Grad gowns snuck up on us the first time, so now we know to expect it. No rings, etc alough I did buy a $100 diploma frame since S1 had one and I couldn’t not do the same for S2. We will have lunch here with the gf and her dad.
We do have family but have specifically said since none of them came for S1 (and we have not attended theirs) they are off the hook for S2. I can’t imagine less fun for a grad than having to hang out with a gaggle of relatives instead of friends. My parents may still come anyway, but they will stay wih us. Honestly, I feel like we have been through so much and worked so hard that I just don’t want to spend a second of my time worrying about guests and logistics instead of S2 getting all my attention. Weepy, happysad attention!
The day after D’s graduation, we drove back to campus and our family walked around for a few hours. It is a truly gorgeous campus and it provides a means for D to say goodbye since she was leaving the area. We have great family pictures from that day - worthy of framing.
We’ve already told family that we will not be attending our son’s college graduation next year. He is a music performance major and we will be attending his senior recital instead. We will probably be paying airfare/hotel for H’s parents (as we did for D’s grad) and our D. My mother can well afford to pay her own airfare/hotel. We will be paying for a reception after the recital for about 50 - hors d’oeurves, champagne, cake.
S doesn’t particularly want to attend his graduation as he will be in the middle of rehearsals for a festival out of state (with his choir). However, the school pays to fly all of the graduating seniors in the choir back for the ceremony so he can’t really get out of it.
Won’t be purchasing any announcements or yearbooks or even a cap/gown (they wear their choir robes). For D’s grad present we paid a down payment on her first apartment. Probably will do the same for S.
Our family is on Team Not Buying Rings/Yearbooks/Announcements/Frames. Especially after seeing just how much hotel rooms in the Boston area charge during graduation season. Holy expletive! Looking forward to not paying that for D2’s graduation.
D1’s school charges for graduation attire, which is good quality disposable. One of her enterprising friends bought up a bunch of cap and gown sets from graduating seniors the year before D1’s/friend’s graduation…and then sold them to D1 et al. Win-win for everyone: seniors made some money, the friend made a tidy profit, D1 etc paid less for their gowns.
D1’s school was on the east coast, we are in CA, so the only attendees at D1’s graduation were me, the spouse, and D2. Therefore, we paid for formal graduation photos and bought copies of the graduation “action” shot for the grandparents who cannot travel long distances. D2 attends school locally, so we will have a larger group for her graduation.
Graduation ceremony seats: for outdoor ceremonies, there’s often a trade-off between being near the front versus somewhere in the shade. Easy choice to make for D1 on a hot May day, because there was also the small ceremony just for her major; the only reason to sit near the front would’ve been to have a great view of the keynote speaker. D2’s graduation will be just the one ceremony for the 250 or so graduating seniors; hoping it’s small enough so that we don’t need to worry about seats.
S will be graduating in May. Same kid who refused to attend his high school graduation 4 years ago is now refusing to attend college graduation. We are still going to make 7+hr drive to his college and “celebrate”–probably take him and a couple sibs who will travel with us/another sib who attends same college out to dinner. Expense will be two nights in a hotel, gas, and dinner. We really didn’t have to go at all, as S could just drive home with his brother and he has to wait to get his diploma in the mail anyway… but we (our immediate family) attended his older sibs’ graduations, so we want S to “feel special”–that we are recognizing his accomplishment, and we do want to celebrate it. No announcements, no robe, no ring, no special frame for diploma. . .we won’t even have to worry about getting tickets to the ceremony (a pain–because what if we couldn’t get enough for younger sibs?) I would like to hear S’s name, see him walk across the stage, but he says the ceremony is a waste of time. Oh well.
This reminds me of the wedding threads. None of the stuff that the OP mentions is required unless you think it is. is . (We did not invite relatives, buy frames, or purchase a ring. As mentioned previously music parents spend funds on the senior and later grad recital ) If your student does not want that stuff, it certainly could come under the heading of “unreasonable expenses”.
No yearbook, no announcements, no ad/no pictures/no ring. If there was a charge for the cap and gown S must have paid for it - but I don’t think there was. We joined son’s friends and families for dinner the night before and we split the bill evenly between the families. We would have paid for the grandparents hotels but none were able to attend. My sister and my brother-in-law came but stayed with their daughter and SIL in a nearby city. It rained so we only got 4 tickets so her kids couldn’t come to commencement. The college hosts a luncheon reception for everyone after commencement which is free. One of his friends grandparents live in college town and had a party at their home after the luncheon. So the weekend was fairly inexpensive. We didn’t spend more than $800 for hotel and meals. That being said, his move to Boston to start his job the next week cost us about $8000 between sublet/permanent apartment 1st/last month rents, security dep/finder fees etc. We knew we would have expenses but didn’t think it would be so many thousands of dollars!
The only required expense we incurred for both of our kids…graduation cap and gown. In both cases, this included cap and gown, appropriate color tassel, tickets to graduation, and announcements. A package deal. And if you attended graduation, you were required to pay the cost. Have a gown from a previous year…didn’t matter. You could not walk in the graduation ceremony without paying this fee.
In DSs case, he got to keep the cap, and gown. DDs school only rented them to the kids…used them year after year…big into recycling. But she got to keep her cap and tassel.
All of the other costs in the OP are optional…and at the discretion of the family.
Another in the no announcements, no ring, no ad in yearbook, no diploma frame camp. H did buy the yearbook for S, but I don’t think he cared.
We didn’t expect any family members to trek up to Hanover for the graduation, except my mother. I drove down to CT to visit and then drive her up, but she bailed on me at the last minute! I was angry, but as things worked out I think it would have been too much for her, and it is probably a good thing that she didn’t come.
We paid for two motel rooms and a dorm room to accommodate our planned party of 5: H and I, a (penniless) BIL who was living with us, my absent mother, and S’s godfather. We paid for a lovely celebratory dinner after graduation, and a dinner the night before with S’s fraternity brothers and families. Between us we had three cars, which was handy for taking S’s stuff home. S kept my car and drove home a couple of days later, so he was able to hang with his friends a bit longer.
Grad present was paying off his loans, about $14K IIRC. And I bought him a rolling duffle and a Euro-sized rolling carry-on, since he was departing for Europe for a year 10 days after graduation.
ETA: if any other family members had wanted to come, I would have expected them to pay for their own travel and lodging. They would have had to indicate their interest something like 8 months in advance, though, because lodging in the mostly-rural area is slammed at that time of year, as are dining options.
When we had S’s graduation, we paid for SisIL and BIL and my best friend to attend a baccaularette dinner with S and D and H and I. It was a nice evening. Two years later, we paid for a nice bday dinner for H that we invited about 20 people in the area to attend, including BIL and niece who had come to town for the graduation. I made hotel reservations both times for us and relatives, but everyone paid own transportation and lodging.
Similarly, we attended a niece and nephew’s graduation but paid our own lodging (got my brother to bid on lodging for me and he got us an amazing deal).
Most of my nieces and nephews weren’t interested in grad ceremonies.
SlitheyTove - we reserved our Boston-area hotel about a year in advance - found a better deal at the same place, called, cancelled and re-booked. I don’t know where your kid is, but if the suburbs are an option we really like the Westin Waltham. We had to drive anyway to get to D’s suburban school so there was really no reason to pay Boston downtown hotel prices. The only downside is that this hotel charges for parking, which is completely ridiculous in the burbs, but we just park a block away and walk because I am not paying to park in a suburban hotel complex!
Pizzagirl my D1 is the same age as your twins so graduation is long over. I also started looking for reservations a year in advance, was stunned by the cost, had folks recommend Waltham as a cheaper alternative–and found it just as expensive! If your child’s graduation is the same weekend as other schools in the area, you are SOL because prices will be jacked up. In the end we found a hotel-like B&B right in Boston that was significantly cheaper than the hotel reservation I held. It was in the city right near the subway, which meant we didn’t need to rent a car or pay for parking.
I am amortizing the cost of D1’s graduation over two children, since no airline tickets or hotel reservations will be needed for D2’s graduation.
@SlitheyTove I forgot about that graduation ‘action shot’ and videos. Although the graduation ceremony will be live-streamed, DD will be part of another ceremony that is not streamed.
I began searching for hotels in May, 2015 but that was obviously way too late because the better hotels (not many in a rural area) were booked. Even rental homes that oldfort mentioned were probably booked years in advance.
I will make sure that everyone who said they will attend is aware that they would have to pay for airfare and hotel room. Anyone is welcome to reserve a room, at a cheaper rate, elsewhere.
I actually contacted the B and B more than a year prior to graduation…because it came highly recommended…and we needed the whole place. They didn’t take reservations until one year in advance. I begged…but to no avail. I emailed at midnight the exact year before…with my plea. The owner later told me…she had penciled us in…hoping we would call and reserve. She was absolutely wonderful in every way…accommodating…wonderful.
Not sure if she is still in business but for anyone in Snta Clara…or San Jose…Madison Street Inn…absolutely awesome!
I also pleaded with one hotel that would not budge on taking reservations one year in advance. Just after midnight on the day they were accepting reservations, I called and, YES, they were going to take my reservations.
I then had to decline because I found the price to be UnReasonable, $489.00 per night (taxes and fees not included).
The hotel closest to graduation required 3 nite stay at inflated rates, but we paid just for the convenience. They had restrictions on how far out they’d book too.
We flied to campus.
We stayed in the “dorm”, which cost much less than the hotel. (The school opened up the dorm for parents who preferred to stay there.)
Just heard that we did order the yearbook. But it is likely we even have not opened it yet.
We helped DS to move. We did spend $$$ to help him settled.
No special lunch or dinner. Likely just went to some restaurant where DS was there from time to time.
We are going to attend another commencement this May. When we told DS we will attend, it was a pleasant surprise for him. (Before we told him that, I think he was not even sure whether we would fly in for his commencement – I know, the dynamic in our family is an outlier here.) We have made the reservation for the “dorm” because it’s cheaper, but have not booked the $$$ flight yet. Hopefully, we will finally have a chance to meet his GF this summer (if she also attends this ceremony – but it is likely she may not be able to.)
I’m still stuck on $336 for a frame for the diploma.
I never framed my HS diploma, AA degree, or BA degree. My PhD degree sat unframed for five years or so until I’d had enough of students assuming I didn’t have one (I was relatively young for it when I got my PhD, and I look young for my age to boot), so I got it framed so I could hang it in my office—and spent, as I recall, $79 on it, even springing for the good glass and everything. (And yeah, that was ten years ago, but even accounting for inflation that’s way below $336.)
Seriously, some of these charges, I’m thinking you’re just looking at what’s being offered without shopping around. Also, yeah, some of these would be nice gifts for the graduate, sure, but if graduates want their degree framed or a class ring or announcements or a graduation picture or whatever, I’d say that’s generally theirs to buy—this stuff isn’t the parents’ responsibility.
If college grad photos are anything like the photos taken by an outside company at my kids’ private HS, don’t order and ignore the emails for awhile. After a few months, they’ll keep sending you emails and the prices will ge cheaper and cheaper.
