<p>My oldest son emotionally and academically “skipped” high school, the reason for which we haven’t figured out a dozen years later. His high school was super competitive, not a good fit for him, but he refused to consider any kind of private school. He spent his days in our kitchen – where we had moved his computer to limit usage – playing video games and later teaching himself programming. There were a few courses he came alive for, e.g., economics with a stimulating teacher. He did have internships at a top financial services company for three summers where he came alive and worked at a high technical level, so we knew he had potential, and he could get along with and was liked by people he respected.
His corporate handle was “Doogie Hauser.”</p>
<p>His choices for college were limited because of low GPA and SAT scores, although like your stepson he assumed he’d attend. He chose UMass Lowell because he respected its computer science program; he wouldn’t get out of the car at several private colleges. He floundered through freshman year taking remedial courses because he hadn’t learned math basics in high school. By sophomore year he was on academic probation and spoke of moving to California. Needless to say, all these years were tough on my husband and myself. We knew we had provided him a supportive and loving family life but felt powerless to motivate him.</p>
<p>Midway through sophomore year the department chair for the computer science department pulled him aside and read him the riot act: You think you’re going to be a top computer scientist? Think again. You are almost out the door and then what will you do; you will not be hired by any company.</p>
<p>My son took this professor’s admonition to heart; it obviously mattered to him what this man thought and he did want success in life. And he had seen his classmates from less affluent backgrounds working terribly hard because they were paying the tuition themselves. He moved back home and commuted to school. He had so much learning to catch up on! He sat in the same corner in our kitchen and studied literally nonstop for two and a half years. My husband and I alternated between being so relieved and happy and wishing he wasn’t always there under our feet with his piles of books and nalgene bottles. </p>
<p>He ended up graduating with a decent GPA and was hired by a prestigious local computer company. He is a software engineer, an inveterate learner, perpetually curious, and engaged to a brilliant Ph.D. who also will be a lifelong learner. </p>
<p>I guess the moral of his story is to have patience with the late-bloomer. I am so glad I didn’t alienate him when he was not performing. And going to a nonprestigous college can be the perfect choice.</p>