<p>D2 is a senior and is going to homecoming with a guy “as a friend”, but with a whole group of kids, many of whom are “couples”. The parents of one of the girls have suggested having a coed sleepover, following a night of dancing and a limo trip up to Niagara Falls. I guess the guys would sleep in the basement, girls upstairs. I have told D she will need to drive home after the limo brings them to the friends house, no coed sleepovers for her! I see no reason the boys can’t go home at say 2 am. Any thoughts? Am I being too old fashioned, as D says?</p>
<p>I don’t think asking that your daughter come home is unreasonable. My parents didn’t allow co-ed sleepovers in high school, and I don’t remembering suffering too much from it. Homecoming, dance, limo, co-ed sleepover… I foresee alcohol, drugs, and sex (assuming the parents aren’t as fastidious as poster Jym, who hosted an after-prom party and wrote about it famously on CC). I think your decision is fine.</p>
<p>I would allow my child to go, if I had some faith that the parents were responsible. I’ve had co-ed sleepovers at my house, and the boys were downstairs, the girls upstairs, and I slept on the couch so they’d have to get by me to get to each other.</p>
<p>I’m in the how well do you know the parents group. The situation has not arisen with either of my kids, but I would not have a problem with the co ed sleepover if properly supervised. The Limo ride to Niagara Falls has me far more concerned actually - something about kids wandering around after dark next to raging water :)</p>
<p>IMHO: If you know that your D has good judgment, then allow her to stay.The risks of driving home by herself at 2 am are probably bigger than staying at a co-ed party.</p>
<p>To answer OP’s question, I don’t know if you are “too” old fashioned but definitely old fashioned. </p>
<p>I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but in my opinion a senior who is responsible enough to drive at night should be responsible enough to survive a coed sleepover without doing anything she didn’t want to do. If it is OK for the guys to be around until 2 am then isn’t there a lot that they could do, say, between 1am and 2am?</p>
<p>I’M in the howw well do you know the kids and the parents group. If this is a whole new crowd or say, the boy’s friends, I would not want this. But if these are all old friends and they are all going, it is really starting a battle to say no, and oh, I do choose my fights with kids when they get older. Do you know the family whose house is hosting this? Talk to the parents and find out the ground rules. Or even, go over there and help out with the food and whatever.</p>
<p>College is a 4 year coed sleepover. If you’re going to trust her to make her own decisions then, why wouldn’t you trust her now?</p>
<p>They should only be allowed to do group sex at school. </p>
<p>(You have the parent license - so do what makes you feel comfortable, and don’t worry, she’ll only hate you for life. :rolleyes:)</p>
<p>I personally observed several coed sleep-overs at my sister’s lake house involving my nephew and his high school friends. I will admit that it’s a pretty tame crowd, but it was totally fine. </p>
<p>I would allow what your daughter is proposing unless you have concerns about alcohol/cars etc.</p>
<p>I had a coed sleepover after my Junior Prom at my house. My parents would NEVER allow other kids drive home so late at night, especially since they know it’s likely that they were drinking. We set up our couches and blow up mattresses and people were too tired to really think about where they were sleeping and just crashed where ever. </p>
<p>Drowsiness is becoming a much more prominent factor in driving accidents. Your D would be significantly safer staying at her friends house than driving home, IMO.</p>
<p>We didn’t alow D to attend a co-ed sleepover after Jr prom. We could not care less if anyone else thought we were old fashioned or unreasonable. The craziness surrounding this prom was over-the-top as it was. After the prom, a party bus brought D & her friends into Manhattan. Upon return, the bus dropped them at the co-ed sleepover site, but D’s friend’s mom brought the two girls home to crash at their house. After a few hours sleep, they were up & off on another bus to an amusement park.</p>
<p>D later confessed that she was quite glad she’d been forbidden to attend the co-ed event, as she was pretty disgusted by some of the antics on the bus heading to the amusement park the next day.</p>
<p>If your parental radar/family values system doesn’t approve of the co-ed arrangements, then tell her no. But I would go & retrieve her from the house myself, rather than let a young driver head home so late after the Niagra trip. </p>
<p>Stay strong!</p>
<p>Agreed that it depends on how well you know the group of kids and most certainly the parents.</p>
<p>Agreed that the trip to the falls would probably be of more concern to me! Even in a limo!!!</p>
<p>If you are going to require your daughter to drive home at 2 a.m., make sure that it’s legal for her to do so.</p>
<p>In some states, depending on how long she has had her driver’s license, it may not be legal for her to drive at that time of night.</p>
<p>Here’s what happened at my senior prom coed sleepover in 2000:</p>
<p>1) My friend’s federal judge mother and trial lawyer father greeted us at the door and confiscated our keys, to be locked in a drawer. I’m not sure half of us knew why.</p>
<p>2) The girls all trooped into my friend’s room and changed out of our prom dresses into jeans and t-shirts, then went into the living room. </p>
<p>3) We undid our hair and held an impromptu contest for who-had-the-most-bobby-pins-in-her-hair. The guys were all astounded at the final bobby pin counts: 40, 50, 70. </p>
<p>4) We then talked and watched movies until dawn. Someone made a few frozen pizzas. Some of us conked out on the couch.</p>
<p>5) We went home. Our friend’s mom chatted with each of us before we got our keys back. Several of us were still confused as to why she seemed to be scrutinizing each of us, but we liked our friend’s mom, so we didn’t argue.</p>
<p>We were a tame bunch, but it was a ton of innocent fun, I discovered several new bands that I hadn’t listened to before, and we knew we were all going to miss each other terribly when we went off to college. If your daughter’s friends are fairly tame, I wouldn’t be too concerned that anything will happen that is lacking in propriety. (Plus, Niagara Falls is gorgeous!!)</p>
<p>Co-ed sleepovers are forbidden in our family, unless the subject offspring is 18, in which case it is his/her decision and responsibility.</p>
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I agree. If you don’t feel right about it, don’t let her go. </p>
<p>I should mention that I’m 19, and I’m finding it hard to believe that it looks like I’m on the more conservative side on this issue. It sounds like you don’t know the parents or all the other kids very well, and you don’t sound comfortable with the notion of a co-ed sleepover. She’s the kid, you’re the parent, and your position definitely isn’t unreasonable. I knew a number of kids in high school, including the popular kids, whose parents didn’t let them go to co-ed sleepovers.</p>
<p>I’m long past the days of h/s sleepovers for my kids but I can say that all four of my Ds attended and hosted co-ed sleepovers, without any problems arising. If, however, you do not trust your D and/or her friends to be able to do this without a problem, then it’s your prerogative to tell her so. Personally, I’d be far more worried about a group of teens wandering around Niagara Falls late at night. There’s not only the “raging water” that someone else mentioned but 200’ cliffs, as well. Now THERE is the possibility of true risks.</p>
<p>I allowed this several times with both of my boys. In most cases I knew the parents well, and if I didn’t know the parents I knew the host and the friends attending. They played a lot of board games, played basketball outside, listened to music and watched a lot of movies. I don’t think there was much sleeping at these parties, but sleeping on the couch was always allowed.<br>
I agree that it depends on the kids.</p>
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<p>My kids could not drive between 11 pm and 5 am until they were 18 years old. State law.
They had all kinds of sleepovers in high school. They hung out with a big group of kids - sometimes there would be 10 of them and all play video games in someone’s basement all night. These were kids they knew since they were little. I guess you could say they were sleepovers but no sleeping ever occurred. They wore their clothes all night.</p>
<p>As a parent, you have to decide what is right for you and your child. Make the decision and stick to it. If you can’t decide then withhold judgment until you can sit down and have a meaningful conversation - then decide. If you don’t feel comfortable then don’t allow it.</p>