My kids were always expected to pitch in. It was a good life lesson as now when they visit grandma or the boyfriend’s parents, they know that they should help out.
They have cousins who never had to “pitch in”. They never ask grandma what can they do to help or even take their plates into the kitchen. When we vacation together, they never have to do the dishes or strip their beds when they leave or help dad take the boat out. Apparently having your 70 something grandfather help take the boat out is preferable. Their mother makes separate meals for them because they are (pick one, vegetarian, picky, doesn’t like what is on the menu).
When my daughter was in high school, she had a friend who was the oldest of 6 kids. Her mom was always overwhelmed and the parents offered her $10 a week do to all the kids’ laundry starting when she was in middle school. When she was a senior, the parents started talking about how with her going off to college the next year that maybe the next kid in line should start learning how to do the laundry in preparation of taking it over. That’s when it came out that the daughter had subcontracted with her sister to do the laundry for $5 a week. So for something like 5 years, the oldest had been making a $5/week profit by getting her sister to do the work! Lots of lessons to be had with that experience!
Seven kids in my family growing up. Mom cooked and washed the clothes. Dad did repairs and yardwork/gardening. Kids washed dishes (no dishwasher) did most of the cleaning, ironing and some yardwork. I also have 7 kids, and I’m sure they don’t do as many chores as my sibs and I did when we were young. They are supposed to do the dishes (sometimes I do them–we have a dishwasher) and clean their own rooms and bathrooms.They don’t do a very good job, but I’m not checking up on them and telling them what to do, either. High school kids do their own laundry (when machine is available). Sometimes I do it. Boys mow the lawn when they are around. I do most of the other yardwork. Everyone pitches in to clean when visitors are expected (that’s about the only time we clean thoroughly ;)) My kids have a lot more homework and more activities than we did back then. They do keep their grades up and stay out of trouble, so I don’t ask too much of them. They all make their own lunches for school–even elementary kids. (My mom made all of our lunches thru high school assembly-line style.)
@c3baker That story is hard to believe unless the parents both worked outside the home, and even then that is hard to believe. How does a sibling do the family laundry for years yet the parents never see that sibling doing the laundry? It sounds more like a funny story someone made up.
In my immediate and extended family, we all had chores…but some were assigned punitively in case of bad behavior or poor academic performance. As you may have surmised, I ended up doing a lot of chores during my HS years.
I did few of them well because I was in a rebellious phase and because I resentfully associated chores with punishment.
Consequently, once I was off to college and afterwards, I do tend towards the slob side, but keep my clutter confined to my bedroom while the rest of the apartment is presentable.
I’ve also made arrangements with my roommate/tenant to do the chores I detest for reduced rent.
Some chores I do enjoy are washing dishes which I find relaxing while listening to classical or jazz, installing/maintaining computer/TV entertainment system and network, shopping for groceries…especially finding stuff on sale, taking out the garbage, etc.
I didn’t have an allowance though I did have some earnings from working part-time from late elementary school till the first year of HS when I had to cease working due to HS academic and commuting issues(1 hr each way on public transit which increased later on as we moved further away).
This story doesn’t sound implausible, especially in the context of some traditional old world families of my parents’ or older generations where older siblings do have authority over younger siblings within the family unless it is directly checked by the parents or grandparents.
If the older sibling orders a younger sibling in my parents’ generation to do chores he/she didn’t like, the younger sibling would be socially expected to comply unless the parent/grandparent or elders of the local community says otherwise.
It was so cute when an older cousin who was nearly 2 decades older than me tried to pull that on me at a family gathering while I was around 15. Despite his being much taller and well-built, some harsh words and a well-served knuckle sandwich clarified things between us.
I don’t really remember assigned chores. My mother was a SAHM and she felt it was her job to do that while my father worked. I remember occasionally vacuuming, and of course it was expected that you’d pitch in and help someone bring in groceries, take laundry upstairs, etc.
My kids didn’t really have assigned chores, other than everyone just pitching in to set or clear the table or take out the trash or help bring in the groceries. We have a housekeeper; we determined long ago this was a better use of our family time and resources. Of course YMMV.
I think “chores” implies a set routine - Sally sets the table, Billy clears it, Bobby takes out the trash.
We don’t have a set routine - when we eat, everyone gets up and clears the table; when it’s trash night, we just all pitch in and get the trash and recycling out. Sometimes I’ll just say - you guys are hanging out together watching a show I don’t care about; I’ll just do it. I certainly can see having a specific set of assignments but we just never did.
I think many of us have or have had housekeepers, but unless the help is daily, there are still daily stuff to do. For those of us that only have someone come in to clean once a week or every two weeks, there is still laundry, daily kitchen cleaning, dishwasher filling and emptying, meal clean up, cooking, bedroom clean up, etc.
Right, and I guess what I’m saying is that we (personally) have had little need to “assign” those things. Dishwasher is full? Run it. Dishwasher is finished? Empty it. Someone made a Sam’s Club run and is pulling into the garage? Unless you’re performing brain surgery in your bedroom, come down and help put it all away. Dog is whining at the door? Let him out. I guess the word “chores” connotes more of a set schedule to me. So I would say my kids didn’t have chores, but that didn’t mean they could leave a trail behind them and expect others to pick it up.