<p>How long? Any conditions/rules? </p>
<p>My child graduated in December and is barely looking for a job. Does not seem to want one. There are complicating circumstances but am looking for what approaches others have taken. We don’t really want to give a hard deadline or take a tough love approach but can’t really see how to motivate her.</p>
<p>How long? As long as it takes.</p>
<p>Conditions/rules: Should be a sit down mtg with you and your daughter. Let her move home take a breath and then make an apt with her to talk about her needs and your needs and the rules.</p>
<p>What will bother you the most? messy kitchen? doing laundry at 3 a.m.? coming and going late hours, sleeping til noon? not looking hard enough for a job (difficult to gage since so much is done on line), use of a car?</p>
<p>Make your list and prioritize it. Decide whats most important. Have her do the same.</p>
<p>Getting a job is tough. Not hearing back is depressing. Having your friends get jobs while you don’t is depressing. All this is new and anxiety producing. Take it easy and one step at a time with her.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>I personally would push a kid in this situation to at least get a part time job and contribute something to household expenses. Maybe not right away, but you are six months after graduation… not sure about your area, but my 18 year old D (heading to college next fall) just landed a job as a night stocker at Walmart. Certainly not what she wants to do with her life, but it brings in a few dollars for the rest of the summer. A job like that might motivate your D to look harder in her field. I would ask a college graduate to contribute some of that (50% of take home after taxes?) to the household budget.</p>
<p>I would say at our house that at 1 year after graduation, the kid has to figure out something and move out on their own. Even if it is not a job in their field, a 23 year old needs to learn to be financially responsible for themselves and take the consequences if they aren’t. I would provide health insurance, and maybe keep them on the family phone plan on my dime. I would certainly provide plenty of advance notice on the deadline and your expectations at that time, too.</p>
<p>You could offer to let her live at home longer (if you want to) IF she get some kind of job in her field or that could lead to better opportunities in her field. Still with a contribution to the household budget, but helping her get her footing by providing housing for a while. But only if she is really doing something to help her career long term.</p>
<p>People do what they are incented to do. Without a deadline and/or some financial skin in the game, your D has no incentive to job hunt very hard.</p>
<p>I’m sorry reddoor. I missed the part about her being home since December.</p>
<p>You definitely need a sit down meeting with her. Tell her it will be a meeting about helping her to move forward in her life. Make a date and a time. This will allow her to think through her situation before you sit down.</p>
<p>One of the things I talk to my kids about is “moving forward in a positive way”.
They need to be involved in doing something that will benefit them at all times. Having a job (any job), putting a resume together, putting their resume on linked in, talking with college career center. </p>
<p>Sometimes young adults don’t know what to do next and need a push. Some awesome students are fine as long as they are students but have no idea how to move into the working world.</p>
<p>Put together a list of things you want to talk about such as the resume etc. Her picture of her future life and the path she sees herself taking to get there. </p>
<p>It was also helpful talking with my kids about finding out what they did NOT want to do. Having any job helps them find their strengths. It also helps them figure out what they hate. </p>
<p>I think its easier to approach their future this way than to say “what do you want to do” and hear “I don’t know”</p>
<p>She may have no idea how to move forward.</p>
<p>Do you have a friend who can help mentor her?</p>
<p>Have you talked with her about how hunting for a job is a job? Is she spending time researching companies, updating contacts, networking? Is she working with the school placement office or a temp company? Does she need to meet up with a mentor? I think I would have a meeting with her as others have suggested and tell her what you expect from her…so many hours per day job hunting, volunteering to build experience, help around the house. Good Luck!</p>
<p>A friend of mine motivated her son when she quit subsidizing his social spending. No money for fast food, dates, and gas really got his attention.</p>
<p>Our daughter graduated in May though she has been job-hunting since last year for part-time work. She is fully immersed in looking for work this summer and going through the process of looking everyday. I am looking out for things that she could do as well. She’s had a few interviews but no offers. I also have her studying some technical areas and I have been providing her with some technical training that will make her more attractive in the kinds of jobs that she’s looking for. I had a look at her email in-box and it’s what you’d expect of someone looking for work - a ton of auto-reply emails for jobs applied to, emails from the places where she posted her resume with jobs that aren’t remotely related to what she can do and interview invitations.</p>
<p>The job hunting process can be really tough. It’s a blow to your ego and it can wear you down submitting application after application and hearing nothing or doing interviews which aren’t fruitful. If you’re getting interviews, that is a sign that you’re doing at least the first stage right.</p>
<p>It’s also work doing cover letters and tailoring your resume for the jobs that you apply to.</p>
<p>Her backup plan is to go back to school in the fall if she doesn’t get anything (she has an Associate of Science two-year degree). Those with a four-year degree could consider going to graduate school.</p>
<p>It is a very tough job market out there. There are a ton of job postings that I’ve seen in our area but the vast majority want experience. Finding the employer that wants entry-level can be challenging.</p>
<p>I’d say that the parents should keep encouraging their graduates to keep working on it day after day, consider training to make her more marketable, consider graduate school, mine your network for opportunities and look outside your local geographic area for work.</p>
<p>The graduate has to have the attitude of never giving up and parents have to provide support and/or a push to keep trying.</p>
<p>Edit: I think that it helps to try to keep the morale up. I have a coworker with a son that graduated last year with an engineering degree, pretty good GPA from an excellent engineering school (comparable to WPI) and he’s put in a pretty strong effort looking but hasn’t found anything related to his major. He has an offer from a place that he had a part-time job that pays $10/hour with no benefits. He has moved to another part of the country with somewhat better chances for his major (he’s living with relatives). Also, this process is just as tough on parents - at least that’s my experience.</p>
<p>I suppose it depends on each family’s situation. I graduated college in a time of severe recession. I sent out hundreds of job inquiries and was fortunate to get a Form Letter Rejection back. I never lost faith, but I did stay with parents nearly a year after graduation. They had space, and I did house maintenance to contribute.</p>
<p>I have one home now, studying for the Bar. We don’t mind supporting her for this short period. (How do I know it’s short? Because I’ve told her “Fail the Bar and you’re out of here.”) Like I said, what’s appropriate depends on the individual family.</p>
<p>I agree with the others who say that she needs to be prodded to look for and take a job. The OP said her daughter graduated in December. It is now June. I have read articles saying that businesses favor job candidates who have not been unemployed for more than six months. I wonder if this applies to new college graduates.</p>
<p>Since it has been several months, it’s time to put some parameters on her living at home - make her financially responsible for SOMETHING - her car, insurance, her loans, rent - whatever you decide but something that requires her to make money. </p>
<p>Only you know what the special circumstances are so you’ll have to decide what is reasonable - how much she need to pay, when to set a “deadline” etc.</p>
<p>What does one do with her time all those months?? Is she bored with her time??</p>
<p>I have seen a lot of my peers stall out after graduation when faced with finding a job… I think the lack of the structure that many become accustomed to during the school years can make the task seem very daunting, and not much preparation goes into teaching college students how to really market themselves and find a job. I have a friend who graduated two or three years ago now and has yet to do anything but temp work (and has not had health insurance this whole time), and she genuinely believes she’s trying to find work… but she isn’t really. She pokes around job sites once in a while and expects a job to fall into her lap.</p>
<p>I would find out whether it’s really an issue of motivation or if she’s just overwhelmed. If she is overwhelmed, she may need pointed guidance in how to get the ball rolling. If she is not motivated, you are making her life too easy for her. Some children will not independently take the initiative to launch themselves-- my sister is one of those. As long as her bills are paid and she has a place to live, she’ll work part-time for play money but never get serious about moving out. I don’t think you necessarily have to give them a hard deadline unless you’re on your last resort, but you can certainly make living in your home without contributing financially less fun/easy. </p>
<p>Personally, I found a job about four months after graduating and had maybe a dozen interviews in that time, five of which were for the job I got. I sent out dozens and dozens of resumes every day, but I spent the rest of my time reading by the pool and I loved it-- but I was trying really hard to find a job, and I did find one and move out as soon as I had the means. While I was at home my parents didn’t expect (indeed, wouldn’t LET) me contribute financially, and there weren’t really any rules apart from having a curfew. We all clean up after ourselves, I voluntarily took care of the pool since I was the one using it all the time. I am glad I had that time to decompress before I started working full time.</p>
<p>You might find this article in today’s WashPost helpful: [What</a> to do when your adult child moves back home - The Washington Post](<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/what-to-do-when-your-adult-child-moves-back-home/2013/06/25/8f017728-d444-11e2-b05f-3ea3f0e7bb5a_story.html]What”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/what-to-do-when-your-adult-child-moves-back-home/2013/06/25/8f017728-d444-11e2-b05f-3ea3f0e7bb5a_story.html)
The underlying message is to set parameters.</p>
<p>Daughter had an interview this afternoon and the interviewer asked her if she was working on her A+ certification. She said that she was (I have been working on this with her casually - so far we have been taking hardware apart and putting it back together again). She’s going to order some training materials for self-study and working through the practice exams. Going for certifications may be helpful in finding permanent work in a way that isn’t as expensive as grad school.</p>
<p>Kids (regardless of the age) that live at my house and do not have a job outside of work do manual labor FOR ME. It sucks, it’s difficult, and it doesn’t pay well. But if you live there, you contribute. (Allowances are made for a reasonable amount of time to LOOK for a job).</p>
<p>Newly graduated high school senior was unable to land a job this summer, and has kind of run out of time. On Monday, she begins repainting all the trim in the living areas and the front porch area and front door. We will estimate the number of hours the job should take, communicate that to her, and pay her minimum wage according to the estimated hours.</p>
<p>Also, we have house rules that most young people consider to be a real cramp in style (curfew/quiet hours), and they apply to pretty much everyone in the home.</p>
<p>This discourages them from living at home, especially unemployed for very long into adulthood.</p>
<p>D2 is considering coming back home after graduating college for about a year, and working to pay off all student loans. We support that.</p>
<p>We don’t charge kids rent (at least not so far) - but we DO require them to contribute to the household in other ways.</p>
<p>S1 is at home and works p/t. He pays 20%of his takehome for rent;this is to learn bill paying habits, treat him like an adult, and the money is saved by us to help with some security deposit at whatever point he finds a place to live he can afford. He helps with stuff like lawnmowing but he has no assigned chores, that’s silly at his age. He pays for hismphone, gas, and car insurance but he was already doing that.</p>
<p>Finding work is demoralizing and demeaning – I am doing it as a adult and I have to remind myself that it isn’t personal. As a new grad, she needs to hear that, but she needs to do something – anything. Volunteer, take a tech class, work a dumb job. Moving forward is an excellent way to think of it. S2 is home, and despite putting in good effort and good follow-through, he has no summer job. (most of the places didn’t even acknowledge he applied! what is up with that!). So he’s taking a req class, learning some new software programs, and working on his skill set (he’s in a creative major). No where as good as money, but the job market is SO bad.</p>
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<p>Employers are getting flooded with resumes and answering each one personally would be a fair amount of work.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your responses. I will definitely put some of these ideas into practice. We have had talks with her about our expectations for a job search. Ema may have nailed it with her description of the friend who barely looks for work but thinks they are looking diligently for work. We have tried to make it not too comfy to be home but the truth is she likes it here. We have told her she can stay to save money but I am afraid that has undermined her desire to move out at all.</p>
<p>She does have a part time job but has used that as an excuse to not look for a full time job.<br>
She does not contribute to household expenses but she does do dishes.</p>
<p>She is demoralized and demotivated. Being a supportive cheerleader does not seem to move her in a good direction. We have recently taken a step back and just been more matter of fact that she will have to move out (no time frame yet). Adulthood is here, whether she embraces it or not. We are trying to gently encourage her out of the nest but are starting to believe that we are hindering her not helping her.</p>
<p>I joke that I’m selling my house and buying a one bedroom condo as soon as they are both in college… the idea is tempting but in reality, I probably won’t be able to do it.</p>
<p>What is her degree in? Can she get help from career services at her college? Can she attend a job fair at her old college? Did she ever do internships during the summers when she was home - have any contacts there?</p>
<p>Did you say that she has an Associates Degree? Unfortunately, she is probably competing for the same jobs that others have a Bachelors. Is there a 4 year school within commuting distance? If so, she should work towards her Bachelors while working part time. This will make it easier - she is now competing with May graduates for jobs!</p>
<p>DD is at home now while she prepares to apply to grad school. She has a full time job, and a small part time job. She is an excellent household member, neat, helpful, and quiet. We are willing to let her stay here to save money for grad school. If she didn’t have a job, I’d be a little less tolerant.</p>