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That’s how I moved to college! Well, almost. I used both of my suitcases for clothing and personal items and ordered bedding ahead of time, so that it was waiting for me when I got to college. I got a lot of “dorm room essentials” (shower caddy, trash cans, lamps, cloth hangers, laundry hamper, etc) from the bookstore on campus. Moving by myself really wasn’t that big a deal. </p>
<p>Of course that doesn’t address the hurt feelings on the parents’ side…</p>
<p>Are you sure you were not acting overly, “overly” about the move? </p>
<p>Just a hunch.</p>
<p>If so. Adjust, like an adult.</p>
<p>^ Yeah, I’m sure. We were chatting and I made a comment based on my clearly naive assumption. </p>
<p>I was hoping to check in here and perhaps learn whether times have indeed changed.</p>
<p>I agree with others: don’t worry about it yet. Your son will discover all his friends’ parents will be accompanying them on move in day, and will accept it. If by late summer he’s still suggesting you not come along, simply put your arm around his shoulders, look him in the eyes and say, warmly, gently and smilingly, “I was with you when you were born. I was with you on your first day of kindergarten and when you graduated from high school. I will be with you when you move into your dorm. For a little bit. And then I’ll leave you alone. This is what families do.” Smile again warmly, and declare this “End of story.Get over it.”</p>
<p>My guess is he heard some equally misinformed classmate at high school blustering about how parents don’t help students move in any more. Kids always believe stuff they hear from other kids who are trying to sound cool.</p>
<p>I like the idea of letting your son see photos of his college’s move-in day from the previous year (with parents everywhere), and see the planned activities for parents on the schedule. He will figure it out.</p>
<p>Just stay casual and it will work out.</p>
<p>Love Katliamom’s reply!!! That hits the nail on the head!</p>
<p>“My guess is he heard some equally misinformed classmate at high school blustering about how parents don’t help students move in any more.”</p>
<p>I think Skyhook is definitely “on point” here. How exactly would the OP’s son know cultural norms at a distant college he hasn’t even been accepted to yet??? A misinformed friend probably. As I read through the posts on this thread I tried to think of a freshman who DIDN’T have at least one parent at move-in. I couldn’t think of a single one! (I’m sure there are some, but it’s hardly the new norm.)</p>
<p>As for “treatment” I think Katliamom has it down pat.</p>
<p>Snowdog, when it gets closer to move in time, you will get information about move in events. I guarantee there will be a “freshman parent orientation” or two on the schedule (my D’s college did this). If, according to your kid, no parents ever show up for these move in days, why would the school schedule such an event? ;)</p>
<p>I agree with the majority here, don’t worry about this until much closer to the move-in date. Maybe it is a regional thing— every parent I know has gone to help with move in (many different CA/Oregon schools). Not one of D’s friends moved in alone and not one of my friends sent his/her kid off alone. D was happy to have us there helping as it was chaotic. We only stayed for a couple of hours (unloading, trip to mall/Target, etc…) and then said good-bye. There were still many, many parents there when we left. The school had plenty of parent activities that day as well as new student activities.</p>
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<p>Has the world changed since 2009, the last time I sent off a kid to college for the first time? Because everyone had their parents there to help them move in for the first time. The next time we showed up again was graduation and to help her move all of her stuff back out.</p>
<p>Some schools have very special convocation ceremony, it would be a shame not to be there for your kid.</p>
<p>OTOH, we put D2 on a plane with her two suitcases and a backpack and money for a taxi and sent her 3000 miles away. There’s no way I had an extra $300 plus dollars for my airfare, not to mention hotel room.</p>
<p>Families do things in a variety of ways. If he goes without you he will manage and figure things out. If it’s that important to you, he’ll live if you come too.</p>
<p>katliamom that is superb.
I’ve been vague about my child, I should clarify - its my daughter, she will have a mountain of stuff, we’ve traveled a lot together and always been close. So it really just caught me by surprise. Last year her BF at the time drove himself and a friend across the country to start college. So as I consider this, I think that’s where she’s gotten that idea.</p>
<p>In 1987, I was a first generation, 17 year old college freshman, and didn’t have a clue how move-in day worked (and neither did my parents). My mother made arrangements for my cousin to take me to move-in day. He dropped me off at the college entrance with a wave and smile. When I got to my dorm, I realized that everybody had their parents with them…from what I could tell, I was the only student without parents there. All of the events that the college had arranged for that day were specifically designed for parents and their students. I will never forget how lonely I felt that day, without my parents there to experience that “first day” with me. Granted, I get choked up even at Kleenex commercials. However, if your daughter is the least bit sentimental, she will be glad to have you there. BTW, I work at a college in California now, and from what I can tell, all the parents still come for move-in day.</p>
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<p>Not necessarily. </p>
<p>This may also have come from an older relative, teacher, or acquaintance who back in the day was forced by circumstances and/or social expectations to move him/herself into a college dorm without being accompanied by parents. This was especially true if we’re talking about male students. </p>
<p>Even as recently as the mid-'90s when I was a 17 year old college freshman, there were plenty of college freshmen moving themselves into college dorms without any parental assistance…including yours truly. </p>
<p>In my case, it was due to a mix of finances and the fact my father felt it was high time I learned how to arrange the logistics and move-in by myself to assert my independence…especially considering he had to learn how to cope being on his own from the age of 12 in the midst of war-torn China/Taiwan. </p>
<p>Personally, I’d share the view of your son…but not just for “asserting independence”. Rather, I’d be mortified at the idea of having my parents help me heave heavy bags and doing the hard work of moving stuff in and dealing with logistics…especially considering the distance involved.* </p>
<p>Instead, I’d much rather invite them to come to campus on a “Parents Weekend” or some other random weekend so I can show them around and we can enjoy the campus/town without having to worry about the hassles/tensions of move-in day. </p>
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<li>That experience actually provided valuable training for helping my older college friend wrap up his late mother’s affairs this past summer…especially cleaning out her 4 story house to prepare it for sale and heaving 110 pounds worth of gifted books ~200 miles from that house to my apartment door using long distance/public transportation buses.</li>
</ul>
<p>What intparent said!</p>
<p>Yes for this fall. The plan is school in California (we live in the Northeast). We weren’t arguing or anything, just chatting in the car about potentially getting accepted out there. When I started talking about how “we” might travel out for move-in day, I was looked at as if I had two heads and told "nobody does that anymore mom."</p>
<p>lolololol</p>
<p>Well, as someone who is from Calif and has 24 nieces and nephews living there, I pull the BS flag here. </p>
<p>I would be willing to bet that more parents help with move in than don’t. </p>
<p>I agree with Intparent…and would add that many kids this age think they know what’s “normal” and often, they don’t!</p>
<p>Many schools wouldn’t host “family breakfasts” or lunches or other things on move in day if “no one does that anymore.” Instead schools send out parking schedules, hotel info, and other info because they know that most students will be showing up in groups…not solo.</p>
<p>*My guess is he heard some equally misinformed classmate at high school blustering about how parents don’t help students move in any more. Kids always believe stuff they hear from other kids who are trying to sound cool.
*</p>
<p>Yup!!! Like when my then-5th-grader announced that EVERYONE in his class said that THEY had a midnight bedtime. lol I had to explain about the “I’m so cool blustering.”</p>
<p>Different (but same) perspective here - I moved 10,000 miles for college. My parents were not letting me start college 10,000 miles away without their being there, and so even though I wanted to do the whole independent thing I couldn’t possibly begrudge them. (In fact, they pulled my sister out of school for a week to come along for move-in, which I thought was extravagant at the time, but now I realize I’m glad my sister has a concrete rather than vague and abstract idea of what college is like for me.)</p>
<p>On move-in day, guess what happened? I sprained my ankle stepping off the curb. Guess who I called? That’s right. And you can bet I was glad they weren’t 10,000 miles away. </p>
<p>There’s asserting independence/making first impressions, and then there’s appreciating help that’s there. The latter doesn’t preclude the former.</p>
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<p>Totally disagree. (I also do not think that weddings are “all about the bride.”) We are talking families and relationships. Everyone has feelings and needs and everyone should be respected. This means compromises on BOTH sides. Parents probably make themselves useful then make themselves scarce sooner than they would like, and refrain from embarrassing emotional displays (ie, don’t cry until you’re in the car with your spouse 
). Kids are kind to their parents.</p>
<p>No man is an island…</p>
<p>I think that DS got points (at least should have gotten points) with his 2 roommates when he arrived without parents and 3 days late (planes booked completely).</p>
<p>He did have to figure orientation by himself. But he’s resourceful and independent in those things.</p>