Let me start this thread by saying how thankful I am of the moderators for their tireless service to CC and the order that they keep to make CC a welcoming place for users to post there thoughts on any myriad of topics.
I have been saddened recently as a poster sharing his family’s college admissions journey has been pestered about information that he has kindly and repeatedly said he was not divulging. I and others parents on the African American class of 2020 thread asked this poster to share some of his experiences because they would be very helpful for the millions of students of all races in similar SES/academic circumstances to hear about his family’s experiences and could especially be helpful to those in the Black community. I could tell that he had some apprehension about putting his family’s story out there, but I was very happy when he committed to doing so. Instead of letting this man share what he was willing to share, his thread was “hijacked” and devolved into a “Why are you not telling us what we want to know” thread that is chastising his College Confidential “posting etiquette”.
I watched as some posters continually posted that his thread had little to no value, because he was not sharing more details. There are many CC threads that are not my “cup of tea”, or that I wish I knew the entire story, or that I have little interest in, but I don’t ever go to those threads and devalue what is being said. Other posters besides myself saw great value in his posts, but that was not enough for some members. I am thankful that the mods stepped in and asked those posters to “knock it off”, but the damage was done as that poster asked for the thread to be closed and has shared with me that he will stay on the fringes of CC. I have only been on CC as a member for a couple of years, but I have occasionally read threads on CC since 2010. I have drifted more and more towards some of those fringes of CC (Black Students and HBCUs) because of a sneering intellectualism that can occur when a group of people who know “a lot” gather in one place.
There are maybe 5 Black men who post with any regularity on threads and 1 of them has been silenced despite having a very unique perspective and background that is rarely seen on CC. We all come from different backgrounds and experiences that shape why and how we post on CC and I hope that we can be more respectful of those differences. I am asking for other members thoughts on this topic, because I know that there are some members who do not agree with my own assessment and to hopefully understand the context of those who think differently from my own views.
The forum exists as a place to help each other, and share advice, tips, or solicit opinions. If a poster is not interested in helping others by engaging in such dialogue and responding to appropriate queries, then perhaps a personal blog is a better venue for the thoughts he wishes to share.
@roycroftmom The issue that I have with your assessment is that many helpful tips and advice were readily apparent from my own point of view in those posts. If a poster does not see any relevance in a poster’s comments, I get that, but why would some continuously look to devalue posts that other posters saw value in?
There is some inherent “Privilege” with the thought process that anyone not sharing what I ask of them is not worthy to be heard on CC. The OP was answering general questions and talking about his family’s process which is beneficial to millions of similar households who do not have any idea how to even start the college application process. As someone who has been through the process with my kids and while helping others, I even found some “nuggets” of wisdom to share with students that I mentor. @doschicos, I have attached the thread link for reference.
Same comment as on your earlier thread, @ChangeTheGame, which seems to have disappeared. I appreciate your perspective, and hope that you stick around here.
I did find that thread helpful, and the thought process of the OP.
What I don’t understand is if one finds any thread not helpful, why read it? Plenty of other threads to read here and elsewhere.
Some posters continually voiced their displeasure, resulting in the thread’s closure at OP’s request. Certainly asking the OP for additional info is reasonable, but if not offered why keep at it? Again, lots of other threads to read.
A similar situation happened on Kevin from OC’s thread…derailed and closed. But, that was re-opened.
Posters who were similarly situated literally begged the OP for helpful bits of information to no avail. I have no interest in re-opening that discussion. I am glad posters have positive college search experiences, and encourage them to share the wealth next time. It won’t hurt their own kid.
IMO, it’s perfectly fine to ask for more info. It’s up to the OP to decide what to share or not.
When people start asking repeatedly and belaboring their position, then I think it becomes counter productive. Say it once, and then move on.
If a thread isn’t helpful for me personally, I just don’t read it. Not every post is going to be applicable to everyone and that’s OK.
I hope the OP of the thread you are referencing returns with an update. I loved reading about the process. My impression was there would be more sharing about the actual schools after a decision was made.
I totally agree that assessment. I also believe that the OP might have opened up, but I don’t know if that is going to happen now. But the information that was shared will be used to help others so I am thankful for the post.
Sharing information is good and I hope everyone feels they can contribute to this forum. I think I know the thread you’re referring to, and I enjoyed it. I truly hope the poster comes back because I think he has valuable things to share. My only concern with threads about lowish stats/low income applicants that are short on details is that they might unintentionally mislead readers.
For instance, a student with lowish stats and $0 EFC who lives in NYS might be able to afford residential college because we have a need based state grant that covers tuition. A full Pell grant, the student loan, and summer work earnings can cover the rest. But if a parent posts that their student with a similar profile got enough money to attend residential college without mentioning that ~$13k comes from full Pell and a full tuition award then low income families who earn just over the limit to receive Pell are likely going to be extremely frustrated and discouraged when they can’t find affordable residential options. The details matter.
I understand that he’s trying to be encouraging, but starting the college search with a ~$14k budget (full Pell, the student loan, and summer work earnings) puts families way ahead of similar students from low income families who are just above the cut off for Pell. A ~$14k budget is enough to cover room and board, and one of the advantages of Pell is that it can be used across state lines. So full Pell families have a lot more options when it comes to looking for tuition grants than low income families who have just ~$8k from student loans and summer work earnings.
Getting accepted to schools isn’t the hard part for lowish stats/low income students, paying is. So a thread about finding options that’s vague on the finances will be of limited assistance to the families who need it most.
Yes, he repeated politely declined to give certain specific pieces of info. Does that mean that is okay to “hijack the thread” or devalue the content in the thread because those specifics were not shared?
That FA info was still in progress. The OP’s kid applied to a lot of schools RD and has not gotten FA from most schools so what was truly affordable (one of the most important parts of the process for low SES students) may have come down the line, but it may now never see the light of day. The OP gave enough to know what he was willing to spend out of pocket which was the most important “stat” to me. The thread did not last long enough to get to a possible end result.
I am thankful that this thread has gotten quiet. I take that to mean that most on CC agree that hijacking a thread or devaluing the purpose of a thread repeatedly because an OP does not answer some questions (even when begged for) “is not cool”. That was the point that I wanted to make.
@ChangeTheGame Don’t mean to tip the quiet apple cart, but I will throw in my two cents.
I leave to it OPs to determine what information is and is not germane to their question or comment. I have often seen knee-jerk questions about details which are simply not relevant to the discussion. Some seem more interested in prying irrelevant details out of people than being helpful, and I just don’t understand why. And certainly sometimes a detail is important in order to offer any feedback at all, and those are obvious. But, none of us, ever, can gather all of the relevant facts or factoids in order to place ourselves in as good as a position as any OP to make a decision. So all we can do is offer our perspectives based on the relatively little, by definition, we know about the situation.
So I agree with you completely. Some will want to seek feedback on a small set of facts, and that is their prerogative, even if the thread has diminished value without those details. Doesn’t mean their value is zero. I trust the OPs to make that call, and I trust the OPs to know that we can only offer feedback within the limited realm of info they share.
@ChangeTheGame
To be honest, I didn’t realize the OP was African American nor would I think that matters. Sounds to me like he has one darn great kid and was simply sharing their journey.
With that said, I too have a very average kid about to come through the ranks, but without any URM, first gen, low income, athlete, wealthy donor hook. He is your basic average white kid. No incredibly outstanding EC’s, plays 2 varsity sports but in no way shape or form a recruited athlete, and has a part time job… That’s about it.
I would have loved to have heard where OP’s son had been successful in hopes that my kid might have at least looked at those same schools. Not saying it was a shoo-in, or that my kid would have gotten the same look or merit. Just a " we are all in the same average kid boat" sort of vein.
I have never replied to the OP of that thread asking for futher info, but for a parent like me it would have been nice to hear of both the successes and challenges of each school. Certainly the OP’s perrogative not to supply that information.
Please don’t think that every poster who was hoping for more was some sort of crazy person. At the end of the day, we are all just trying to gather as much information as we can to help our kids be sucessful applicants.
I was sorry for that thread to close, though I had complete sympathy for OP in doing so. At least one poster even looked up past posts to try to suss out info on OP’s situation which I thought was unnecessary (even if you do so it was in poor taste to try and use it against OP in some way).
Anyway, nice to see some discussion on this issue as, like others have mentioned, it happened with Kevin from OC and, to a lesser extent, with homerdog’s journey (perhaps more just snippy-ness with that one).
I agree with @ChangeTheGame 100%. My kid has little to zero in common with the OP of closed thread. Still it was really a nice window into another kids college search world. I hope it turns out great for him and … no I reveal very little about my student’s details… just … because! OP and I are very similar in that regard. It’s already weird talking to total strangers if someone says “no thank you” to a request to give more info then I think it should be respected .