Thanks for your concern, she’s actually 15 still(yah she’s young) but I don’t have the time to homeschool her as I work full time, sometimes I still rely on my brother to pick her up. The only reason we would be able to afford these schools is because my ex-husband is fairly well off and he pays for her education. If she doesn’t get into boarding schools then she will have to stay for a couple more years at her current private school till she graduates. My ex-husband and I have also both agreed that it doesn’t make sense for us to pay to go to public school, but we allow her to do as many ECs as she wants.
Have you considered having her repeat 10th grade? 11th grade is really not an entry point so there may be very few spots if any at all and they often go for very specific needs (i.e. varsity hockey team needs a goalie) so even if your daughter’s application is perfect. 10th grade is a real entry point (even if smaller than 9th) so there are a lot more spots, and since your daughter is still 15 it seems like that’s where she would fit age-wise. Plus it would give her a year to adjust to the school before junior grind hits.
Actually a couple of the schools wondered if we would be willing to have our daughter repeat 10th grade because of her age. My only concern with that is how colleges would view here doing that. She doesn’t have a problem with it but would prefer to not have to, but is willing if the school thinks that she’ll really have the best experience repeating.
I doubt colleges would blink an eye at repeating 10th grade.
One of my sons repeated 10th grade while he was at one of the schools you applied to, after being diagnosed with ADHD and we felt like junior year would be too much to handle while also learning how to deal with his ADHD.
Thanks that’s super helpful to know, and if I came across as rude earlier I just felt that my daughter was being generalized because of her probable ASD. I truly am grateful for the advice and information I have received.
^^^ yup, there are a lot of people repeat at the schools your daughter’s applying to, especially in 10th grade. Highly, highly doubt colleges would care
Sooooo many kids repeat. It’s almost expected at this point. Colleges don’t care in the slightest nor do they assume that it’s because of weaker academics at all. Adjusting as an 11th grader is rough. I have had people who work at BSs tell me it’s a mistake to start in 11th grade. Usually that’s because kids are coming from much weaker academic schools but IMO it also applies to friend/social situation.
Yes, I understand that it’s just that yes my ex-husband is well off, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to pay over 180K intuition when we still have to pay for her college. He and I have both agreed however that, if we and the school agree that repeating is the best option for her, we will present the option to her and allow her to make a decision. We will try to make this work somehow.
I would also really appreciate any more advice people could give me on her chances, or if they had any personal experiences with these schools.
I also forgot to mention that my daughter is also in her school’s competition choir and they practice almost 120 minutes a day.
At this point we are all just speculating re: her chances. She is a fine and desirable candidate- the issue is that the schools may not have space to take her! And that’s something they (nor you) have any control over. Kids come back (or not) and for the most part, the administration doesn’t know how the class might be shaping up. But it’s great that you are open to her repeating- I think it maximizes the chance that she has a really positive experience.
Going back to your initial post- does your D see a counselor regularly? You mentioned her grades taking a tumble post-divorce- has she had a chance to process the change in the family, her social issues, her friend leaving with an outsider (i.e. not her mom)? If not- you might want to think about it. Whether she stays or goes, developing tools to cope with her disappointments (divorce, friends leaving), handling the bullying at school, etc. might be helpful. I have friends in their 50’s who are still processing their parents divorce when they were teenagers, and they have commented that they wish counseling for kids had been a “thing” back then. It took one friend a long time (in therapy) to connect the dots between her perfectionism and the dynamic of living with her mom after her parents divorce. She always had to be the good one, the compliant one, the girl with top grades, never left her bed unmade… and decades of needing to be always on top of her game leaves a toll on the relationships with everyone else.
Just a thought. Your D sounds amazing but all the more reason to give her the time and space to get things together.
Yes, my daughter does see a therapist, but not as often as she used to. Her therapist was the one who said that she has Aspergers, but we are still reluctant to have a diagnosis, not because we don’t appreciate or think people with autism are inferior. It is simply that carrying a diagnosis like that means that she will have to deal with the stigma that people often associate with autism. A lot of people only see that one aspect of her, not the fact that she loves Grey’s Anatomy or that she invented a prosthetic for people to write with. When it comes to the divorce she took it hard but she’s coping with it better now. She draws all the time as a coping mechanism and even when she gets overwhelmed she knows how to reset herself so that she can resume what she was doing. I would like her to stay at home with me, but she really wants to leave and go somewhere away from home.
An added bonus to BS is the opportunity to see a trained counselor, often a PhD level clinical psychologist, on a regular basis. At least in the school where my daughter is, the health center offers this service to all students free of charge, no specific diagnosis required.
There is no reason your D would not be accepted based on grades, scores (based on past), and having ways to engage with the community. Iow, she checks the boxes.
The flip side… she is applying for 11th, which is a tricky entry point for several reasons. Few spots, extremely challenging academics (especially for a kid who hasn’t learned the ropes), and a general social order has been established. If the schools are asking if she’d consider being a 10th grade repeat, I would listen really hard to what they might be saying. It could be that they are not seeing someone who could be successful as a new 11th grader but that she might be someone who would be fine as a 10th grade repeat. Repeating is very very common at BS. These schools have a good sense of the maturity level in each class and often recommend repeating. (If they have a lot of repeats, their classes are older simply by virtue of that.)
Lastly, although the clock is ticking, I might see if some of the schools that are known for being “kinder, gentler” places – George, Mercersberg, SAS – might fit the bill. Frankly, I worry about kids who have been bullied going to BS for a change of social scenery. Sometimes it works, but if it doesn’t, they are living in that hell. Coming home every night as a brief escape is no longer possible. Finding schools that are likely to be inclusive really should be the emphasis.
It sounds like your D has suffered more than enough – do everything possible to assess the environments at each school to allow her a shot at some happiness!
And all the BS have lots of super smart kids. Don’t be fooled into thinking that only well known schools have stellar students and outstanding academics. That is kind of a given.
I understand your resistance to a diagnostic label. But do take seriously what your D most needs to thrive beyond getting out of her current school. That is pretty much what every applicant should be doing.
Yes, that’s what I tell her most often, she is so desperate to get out that sometimes I think she goes to fast. I did tell her that she would no longer have me around to help her and her response was “I never needed you to help me with that stuff anyway.” She’s very reluctant as well to try to apply to other schools, and to be honest, I’m a bit grateful for that because we have spent a lot of money on application fees. Honestly, her wanting to go to boarding school is a lot more about the academic opportunities and wanting to be independent. Obviously the social aspect is important to her, and she felt very comfortable in all the schools. My daughter generally follows her gut and generally, it points her in the right direction. She is also extremely independent so like I said before the only reason I found out about her difficulties at school was the fact that she kept asking to leave and it set off a red flag.
I would add a vote for at least considering SAS, MB and GS! (I know. I don’t really get a vote.)
Well, that application dates have passed for most of those place so it really isn’t an option, unfortunately.
I usually steer away from Chances threads, but this one caught my attention. I will 3rd the recommendation to add Mercersburg, George and SAS. I believe George has a Feb. 1st deadline, and I can tell you that the Quaker community at George is very warm and accepting. My son had a hard time choosing between George and Mercersburg, as he felt at home in both places.
Despite the January 15th deadline of the other 2, I would still consider applying since you are full pay. You never know how many kids will leave after 10th (or after 9th if you are considering repeat). I think that these three schools offer warm, welcoming communities and support and may be good options to consider.
Sent you a DM.
I would but I really can’t sway my daughter from these schools, she went through a whole list of schools and chose these ones for very specific reasons. (Which she didn’t tell me, very personal). I did bring it up with her last night and she told me no. Just no. She’s very stubborn.
I’d encourage keeping up with the counseling. Your posts keep setting off some bells… BS is NOT the solution to all of life’s problems, even though it may seem that way to a HS kid who is finding her social situation very challenging. And with some of the schools you’ve applied to, she’ll be going directly into another challenging social situation, albeit with a little more grownup supervision and intervention. But less privacy… dorm life is not home life.
I know that for a kid who is not finding the current school challenging enough academically, the idea of being in a place with higher standards and a higher “level” of teaching seems like paradise. But that brings with it intense academic competition, and some not-so-great social behaviors.
I am not encouraging this, at all, I am simply supporting my daughter. I put my foot down last year when it came to schools but I’ve realized that I can’t stop my daughter from doing something she wants to. She doesn’t have any problems such as depression, it’s just that I kind of went into my shell for a bit right after we got a divorce, and my daughter had to learn to be independent pretty quick. Also, her grades were fine until my ex-husband moved out, they were super close and it really affected her. She is aware that it may be harder to make friends if you go to school in junior year, but unless the kids actively bully her, she doesn’t care if she has friends or not. The problem with her current school is that instead of ignoring her the kids routinely make fun of her. She doesn’t care if they ignore her but she doesn’t like it when people make fun of her to her face. She does operate in our house as if she only lives there. She doesn’t really care that much about privacy unless people are like walking into her bathroom stall or a shower stall.
Also, feel free to DM me if you feel that it’s appropriate.