As time draws nearer to graduation, I began the task of totaling the cost of ‘graduation’ and encountered a few surprises, cost wise. Tuition has all been paid .
(a) Yearbook ($70) – Daughter was not interested in purchasing one.
(b) Ad in yearbook ($500 per page) – Since DD was not interested in purchasing a yearbook, this cost was unnecessary.
I began to see the savings and then began adding up other foreseen expenses.
(d) Graduation invitations and thank you notes (~$175) for a package of 50. Stamps ($19.60).
(e) Double Diploma Frame ($336.00)
(f) After-graduation dinner – After the graduation ceremony, I will be covering the cost for all invited family and friends, about 20, for dinner. I reserved a room at the hotel and will use their staff to serve dinner. I thought this was a nice gesture as a ‘thank you’ for sharing in my DDs achievements.
(g) Hotel rooms – I thought that everyone would be paying for their own room cost until a family member asked if I would be paying for the hotel rooms? I was a bit surprised because it never entered my mind that I should cover the cost of everyone’s hotel rooms.
(h) Graduation present (priceless )
What graduation costs have you encountered and found to be unreasonable?
I bought yearbooks for my kids but it would never have occurred to me to consider ads in the yearbook or class rings as anything other than completely optional (and nothing any of us were interested in). No graduation invitations – I don’t care for them.
For D’s graduation (Boston), we bought 5 plane tickets - me, spouse, son (D’s twin), my mother and our housekeeper (with our family ever since mine were babies; think Alice from the Brady Bunch). Paid for those hotel rooms - my mother and housekeeper roomed together and once D left her dorm for good, she shared S’s hotel room. My sister, husband and daughter came on their own dime; my father and his lady friend came on their own dime; my FIL came on his own dime (my MIL is not well enough to travel). We paid for all the food / dinners / etc, though FIL did surprise us by picking up the tab for a luncheon right after graduation. My sister’s husband and daughter had never been to Boston so they made a little family trip out of it; they stayed at a different hotel than we did and extended their visit so it would have been odd for me to have paid for that.
For S’s graduation (Chicago) we were now all local except for my father and his friend who again came on their own dime. But we hosted two nice dinners for ~12 people.
It really depends on the finances of the people involved. I do think it’s appropriate to pay for the dinners / food for everyone; you’re the host.
I bought a high school ring but not a college ring. It was personalized with my varsity sport. When D found it in my jewelry box she went nuts. She wears it quite often. D wants a college class ring. When I saw how much happiness she had with my ring, I said, “Yes,” whatever you want.
FWIW: She have worked very hard in college and earned top grades.
I cannot answer the other questions as we have no living immediate family.
I know my family is lower key than most, but for us, not even all the college grad’s siblings were able to make it to the ceremony. I’m impressed that you have 20 guests who are willing to sit through it!
We were delighted to take the family out for dinner after graduation but (other than my own kids) any family members who decide to stay over will be paying their own hotel bill. We did the same thing when my S got his Master’s degree. We were never asked to pay for my parent’s hotel room (or flight for that matter).
Both of my kids got a class ring and a yearbook, but other than that I did not get them a graduation gift (kind of thought that 4 years of paying for college was enough). My S looked at the diploma frame and thought they were way too big and didn’t even want one.
We just don’t think college graduation ceremony is big deal. Did not ask friends to attend graduation, hard enough to get immediate family there. Agree with @stradmom, one year we had a high school and college grad at same time, so hard to get other siblings (and even both parents) there. Got ring, yearbook, frame for diploma, have crazy over the top dinner with family that can attend after ceremony. We chose gift over spending money on travel for others to attend ceremony. Sent him and close friends to Hawaii as grad gift.
I am renting a house by a lake near the school, which would sleep 8. I will host a graduation barbecue (catered) for D2’s friends and their families the night before the graduation. We did the same for D1 when she graduated. I think we had around 100 people. People stayed very late because the lake and weather were just perfect, hoping for the same again for D2. Most of my families are arriving few days before the graduation because we’ll have the house for a week. I will most likely get a cook again to help out with food and clean up. People are getting themselves to the school. I will probably get D2 a piece of jewelry and a trip to Europe.
I have a large extended family, all close by, and we get together pretty often. I can’t imagine any other than my mom even attending my kids’ college graduations. For my son’s HS graduation, my mom and one aunt came. And that was local. When I graduated from HS, that same aunt and one other came, and my grandmother.
We are just bored by graduations, I think
If my kids wanted a yearbook I’d get them one but the other stuff seems like nothing they’d want or that I’d be likely to pay for anyway. If my mom were to come to my kids’ college graduation, I’d probably pay for her hotel room if there was an overnight stay involved.
My daughter recently got an email about taking yearbook portraits and said - they have college yearbooks -why would anybody want one (probably influenced by the fact that she goes to a very large school where the yearbook will contains thousands of strangers’ pictures!)
My parents and my partner come to my graduations (sister has skipped every one). Dinner maybe $20/person. I can’t think of anything else I spent money on… nor would I want to.
These all seem like high school things, not college.
ETA: I have a very small, close family. I am the only person on my mom’s side to graduate from college (none of my cousins, aunts, uncles, or mom did). I wouldn’t want them to have to suffer through a graduation. These things are boring
I recently threw out my college yearbooks (don’t even know how or why I had them, I think they may have been free or at the most $10). I did have a college ring because I never had a high school one. I wore it for about 10 years, but now is in my jewelry box. I had my diploma framed years later with some other documents, so I know I paid. I don’t think most people care that much about college memorabilia a year after they have it.
No, I don’t think you need to pay for travel or hotels for guests. I don’t think you need to feed them except at the dinners you invite them to. Frame your invitation for what you can afford or want to afford.
Can you get 20 tickets to graduation?? That seems like a lot – in our family it would be just grad’s parents, sibs, and grandparents if they are up to it (2 were for D1, maybe just my dad for D2 next year). My D1 did have PBK expenses, which I happily covered. :). We parents don’t hang our diplomas, the framed ones we have are in storage, so not framing for our kids. Hardly anyone has an office any more, a lot of the bigger companies “hotel” or you spend a lot of years in cubical land before getting an office – so no place to even hang it.
Yes, with a catch. No tickets are needed because the ceremony is outdoors. If it rains, then tickets will be required because the ceremony will need to be indoors.
Can’t speak to your finances but unless paying for family members’ trips and lodging is normal, I wouldn’t expect that. I wouldn’t worry about the dbl frame either. Let kiddo know that’s something you can provide if he/she wants one. I’d say it’s most likely a future purchase, if ever. I didn’t frame my Ivy diploma until about 20 yrs after I graduated – just b/c my it could finally look nice in my home office
DD’s graduated from state flagship 20 miles from home. She resisted attending graduation (5000 students in a football stadium) , and we opted to not force the issue. But then she heard that there would be an interesting, famous speaker and changed her mind - so we got to go after all:) (Shout out to Julie Andrews!)
Do students still get college rings? Both my kids rolled their eyes at my suggestion. (Too bad - DS’s simple engineering school ring was under $100, would have made a nice graduation gift.)
I did not think this was the norm and was caught off guard when a family member asked whether I was paying for the hotel rooms? I thought if the invite was accepted, then each person would cover his or her travel and hotel expenses.
I think it is fine to say, “No, we will be covering the celebration dinner the night of the graduation. We would absolutely love it if you could come, but we totally understand if you can’t make it. You’ll be there in spirit!” If there were grandparents of limited means and siblings of the grad, I’d cover all the travel expenses.
If I were traveling to a nephew’s or niece’s graduation, I would only expect a single dinner to be covered.
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