<p>
Too funny!</p>
<p>morrismm- I am not sure why: I guess I am not sure I want to know if it involves sex oldfort-my D just started seeing this guy-it can’t be that serious yet!</p>
<p>faux, are you saying teenagers never have sex unless they are in a relationship? You’re kidding right?</p>
<p>fauxmaven - D1 likes to bring them around early on. We all know it doesn’t mean the guy is permanent. D2 often carries more weight than us when it comes to D1’s BF. H is kind of dismissive of BFs, he is still in denial.</p>
<p>Forget the traditional linear stages that applied in the past: getting to know each other, a date, more dates- then, deciding to be exclusive and label the relationship. </p>
<p>If he’s “a guy she knows through the dining hall,” it could mean anything. I’d ask if she and her “official bf” are “officially dating.” It’s possible they just gravitate toward each other in group activities. And that, if there is a social event on campus, they assume they might talk about whether they are going to it together, in the same group of friends. </p>
<p>Last year, my dau had an official bf on FB. I asked her if they were dating. No, she said, they sometimes watched tv together. So, why is he your bf? We like each other…but it’s not like we go out on dates. I’m not even sure how much I like him.</p>
<p>So, I guess dating can be a higher level of committment than what you write on FB. Go figure. And, yeah, no telling when they have sex. Or not.</p>
<p>momma-three…yeah, D learned the hard way to no longer announce relationship status on FB. Her relationship with her current BF is no secret by any means but if it ever changed, it doesn’t need a worldwide announcement and so she no longer has a status on FB in terms of her relationships. </p>
<p>Everyone has different criteria I guess as to what a BF/GF “couple” relationship means. But I would not use “dating” as the criteria itself because young couples do not necessarily have a lot of formal “dates.” But if they are in a relationship that is exclusive, then they are a “couple” pretty much. They may be with friends when they go out some of the times and sometimes it is just the two of them. They may spend the night at each other’s apartment and so on. They are not romantically involved with another person. Therefore, they are a couple or BF/GF.</p>
<p>Sooz, that’s exactly why I don’t list relationship status on FB. I see friends statuses changing every day and people flock out of the woodworks to ask every question imaginable.</p>
<p>Facebook aside, I recently learned that “being together” implies a level of commitment, but one that is different from the level of commitment in “going out with” somebody. Apparently the latter implies a public demonstration of commitment. I guess the former means that they are a couple, though I don’t know if the words “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” would be used…I think not.</p>
<p>I am a little uncertain about whether “being with someone” implies complete exclusivity.</p>
<p>And I don’t think I’ll ever understand the fine nuances of the phrase “hooking up.” :D</p>
<p>Apparently, hooking up involves sex, because I was told never to use that term in public ! To me, "hooking up " means connecting (not so literally) ,like I would say to a friend "let’s hook up after PTA meeting for lunch .Didn’t realize there were nuances of this!BTW. the guy who is seeing my D has concert tickets he bought .</p>
<p>Oh, dear. According to my 2D, there’s “hooking up” and there’s “hooking up.” No typo. Apparently, the meaning- at least, among their friends- depends on some secret innuendo or secret wink or whatever it is, to translate it. It’s exactly like the term “making out.” In my day, it meant necking. In my mom’s day, it meant a whole lot more.</p>
<p>Ok, so I think we have learned that (i) there is no one definition of what a bf or gf is in this thread. This comports with my understanding of social chaos, as related by the HS students that I know (I can hardly wait for college…): (ii) it is very bad to put your “status” on FB if you have a lot of friends, because if it changes, you got a lot of 'splaining to do…</p>
<p>Now, I am hopelessly old fashioned, and for this I am continually lambasted by the younger generation for my utterly useless suggestions etc. In my day, your bf took you to the movies, you went bowling (OMG - how utterly geekish), you went to dinner, you went to a concert or dance or sporting event…and there was some romantic involvement (I refuse to kiss and tell…) Going to parties together might also be in the works. I would never have considered that a guy who was just in my group of friends or who I watched tv with was my bf. Like I said before, I am utterly, completely out of touch. It borders on the criminal.</p>
<p>While I am on a run here, I do not have a facebook account, although I have considered it. I will need some counseling to determine just what keeps me from doing it, but some of the things mentioned here seem to reinforce my reluctance. Maybe I have nothing to say, who knows? It would never in a million years have occurred to me that someone might be a bf or gf on a facebook status, but that there was no dating going on. I need a newer version of the urban dictionary, and I need an upload directly to my brain. While we’re at in, please increase my processor speed…</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Hooking up: I agree that it’s meaning seems to be fluid, depending on the context. Sometimes it means what fauxmaven thought it meant . . . but it never means that on Sunday morning! Sometimes it means sex, and sometimes it doesn’t. But if it doesn’t mean sex, it may well mean making out with someone not necessarily appropriate with one or both parties not fully clothed.</p></li>
<li><p>Dating: I never dated, or hardly ever. I don’t think my kids do that, either. Obviously, when a couple is a couple, sometimes they do stuff at night together, alone, out of the house, and it’s a date. But watching my son and his many girlfriends over the years, I think there was only one that he ever had a “date” with before they were official (in the Facebook sense).</p></li>
<li><p>Not posting your relationship status on Facebook: That’s for an older, more sophisticated crowd. I have a hard time imagining an 18-year-old girl not putting her first boyfriend on her Facebook page.</p></li>
<li><p>Maybe the boy wanted the status: Sure. Of course he did. But he didn’t bring it up first.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Re hooking up…I think it always means sex when the young people say it. What degree of sexual activity is the question. Yeah, you probably do have to understand the secret innuendo or wink or whatever to know!!</p>
<p>Re bowling. I think it has lost the geeky stigma it had for a while and is an acceptable thing for kids to do in groups now. </p>
<p>Re couples (post #32)…it is my impression that it is possible for two kids to consider themselves a couple these days, in college at least, yet never really go anywhere alone together in a “date-ish” manner. My impression is that, at least in some college circles, there is enormous value put on being “chill,” and going on dates is not all that “chill.”</p>
<p>I think that, if my 2D knew I am in this posting conversation, they would be mortified.</p>
<p>I tell D1 that if a guy asks her to meet him at a party/bar, that’s not a date. It is also not a date if a guy comes over to see her (and stay overnight) after he is done partying, that’s called “friend with benefit.” If a guy won’t date her, then he is not a BF.</p>
<p>Maybe what I said are wearing off on them, both of our girls do date first (at least go out a few times) before they are GF/BF.</p>
<p>faux…</p>
<p>Did you date much before you were married?</p>
<p>My son is married on FB with dozens of siblings and children. BTW, he has never dated his wife. Well, he did take her to a dance. Just sayin.</p>
<p>Yes, I dated…last century !!Everything is quite different now.I never said to anyone "This is my official boyfriend ". I dated one guy at a time .No Facebook .No Aids .Dated a couple married guys ,but I didn’t know they were taken . I even dated an apple seller at the Renaissance Faire in Marin County because he was so adorable ,and I liked hanging out at night after the faire was closed with all re-enactors in costume around a huge bonfire .</p>
<p>I am happy to report that dating is still alive with post grad young adults. Both my kids (D and S) are young professionals in their twenties and have done a lot of dating in the formal sense of the word…two people go out to dinner or movies or concerts with the males (first few times and mostly) picking up the tabs.</p>
<p>Regarding dating… I never understood the definitions. I wish somebody could explain it to me. You hear people say "oh, we’re seeing each other… " or “oh, we’re just dating… " oh, this is my boyfriend/girlfriend so and so” etc. I have no clue what the differences are. My current “BF” and I never had the “will you be my bf/gf so that we’re official” conversation. We just started by hanging out… went to a bar… went to a diner… played video games… then we started going out for dinners and to movies and whatnot… fast forward 2.5 years later to today… we still go out for dinners and movies but we do a lot more home cooking and entertaining with other couples… took our first vacation together this past summer… we have keys to each others houses…etc… We know we’re BF/GF… Just never had that “chat”. </p>
<p>most recent ex BF however… I remember he asked if he could take me out on an official date. Bought me roses and a box filled with my favorite candies, drove, took me out to dinner and a movie, paid for everything… then like a week or two later, after hanging out a few times, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. That relationship didn’t end too well. </p>
<p>Bottom line, I think people sometimes spend too much time focusing on titles instead of focusing on the other person. But hey, you gotta do what works for you!!</p>