<p>One kind of diversity that my kids got at their large, public HS was that of their classmates aspirations. A private prep school may have all the colors of the rainbow, but my kids saw dropouts, fights, and ankle monitors mixed in with their VERY upper-middle-class HS. I don’t think that this is necessarily a bad thing, especially since any college they go to is going to be less real-world.</p>
<p>I am the product of public education K-12 (went through the gifted, SP programs and attended specialized high school). Went to undergrad at CUNY, attended grad programs and got degrees from Cornell & NYU. Because I was one of 10 kids the “bigness” of public school was not a problem for me. However, I was not in an intergrated population until I attended H.S. and did not want my D to have the same experience.</p>
<p>Like Marite, D got admitted into an “elite” private school for k-12. I remember my younger sister going off the rails saying that she was a grad student at Columbia paying less money than the cost of kindergarten at the private school. She said, save your money because D will probably attend to some small LAC that will cost you an arm and a leg. </p>
<p>Found an excellent public school that had pretty much the same philosophy as the private school. In grade 2/3 she had a teacher who had taught for 17 years at the same private school D was going to atend (at the time I felt like someone handed me $20,000). School was considered “One of the best public schools in NYC” many years in the # 1 position for reading and Math in the city. Went on to a small magnet 6-12 middle/high school. </p>
<p>Middle school was top middle school in the city as far as reading and math scores and had many students admitted to Stuyvesant, BX. Science, Tech, Townsend Harris, Laguardia, etc. D had a great education, turned down Stuy.to stay to high school with her friends who were staying. Now attends an Ivy that functions like LAC and is doing great.</p>
<p>Motherdear:</p>
<p>Thanks for the info. I am aware that the Metco students do not integrate very well. But kudoes to them for being willing to get up at the crack of dawn to go to the suburbs for a better education and get back home very late. My S and his friends were able to roll out of bed and be in school within 20 minutes.</p>
<p>In my experience – which is totally different than many people – my private elite prep school in the 70s was substantially more diverse racially and economically than my public school. (For example, 3 black girls out of 50 in my graduating class, vs. 2 black kids in a 1000 kid public high school.) My son is seeing the same thing at his private day school.</p>
<p>I think this may be unique to Connecticut where we have some very homogeneous public schools (school districts are determined by town lines as a rule) and the private schools see it as their mission to educate deserving young people from all communities in their region.</p>
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<p>Very good advice. I think that an excellent public can be just as good as a private HS.</p>
<p>I grew up in the burbs and supposedly one of the best districts in country-
however it takes the parents still to be involved
I htink it is easier for parents to be involved in neighborhood schools
I was able to walk to elementary, junior high and high school.
( however- if you have heard me mention my parents 
)
anyway
I decided to move to city when I had kids- however I knew jack about the district
when you grow up attending neighborhood schools- and your kid is only one- unless you are living in Manhattan, it isn’t unusual to assume that all schools are pretty much equal is it?
Our neighborhood elementary school is good * now*, but when my oldest was ready for K- I didn’t feel the building was safe- ( it wasnt according to the UW report, but they didn’t have anywhere else to send the kids)
Also, the K teacher admitted that she was not set up to deal with kids who were already reading well.
Luckily, we were able to find a fantastic private school that was a great fit- I was exhausted from touring schools- but D said that was where she wanted to go so she made the decision even at 6.
It was only a couple years later that I found out how competitive it was for admittance- I really didn’t know!
THe way our district moves principals and teachers around, a program that is nationally recognized for excellence, might be in danger of being closed 10 years later- so where you live doesn’t mean as much as it might in other areas.
They have never been close enough to walk or even really to ride their bike to their schools, but while I would have kept my youngest in private from 3 to 8th if i had known what we would have , had to go through, we like her public high school.
( but what the public schools don’t charge for tuition, they take out of you in angst)</p>
<p>The difference between public and private … in my experience. These quotes are paraphrased, but you’ll get the idea.</p>
<p>Having trouble with pre-algebra in public middle school. “You’ll have to repeat the course if you don’t have an 87. You only have an 82. That means you fail the course and have to repeat. End of discussion.” (I am not kidding. Fail the course with an 82.)</p>
<p>Having some issues with algebra in private school. “Gee, I think you have a strong enough background to go on. Since I teach the next course, let’s plan on reviewing Algebra 1 in once-a-week study sessions September through June. If there’s any issues in geometry we’ll take care of it in those sessions as well. And the same for that physics course you’re signed up for. A little extra help will get you through with flying colors.”</p>
<p>Same kid – same issue – different schools.</p>
<p>Jaybee–exactly. All the scholarships offered by private schools won’t sit you beside the rest of the world. there’s a lot to learn about people who you will never encounter in a private school. That doesn’t mean that public schools are better, or that private isn’t a good choice–just that each may offer something that can’t be replicated in the other.</p>
<p>Can one choose none of the above? (we homeschooled). Our local schools are supposedly “wonderful” (until you scratch the surface.) Our kids learned from adults from Africa (Rwanda-Burundi), Palestine, India.</p>
<p>It ain’t cheap though. On average, when one takes account of lost wages in a two-parent family, I figure the average homeschooler “spends” about $30k per year per child, PLUS room and board. Works out about the same as Exeter or Andover.</p>
<p>Most of their learning took place outside of school. 
(But I could have said the same thing about me. :))</p>
<p>cnp55:</p>
<p>It really depends on the school. It’s not about private vs. public. In fact, I would say, it depends on the teachers. My S was accommodated all the way through his public school.</p>
<p>Both of mine went public, both are nmf. They recieved a great education at the largest HS in our state (each had a class of 700+). Very diverse place. It was important to us that they knew how to interact with all types of people, from all sorts of class and cultural situations. We wanted them to understand others and their situations and how those situations could lead to their actions. </p>
<p>Privates to us here seem to offer a layer of insulation from society. Don’t want to interact with reduced lunch kids? not a problem at the privates. Don’t want to deal with special ed kids? not a problem. Don’t want to deal with low income problem students? not a problem. </p>
<p>While on the surface, that makes the privates sound great, what happens in the real world when your kids go out? Will they have enough experience to see trouble in advance? Will they be able to navigate in a less than perfect world? </p>
<p>I guess for this situation for every right answer there is an equally compeling counter point to that right answer that should be considered.</p>
<p>Marite:</p>
<p>These two examples are my specific experience. As it said in my post.</p>
<p>Of course it depends on the school. </p>
<p>We just decided that we were <em>done</em> with that middle school when our second child was in 7th grade. The breaking point was “He’s failing the class with an 82” expressed in a team conference by the math teacher. When confronted with that statement, the other five teachers looked at the floor. And even though he was ‘failing the course’ – it was absolutely impossible (according to the principal and the academic dean) to switch teachers for the last quarter to see if maybe something could be salvaged out of the year. There was a section of the same course in another wing meeting at the same time with empty seats.</p>
<p>This spring, in a conference at a different school, we were blown away by the Director of Studies offering an extra help session every week for a year to reinforce two levels of math and one of physics as needed.</p>
<p>Obviously your mileage may vary.</p>
<p>Private school does offer a layer of insulation from society- at least in the classroom. However, there are plenty of opportunities to learn about the socio-economic differences among people. It didn’t bother me at all that the private schools my kids attended didn’t have low income problem students. The public school I attended didn’t either. There were some low income kids and some problem students- there wasn’t necessarily an overlap.
Those lessons can all occur as life progresses. The educational choices that were right for my kids (and we made at least 1 mistake along the way) provided an incredible foundation in every way that was important to our family.</p>
<p>As I said, I think for some families, certainly for mine, choosing private school had nothing to do with wanting to insulate their kid from society, and everything to do with making sure the child didn’t simply slip through the cracks while no one paid any attention to him/her.</p>
<p>My daughter is a well behaved, bright girl, with no learning or behavior problems at all; she got about 1% of the teacher’s attention, although every teacher always said, “Oh, if only I had 20 ____________s!” Other kids got 50% or more attention, and those with aides etc. got even more than that. She has now had to sit for years and wait for everyone else…reading aloud at their pace, waiting while other kids are disciplined, being punished as a whole class because of the actions of a few, etc.etc. And this is in a well regarded public school system.</p>
<p>If I felt she would be educated fairly, to her level, we might have left her in PS, despite my aggravation with mandates and NCLB. We have a son who has done splendidly in public school, but he is more “out there” and no one could forget about him if they tried. This little girl could easily slip down the abyss, and it is worth my $20K to assure that that doesn’t happen.</p>
<p>So, not about elitism or insulation at all, and everything about the individual child.</p>
<p>allmusic: DITTO</p>
<p>cnp55:</p>
<p>I totally understand. Each situation is different, each school is different, and each child has a different personality and different needs. The same teacher who was so wonderful for S1 was not so great with S2. Why? Because they have totally different personalities and different academic interests. It would have been the same at a private school.<br>
For us, the $20k nationally famous private school did not offer much more than what our free public school did; it would have been a hassle for S to attend and it was definitely not diverse, either. In fact, at the k-8 school, one admitted URM’s father decided to decline because he saw that his son would be the only child of color there. At the private high school, all the students seemed to be either Caucasians or Asians.<br>
But I can well understand that in other areas, there is no real alternative to a subpar public school except a private one, and that in fact, some private schools can be more diverse than some public schools.</p>
<p>Not all private schools are terrific. One private boarding school teacher (he taught for 35 years and had just retired when we met him) told us of an incident at his school. where the COA was in the low $30k. The school had made news several months earlier when some episode of anti-gay bigotry came to light. The incident he told us about was different: one older student had been terrorizing younger ones into buying drugs for him. They were so afraid of him they did not dare report him. Even when he found marks of cigarette burns on their body, they would not disclose the name of the tormentor until the teacher turned off all the lights and promised total anonymity. It turned out that the student had been expelled from another school in his home country and had been shipped off to the US where his behavior would not be known.
I would not want to generalize about all private schools based on this one anecdote. I just do not like generalizations about “private schools” and “public schools.”</p>
<p>Allmusic,</p>
<p>Is that your youngest and only daugther?</p>
<p>Marite, you are right one cannot generalize. Different areas of the country vary tremendously and different children’s needs in the same family vary. Each family needs to do what is best for their situation. I do think different posters brought out issues that the OP may want to consider or check into when they make their own decision.</p>
<p>Opie, yes. Youngest and only daughter.</p>
<p>And Marite, as you are from the Boston area, I am sure you are aware of the terrible incident at Milton Academy last year. I have also heard some private school horror stories regarding drugs. </p>
<p>In no way am I suggesting that private schools are always “better” than public. My point really is that different children have different needs, and that some children simply cannot be serviced well in certain public schools, even those of high reputation, due to a number of factors. It is then up to the parents to try something different…homeschool, religious school, traditional private school, or whatever.</p>
<p>Allmusic and mkm:</p>
<p>I agree with you entirely. We just cannot generalize across the board about schools just as we cannot generalize about children, even our own.</p>