Why do colleges always include a statement saying something along the lines of “It’s nothing personal”? You’ve just poured your heart and soul out to them, told them almost everything you’ve done for the past 17-18 years, and they reject you. I know that the applicant pool is very competitive, but some people can’t help but feel that it IS personal.
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Because it isn’t personal! I’d recommend reading through the responses in this thread: Helping child deal with unexpected results
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But it isn’t personal at all. Do those admissions officers know you personally and are making decisions based on their personal feelings about you? No.
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Decisions are not personal. Admissions officers have not met most applicants and they review applications for probably 15 minutes each. There are more well qualified applicants than spots available and admission decisions are made based on many factors including institutional priorities.
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It’s a business.
Every student, who has applied to a list of universities, who I know, has been rejected by a college or university.
They’ve also been accepted by a university somewhere. It’s not personal, it’s a business.
They have their own individual needs for the type of student class they’re building. We don’t know what that is.
They may need an oboist.
They may need underrepresented minority.
They may need a basketball player.
They may need an Olympic athlete.
They may need the child of a philanthropist.
They may need a high functioning special-needs student.
Their needs may be based upon funding requirements from: their donors, their states, the federal government, academic and athletic funding/grants.
Students are rejected all of the time.
That’s why everyone, on this website, recommends that applicants begin applying to their safeties then go up to the reaches.
You can’t be bitter because the colleges have to abide by their requirements, limited spaces and hundreds of thousands of students applying to the same US schools.
It is a business.
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I understand what you are saying. It FEELS personal, even though in reality we KNOW that it is a business. I am so sorry you are feeling the rejections. Just know, you aren’t alone. Nearly every single high school senior around the country is getting rejections if they applied to lots of schools. HUGS. You will be OK, you will attend a great school if that is what you are set on. This feeling will pass. Commiserate with family and friends - have a good cry and then move on to look for other schools and keep pressing onward. 
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They can’t ask about race anymore. But yes, it’s a business. There simply aren’t enough spots for all the applicants.
They do it because it’s damage control. For most of them, their marketing aims to seem personal, as if it’s directed straight to you as an individual, as if they want you on campus. Then they have you write a Personal Statement (so yeah, it feels personal) and ask many personal questions on the application.
And they do that to as many people as they can to boost their applications, with the goal of rejecting most of them so they can brag about their low admit rates (or humble brag that they no longer release their admit rates because they are so low that they find it unseemly and unhealthy to do so.)
So really it isn’t personal. It’s part of their marketing, and you are the mark. But they know it feels personal, because they deliberately made it feel that way, so they say “It’s nothing personal.”
Keep your chin up, and do your best to keep your head out of the blender that is our current admissions process. And yes, build a list with plenty of more likely admits.
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So what happens when your kid gets six offers and then rejects five schools? Is that personal? He can only go to one school, just like Emory can only take 1 in 9 applicants.
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I would look up Rick Clark’s blog at Georgia Tech. He will explain all of this but… Yes. I get that it “feels” personal. It’s hard for strangers to tell you it is not.
Some of this is a function of not spreading the applicants wings out far enough with good safeties that are actual safeties that one would “Love” to go to. Too many students get hyper focused on a favorite school.
What you will hear is to make your place where you land and where you land is meant to be where you should be at. I have seen this multiple times and usually the students thrive when they let themselves do so.
Going to college is actually easy. Going to the college you want to go to is the hard part.
Good luck.
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I see this sentiment a lot on CC, and I think it is meant to be consoling, but I don’t think applicants are usually consoled. I think it feels more like “Well if you land at Podunk State, that’s because Podunk State is what you deserve. Now Jimmy, on the other hand, he’s at Harvard because that’s where he should be.”
Another one along this vein is “Adcoms know what they are doing.” I mean do they really? Back in my day, Harvard admitted the classmate who cheated right and left, bullied, and brown-nosed. We all hated this kid, and rightly so. But Harvard adcoms must have loved him. Were they right?
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I understand what you are saying-- intellectually.
But realistically- I’ve got classmates from college who live in 5,000 square foot homes in fancy suburbs with a beach or ski chalet to boot- and I’m in a builder’s grade fake colonial in a development in a diverse city where I’m less than a mile from a housing project and a half a mile from million dollar houses with pools AND pool houses.
Do my classmates “deserve” what they have vs. what I have? Should I spend my time wondering why they hit the housing jackpot- or should I enjoy my house just as it is, knowing that my life is pretty great? Have they made trade-offs in their lives that I was unwilling to make? Yes. Does that mean I “deserve” a less happy life than they do?
I think the attitude of “you’re at podunk U therefore you’re a loser” begins with the adults and trickles down to the kids- and it NEVER ends. Someone is always richer, thinner, blonder (or has more hair if you are male) with better toys. Figuring out how to maximize your enjoyment of your life based on what’s in front of you is an important life skill which many people never master.
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Sure, but let’s not pretend that it was “meant to be” or “Adcoms know best.” Because this “people get what they deserve” logic goes ugly places, and it has ramifications beyond just the intellectual.
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So @blossom kinda summed it up for me. In Chicago we go through this with selective enrollment high schools. Yes, kid’s do kinda land where they are supposed to be and seem happy after they start school. It’s a tough pill to swallow when everyone is telling you, you deserve “better”. For college, I just don’t any student that isn’t happy after the initial shock that “Stanford” didn’t want me. I went through this with my child as well.
Sometimes you have to excel where you are at.
I went to the local Podunk college since we had like no money and worked my way through. All my neighbors, living in Chicago proper went to a bevy of schools from Ivy to unknowns. We all live in similar houses, drive similar car’s, etc etc.
I totally get your point. I actually help some students “live”. But at the end of the day it’s up to the students /family to deal with their new reality and make the most of it.
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Do they though? I mean Chicago has a notoriously segregated school system. Is that supposed to be?
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Not even sure what you are saying. I am talking about the “selective” enrollment schools that Chicago /New York etc have.
Evidently, it’s a common saying and you don’t agree with it. I am not trying to derail the thread.
Like I said I went through this with my kid plus other’s. The students seem to enjoy where they land or are placed once the school year starts and this is all behind them. Maybe your experience is different. Only so many seats for all schools. I have only seen all rejections or similar when families /students were not realistic when applying. Everyone seems to think only their child can get into X school.
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Back to the OP - @rejected-everywhere, from your other thread it appears that you just applied to colleges and that you do have some highly likely schools on your list.
So I take it that your question is hypothetical, and you’re perhaps being overly pessimistic?
When you apply to a large number of highly rejective schools, rejections from many/most of them are inevitable. And there’s good advice on this thread about how to deal with that.
Best wishes.
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One of the last gifts we can give our kids before they fly the nest and spend the next few decades convinced that we are the dumbest people on the planet is to teach them- and model for them- how to run their own race.
I agree with you that telling your kid “Adcom’s know best” or “if it’s meant to be it will be” or whatever fortune cookie wisdom is trendy won’t help a kid pivot. But this is the first of MANY decisions in life that your kid is going to face where the ability to roll with the punches is tested.
Kid applies for the Rhodes- doesn’t make it as a finalist. Does that mean the kid should pack his bags and forget grad school? Kid is convinced she’s “meant to be” a surgeon- but the supervisor on her surgical rotation takes her aside and suggests pediatrics. Does that mean she gives up on medicine? Primary care is filled with kind and caring and skilled doctors who once imagined themselves dermatologists-- do they walk the halls of their clinics feeling like losers every day?
We’ve all been part of competitive selection processes. Knowing that you aren’t going to always win is important. And dealing with Plan B when you don’t is equally important.
I know we live in a society which is convinced that if a kid doesn’t get into Cal Tech he’s doomed to folding sweaters at Old Navy for the rest of his life. But seriously- if we’ve all communicated to a kid that CMU or Case or UIUC or U Mass or Pitt are the “loser” options- what’s wrong with us?
It is indeed- NOT personal.
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Yes, for now it’s hypothetical but some of my friends have gone through this and told me college admissions horror stories haha.
Not to rain on your parade - but it is life. Applying for internships, jobs, dating, making an offer to buy a home - “rejection” happens and you will end up pretty miserable if you take it personal.
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