<p>on coed bathrooms- my daughters college had them and it was a non issue.
Freshman year her dorm was very small- less than 30 students I think, and most rooms were either singles or divided doubles ( two rooms- one hallway door)</p>
<p>The bathrooms were clean- allowed for plenty of privacy, family style.
People wore robes or whatever they were comfortable with- they also had dorm meetings to deal with issues regarding - bathrooms or anything else.
I was very comfortable with the behavior of the students, so much so that I allowed my younger daughter ( who was 11 when older D was freshman) to visit her sister through graduation, only at first did I accompany her to Portland.</p>
<p>I believe that rooming with a sig other was rare although it did occur.
The biggest problem seemed to be, what do you do when you break up?
Sig others of course can be opposite or same sex- conflicts are similar.</p>
<p>I don’t believe colleges should require students to take rooms with opposite sex- there must be some choice involved.</p>
<p>Well, let’s see. Re-evaluating traditional values put an end to slavery, gave women the vote, and put an end to Jim Crow laws that created two levels of citizenry. The “traditional values” that my parents taught me in the ‘60s included squandering girls’ intellectual potential, segregating public schools by race, and villifying gay young people to the point that their suicide rate reached six times that of straight young people.</p>
<p>Civilization is an either-or proposition; it’s a process that has gone on for as long as humans have existed. That’s what higher learning is discovering and teaching - the ongoing process of civilization and humane values.</p>
<p>“I think National Review mom should relax a little and trust that her daughter has internalized the values she was raised with.”</p>
<p>Agreed…but I bet that’s the problem. Mom knows that she’s losing the battle to shape her daughter in her own image, so she wants Stanford to do her job for her. Too late, Mom. You’re not gonna keep 'em down on the farm after they’ve seen Paree.</p>
<p>Yeah, but this is worse if you’re living off-campus. It is much easier to get your dorm assignment changed than to break a lease. </p>
<p>Sharing bathrooms with the opposite sex has little to do with whether or not the dorm is co-ed and a lot to do with how it is laid out. My daughter currently lives in a co-ed dorm where the rooms are assigned to men and women pretty much at random. But there are two large women’s bathrooms and two large men’s bathrooms on each floor, so there is no reason for anyone to ever use a bathroom assigned to the opposite sex. In contrast, one year my son lived in a dorm where his section was all men, and it was a long, long walk to the women’s bathroom in the other section of the building. Female guests used the allegedly all-male bathroom all the time. Heck, even I used it when I was helping him move in and out.</p>
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<p>Lots of kids with same sex roommates dress in the bathroom, too. Nothing wrong with that. Some people like their privacy.</p>
<p>I think it all goes on a matter of trust. It sounds like this mom doesn’t trust her D. When my oldest was in his 2nd year, he lived on a co-ed floor. The floor voted to let the girls us the bathroom on their floor (bathrooms alternated sex on each floor). If a girl was uncomfortable using a mixed bathroom, they’d have to just walk down one floor. I think the only inconvenience was they had to announce themselves when entering as a courtesy.</p>
<p>My youngest is entering a college with trans gender housing available. The only reason I knew about it is because it was on the housing form (he didn’t check the box). I don’t think it would have been a problem with us since we trust him, but we’d definitely talk about it before he goes.</p>
<p>I’m 100% for gender-mixed housing. I’m transgender and having access to it would make my housing situation a big non-issue. It’s also good for guys and girls who have nonsexual relationships to be able to live with each other. Sometimes the best roomie possibility is not of your gender – I see this happen on school trips all the time, and it’s only magnified when it’s an all-year arrangement.</p>
<p>But if Stanford put that girl in a gender-mixed room without her consent, well, that’s weird. I can totally understand someone’s discomfort with living with someone of another gender, and it should ALWAYS be an opt-in situation.</p>
<p>Edited to explain: I’m a hs junior, not a parent.</p>
<p>The morals and values of our country is already declining. Many universities are already showing their lack of morals as well. It’s one thing to choose roommates of the opposite sex in private housing but to have to deal with it at colleges too. As long as parents are financing their sons/daughters education, they should have a say in these dorm situations. I know most of the kids are 18 years old but if these kids want it and the parents don’t … then kids finance your own education Period.</p>
<p>Right – and besides, I like having a roommate! Also, I’m not going to be able to apply to any of the schools in the South because I’d be concerned about living arrangements. I like Southern culture and I’m sad to be missing out.</p>
<p>I graduated from college 30+ years ago and lived in a coed suite where we shared a bathroom. It was no big deal. We had a sign on the door that identified who could and couldn’t go in at any time. I had gone to an all girl’s boarding school and really wanted coed living! Also, my parents lived nearby and I was sure that the bathroom situation would be enough to keep my mother from dropping in on me. It was.</p>
<p>I am not talking about Stanford placing the student into a co-ed without her knowledge of that (I don’t know if it’s true, but if it is then it’s a different story), but am I the only one who finds the “we pay for her tuition, so we are the ones to choose who she rooms with” argument TERRIBLY WRONG? So if you pay her tuition and don’t like black people, you can just say “yo daughter, I don’t want you to room with that, um, you get the point”? Or could you say “he is Muslim so I am thinking you should look for another roommate”??</p>
<p>*
The morals and values of our country is already declining.*
Proof?
Higher % young people continuing their education- delaying marriage & waiting to have children than what I remember 30 years ago.
More opportunities for women and minorities in the workplace and military, more emphasis on community participation and * community* in the schools and colleges as well as neighborhoods.
More emphasis on conservation of local and natural resources, humane treatment of animals and a recognition that life on this planet does not begin and end with our little world.</p>
<p>What sort of values and " morals" do you prefer?</p>
<p>Parents need to face up to the fact that their children are in COLLEGE. If they want to, they can sleep in a BED with a person of the opposite sex every night. Parents just have to trust that they have taught their kids well enough that the kid will do the right thing, and make safe and responsible choices. Then, the parents need to BREATH, and think a little… even at 18, just because you room with a member of the opposite sex does not mean there is something going on. And then they should think again… what were THEY doing when they were in college? Did living in a single-sex room stop them?</p>
<p>Of course parents don’t have to pay for their child’s or childrens’ education(s). Even more, refusing to help finance a child’s education is such a responsible, mature thing to do!</p>
<p>What is disturbing is not that this supposedly intelligent person has stopped paying for Stanford, it is that there are people in America who think of her as “moral” and “right.”</p>
<p>Not sure if someone else said “daughters wouldn’t dream of sharing a BATHroom with sons”</p>
<p>What I said was that teenage girls wouldn’t share a BEDroom with teenage brothers.</p>
<p>I have 7 kids and they all share bathrooms–but not at the same time. My teenage S wouldn’t walk in to brush his teeth while teenage D is taking a shower, for example, even if he can’t see through the shower curtain. ( I did have sons and daughter–at a young age–sharing a bedroom). About shared bathrooms, I wouldn’t care if it was a single bathroom that locked, (except that the boys would trash it and the girls would clean it) but a group bathroom, where you don’t know who is in there or who will walk in. . . no, call me old-fashioned, but that creeps me out. </p>
<p>I think if this mom really cared about morals, she wouldn’t have sent her kid to Stanford in the first place. There are quite a few conservative Christian and Catholic colleges that have no co-ed dorms. And some–believe it or not–have absolutely NO visiting in opposite sex dorms. People who choose these schools know about and agree to these rules and want to be with others who share their values.</p>
<p>Why the heck would the author think U of Chicago was a " conservative" school?
Because they read the * classics*? Well , in that case so does Reed College! :D</p>
<p>About shared bathrooms, I wouldn’t care if it was a single bathroom that locked, (except that the boys would trash it and the girls would clean it)</p>
<p>I don’t know why that would be- from my experience orderliness is based more on personality and an ability to manage time not sex- but everyone is responsible for their own mess- girls should not be cleaning up after their brothers-
but a group bathroom, where you don’t know who is in there or who will walk in. . . no, call me old-fashioned, but that creeps me out.*</p>
<p>Since the dorm bathrooms are only for the residents and their guests- you do know who will walk in.
The bathrooms are also quite large- doors go all the way to the floor, shower stalls are quite roomy and have plenty of room to put on dry clothes and they lock as well.
Additionally, if only one person in the dorm is uncomfortable with having family style bathrooms, the bathrooms are single sex.</p>
<p>However- I think that having coed floors as well as bathrooms makes less complicated for the GLBT students, and of course if the possibility is something that your family doesn’t want to consider there are many other schools with alternate housing options.</p>
<p>There is something about this mother’s account that doesn’t ring true to me. i certainly hope that she was responsible enough a journalist (and NRO responsible enough a publication) that she called Stanford to ask for a comment on this before posting her story. She hedges everything by saying “according to my daughter,” but I wonder if we can trust the young woman’s version of events. Somehow, I think not.</p>