Romani, not all kids have time for chores. Particularly underprivileged children like mine who don’t have nearly enough time for napping and snacking.
ZM, people can make time if it’s needed.
I disagree that any child is too busy for unloading the dishwasher. Underprivileged children like myself seem to manage just fine in between the multiple ECs, job, and high school. Why? Because if I didn’t, I would’ve starved, had no clean clothes, and no dishes to use.
Of course, if you don’t require them to make time, then certainly they won’t. And that’s fine, whatever works for your family.
I was poking fun at my kid. Didn’t you see the referenec to snacking and napping?
Pitching in and helping is like having chores. It doesn’t need to be a weekly to do list…but knowing you need to help…and then do…is important.
ZM…your post cracked me up!
Sorry ZM, it went right over my head lol. My apologies.
No problem, my friend!
It does mask a serious issue, though. We all know that I baby/pamper/pet the boy, but I swear it’s my husband who’s the worst impediment to getting him moving. Hubby will jump in and take over everything so our son doesn’t have to. I have no idea why he does that but it drives me insane. However, he does have a snow day today, which means hubby will be working many hours, so my darling will be doing laundry today. He can do it and doesn’t mind, but my husband cuts him off at the pass pretty much every time!
My son lived with a slob of a roommate one term. I’m convinced this kid never needed to wash his own dishes, clean a stove top after spills, throw away kitchen garbage, do his laundry, make a bed, sweep a floor, run a vacuum, wipe off the sink in the bathroom after brushing his teeth, filling the TP roll when it was empty. You get the picture.
When the roommates were looking a place for the following year, they didn’t even include this guy in the discussion. They were sick of living with a slob.
I’m going to remind my son of the fact that he will eventually need voluntary roommates. He is also going to Japan this month and staying in the home of a host family. Although he’s not truly a slob. Just lazy.
I had a lot of chores as a child and adolescent. The purpose was not to prepare me to do those things in college and adulthood; the rationale for it was that we had a large family (six children) and no way would it have been fair to Mom to have all these able bodied kids sitting on their duffs watching her work.
I set the table or cleared it after dinner. One of us had to make the salad before dinner nightly. We vacuumed the carpets and swept and mopped the floors. I had to clean the kids’ bathroom (God did I hate that), while my brothers had to do yard work and clean the swimming pool. The older teens (I was second oldest) had to change diapers and babysit while my Mom worked on her Masters, and later, when she had a job. Mom did laundry and tossed it all on her bed, and we had to come collect it. We had to keep our rooms clean.
My kids had it a whole lot easier. They had less spare time that I’d had and with only 2 kids, there just wasn’t as much to do. They had to make their breakfast and fix their lunch before school and had to keep their rooms picked up. Sometimes they would load/unload the dishwasher. They had to help with cat and dog duties, particularly the litter box and meals.
This is just part of being a member of a family imo.
With our kids, the question of chores was more about evaluating their acceptance of responsibility. Since they did, we saw no reason to require them to do jobs but instead asked and expected them to help out as necessary. We thought that seeing responsibility without it being assigned fit them better.
I had chores growing up----dusting and vac’ing my room, cleaning the bathroom I shared with my brother, helping with laundry, picking up as needed.
We go through cycles now with chores. Sometimes, when everyone is busier, it’s kind of a “please do this” request on the fly. When it isn’t so busy, we have a family “chore day” (really a morning) and the whole house gets cleaned by the 5 of us.
College kid has done his own laundry since 9th grade, mows the lawn, takes out the garbage, and is responsible for the 2 rooms he spends the most time in. He can make quite a mess, and I don’t want to clean it!
8th grader takes care of the cat and dog inc the litter box, does weekly vac’ing, takes care of his own bedroom, cleans the toilet in the boys bathroom, and does his own laundry.
6th grader takes care of dishwasher loading and unloading, his BR, and does a lot of dusting. He also cleans the powder room.
They all know how to cook simple things like boxed mac and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, eggs, and use the oven for frozen foods.
This thread made me think of my H’s med school roommate, who when he arrived at medical school did not know how to do anything for himself. One roommate taught him how to do laundry (he used to go home every weekend in UG). My H taught him basic cooking skills (he could not even boil water to make aforementioned boxed mac n cheese).
My H and I were long distance that year, and he would come visit me every couple of weekends. On Friday afternoons, I would call to ask him when he would be on the road, and he would say, “Just have to take the lasagna out of the oven for A____, otherwise I think he might starve while I am gone!”
I did my own laundry starting at around 10. I also did the dishes.
Our kids also do their own laundry. They normally help collect the trash and recycling to take to the curb. We will ask them to do other things from time to time, like clean up after dinner. My daughter is the type who has trouble sitting around going nothing so she occasionally does stuff around the house if she’s bored on a day off.
We haven’t been very organized with chores because we just aren’t organized anoth household stuff. When the kids and the dog were younger they used to have a schedule for walking her. They each did 3 days a week and we would do it the other day.
Mostly they are very good about doing specific things we ask them to do and they are capable of basic household tasks.
On the “do kids have time” issue, I know two of our younger kids spend a fair amount of after school time in an afterschool program that allows DH and I to work. Therefore they are often gone, not of their choosing, from 7am-6pm and go to bed at 7:30. They do stuff around the house, clear their dishes and I hound them about their junk on the floor but under those circs, yes I feel bad loading them down.
I have noticed when hiring teens , those who have some sort of responsibilities at home make better workers . When we had more people in the house, everyone was expected to pitch in…four daughters , a hosted international student and their various boyfriends and girlfriend made for a full dinner table, full sink of dishes and full trash / recycling cans.
Maybe that is why with use three of us now, I do most of the housework and light maintenance
I agree that doing chores or not won’t determine how successful one is in a career or marriage. But how about for the reason that five kids with functional arms and legs could just give Mom or Dad a break now and then?
We had six kids and at times, I felt put upon with the amount of chores I had to do. Looking back, though, my Mom had teens and toddlers at the same time, was trying to get a degree, then an advanced degree, then a job. Stepdad put in a lot of hours at his job and never stopped helping when he got home. It would have been pretty inconsiderate of us to just sit on the couch watching my Mom do all the work, even if she didn’t got to school or work outside the home. That many kids is a whole lot of work. YMMV.
I will say that as a result of my hatred for scrubbing toilets and bathtubs, I never did it again once I had the means to pay for a cleaning service. I’ll do pretty much anything else, but leaning over and scrubbing a bathtub is not going to happen again as long as I have a few dollars in my pocket. I joke with my stepdad that cleaning the tub is why I have had decades of problems with my back and neck.
In out house we all live under the same roof, we all have busy schedules, we all pitch in to keep that home livable.
Additionally, he was in Montessori until 16 years old and he had to keep his school livable too!
It a matter of respect and responsibility.
My kids did chores. I think it’s important, even if they’re busy. Who isn’t busy? Adults are busy. If we tell them they don’t have to do chores because they’re busy, then when will they do them? Nobody is THAT busy.
@bearpanther you describe the situation I am trying to avoid!
I think it’s important to have kids do chores for a few reasons…
- time budgeting
- the realization that all their time can’t just be for school and fun
- if they don’t do chores, then they expect others to do them for them.
- they need to know HOW to do these things.
- they need to appreciate the work that others do for them.
- chores are part of life, get used to …early and often.