This is much more in line with what we did… a party at a local club for my D21’s friend group. We did splurge a bit (in expense) because these kids lost so much in junior/senior year because of covid.
The idea of a bed party or sharing details of scholarships publicly… many of the trends I read about on CC… were just not part of our experience. It was not done at my D’s high school. I realize regions and schools have different practices, and I support whatever works for an individual student/family, but that was just not done in our little part of the world.
All 5 of our kids still have so many close friends from childhood, many from elementary, even our 28 year old. I love it so much when they come over. Since I was a SAHM and live in a walking town, I had kids here all of the time, day and night. H and I grew up here as well, and we are still very close with our childhood friends. Of course all of us developed close friendships in college and as parents.
Sounds like it was once a cute tradition and was totally ruined by Instagram. I feel like the whole point of bed parties now is to have a good picture to post when you announce where your kid is going.
It would never have occurred to me to post those pictures on social media, I didn’t even have any myself to be honest (I’m the opposite of folks who post everything, I had to send in a childhood photo of my daughter to go along with a cute story from her childhood to her sorority for senior night, I almost had to ask her best friend’s mom if she had any, luckily there was a soccer photo magnet on my fridge so I took a picture of it).
I told my kids it was a good thing that they both have the same school colors and that it also happens to be the colors of S23s high school. Even my daughter’s university’s initials and his high school’s initials are the same. Everyone was already outfitted when it was time to stock up on college gear.
I think that is a really strange way to look at them. Me posting a couple of photos with some school merch is not my kid being entitled. It is simply us being excited our kid is launching from the nest and going on her next adventure.
Personal dig edited out by moderator
Of course spending a bunch of money on a bed party seems silly but from what I have seen, most of the decor or items bought are things the kid will likely use at the school anyways (minus the big balloon arches or streamers). Homecoming mums in some regions seem over the top to me too but I try not to judge someone simply because they celebrate certain events a bit differently than I do.
I am the “photo mom.” I am not to the extreme as many of my friends are. When the kids were little I took tons of pics on vacations and such. Now I do try to get a couple of photos a year if I am lucky with my adult kids. But as equally weirded out as I think some of you are about bed parties and such, I am equally perplexed at some of the choices others make.
There’s much about college admissions and costs that are truly unexplainable or annoying for sure. I just don’t think attacking other parents for celebrating is helpful.
I think the word “extravagant” is what bothers me. We didn’t buy one bit of college swag for either of our kids before they were actually at their colleges. They got some freebies from their schools (car decals, T shirts), but we just did not think it necessary to decorate the house (or even our cars) with this stuff.
Of course, to each their own, but I agree with @abasket this is over the top.
KISS was our motto. Sure get a hoodie, or a throw. But it’s the extravagance that is off putting.
Did anyone say it was??? I was referring to the topic of the thread “College Bed Parties” which focused on the ridiculous amount of money some spend. It’s the “over the top” nature of the expense that screams entitlement to me.
“Bed parties” are totally not a thing where we live. But I don’t see anything wrong with them, for people who enjoy them. The kid is going to college, you might as well celebrate this rite of passage in whatever way makes you & the kid happy. It’s maybe a little bit silly, but no more ridiculous than many of the other kid-related parties that parents throw.
When S23 was doing admitted student visits and making final decisions, we encouraged him to get any stuff he wanted. The cost of these souvenirs was a drop in the bucket compared to the total cost of the trips! He still enjoys wearing the sweatshirts / tshirts from the schools that he liked but didn’t pick, and it has led to interesting conversations for him at times.
It’s noticeable that college acceptance bed parties seem to be mostly a thing for girls. Do boys and their parents just not celebrate their college acceptances? From my perspective, 15 years in the rear view mirror, it does feel a bit over the top and the main purpose seems to be for staging a social media post, not celebrating admission or decision.
Some think college coaches and essay tutors or expensive colleges are over the top. 2k for party decorations and swag isnt a huge expense comparitively. Judging parents or assuming a kid is entitled for celebrating college choice seems silly.
Its such a small percentage of kids doing more lavish parties so why people are so negative who knows.
My kid didnt have friends over when we quick decorated but I dont see having close friends celebrate with my kid as a bad thing. (Shes invited friends over for “less”).
Theres enough judgment and competition over college acceptances and choices as is.
Some people do bed parties. Others do lavish dorm decorating. Some do sorority rush to the extreme. Others spend money on test prep and consultants. None of those are my style but hey, those kids may be getting the same degree from the same college as your kid so in the end it doesnt really matter.
I first heard about the bed parties pre-pandemic. Friends on Long Island in in NJ were posting them on social media. In their defense, they weren’t at the ridiculous level that the ones in articles are. In their cases, their child’s friends spent their own money for all the decorations (Dollar Store, I’m guessing) and mom & dad threw in a hoodie and a T-shirt. They did not include all of the color-coordinated food that I’m seeing now.
Celebrate your children however you see fit. I think the thing that ruffles feathers is the near constant need for some people to post all of this over-the-top-ness on social media as some kind of way to get validation that they are a “great parent” because they are doing these extravagant things. Others can’t afford it or if they can, think it’s ridiculous, so they don’t do similar things - but maybe seeing the videos and pics on SM make some of them feel a bit guilty that they can’t or won’t do similar things. It doesn’t mean we love our kids any less because we didn’t do a bed party.
So, live your lives, take your pics and upload them to your computer. The world doesn’t need to see everything.
My issue isn’t with the bed parties, per se, it is with the social media posts. Celebrate your child as much and however you want privately! It is wonderful your kid got in wherever – but spare a thought for all those who didn’t get admitted, or for whom high school was a struggle. And for whom seeing those posts might be hard. I just dislike public bragging, and this comes too close to that for my comfort.
But I don’t see anything wrong with them, for people who enjoy them. The kid is going to college, you might as well celebrate this rite of passage in whatever way makes you & the kid happy. It’s maybe a little bit silly, but no more ridiculous than many of the other kid-related parties that parents throw.