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<p>No, that is not what I am saying. Again, you are bringing something up that was several months ago because you are bitter. Knock it off. It is irrelevant to the conversation.</p>
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<p>That is exactly the point.</p>
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<p>No, I’m not. But I had knew something was not right about Chris Brown, and it was until he beat Rihanna that I found out what the problem.</p>
<p>PB, I think you lost crediblity and our respect for your judgement with your mean comments. Calling the poster “sweetie?” I don’t think you really wanted our opinions. I’ve changed mine: go for it!</p>
<p>Cohabitation should be a mutual decision between two self-supporting adults. It takes a lot of adjustment, maturity and effort to live successfully and happily in a meaningful relationship with another person (as opposed to just being roommates for convenience and finances). From what the OP has said, she is not yet in a good position to make the decision to live with a partner.</p>
<p>If you are unsure, hold off. Many kids I know cohabited unofficially. That they had a safe harbor place to go made things a lot easier. If you think you might be spending much of your time with him, get a really inexpensiver living arrangement for yourself. </p>
<p>It also gives you a place to go if things don’t work out. “The War of the Roses” is not funny, when it happens to you. In the middle of a term, finding alternate housing may not be easy especially under stress. That you have a your own safe haven can make things easier. Also it may comfort your parents. I don’t support cohabitation. I think if someone wants to do it, fine, but not on my dime.</p>
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<p>PrincessBride, if you can’t tell him this how are you going to work out the issues that arise with moving in together? There are a myriad of them, who is going to pay for what, who is going to make dinner, who is going to wash the dishes, how is the rest of the housework going to be divided.</p>
<p>You seem to communicate through actions. For example, you believe you are sending a clear message to potential suitors by not inviting them into your dorm room. You believe that everyone notices the actions and interprets it as you want them interpreted.</p>
<p>When I was in college it would never have occurred to me that letting a boy into my dorm room meant he could make advances. But that was OK because if he made any unwanted advances I would then tell him no. That is the nice thing about clear communication. I don’t assume the other person and I think a certain gesture means the same thing.</p>
<p>What is more likely to sink you and your boyfriend is not whether you live in sin but your inability to talk to each other in an honest way.</p>
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<p>I really hope you said this without thinking about what you were saying. If this girl says she was raped then those allegations need to be taken seriously, not dismissed with “now she is crying rape”. If there was alcohol involved, if they were in her dorm room, that does not change that a sexual assault may have taken place. Obviously, I don’t know what happened and the three boys need to have a chance to give their version of the story also.</p>
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<p>Like Oldfort, I have a daughter at Cornell. Students living in Ithaca sign leases for off-campus housing for the following school year before Thanksgiving of the current school year. After Thanksgiving, most of the good off-campus housing is already taken. Similar situations exist in other communities that are dominated by college students.</p>
<p>It’s crazy, but it’s real. And yes, students do have to give notice almost a year in advance.</p>
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<p>I don’t think that many of today’s young women ever intend to pick up a man’s dirty underwear, regardless of marital status.</p>
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<p>I second that. We live in a new age. No disrespect to the mother-in-law in this story but she might not have worked outside of the home. In the case where both partners work everyone needs to pitch in around the house and it is easier to establish those expectations sooner rather than later.</p>
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<p>I would like to hear the other three boys perspective, but all three were treated guilty before proven innocent. I honestly get sick of seeing all these men (particularly minority men!) be accused of something without evidence. Scottsborro anyone?</p>
<p>I think it also needs to be pointed out that not all raped victims are treated equally. If she is a pretty, blonde, white, and upper-class, police are all over it, but if it were someone like me (black and middle-class), the claim would be ignored. </p>
<p>At any rate, a fellow co-worker of mine and I were talking about the issue. She was far more blunt and says that the girl was not raped and that she was basically “asking for it.”</p>
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<p>She deserved it. She keeps following me around and acting like an immature baby for cryin’ out loud! </p>
<p>And yes, I wanted opinions from MATURE ADULTS. I want to thank all those adults for giving me their input and advice. I did NOT, however, appreciate the unnecessary comments made by her.</p>
<p>How EXACTLY does one ask for rape? Please, enlighten me.</p>
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<p>I think the concept is that if a young woman dresses in a way that is sexually appealing, she is “advertising” her sexual availability and therefore has consented to sex. Similarly, if she allows herself to get into a private setting with a man (or men) in which sex could take place (e.g., a dorm room), then she has consented to have sex. Or, if she allows limited intimacies (e.g., kissing) to take place, she has consented to any and all sexual acts that may follow.</p>
<p>With this line of thinking, the woman didn’t ask for rape, exactly, but she did give implied consent to any sexual acts that might occur. </p>
<p>Of course, this concept is at the very least outdated and probably always was incorrect. The idea of implied consent is a dangerous one. I can see how it developed, though. Some generations ago, nice girls didn’t say outright that they wanted to have sex, so guys had to sort of guess whether their partner was willing based on her actions (such as allowing herself to get in a situation where she and her partner would have privacy). But today’s young women have no problem saying that they want to have sex, so guys have no excuse for relying on cues that may be wrong.</p>
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<p>Took the words out of my mouth, uc_dad! </p>
<p>I’m not a big fan of living together. If marriage (to anyone) is your long range goal, co-habitating with someone often slows down the process. After all, you’ve lived together for 5 years without being married, why get married in year 6?</p>
<p>Twenty two years ago there was a colleague at work that used to say to every girl in the office: "Remember don’t move in with your boyfriend – ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free’, then he laughed.</p>
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<p>This idiom is usually used to refer to men who don’t want to get married, when they can get all the benefits of marriage without getting married.</p>
<p>Sounds kind of vulgar, but was he right?</p>
<p>pea: Yes, my MIL did not work outside of the home and even if today’s young women may not expect to pick up their husband’s dirty underwear some studies do show that married women spend more time taking care of the house than the husband’s do. This is an interesting article about female scientists in this situation: <a href=“http://chronicle.com/article/Female-Scientists-Do-More/63641/[/url]”>http://chronicle.com/article/Female-Scientists-Do-More/63641/</a></p>
<p>Now in our house my husband and I defaulted to traditional chores from early on. I am in charge of the inside of the house and he is in charge of the outside and major repairs. Although, he doesn’t hesitate to help out in the house; I just don’t want him doing laundry. Actually, my husband probably does more each week because he is a very early riser and I sleep late on weekends. Many times by 8:00 am on Saturday morning I am still in bed and he has finished a bunch of work and then he has cooked breakfast for the two of us.</p>
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<p>I think this idea is based on the assumption that all women want to get married and all men want to avoid getting married. But we all know that there are plenty of instances where this is not true.</p>
<p>I hope this man has stopped spouting this “wisdom” sometime in the past 22 years. Not only is it a cliche, it could possibly be construed as some sort of harrassment. Criticizing the living arrangements of one’s colleagues may have been OK then, but it certainly is not OK now.</p>
<p>I’m not a fan of living together. I’m of the school, get married if that’s what you want. That said, I’m a huge fan of the experience of young people living on their own and having the experieince of a personal space for a while separate from the parents’ home, the dorm room, the sorrority, etc.</p>
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<p>He should have been slapped. </p>
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<p>See above.</p>
<p>^^^I used to get this bologna from co-workers who thought it was the ‘trendy’ or funny thing to say. I usually responded pretty deadpan ‘I am not a bovine. I do not milk for free or otherwise.’. It would be the last time I heard that comment, or any other about my relationship, from that person.</p>
<p>For some reason people think they can share their opinions with you even if they are not close friends or family. Even then, it is often none of their business. They don’t know all of the reasons why you are putting off a wedding day so it’s unfair to judge. In our case an engagement that lasted 1.5 years was to make sure family from overseas could be there. We thought about going to the jp first, then just having the large family ceremony, but when your grandmother calls from half a world away and asks you please to wait… </p>
<p>People don’t always know why you make the decisions you do. Parents certainly have a right to voice their opinion… beyond that I don’t think it’s anyone’s business unless they are paying the bill.</p>