Well…we do have The Bragging Thread! And it’s such a nice place to share.
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And if you look, you will see I have never posted there 
BUT – I love that thread! It’s great, because people aren’t posting to those in the same boat – not about college admissions to an audience also applying to colleges e.g.
Bed parties where I live are 100% done by friends, no parent involvement.
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My kids were welcome to decorate their bedrooms as they wanted. BUT in high school, except for a same sex overnight guest, they were not allowed to “entertain” in their bedrooms. So a Bed Party with guests would not have happened here.
But they could have decorated for their graduation BBQs if they had wanted to do so. They didn’t.
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As a NJ resident on the other side of NYC thank you, I think our bed parties are different than what the original post is about, friends, dollar store, fun. And as far as I know, just a girl thing (I can’t imagine my sons wanting anything to do with it).
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As the OP, I have to say I had NEVER heard of bed parties before so my first and only exposure was this article along with the pics they displayed! Which don’t exactly scream Dollar Store!!
Reminder that CC is supposed to be a friendly and welcoming place.
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First, opinions are a form of judgment—we all have them, and we’re entitled to share them. The OP asked for opinions, and that’s what this thread is about. In fact, much of this forum is built on the exchange of opinions. Judgment, in a negative sense, comes into play when we dismiss or think less of someone simply for having a different perspective. I didn’t see that.
I’m female, but I raised only boys. Now that I’m closer to 70 than 60, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing incredible progress in my lifetime—women gaining more freedom to be themselves and breaking barriers in academics, sports, careers, and salaries. The opportunities available today are remarkable compared to what past generations experienced, and it’s encouraging to see how far we’ve come.
But I worry that certain trends, that do have a bit of princess vibe—like college acceptance bed parties, elaborate prom proposals, #RushTok, week-long bachelorette trips, ‘Say Yes to the Dress, etc., that create a constant pressure to curate these moments for social media—are sending the wrong message. It reinforces the idea that validation must come from external sources rather than from within. I just don’t think that’s a great lesson for young women, and to me it seems a step backwards.
I’m all for celebrating our girls with family and friends, I just don’t think curating moments for the purpose of posting on social media is a positive thing and that seems to be the main purpose of the bed parties in the NYT article.
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Count me as another who had never heard of bed parties. I had missed the previous thread about it. Does seem like more of a girl thing. Honestly, for me, I struggle the most with food in the bedroom??? Are they eating cake in the bedroom?
We visited lots of colleges. We bought a t-shirt at every one we visited. After ds made his choice, we donated all the rest to the school guidance counselor who used them as decor in her office.
We had college-themed cookies as part of our meal at the small family high school graduation gathering we had for ds. He asked for a college-themed cake for his summer birthday after he graduated.
I don’t think a bed party is something I would choose to do, or that ds would have wanted, but I am very much a live and let live kind of person. People use social media in all sorts of ways. What one person views as bragging, others just view as sharing life. I see lots of things I would never post. I probably post things others would never post. If someone becomes too, “extra” for me, I just unfollow.
Everybody is judging everybody all the time. Social media just makes it easier to do.
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The dollar store bed parties here are really a 10 minute photo op with friends, no eating involved. Things like promposals are also low key (my daughter sent her boyfriend a potatogram in the mail, another daughter put her promposal in her bio in the school play program, it’s not limited to the boys).
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I keep my personal social media page where I post most of my kids stuff with direct contacts only that wouldn’t see me announcing college choice as bragging. Post divorce, some of my kids dad’s family really appreciate me keeping them up to date (as their dad is not a communicator).
As my son and his gf were here on spring break, they were talking about social media. They told me that liking a “story” implied very close connection to the poster versus simply just liking a post. I found that odd but I think its helpful to understand their viewpoints (even if we disagree with them). How I as a 50 plus year old mom interpret social media can be different than a teen or young adult.
In the end, I am entering a phase where I am going to assume good intent when people post about their kids college choice. Having been through this twice, I know there are many factors at play and that my situation may not be someone elses situation. My oldest barely made it out of high school and a 4 year degree was not for him. Middle kid is going to an expensive college and not all know he is there with reduced tuition because I sacrificed my own salary for almost a decade now to give him even a small chance at having more college options. Youngest is going to a school that very few around where we live have even heard of and already I have had friends reach out asking about the college based on seeing a “bed party” video and I have enjoyed sharing cost effective options that they may not have heard about.
We live in an area where only 70% go to to 4 year colleges and most of those go to instate publics. I have actually had really positive responses from my social media posts as people have gone off line and asked questions about the college admissions process and college costs because our gc here just don’t talk about getting out of state much. I’ve received a handful of thank you because my post helped educate parents.
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According to my kids, most of these kids are totally embarrassed that their parents are posting this on their social media. The ones that aren’t usually have very curated SM themselves, and let’s just say that my kids are embarrassed for them.
I had a chuckle when an old friend living in a very “keep up with the Joneses” town (on LI) posted a bed party picture that I could only assume was put together by a professional to add to the sorority rush profile. Only to announce 3 weeks later that DD changed her mind and would be attending a different college.
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My kids hardly ever post on conventional social media (I believe my youngest posts on Snap Chat), so they would be embarrassed by more than the occasional brag post.
To each their own but for me, it’s more of a reading the room threshold. If SM friends aren’t posting every little A+ in science class, I take that as a cue. I save my brags for my interpretation of really big events, like my youngest graduating from college in May.
I have quite a few friends who have never made a single SM about their kids college choice.
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I think a post about where they will spend their next four years is appropriate. Lots of people want to know. It’s big news and it’s an accomplishment. A flag, a picture of the school, a picture while visiting the school are all “appropriate”. It’s the posts that are staged to be “on trend” that I view as insincere and all about the picture rather than the substance.
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Of course people should celebrate college decisions however they like.
I just hope the point of people’s bed parties is to share happy/exciting news and not just to generate a splashy social media post.
They weren’t a “thing” when my kids went to college but woukd we have done then if they were? Absolutely. This was exactly the kind of fun thing my kids would have been into. They both obtained a ton of gear after getting their acceptances ( not one shred before….both were aghast at kids buying gear on college tours because that seemed to my kids like tempting the fates). The gear my kids bought as fashion forward young women was often from ETSY or other places which made more custom stuff. And both went to schools with big “ game days” so the gear was very much worn.
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