<p>I know people who included college provisions. I didn’t even think about it when we got divorced (also 13 years ago). They were four and six… day care was more a concern than college! </p>
<p>I also have a friend who never thought about when support was ending and had herself deeply in debt with an expensive mortgage and expensive car payment. When she lost that $1500 a month, she went bankrupt. </p>
<p>Back when my son was more introverted and afraid of change, he said he thought he’d just go to the state commuter college. I (tongue in cheek) told him that our custody arrangement was only good until he graduated from high school so I didn’t think that would work…lol. My kids are so used to moving back and forth between our two houses that my daughter continues it even though it’s not required for her anymore. It is actually more disruptive to her now that she has experienced staying in one room for a whole 8 months in a row. She didn’t really know what she was missing before I guess. She’s still doing it though.</p>
<p>When I got divorced, my kids were also pre school age. Because I’d had a hard time with college funding due to my parents divorce, I was insistent on language dealing with college in our agreement. The only state that had any similar regulation was Mass. However the line that was inserted in my agreement was something about sharing costs equally. The impact of that did not hit home for a few years. Well, his income was several times mine, and he sure insisted on that 50/50 split. But I’d signed, so held to the agreement. </p>
<p>Parents often know whether their kid will likely attend college, well before the date, due to socioeconomics. Having a requirement to pay in a divorce agreement keeps the parents, even if later less emotionally engaged, aware that this is on the horizon. Better for the kid, to have this spelled out, rather than having those tough and disappointing discussions senior year with a less involved parent. The purpose of child support laws is to protect the kids. </p>
<p>Life is rough in this society for many families with a single income. But you figure out priorities and make do. And it is not all bad. My kids learned to be thrifty from an early age, and to be creative in going after what they wanted. Good life skills, though I’d have wished them an easier road when they were younger. </p>
<p>The one advantage to divorce, is a lowered EFC if the main custodial parent is lower income and unmarried.</p>
<p>Great Lakes Mom, those are words to live by.</p>
<p>Also, responding to something said earlier; though past experience may indicate that attempts to discuss a solution with the former spouse will be fruitless, courts are far more likely to understand your position if you can show that you TRIED to reach a reasonable understanding about the specific issue with your ex-spouse. In court the judge will like ask both parties, 'well what did so-and-so say when you discussed NAME THE ISSUE?</p>
<p>In the end, the point is the well-being of the children, and when the children are at or near the age of majority, the parents’ needs should be minimized, which at times means the parents must economize with additional sacrifices. More than once I’ve seen child support disagreements where the most often expressed word from a former spouse was “I, I and I” with the occasional ‘me’ and ‘my’ thrown in. That’s selfishness and a clear denial that child support is nearing an end. Shame.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s bizarre that divorce agreements contain tuition language. Studies have shown divorced parents are less likely to contribute, even when the income is available. My kids were 2 & 4 when H left. Our agreement was 1/3 from each of us and S. S1 was always top of his class, yet ex-H seemed amazed when he turned 18 and would be attending college.</p>
<p>S could attend a T20 for r & b (outside scholarship) or a small LAC that would have been full-ride. Ex-h furious that he choose the T20…they even kicked in some addtl scholarship so each of us paid $2,500 per year. H made plenty good $ but had to borrow his $2500/yr…and freshman year he got a student loan and had S sign the paperwork.(mess to untangle!)</p>
<p>I’m a CPA and it’s amazing how many divorce attorneys don’t even mention college costs. I highly recommend to all clients and friends that they factor in these costs and have it all articulated.</p>
<p>EPTR, your friend should know that if he is taking her back to court over the tuition issue, he will undoubtedly raise the support issue. She should not be surprised if the judge turns the tables and expects HER to pay support to HIM. The child may be an adult, but if the agreement provided she be supported through age 23, the court could grant CS to whichever parent is providing more than half of her support at the time. </p>
<p>Check the website for the child support collection unit in your state. Each state handles this differently. Also note that in some states, if college tuition is mandated in the divorce decree, it may be treated like child support and collected by the county by whatever means they would collect “regular” child suppport if it is not paid timely (ie: deduction through employer, confiscation of tax refunds, etc.).</p>
<p>I hope you will report back with the outcome of your friend’s situation. I am about to have to deal with the tuition aspect of this with my ex who has openly stated he can not/will not pay as agreed in our decree, which is from 16 years ago. My understanding is that I can have it deducted from his pay in increments as soon as he becomes 12 weeks in arrears.</p>
<p>Thanks, College4K,
I did think about the aspect of the judge turning the tables and asking her to pay him. I forgot to mention that to her but I will. One thing that is crazy is that he is bringing her to court to sue her for the college money that he paid but, at the same time, he is withholding child support payments and has been doing so even before the D moved from my friends house to his house. At this point he has withheld almost the full amount that she owed him. I have suggested to her that she email him and tell him that if he goes ahead with the contempt hearing he should expect that HE will also be held in contempt based on his withholding of court ordered payments. I honestly don’t think that this has occurred to him, nor does he realize that within a couple more weeks of withholding payments, she will have paid back all the money. So what will he be suing for?</p>
<p>I just think he might drop it if she suggests that he has been in violation as well.</p>