<p>That should have been a co-housing community.</p>
<p>Assuming OP is in the U.S., I tend to go with posts 7, 30, 35, but I’d add a couple conditions. If OP really needs the money from “rent”, or if either party has a serious medical condition that the other cares for, then I think it’s ok.
But if not, isn’t the parents’ job(largely) to raise a happy, healthy, adult citizen? All learning isn’t in the classroom, and learning to be a self supporting adult is a good thing. And the learning and pride one acquires while in that “first apartment” is helpful; learning about life, and being self-supporting helps too. Don’t purposefully wait to jump from living with parents to new home ownership. Don’t wait on the dream job or dream home before moving out. Some valuable lessons can be learned from an initial struggle. Imo, keeping things the same, if only a matter of convenience, is shortchanging life lessons from an individual old enough to live the life of an adult. Let him continue to grow.</p>
<p>“Kick him out”?(post 9). No, not so abrupt as that, but let kid know you have different expectations than him living in your home now, and give a timeline when he needs to move out. He didn’t attend and graduate college so he could live with parents. He could have done that without college! Then I’d recommend you either stop accepting rent a short while or pay some dough as a gift for his first place, to give him some additional help and encouragement to get out.</p>
<p>What old country? There was never a multigeneration as far as I know off from my old country.
If this were me, I would rent or purchase the DVD Failure to launch and invite your son to watch it with you and your husband. I think if this were my son I would consider nudge him a little bit toward independence. He needs to work on getting a job that supports him. In 5 years, he will be 30, will that be too late?</p>
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<p>We bought our house from a family from India, who finished the basement to accommodate long (months at a time) visits from parents. It has a not-quite-full kitchen (no stove), a full bath, and a bedroom off the main rec room area, and a door to the outside. My sister lives in a house that has a full apartment (full kitchen) in the walk-out basement as well. It’s nice to know that if either of my kids needs a place to live while getting her feet under her, we each have a place to offer that won’t cramp anyone’s style. </p>
<p>My sister really thinks we should all (me, her, my parents) sell our houses and buy a big family compound where we could have apartments for each nuclear unit, easy access to care for our parents when they need it, and apartments for my kids if they want. (She doesn’t have kids.) She thinks a lot about economies of scale and considers it wasteful that we collectively own three dining rooms when the only time we ever use any of them, we’re all together! (She’s got a long list of other ways it’s wasteful that we don’t live together.)</p>
<p>Honestly, I wouldn’t mind the plan but I don’t think my spouse or hers would go for it.</p>
<p>One of my coworkers built a huge home with the idea of his family staying there if need be. He contracted a terminal illness and lived with them here in the US while he was getting treatment up until he eventually died. Perhaps that time with his father was worth a lot to him.</p>
<p>My background and my wife’s background is that of multi-generational living and it’s absolutely no problem with us.</p>
<p>You don’t even have to look to the old country to find multi-generational living. This is a board made up of folks who share a fairly common view that kids need to be independent and the way to do this is to go away to college and move out when you’ve graduated and found a job. It’s basically a rite of passage for middle class and upper-middle class kids. That’s not a typical path for working class kids. I grew up in an ethnic, working-class family where it was and still is (although less so) common for kids to live at home until they get married and move out. Many of the folks who didn’t get married, lived at home and took care of their parents until their parents passed away.</p>
<p>With the high cost of living and high cost of housing (and the college loans that some are taking on!), I wouldn’t be surprised if more people end up doing “multi-generational” living. </p>
<p>When we built our home, we had a “granny suite” built as well. It’s been great for long-term visitors, but it would also serve an adult child well if he had to live at home for awhile.</p>
<p>Our family does not have a tradition of multigenerational living but we do have a living space with a separate entrance built into the house in case D ever had to come home or my folks needed it.Even though D lives a half hour drive from home, by the time she was 21 when she said “I am going home” she meant HER home.(as expensive, cramped and uncomfortable as it is)As much as I would love to have her here, she has mentioned several times that the extra room we have has always seemed like a threat rather than a promise. I do think this attitude has a positive affect on her career, she works extra hard at finding well paying work within her metier. I do think that the motivation to get the heck out of the house is a healthy one.</p>
<p>I forgot to add, that most of the kids we know who want to live away from home do so because they want their parents nose out of their private lives. I’ve seen it happen more than once…when the girl friend or boy friend start taking precedence over the free meals and laundry service, that cheesy apartment looks better and better.</p>
<p>If the BF/GF has the parental seal of approval, it’s not an issue for the most part. These days there is very little ‘private life’ the way most kids act, what with the cellphones, social media, and the like. </p>
<p>I would also hope that BF/GF relationships do not take precedence over family life until the ink has dried on the prenup agreement and the marriage application; us CC parents aren’t spending six figures per child for college without the expectation of some ‘input’ into the kids’ future, be it professional, academic, or even (gasp) personal.</p>
<p>Well I guess the fact that D got enough merit aid and scholarship money to get through undergrad and grad to avoid paying six figures allow her a little more independence in her personal life. I do think that burdensome debt does make plenty of kids tied to home and subsequent parental control. But if we had paid six figures, since I raised her to be an idependent and intelligent woman, I would hardly hold it over her head professionally or personally. Gasp indeed.</p>
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We paid for S’s UG but provided very little financial support for his professional school. (We would be broke if we paid both.) I guess we are entitled to be “half-nosy” into his life as we paid a half :)</p>
<p>S is very uncomfortable after he have seen how much debt he will accumulate before he graduates.</p>
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<p>My oh my !!
Did you say “Elbonia” was in Europe? Where in Europe?</p>
<p>My daughter has been living back home ( like many of her high school friends ) for over year. While I love having her here for company and the help and support she adds to the household , it isn’t getting her anywhere.
She has decided to to to grad school since she hasn’t had any luck in finding employment in her field
I am excited for her , but will miss her when she goes
The bottom line is getting her moving in the right direction</p>
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<p>I can think of a large number of European countries where, to put it mildly, personal relationships are a “team sport”… Sure, some countries follow the “Get’em out by Friday” model of child rearing (with apologies to the rock group Genesis, you may want to look up the lyrics for details :)) but not everyone does it that way… Add a Tiger mom to the mix and it gets considerably more complex.</p>
<p>As an example, we have told our girls that we are not paying a dime for a wedding; paying six figures for education oughta be enough…</p>
<p>When our son graduated in 2010 he had a great job but he did live at home for a year. We loved having him home because it gave us a chance to really enjoy him as a young adult. In that year he paid off loans, maxed out on his 401 and Roth and saved money. He moved into a nice apartment in a hip single neighborhood. WE MISS HIM very much. We see him almost every week because he and one of my other sons see each other almost every weekend. Son2 plans on moving out and will probably take over son1’s apartment when he leaves for grad school. When Son3 gets home from his overseas job he will probably live at home for a while just to get his feet back on the ground and reconnect with us. I have no problem having any of them home but than again I grew up with grandparents living with us. Both husband and I are happy to know that we could provide a place for them while they pay their loans and save money. I would’nt have it any other way especially since they are great kids to have around. </p>
<p>I think it is a very American attitude to push the young adult kids out. It isn’t common in many ethic groups but somehow parents are buying into the whole idea because somehow we have been made to feel like we have failed as parents if we don’t push them out the door. We really enjoy having them and they will always be welcomed if they need us.</p>
<p>Our D is graduating in May. She is doing everything possible to not come back home. Despite the fact that she will need grad school and will have the basic stafford loans to pay back, she is looking to moving out west or anywhere but New York. The prospect of returning home is not happening for her. She started a savings account for “after school” plans. It is refreshing to know that even though she has no job prospects yet, that she has designed a plan for herself to move forward in her life, without resorting to coming home first. Of course the option is open to her, but she is not having it.</p>
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I think it’s a different story if the kid is staying in the home for a year or two for the specific purpose of paying off loans, saving up for grad school, saving up for a year to be able to better pay for a place of their own, etc., and has a plan, than a kid who’s not doing any of the aforementioned, has been at home for years more or less ‘idling along’ and has no plan. There’s also a difference in this area when they’re 25 or older versus 21 or 22.</p>
<p>It’s not really about enjoying being around the kids - it’s about putting their best interests in the front and this has many facets.</p>
<p>I agreee and see a difference too, GGD. In this case it’s a kid that has been in parent’s home 3 yrs, and is not planning or looking to leave. Comparing the S in post 56 to the Op’s S would not be a fair comparison.</p>
<p>My moms family did the multigenerational thing in brownstones. In Brooklyn. When they utters the space, the bought houses on the same block! We moved to Queens after her mother died, but we were there every weekend.</p>
<p>I thought the fact that all my cousins stayed around their old neighborhood was an “issue” when I was growing up, but not anymore.The ones who moved the farthest away seemed the most successful, but the ones that didn’t had something else.</p>
<p>I couldn’t do it though. Sigh.</p>