<p>Reading these posts has been very enlightening. </p>
<p>My honest thoughts (which were transmitted loudly and clearly to my daughter) were: 1) I don’t want to raise you to be one of those “failure to launch” people 2) What is wrong with them anyway? It’s weird to be in your twenties and still living at home–unless it’s temporarily while saving up for grad school or something. </p>
<p>I kind of think of my grandfather (who at age sixteen hopped on a boat and came to America to work) and feel as though we delay adulthood way too much these days. However, reading these posts reminds me that in some cultures living at home in your twenties is not “weird”, and it all seems to work out in the end. I guess it’s a “whatever works for you” situation.</p>
<p>On a semi-related note, it drives me crazy when people over the age of 12 can’t do their own laundry. If you can reach the dial on the machine, you can wash your own clothes for heaven’s sake. (But of course, doing laundry for many moms is apparently an expression of love. It’s just a lil’ creepy to me when women treat their 14 year old sons like babies).</p>
<p>Back in Elbonia it was not uncommon for men in their late 20’s or early 30’s to be living with a parent, but at the same time maintain a ‘garconiere’ (not sure of the spelling) for the sole purpose of, well, ehem… (my Elbonian is rusty :)). Such men were highly desirable in fact because the women also faced the same problem. The construction industry obliged by building lots and lots of efficiency apartments that had only the bare necessities. </p>
<p>Ironically, me and my brother never had the issue. My parents moved out to our summer home when we started college there so in essence I’ve been living on my own since 17. I did not like it one bit back then (my parents had to move out of the capital for health reasons) and this could well explain why I’m so over protective of my DD’s and would like to have them nearby. My folks had a great social network of relatives and friends in the mountain village and had a blast (we did too, in the summers) and we did not have the benefit of instant communications we do now…</p>
<p>I get asked a lot to fix computer problems; my son does too. My daughter gets asked sometimes too. There are 10-year-old kids that can put together their own computers. Should we apply your standards to other areas?</p>
<p>Regarding “I get asked a lot to fix computer problems; my son does too. My daughter gets asked sometimes too. There are 10-year-old kids that can put together their own computers. Should we apply your standards to other areas?”</p>
<p>Sure, you can apply whatever standards you want. But, personally, I think those things take a bit more know-how than doing laundry. But maybe your washer and dryer are really complicated :P</p>
<p>There’s a difference between providing some occasional know-how and raising a kid who can’t (or won’t) throw some soap in and turn the dial.</p>
<p>PS. When my husband repeatedly asked my daughter to load stuff on his iPod for him, she finally gave him the ‘tough love’ he needed and told him she would show him how, and then he was gonna have to do it for himself. (Otherwise, he would’ve let her do it forever…just like some kids/adults let their moms wash their undies forever).</p>
<p>My youngest made a point of washing her own clothes, I didn’t think anything of it until I thought I would help her out by doing a couple loads. I found out why she had been doing her own laundry. Apparently on her mall shopping trips with her friends she had bought padded bras & thong underwear. In middle school.:eek:
I also didn’t mind doing the laundry cause I got to keep what was in pockets!</p>
<p>I WISH my kids would come back and live with us. We have plenty of room, and I’m a big fan of multigenarational living. I grew up with my grandmother in the house til I was 12, when she died. To this day, she is still my “person.” Didn’t matter what I did, it was “perfect.” NOBODY made crayon drawings as well as I did. NOBODY made a better loaf of bread. Not one of you could have even gotten my grandmother’s attention if I was in the room. Sorry for that. ;)</p>
<p>But, my oldest is currently threatening to move to Toronto, and I don’t think she’s kidding, either. So, I may be leaving the U.S, eventually to go move in with HER. :D</p>
<p>You know what she thinks of that? She thinks “great!” More the merrier.</p>
<p>I grew up next to cousins’, and our families shared a garden, barbecues,weekend meals, etc. Lots of cousins in my HS. GM moved in during her later years. I’m a big fan.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the worm never wants to live in FL: “too hot” & no job opportunities. I think he was fortunate to grow up with grandparents & relatives nearby. Once you have children, you can appreciate living near family.</p>
<p>I offered to get a bigger apartment in NYC so D1 could have a bedroom and live with us - bigger than what she is living now and practically free. She said no, not even a maybe, just no.</p>
<p>I don’t think it is different if you have adult children living at home who are doing well in their personal life (career job, savings, etc) or the kid who is struggling to find themselves. If the latter situation exists than a parent needs to step back and be sure the kids aren’t coming home to be the children they were before they left. If the kids could come home but be independant with realistic expectations it could be a really good thing. </p>
<p>When my kids left for school they left as children (in my eyes) but after being gone for four years they really grew into adults . Yet somehow there were still some skills that they gained from their time at home post college. My husband and I always had concerns about whether we did’nt serve our kids well when they were in K-12 years regarding chores and family responsibilites, because of our desire to see them achieve academically we always encouraged them to put all school matters first. They were always nice kids and very kind but they seemed to live in their own world which revolved around what they needed to do. When they came home they saw that being part of the family meant easing the load for everyone. I have enjoyed seeing them take their place as adults and making the time to see their grandfather, cousins, aunts and uncles on a regular basis. They help out in the house and with their grandfather. </p>
<p>For the two sons who moved back home they have said that being back has been a gift to them. My son who has been away on what seems like the other side of the world is looking forward to coming back to the states and plans on living at home too. I have really loved this time and even though our oldest moved away he still comes over and has dinner with us before he heads out with his brother. They go away weekends and on Sunday we could count on having them both here for dinner. It is wonderful! </p>
<p>Family should not be viewed as a temporary thing where there is a beginning and an end. If everyone gets along well with love and respect than family provides the most enriching and warm experiences. I really enjoy knowing that my kids don’t need me to do anything for them but they choose to be here and be part of the family. There is no need to foster the idea that being an adult means you must be living on your own in an apartment far from the parents and siblings who love you. When my daughter left home my heart was broken because she cut all ties and connections to everyone. That is not normal so for me it has been even more important to embrace this time. The way I look at it is that this is just a blip in time and before we know it they will each have their own families and homes. What could be bad when it all feels so right. They are good people, smart, educated, responsible, warm, and easy to be around …it works.</p>
<p>You could do what our neighbors did. They bought a house in Santa Fe, sold their house here, and told their son he would have to find his own place. He ended up living with his next door neighbors after his parents moved.</p>