What advice would you give to parents of high achieving juniors and seniors?
What I asked of my parents, and it really helped me during the process- let the kid ask for help. Don’t become the helicopter parent that wants to over-edit essays, hyper analyze every word in the common app, etc. AO’s say in every info session and conversation that they want to see 17, 18 year olds applying, not their parents. Help with proofreading, financial aid stuff, making sure they stay on track for deadlines, but don’t take control over every little aspect.
Noted.
Here are a few things I can think of offhand. Hope it helps.
–**Be honest with the student upfront about any limitations you have on their higher education (finances, geography, anything else) so there are no last minute surprises on that front. This is probably the single most important thing a parent can do.
–Without being overbearing, be aware of deadlines and check that the student is on target (ex. to sign up for standardized tests, applications deadlines etc.). Also, suggest that they ask for teacher recommendations at the end of junior year (rather than the start of senior year).
–Visit colleges with your child if possible. Never opine on a school until your child has given his/her opinion first. And don’t visit any colleges you are not willing to send your child to (as they will inevitably fall in love with that school).
–Be available to proofread if asked. Proofread for grammar etc, never change the content of an essay. If you feel something is really terrible/inappropriate let your child know and let him/her fix it. The essays must be in the student’s voice and say what he/she wants to say.
–Help prepare the necessary financial aid forms.
–Check that your child applies to a good mix of schools – including reach, match, and safety schools that appear affordable and that he/she would be happy to attend. Often the hardest thing is to find a good safety school or two. If you have a good guidance counselor work with him/her on developing this list. There are also some good college guide books (ex. Fiske, Princeton Review) that can be helpful.
–Act as a positive, reassuring force. Do not let your child’s (or your own) self-worth get tied into what school they get into and what school they don’t get into. Be sure they understand there are many schools where they can have a great 4 years and get where they want to in life.
Insightful.
There are two parts to attending college. 1. Getting in. 2. Being able to pay for it. Where the challenge often occurs for the high stat student is while their stats make them statistically qualified for nearly any school not every school will accept them. There are something like 37100 high schools in this country each with their high stat students plus high stat students from all over the world attempting to get into our best universities. Take a pragmatic approach. Apply to a variety of schools but understand that your child must be ready to attend any school they apply too especially the safeties. Settling on one “dream school” can be a recipe for disappointment and heartache.
As for being able to pay for it. Only you know your financial situation or how much risk you are willing to take. I believe it’s best to establish in advance how much you’re willing to contribute. Your contribution can come from savings, current income or money you are willing to borrow. Discuss it with your child before they begin the application process and understand that attending any of the schools will be predicated on it being affordable. Any money needed beyond what you are willing to contribute must be covered by scholarships, financial aid, direct student loans, or work.
I think it is super important for parents to temper their kids’ expectations. Read this: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1878059-truthful-advice-about-getting-into-top-colleges-for-your-average-excellent-student-p1.html
Good information.
Check applications and requirements carefully. Several parents on the Cal Poly SLO forum this year found out their kids missed key data that likely cost them admission.
Have a couple of academic and financial safeties so the student has choices in the spring in case everything else falls through. These are the schools the student is likely to get into (~40% acceptance rate), can afford, and will be happy to attend.
@Lindagaf Re Post #6, that thread is one of the most helpful threads I’ve read on CC. It should be required reading!
If you can pay the total cost, take advise from others who were in the same position.
If you need financial aid, take advice from others who were in the same position.
Drive them to visit. Don’t be the parent on the tour who asks 20 questions.
Suggest a few options if they don’t have a well rounded list.
Don’t compare your kid to other kids applying from her class. That will drive you crazy. All is not fair in this process. It is quite possible that a classmate with ‘lower stats’ but some type of hook will get accepted to a school your child gets denied at. You tell your kid, that they are not in competition with each other, that they are looked at in separate pools.
Or you could have a kid that is in the same pool with lower stats getting in because of some intangible special thing that holistic admissions is all about. You can’t try to apply rational thought to a lot of it, because again it will drive you crazy. The point is, focus on your child, not anyone else’s.
Do not talk colleges or the process into the ground. Give them space and time to process it on their own. As an adult, you will learn things to consider 100 mph faster than they can because they are young and inexperienced. Don’t expect them to keep up with your speed. Downshift to their speed.
Besides financial things that need to be laid out, have minimal opinions on a school or your will create bias that is hard for them to erase in their mind. This can work against you - they will like what you don’t, and will hate what you like etc, bottom line is, all your opinions create a cloud that prevents getting a good read on what they truly think. Go on college tours and basically say nothing, let them do the talking during and after. Leave room for their questions.
A few weeks ago, I saw the tipping point in my D’s eyes when I brought up something about college. So we went into the silent zone at our house until the rest of the decisions come out (unless she brings something up which is unlikely). We know what we know for now, won’t do any good to discuss it anymore until we have all the results. We are trying to enjoy these last months at home and enjoying talking about other things that aren’t college! Good luck, it’s quite a ride.
Prepare a vague generic response for people who want to know where your child is applying, and later, where they were accepted. It will give your child and your family some privacy and space. Eventually you may need a similar response for where s/he chooses to attend. Maybe you/they don’t want to broadcast that they didn’t get into Harvard, or go into the reasons they chose State U over Yale or Vassar.
Evaluate your family financial situation and figure out a price limit on college costs without compromising your retirement or other financial needs. Be sure to consider multiple kids’ college costs if you have multiple kids.
Run some net price calculators on various types of schools (e.g. your state flagship, local state university, some realistic-for-admissions schools other than in-state public universities) to get an idea of what kind of costs after financial aid you may be looking at.
Once you have your financial limitations, communicate them honestly to the student before s/he starts making his/her application list, and make it clear that admission but too expensive is the same as rejection.
I hope with your input and experience, I’ll be able to handle it better than I would’ve done on my own.
Great advice here! Especially about keeping expectations reasonable and not letting your high-stats kid fall in love with one school.
I have one thing to add: have your teen start filling out the common application during the summer before senior year. Plan that summer so they have some free time to start working on the main essay in August (I had my son finish it before summer ended, as well as fill out most of the application because he plays a fall sport). If you have a high stat kid, there will be many, many essays in their future. Supplemental essays for colleges, but also for scholarships! Can you reuse some supplemental essays? Sometimes but not always. Start early (summer) to avoid rushing later!!!
Also, if SAT, ACT, and (if needed by any schools that the student will possibly apply to) SAT subject tests are done by the end of junior year, that (in addition to high school record) gives the student a better idea of what may be realistic schools to apply to, and allows for retries in senior year if desired.
Be open to other options. Not every kid wants to go to college.