<p>Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I think all around there has been some poor planning and lack of communication. I will pass on the tips and hope she is able to get on her feet.</p>
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I paid all of those for myself when I was 22. Perhaps the father is expecting that his grown child, with a free place to live, is able to handle a cell phone bill. </p>
<p>(No, that doesn’t change the legal requirements, but it might help your friend to know where her ex is coming from.)</p>
<p>In my county of my state, if he goes to court for a support amendment, attorneys are not necessary. He is responsible for paying that child support unless he initiates that support amendment. He can’t just email her and get out of it. He’ll build up an arrearage and they’ll take his income tax refunds and things like that until it is paid. An email to his ex-wife won’t change that.</p>
<p>I highly doubt it. If that was his intention, he could have easily told his ex that. If was that kind of father, he wouldn’t provide a place for his kid to live either because a lot of kids are self supporting at age 18.</p>
<p>ariesathena - just out of curiosity, did you graduate from college at age 22? If so, then it is not surprising that you were paying for those things yourself by age 22.</p>
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Raising this might not work out as expected. I would assume the original child support award included some subsidy of the home rent/mortgage. If the daughter is now living with the Dad and the support agreement is reopened isn’t possible the rent/mortgage subsidy would get switched … which would likely dwarf the other bills.</p>
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<p>She’s a college student. I’m not sure about your kids, if they are still in college, but my kids aren’t expected to be financially independent while completing their studies.</p>
<p>My friend and I have a mutual friend who is very good with money matters. She met with her and they have come up with some strategies to help her stay afloat while she works this stuff out. I have passed on the information from this thread.</p>
<p>Thank you, everyone!</p>
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<p>Those of us with exes are quite well aware of where they are coming from, believe me. The OP’s friend has an agreement in writing signed by a judge. It really isn’t relevant whether her ex now thinks it is reasonable or not.</p>
<p>I’ll second the suggestion that the parties should try to come to an agreement among themselves, if possible. In some jurisdictions Child Support court cases have all the service and care of a mega-market check out line; “NEXT!!!..” The judges hear complaints all day and some aren’t good at disguising their boredom over issues that are very important to you. Really, the whole system at times seems only to be just a vehicle for incurring legal fees.</p>
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<p>Exactly. I don’t have an ex but I have been through this with her. Nothing is going to come from trying to come to an agreement between them. He is bringing her back to court because she was unable to pay for one of her Ds semesters at college. They have an agreement that she pays one semester and he pays the other. She had maxed out on loans and cosigning loans and asked him to help with her portion. He is filing on her for contempt over that.</p>
<p>When I hear things like that, I always thank my lucky stars my ex and I decided to be amicable and do what we needed to do for the best of the kids and each other too.</p>
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<p>My divorce agreement with my ex provides – as an agreed term – that child support (currently $9,000 per year) continues until our son is 24 or employed full-time, whichever comes first. The amount was calculated pursuant to New Jersey’s child support formula, based on our relative incomes at the time the divorce became final in 2005, and the relative percentage of time (60/40) that our son spent with his parents back then, when he was 15.</p>
<p>EPTR- so she violated part of the agreement and now he decided to violate his part.</p>
<p>Yes. Except that she had no way to honor her portion and went to him on the up and up. He, on the other hand, told his daughter that he was bringing her mom back to court before he notified his ex, my friend.</p>
<p>Two things about this make me very sad. One is that the mom doesn’t seem to have prepared for the eventual loss of child support (only a few months away even without the recent events). The other, which is worse IMO, is that the daughter is put in the middle of this mess. There is no good that will come from either parent bad-mouthing the other, or giving the daughter details about things she (the daughter) can’t do anything about.</p>
<p>Should she have agreed to paying for college in the first place?</p>
<p>I know. None of it is good. When they agreed on these provisions for the kids, it was 13 years ago. I doubt that she really gave any real thought to what she would be able to afford at the time that her kids actually went to college.</p>
<p>He has one of those businesses where one can make it look like one is making a very small income when, in fact, it was triple that. She had no way to prove what he actually made for an income.</p>
<p>Who here anticipated 13 years ago that college would cost their offspring so much? Or that the economy would tank for some? That real estate would decline in value? </p>
<p>This is heartbreaking, yet a familiar enough scenario, with variations, for those of use who have lived, or know those who have lived similar divorce stories. Especially where there is much in the way of income disparity between the two parties.</p>
<p>I have a friend in her late 30s is going through a divorce with young kids under 10. She makes a good salary, but her ex is making a lot more. I asked her what was their provision for their kids’ college education. She looked a bit surprised by my question because she just assumed both of them would do what was best for their children. I asked her what if their son were to get into MIT and her ex thought Rutgers was good enough, especially if he had another family with young children.</p>
<p>OP, it might help to recommend to your friend that she look at the exact wording. It may say something like “to the best of their ability”. The ex may be surprised if he takes her to court to modify child support and it turns out he has a larger obligation now than he had previously.</p>
<p>It’s interesting that in some cases divorced parents become obligated to pay for college, where still-married couples are not obligated.</p>
<p>Thanks axw. I’m going to her house tomorrow night with a couple of other friends to help her sort things out. I will ask her if she can put her hands on the original agreement.</p>
<p>I agree that it is bazaar that parents be required, after a divorce, to pay for college. She is a teacher and is on a limited income.</p>