<p>My new high school freshman announced that some kids she knows (boys and girls), including a couple friends, have had coed sleepovers! Now, these are not your average “fast” kids, but good students, nice kids from solid families. It’s not that I would expect it from the other kids either, but from this group? I am shocked, to tell you the truth.</p>
<p>I know a number of these families have known each other since their kids were babies, so maybe they look at it like a sibling sleepover; nonetheless, I’ve seen these kids together, and they are all hanging all over each other, and it doesn’t look like siblings, unless it’s incest.</p>
<p>Coed sleepovers were never once an issue when my older kids were young teenagers (they are several years older than my caboose child). The first time there was a hint of anything overnight coed was junior prom, and that was chaperoned well. I think the parents of my DD’s friends just go to sleep, leaving five to eight 14-15 year olds “sleeping”, so to speak.</p>
<p>Is this the new normal? Is so, my daughter will quickly become an outcast, because I am horrified, quite frankly.</p>
<p>My social circle in high school had those all the time. I am a senior in college now. I was never allowed to go, even if there were no guys there but the openly gay ones. My mom said it was wrong, “on principle.” It ****ed me off at the time but I ended up opting for all-female housing after finding myself uncomfortable in co-ed my first year. Funny how things seem to sink in over time.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t think she’d be an outcast unless things have REALLY changed in the last four years. When it was my group, I was not the only one not allowed to go.</p>
<p>If you are not comfortable, then don’t let her go.</p>
<p>My kids’ school had kids from all over the state, so it 's quite normal for kids to live an hour apart, so co-ed sleep overs were quite common. That being said, most of them didn’t start until junior/senior year.The first time my daughter did it was after the junior prom.</p>
<p>D2 had a lot of kids in her class who had older siblings in D1’s class. I have known most of those parents since D1 was in grade school. What I’ve noticed with those parents was they all got lazy (relaxed) with their younger kid. Things they wouldn’t let their older kids do, with their younger ones, it was anything goes. </p>
<p>When D2 was 15, one of the father actually provided alcohol for his daughter’s party, and stood guard to make sure cops didn’t show up. His excuse was it was safer for those kids to drink at his house. A lot of parents knew what was happening at the party, but they still allowed their kids to go because they didn’t want their kids to be outcasts.</p>
<p>Go with your own instinct and what you think is right for your daughter.</p>
<p>No way. Not at 14. Perhaps as junior/senior in high school because by then they are doing it regardless of whether you know it or not.</p>
<p>On another note, how is everyone with leaving groups of 13-14 year old girls alone in a residence till 2-3 am? I know someone doing this and she has no problem with it. I find it outrageous.</p>
<p>In our area, co-ed sleepovers in high school is a code for—We’ll be drinking tonight so we’re going to sleep over here so we can sleep it off and our parents will never know. And yes, it included “good kids”. </p>
<p>Around this age, it was typical for the parents of the “nerdy smart kid” to host these co-ed sleepovers in order to help their kid get into the “cool” group. These same parents went out and bought the beer for the kids. It happens often around here. Parent feels that this will help the kid be accepted into a cooler social circle.
The plan usually works but the parents don’t even get the fact that the “cool” kids are only using their kid for the free beer and parties.</p>
Wouldn’t it be worse at 16-18? I mean, 74% of all high school seniors in the US have had sex. And they could have co-ed sleepovers without you knowing? I suppose they could sneak out, but that poses a risk for them. Plus, if they’re the kind of kids doing that, they’re likely the kind who wouldn’t just be sleeping.</p>
<p>If “all the other parents” allow this and you don’t, then they will be nuts, and you will not be nuts.</p>
<p>As Yenta says in “Fiddler on the Roof,” “From such children, come other children.” Because, seriously, the good 14-year-olds are thinking about sex, too.</p>
<p>Oh…and leaving a bunch of 13-year-olds in an empty house until 2:00 a.m.? THAT’s nuts!</p>
<p>nysmile…same here. In fact our town just adopted a social host ordinance that specifically says adults who own the home are responsible whether they are present at the time or not.</p>
<p>Sleepovers, in general, were a problem for my older kids too, who were, by and large, honest and very “good kids” too. But the only trouble either ever got in when they were in high school happened during sleepovers (saying they were one place, but being another, using the car in the middle of the night, older siblings of friends getting beer, etc). It was just too loose having the whole night, particularly because parents have to sleep, even if kids don’t.</p>
<p>I’m not much of a sleepover fan anyway, but the whole idea of coed sleepovers seems over the top, and just a recipe for all kinds of disaster.</p>
<p>And Oldfort, these kids all live at most 15 minutes away from each other. There is no reason at all that everyone can’t go home.</p>
<p>This is one thing I have always done with my kids…They were required to call me from a land line whenever they went to someone’s house, and the call id better say it’s from so and so house. I have also checked up on them on their friend’s land line.</p>
<p>Remembering back to when I was that age, I think it’s a very bad idea. And I was a ‘smart nerdy kid’. With raging hormones.</p>
<p>I would not allow it if it were to come up with my kids. It never happened in my S’s friend group, and my D’s will probably be attending an all girls high school.</p>
<p>Though I imagine just girls can get up to things too…</p>
<p>Only co-ed sleepover allowed was on NY’s eve, at same girl’s house for years. Otherwise, boys slept over each others house many times, but never co-ed. Us parents made the exception for NY’s eve, as we didn’t want kids on the road (& felt very safe with her parents).</p>
<p>Billy MC, having a group of mixed boys and girls at ages 17-18 does not automatically mean an orgy. Yeah, there might be lots of cuddling and overt group friendliness/friends with some benefits kind of stuff but from what I’ve seen the larger the group in a room the less likely sex is going to happen. My son had a group of close friends comprised of boys, girls, gays and lesbians. There was not much actual sex going on in the large gatherings. The smaller ones were the ones to watch out for.</p>
<p>I rarely allowed my son to do single-sex sleepovers much less co-ed. In son’s circle, sleepovers were designed to let the kids drink as much as they wanted and not have to face their parents at the end of the evening. The sleepovers were invariably at the houses where the parents allowed drinking (and sometimes supplied the alcohol). Fortunately for me, son got caught lying about a sleepover during the summer between 9th and 10th grade and that was it. The week he left for college we refused to let him sleepover at someone’s house where the parents were known to supply alcohol. My main reason for refusal is I refuse to support any parent who willingly breaks the law. We had a girl a few years before whose parents regularly supplied alcohol to their daughter and her friends under the guise of 'would rather have them drink here, blah, blah, blah." Well, said girl went out the night before leaving for college and killed herself in a one-car accident - she was wasted and had just dropped off several kids.</p>
<p>We did, however, let him go a co-ed camp-out after senior prom. There were parent chaperones but we also know there was drinking going on. As they get closer to going off to college, you learn to pick your battles.</p>
<p>Honestly, I don’t see the need for co-ed sleepovers - especially at 14, 15, 16.</p>
<p>I hated ANY sleepovers. If these are “good” kids they are probably stretched a little too thin with homework, sports, music, etc. On the weekends, they need to catch up on sleep otherwise they are just dragging thru the next week.</p>
<p>Out church wanted to do “lock-ins” when DD was about that age. Fortunately, most of the other moms were of like mind and we convinced the youth minister that our kids would have to be filled with the Lord during normal waking hours.</p>
<p>This brings back memories. When my daughter was abut 14 her best friend had moved to a small town (very small, and that is from someone who lives in a < 25,000 population town) about 1 1/2 hours away. The next year she was invited to the friend’s birthday party which was going to be a co-ed sleepover. We must be in the dark ages as well as we absolutely would not allow her to stay. Husband and I drove her and another friend from our town (a boy who was going to be allowed to stay) to the party and drove to the nearby big city (about 1/2 hour away) and went out for a meal and a movie. Came back to get her and as we were leaving the boy ran up and banged on our window and said could we give him a lift back as he was not comfortable in the crowd and did not want to stay.</p>
<p>My daughter and the friend grew apart for several years but have reconnected recently. She is one of those girls that is just the sweetest girl and really pretty but is wilder than a march hare. Her parents just have different attitudes. Well, her graduation present was a boob job.</p>
<p>My kids are also not into sleepovers. They would prefer to go to a sleepover party and be picked up at 12, and we usually agreed to stay up to pick them up. Part of the reason was they usually had very early dance lessons, or they were too tired after a whole day of lesson and wanted to sleep in their own bed. D1 did ask to do few co-ed sleep overs late senior year, but it was only a handfu of timesl. She told me there was going to be some drinking. She had 16 co-ed best friends. Right or wrong, I felt comfortable with them and their parents.</p>
<p>Now almost 4 years later, most of them are still in touch. A lot of them worked in NYC this summer, so it was like back in HS again for some of them. D1 may end up rooming with one of those good friends next year when they work in NYC.</p>