<p>jmmom, thanks for your response. Actually, we visited Sacred Heart and she loves the school but I don’t get the sense that she’d get in. Everything they said seemed to me to be that unless you’re a 3.0 upper third rank w/min of 1500 sats, you’re not going to be in the cut. My daughter’s not an athlete, but she’s done ballet since kindergarten and has volunteered at Habitat for Humanity in their office every week for two years. So she’s pretty rounded. I think UMO is too big for her. She needs smaller classes, or she can get overwhelmed.</p>
<p>
Well, here is their mid-range according to College Board: SAT Verbal: 490 - 570 SAT Math: 500 - 580. The kid I know personally was a 2.8 GPA, classic underachiever profile with a 1200 SAT, from a Jesuit hs. I don’t believe he was even in the top half of his class, but of that I am not sure. To me, their pitch at your visit seems a little bit of wishful thinking (unless you mean 1500 on the new SAT - all three parts).</p>
<p>There’s another thread going on about failure as a learning tool. That’s why, if they can afford it, I agree that the OP should find a school where the step-son can live away from home and sink or swim as he sees fit. I am only giving my son a 50/50 chance of succeeding in his college, but I am certain he will learn many life lessons regardless. My brother only lasted 1 year in his college, but even now says it was a worthwhile experience to go away from home.
However, my husband and I have also agreed that if college isn’t the right thing for my son, living back at home is not a long-term option. We will assist him in finding/paying for an apartment if he comes back home to go to CC/employment.</p>
<p>Donna,</p>
<p>Don’t give up on Sacred Heart.
Sacred Heart admitted students (3) from an eastern MA school:</p>
<p>2.6/1100/1610
2.7/1000/1550
2.8/1020/1500</p>
<p>Donna, Just thought of another school-Fairleigh Dickinson (2 NJ campuses).</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I’m sure it would help, but he shows little interest. We encouraged him to get a job this summer, and he did put in one application but that was it. He said that he had a full-time job for the summer: “being lazy.” The only way we got his college-aged brother to work this summer is that we told him that his spending money for his semester abroad would come from his job and that we would match dollar for dollar anything saved by the time he left. If he had zero saved, he’d have no spending money. Even then, he quit his job a month before he left and is now in Tokyo worried that he’ll run out of money. We don’t give them spending money but they find other ways to get money so getting a job isn’t a high priority. We do what we can with what we have to work with.</p>
<p>hello! im 16 too and can relate to the feelings your son is describing (i think the education system is flawed, and that a very important connection is missing between the classroom and the real world)… if your son is interested, here are a couple of programs to look into that broaden ideals or at the very least motivate, that arent “normal” high school opportunities:</p>
<p>study abroad (foreign exchange)-- since you say that your son is interested in asian languages, look into programs in japan or china ect, for a year or semester of high school (or even a summer!). im applying through rotary and with the scholarship they award it actually ends up being less expensive than staying at my private school. if you stepson is at all interested, i think it makes one much more independant and even if one doesnt learn as much in the classroom, the one learns valuable lessons from the experience</p>
<p>Simons Rock College of Bard:i dont know how selective it is, but it seems like an awesome opportunity for students who are bored or not motivated by high school, although its expensive. you apply durring your soph or junior year of high school and most students attend for 2 yrs. before transfering out to another college. its affiliated with bard and alot of students transfer there after the 2 years</p>
<p>classes at a community college while in high school: basically sums itself up; maybe your stepson will find something to motivate there!</p>
<p>also, give your stepson loren pope’s book after you finish, some of his descriptions are absolutly intriguing and might be motivating!
good luck!</p>
<p>kharts, We did something similar. We told our son that we were paying tuition, and room and board. We told him that we expected him to pay for books and spending money. We felt safe saying that b/c we knew that he already had enough money to cover expenses for books for one semester. He had that money from a job the prior summer (I made him save the vast majority of it “for college”). He fought us tooth and nail about saving it, but I felt that he needed to know how to handle his money (yes, with my values). I told him that if he did not have a job this summer, that he should not phone us for any money. I told him that at college he may want to eat out and get a break from college food. He may want to go to the movies etc. He got himself a job. He did complain that he was the only one made to work! That was not quite true, but there are lots of juniors/seniors that get to stay home and do nothing all summer in our area. I think it is outrageous, but that is their business. He complained about how I am ruining his summer, and how just b/c we worked as teens does not meant that he should have to b/c “times have changed”. Times have not changed in my book and I want him to have a sense of responsibility, know what it is like to earn a dollar, understand why college is important, and so on.</p>
<p>We actually do give spending money to the college-aged son during his normal semesters, but it’s not a lot. He plays World of Warcraft all the time, and we’ve told him that if he has time to play the game, he has time to get a part-time job to supplement what we send. So far, he would rather complain about being poor than work. By the time he’s 21 y.o. next year, he’ll have logged exactly 6 weeks of working for pay. Sigh. </p>
<p>As for the teenager, his mom’s friends have told me (and presumably his mom supports the view) that since men have to work all their lives to support their families, it’s just not fair that we think he should work in high school or college particularly since we can afford for him not to work. I have no comment to that.</p>
<p>We do give our son spending money as he needs it, and we never ended up making him pay for his books. It was a good lesson in work ethic for him. He still has most of the money that he earned over the last 2 summers. He now wants to use it for something like a “spring break” trip, but is still thinking about it. He is really pretty frugal now.</p>
<p>Many good thoughts here. Some input on the original question. I remeber that he said he wanted to go out of state, but Texas is so big, maybe he could thing of soem of these as out of state East v West Texas:)</p>
<p>Texas Tech- Getting harder to get into all the time, but a possibility, large etc, negatives are the many distractions of a large state school (full disclosure- my alma mater)</p>
<p>Stephen F Austin State in Nacogdoches, smaller, easier to get in, lots of programs, less of distractions above, but still there</p>
<p>McMurry in Abilene- Private Methodist affiliated school. GOod attention , negative smaller, religious (if that is a problem) and expensive if the money will be squandered. Also several other church affilated privates in ABilen, HArdin-Simmon, ACU, Howard Payne in Brownwood. </p>
<p>Sul Ross State- Way out west in AbAlpine, have a friend who sent a similar son out there, remote, interesting, son is doign well.</p>
<p>ok stay with me on this one, if son could use and wold accept some ‘structure’ and it si out of state New Mexico Military Institute has rigourous academics, structure, etc. It is a JC program (with a HS) . My S wa there alst year (sponsored by West Point ) as a prep, currently at WEst Poin. SOn was NMF, top 10%, eagle scout etc… so quality kids there</p>
<p>those are some in state options, and one OOS! I will see what else I can come up with.</p>
<p>I hate to throw another wrench in the works but — when I hear the words “bright but unmotivated” several thoughts occur to me, especially given your mention of his disfunctional home life with his mother. Before worrying about colleges, I’d be looking at:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Could he be suffering from depression? Does he need counseling and/or antidepressants? (Look up the symptoms of teen depression on the Internet -several of the things you’ve mentioned fit the profile).</p></li>
<li><p>Could alcohol and/or drug abuse be a factor? No one likes to think of this possibility, but it does need to be considered when a child is under stress at home and is “unmotivated” in other ways.</p></li>
<li><p>Is there a learning disability or ADD?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I’d address these issues BEFORE worrying about college choices. The presence of any of these three factors must be addressed before sending him to college, or it will likely be a useless exercise. In short, it’s not a matter of can he get in somewhere, but are there are other issues we need to address first? Otherwise, you may just be putting a bandaid over the real issues.</p>
<p>You’d be surprised. </p>
<p>According to the common data set info, 7% of students admitted to Rhodes have a gpa of 2.0-2.49 and 9% with a gpa 2.5-2.9. Even Oberlin admits a number of kids in the 2.5 range. </p>
<p>Not all schools publish the gpa data, but based on the reported grade distributions, it’s hard to believe that Earlham, Marlboro, Evergreen State or any number of the CTCL schools would be out of the question.</p>
<p>Carolyn, OP said, </p>
<p>" ErlindaP, SS has been evaluated by many professionals and LDs are not his issue. But I appreciate the suggestion as I recognize that the description could easily lend itself to LDs."</p>
<p>Kharts, forgive me, but I think you’re off base worrying about the money right now. The reality may be different from what you’ve described… but you’ve described a kid who could be defined as “at risk” on a number of dimensions… so how does knowing that he’ll be flunking out of a college which costs 25K a year vs. one that costs 12K a year help you, or help this kid??? Keeping him afloat in a private school that’s not working for him; allowing him to maintain his fantasy that he can support himself or find meaningful life’s work on the path his on… all of this is classic enabling behavior, and the presence of the toxic bio-mom, while a problem both legally and emotionally, doesn’t change the enabling behavior from you guys who are clearly sane and loving.</p>
<p>Surely the experts who have examined him for an LD or whatever can get the four of you in a room to help figure out what’s going on here?</p>
<p>I don’t believe that everyone needs or belongs in college. I know several successful people who never went to college… but they’re of the “early to bed early to rise; work 16 hours a day to prove myself” ilk which doesn’t sound like this kid. I also know at least a dozen adults who live on the economic fringes despite having grown up surrounded by people who own houses, have college degrees, have steady jobs, have health insurance, etc. (i.e. not multi-generations of economically disadvantaged families). All of them had problems which manifested themselves during adolesence; all of them ended up with bad marital choices (or a series of non-marital choices); all of them were surrounded by loving but either clueless or enabling families.</p>
<p>Get some help. He sounds like a high potential kid in a bad situation, not of his choosing, who can make something wonderful out of his life. I am skeptical that sending him to college without some intervention is the way to do that.</p>
<p>From a former “average student” (sub-2.7 GPA for about half of high school), as well as the cousin of a pair of average students (sub-3.0 GPAs, neither finished college), and the friend of many average students:</p>
<p>Two words: tough love. Let him make his own decisions from now until graduation. If he decides that he wants to go to college, he can shape up & do the research himself. If not, well, too bad. Make sure he knows that if he doesn’t go to college, you WILL kick him out. DO NOT ENABLE HIM. This leads to years of stress and angst.</p>
<p>Some more ideas: on his next birthday, make him start paying rent. Call the police if he doesn’t pay up. Make him pay for college himself. He can’t join the Peace Corps yet (nowadays they want at least an associate’s degree in a field relating to construction or the like, and prefer a bachelor’s), but maybe he could teach English as a foreign language in an Asian country? He’d have to get certification, but depending on the company, probably won’t need a degree.</p>
<p>As crazy as this may sound, college is not for everyone, nor is it always the answer. My father went 5 times over the last 35-40 years and never managed to get his degree; one of my friends went to two different schools for a year each before dropping out. You need to let him decide he wants this. He’ll have either a sudden flash of realization (“I need to shape up ASAP or I’ll be flipping burgers for the rest of my life!” - this happened to me), or he won’t. Just let him figure it out for himself.</p>
<p>This young man sounds like a perfect canidate for a “gap” year. That would solve the problem of having him home when he should really be going away. I think you have to be careful about not being willing to spend the same amount on him as you have on the other more “academically successful” kids. This is probably the position he has always been in, playing catch up with his brother and sister and I wonder how much of his behavior/attitude is based on this family dynamic. I don’t mean to say anything to upset you but there might be more going on than meets the eye. Maybe he needs someone to believe in him.</p>
<p>^^ I think that is a very wise thought, kimba. Very insightful. May or may not be on target in this particular family, but certainly a dynamic that could well occur.</p>
<p>I will probably repeat come of the things already posted, so please bear with me.</p>
<p>Is it possiblity to send the stepson to a 13th year preparatory program, such as the one at Valley Forge Military Academy? </p>
<p>Speaking of the military, maybe the stepson ought to consider one of the branches of the armed forces. The young man seems to need direction and maybe he ought to explore that option.</p>
<p>Fulltime employment, whether at Wal-Mart or McDonald’s, is another option. Just reviewing the deductions on a paystub can be an education in itself.</p>
<p>I live in western Pennsylvania. Three schools in the area have a reputation for accepting students with academic potential but poor academic records – La Roche in the Pittsburgh suburbs, Waynesburg is the southwest corner of the state and Davis & Elkins in West Virginia.</p>
<p>If you check with your college counselor, you ought be able to find similar colleges. Would a places such as UT Brownsville or UT Corpus Christi or Pan American or Texas A&M Kingville be possibilites?</p>
<p>Didn’t think that Peace Corps was so selective these days. The idea is right though. </p>
<p>Get him away from his familiar surroundings (which are probably causing him some psychological problems, hence his gaming to escape the reality of his life), in a place where he can discover who he is.</p>
<p>I liked the Peace Corp (of I guess Military, if you must - not my first choice) idea of getting him away from the existing surroundings and behaviors and those people who (as others have mentioned) enable his behavior. No gaming, just a place where he can lose himself in something meaningful so that he can find himself.</p>
<p>He probably won’t like the idea (giving up gaming?). An intervention will probably be needed. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like his mother is anywhere near being on board. Not sure how to handle that, though.</p>