (freshman year) had a large, single bathroom for every 4 kids. Only one kid uses it at a time and there is a lock on the door, just like a bathroom in your home. All four kids had their own space to store items and hang their bath towels. It was always clean when we visited - much cleaner than the guys large shared bathrooms in my daughter’s college. I really can’t say if he shared with girls but his dorm was a mix of girls and guys (by room) so I’m sure some bathrooms were shared. Not a big deal. I’m sure the boys were expected (trained) to keep them clean… I think it’s funny someone said her daughters wouldn’t dream of sharing a bathroom with her sons. Guess we don’t have that luxury in our house (although there are times I wish I had my own bathroom).</p>
<p>Wow - 3 roommates in one room? This alone would be a problem for me; Do last quarter seniors have no work to do? no need for rest? Personally, I have no problem with folks rooming with who they choose, but this is up to those kids and their families. I would not let my own kid room with a love interest, or a member of the other sex, non love interest. I think it is tough enough to share with a same sex roommate, non romantic type. I would not want to subsidize what I consider to be a bad decision. If the relationship with the love interest goes sour, what about the living situation? No need to be that close all the time. I never liked coed bathrooms, and well coed dorm rooms for those not seeking them, much worse.</p>
<p>BCEagle, you ask why she doesn’t just live off campus. At Stanford, only 5% of undergrads live off campus, mainly due to how expensive it is to live in Palo Alto. On-campus housing is guaranteed for all four undergrad years.</p>
<p>Actually, giving it some thought, I think the Brown bathroom situation is incredibly smart. What I loved most about my son’s first girlfriend was how she taught him to be a good boyfriend. Seriously. You can tell your son all kinds of things, but he will reduce himself to whatever the girl accepts. And when it comes to the bathroom, I am sure those girls in the group were like… shut the lid, hang up your towel… and since there is no love or emotion there, they learn common courtesy and their future wives will be forever grateful for the most valuable thing they learned in college.</p>