<p>We have always been close…my jaw is still on the floor. I don’t know whether to say okay that’s fine, or what. But yes I pictured myself saying goodbye on campus, not here. I did explain that it is customary for parents to help move in, which was met with skepticism. :(</p>
<p>It’s still so early. May change mind. Wait and see.</p>
<p>Probably trying to exert independence.</p>
<p>Is this move in for the Fall semester, 7-8 months from now?</p>
<p>If so, that is ridiculous to worry about that right now, and is probably just a cranky comment from a cranky teenager. If it’s for a few weeks from now, that’s another story.</p>
<p>If he sticks with it, I would inform him that if he doesn’t need my help moving in, he also clearly doesn’t need my help to pay for his room & board, tuition, meal plan, etc. Sorry if I sound a little blunt… have had a bit too much snottiness from my own high schooler this past week…</p>
<p>How about telling him/her that you understand that you are not needed, but you very much want to be there. It’s one of those occasions that many parents want to attend, just like graduations, recitals, etc. Promise to keep a low profile, etc.</p>
<p>^ Yes for this fall. The plan is school in California (we live in the Northeast). We weren’t arguing or anything, just chatting in the car about potentially getting accepted out there. When I started talking about how “we” might travel out for move-in day, I was looked at as if I had two heads and told “nobody does that anymore mom.”</p>
<p>intparent I think you are on the right track LOL</p>
<p>What intparent said too.</p>
<p>I think that’s great. I would be proud. There is no way that my d could have handled doing a move in without me and if I didn’t help I was afraid she’d never get completely unpacked.</p>
<p>Well, his assumption is that parents don’t help kids move in any more. You may want to share some of the CC move in threads with him. There was a very funny one from last fall. Although, it focused on parental faux pas, so maybe skip that one.</p>
<p>I’m feeling softer about it. He’s just nervous about being the only one to show up with his mom. Admittedly, if he WERE the only one to have parents along on move in day, it would be understandable to feel a little awkward. He’s wrong though - there are parents everywhere on move in day! The fact that he said “no one does that anymore” tells me he’s just nervous about making his first impression. He probably has it in his head that everyone else at college will be adult, grown up, independent, and NOT dragging their embarrassing parents along. </p>
<p>I’d just play it cool for now. “Shoot, I was really looking forward to going with you.” and leave it at that for now. In the meantime, find some pictures from last year’s freshman move in day (colleges often post those on facebook or somewhere). He’ll see plenty of other parents in the pics. And when he gets info about move in day, parents will probably be mentioned and there will be things on the itinerary just for parents, depending on the school. </p>
<p>If you get to the point that it’s time to book flights and he hasn’t softened yet, I’d probably apply more pressure and kind of force myself along, assuring him that I would disappear a lot during that day. He just doesn’t want to be a dork on his first day there!</p>
<p>It sounds as if your child doesn’t want to stand out as different from his peers and maybe doesn’t realize how many parents do actually help their kids move in. When he decides on a college then you can find out more about what the usual move in routines are for that school. We helped both my kids move into their dorms, flying across country to be with my D and were one of many parents there those days. They had a special lunch for the families on that day and we spend a lot of time helping her settle in. On the other hand, however my D’s best friend’s mother told me that when she dropped of her D at an east coast school they pretty much told the mom at the car that they would take it from there and D went up to the dorm room by herself with helpers from the school carrying all of her things. </p>
<p>Even if you don’t spend a lot of time on campus if your child is traveling across country to get to school unless you are driving there you would want to buy most of your things out there instead of transporting them. We flew in a day early and spent most of the day at Bed Bath and Beyond and Target getting everything she needed. It would be hard for her without a car in a new city to do all of that on her own.</p>
<p>Snowdog, my son is now a sophomore. Frankly, if he had it his way, we would drive him to his school (11 hour drive each way without traffic) with all of his things and then we would just dump his stuff at the curb and leave! He felt that way as a freshman and even more so as a sophomore. Lets just say that move in was not pleasant for us this year. FWIW, my son has a roommate who arrives on campus by taking one suitcase by train and he travels for 30 minutes to get to campus. Roommate’s parents could visit any day of the week to see the dorm room and visit with their son. We cannot do the same thing. Our son refuses to recognize this difference. This year he told us that we are the only parents he knows of who stayed longer than 20 minutes. We stayed for about 1.5 hours because DH put together some extra furniture (the dorm room this year is huge, but has tiny closets). My son brings clothes for the entire year because we live so far away and the clothes need to go somewhere neatly so that he can find them. He compares our situation with kids who live within an hour of this school. Sigh…Editiing to say that I know for a fact that many, many parents were moving their kids in for a few hours (think arranging sofas, lofting, complex shelving, etc.).</p>
<p>On another note about parent involvement on college campus, on parents weekend my S’s roomate’s mother was there doing his laundry in the dorm room for him - - that would make me way more embarassed than having my parents help me move in! I guess he couldn’t figure out the machines.</p>
<p>Ask him how many things he could put into ONE suitcase. If you were to buy everything from BBB to have them at the nearest location around his college, how is he going to get all that stuff to his dorm? (Move-in fairy?). We went up with a mini van, and I had to make another trip up 3 weeks later.</p>
<p>My kids have no shame. They will not put anything away until I have cleaned the room completely - wiped down the base board, closet, drawers, wall…it’s a ritual. If they happen to have a roommate, it would generally freak them out.</p>
<p>He’ll prob. change his mind when the reality of leaving home, going cross country alone and having to find/do everything by himself sets in.</p>
<p>When our kids went 2500 miles – a 5-hour plane ride to CA, they were VERY happy we all came & helped schlep their stuff. We didn’t see ANY kids there without parents & families helping. My sibs also went with their kids to help them move into their Us. We all turned it into the family vacation & did some sightseeing and visited some friends as well. No regrets.</p>
<p>I’d say it’s way early days yet. It will be many months before he even learns where he’ll be accepted and he’ll be surprised how many parents/families DO show up to help with moving in. If he really doesn’t want you to help after he’s accepted, that’s great & you can save the money & go when fares are lower & then help him pick up things that he may not have been able wrangle himself.</p>
<p>
That reminds me of a rant from a dean at Penn. He said that the university had to come up with an entire schedule for parents on move-in day so that they don’t hover over their kids all day and to make a point that parents are supposed to leave after “their part” is over; otherwise they’d linger on campus for days. </p>
<p>My own college kicks parents out at 4pm.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t make an issue out of it. Move-in, in my opinion, is all about the student, not the parent.</p>
<p>And the logistics are not that difficult. You take two large suitcases on the plane, with a backpack with your laptop in it as your carry-on, and you ask your parents to ship whatever didn’t fit in your suitcases so that it arrives a day or two after you do. (In practice, this means that one of the suitcases is stuffed with bedding, and some of your clothing gets shipped.) You take a taxi from the airport to your college (yes, it’s expensive, but it costs less than the plane fare for an accompanying parent). If there’s anything that you can’t easily bring or ship, you buy it online, with the shipments timed to arrive after you do. No big deal. </p>
<p>This is how my son moved across the country to graduate school. It worked out fine. I don’t know whether he would have had the independence to do it four years earlier, but if your son does, good for him.</p>
<p>Trust us, when the reality of the logistics of moving all the way across the country hits, getting into a taxi or bus with all that stuff…he’ll be upset if you don’t go with him. Especially since all his friends will have at least one of their parents helping. One of us goes with our son every year (he’s a junior), and even though he’s experienced at traveling by himself, that’s alot of baggage to lug. I don’t get very far in through the door though, he sees his friends, and it’s goodbye to me. That’s the way it ought to be, sadly.</p>
<p>Ok you guys are making me feel better. I totally get about not hanging around all day and honestly it would be nice to save the money. But sending my oldest child off to college 1000-3000 miles away (determined to get out of New England so it won’t be a short trip) isn’t something that will happen every day.</p>