College Rejections- nothing personal

Applying to College
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Many kids write the essays you are describing for universities in the US- why they are interested in antiquity; why they want to pursue advanced studies in theoretical physics, and those essays are just fine. The college’s which have off-beat prompts usually offer a “tell us something about yourself” option-- and that’s where these “I want to be an archaeologist” essays fit.

And I don’t agree- at least from my limited experience- that students elsewhere don’t take rejection personally. There are studies going on now about teenage suicide rates around the world and whether the college admissions process is correlated to suicidal ideation, depression and anxiety, etc. One might posit that the ultimate expression of “taking it personally” is taking ones own life because a kid didn’t get into XYZ university. Which in some countries is often the difference between having a middle class/professional type job or being relegated to life which will not allow any economic advancement. Some of these kids really believe they have failed their entire extended family- elite university admissions is the ticket out of poverty for two and sometimes three generations.

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Don’t worry, I’m not at the pints of ice cream stage yet. :slight_smile:

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Yes I said as much when I mentioned schools like Georgia Tech but as for top schools there are often several essay prompts so expounding on one’s intended major and interest in this is not going to be a good response to all the essay topics, especially if there is a prompt such as tell us of a time where you overcame a challenge or describe an event that led to personal growth etc.

As far as pressure in other countries, we’re not talking about the same things. Yes, kids might feel like it is the end of the world if they do not get accepted into the top school in China or India as their families see such an acceptance as a ticket out of poverty but the rejection itself is based on stats. This could mean that the student doesn’t feel they measured up compared to the other students who did gain entry but they didn’t reveal personal information about themselves regarding a time that they overcame a challenge or some other obstacle and then get rejected. Very different scenarios and so a very different kind of feeling of rejection would be instilled, with the former feeling they didn’t meet the bar (very much like athletes who are close but don’t make the cut for the Olympics or a job applicant failing to obtain the job) while the latter could feel like a rejection from someone the student confided in because the questions themselves do have a probing nature that are absent from the application process in many other countries.

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Well, it’s an excuse if you need one! :smirk:

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Changing your name may help with your view. Right now you come across as having a defeatist attitude which often leads to negative results - if one doesn’t think they can win often the mindset dictates the outcome. Perhaps you can approach the process with cautious optimism since the worst case scenario would be ending up in your safety and as long as you would be happy to attend the school, then all else is gravy.

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Don’t worry, I don’t actually believe I’ll get rejected everywhere. It’s more of an ironic name/one I came up with while doomscrolling at 3 am one random day junior year.

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Lack of resilience is an issue for sure.

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This thread got a lot more interesting than I thought it would. Love the various perspectives you guys bring to the table, and a bit of a reality check(for me at least): my family isn’t relying on me to get into an elite college to get out of poverty or anything.

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I’d love to see evidence that the feeling of rejection (and self-loathing and all the other bad stuff) is meaningfully different if it’s “stats” vs. something else.

I was rejected from several companies I applied to from B-school after the first cut-- aka the stats. No interview, no cover letter… just my GMAT scores and GPA.

No chance to show off my writing skills or talk about why I’m a perfect fit for the company and the role. Just a rejection.

It felt lousy. It was a stupid combination of score/GPA . That is not a good kind of rejection. Students who were-- let’s call them empty suits for lack of a better term-- were getting interviews and then offers. They had NO depth whatsoever, their work experience was shallow (I had managed 30 people, all older than me, I had dealt with a combative labor union with great success, managed through a strike… blah blah blah…) And their work experience- supposedly to prepare them for general management? The 1970’s version of a desk jockey.

So if you think a statistical rejection feels good- it does not. It calls into question every decision you’ve made- spend an extra hour doing meaningful volunteer work or study for an extra hour to get a fractionally higher GPA?

Nope. not buying it.

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This was almost the exact horror story I was told…

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Am I the only person who have kids who didn’t place first at everything? Was it somehow easier to handle if you are beat at a specific thing? Is that somehow more “rational”? Has everyone else competed or judged others only in objective ways that are totally stats driven? I got 2 wrong on a test but someone else only got 1 wrong? Or I ran the race in 2 minutes and someone else ran it in 1 min 55 sec?

I guess my kids and I have always been in activities that are more subjective. We have been judged knowing it was someone’s opinion only. Sure it hurts when you don’t get something that you want but my kids never blamed others and didn’t spiral into despair. Resilience.

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Please stop claiming things I didn’t say ie. I never said that any rejection would feel good. I said both would feel like a rejection but in different ways. One still feels bad if a job doesn’t pan out after being interviewed or one does not get on the Olympic team after working for years on one’s sport which were the analogies I brought up as being equivalent to not getting into a school where the bar is based on stats. However, it may not feel the same in a personal manner because the candidate did not relate personal information to the committee for which the judgement is based. Sure you might have felt as if you made some bad decisions because you didn’t focus on a higher GPA etc but you didn’t go into the interview and explain how and why you chose to volunteer, perhaps going into detail on how an incident in your life caused you to reflect on why this particular work would be fulfilling to you and then you got rejected. The latter might very well cause you to question your judgement as well because now you shared your judgement on your reason for volunteering and what it brought you and how it made you grow with the hiring committee and they seemed to still prefer others anyway. You now couldn’t lambast that the competition were all just empty suits with high GPAs and test scores who had nothing else to offer since everyone shared their personal stories. It’s like a group of people sharing stories and some end up as friends while others are excluded from the friend group. They are different kinds of rejections and they feel different with the latter to some feeling more personal. Some might see it as they got to know me a little bit - not just my numbers and stats - and found me wanting. Not to say a student should feel this way but I can understand them taking it on a more personal level than they would if the decision were based solely on stats.

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A reminder that College Confidential is not a debate society. Make your point and move on.

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I argue it is personal. The AOs review your personal package that you present as yourself. They compare your package to thousands of other “personalized packages” and make a decision. As a group, they choose a combination of individuals to socially engineer a collective that they want on campus. That seems pretty personal to me.

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My CV and resume barely tell the story of who I am as a person. I don’t take it personal when that’s all an entity has to “judge” me by. I know I am more than words and scores on a piece of paper.

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A colleague of mine LOVES former theater kids when she’s interviewing and hiring. She has always maintained that if you learn when you don’t get cast in the lead because they want a 5’8" brunette and you’re a 5’1" blond, it might be “personal” (what’s more personal than your physique?) but you don’t take it personally. I generally thought this was an interesting take- a LOT of corporate roles involve rejection (sales especially… top sales people handle rejection better than anyone) but until this thread, never really understood what she was saying. She loves the kid who didn’t get the lead but happily danced in the chorus; the kid who couldn’t dance to save his life but ran technical lighting and progressed to house manager; the kid who wasn’t hands-on enough for technical theater but learned to use his social media skills for the production. Not “less than”-- but taking the rejection and figuring out ones path and strength.

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Don’t think about it in that manner. They don’t reject you, they simply don’t accept you. They didn’t look at your application and say “nope, we don’t want this one”. They looked at the bunch of applications and said “here are 5,000 that look as though they would do well, but we can only accept 2,000, so we’ll do our best and put together a class that would fulfill our needs as best we can”.

For your particular profile, your “rejections” will likely be along the lines of “we would take you if we had enough places”.

Most students attend a large public university which accepts more than 50% of the applicants, and their incoming class is fewer than 40% of the students who they have accepted.

UIUC received some 67,000 applications in 2023, of which they accepted around 29,000, of whom 8,300 enrolled. I cannot see how “socially engineering” these 8,000 is even possible.

Same for the U California system, the Cal State system, the UT system, the TAMU system, The Florida public universities, etc, etc, etc,

Over 80% of all students attending four year college are attending a college which accepts more than 50% of their applicants. More than 50% of all students attending a four year college attend a colleges which accepts more than 75% of their applicants.

Fewer than 5% of all student attend a college which accepts fewer than 25% of their applicants. What you are describing is the admissions process of s amll number of colleges which accept fewer than 25% of their applicants.

This “Social Engineering” that you claim is happening is not even possible at colleges which some 90% or more of all students attend.

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You are correct. My opinion was for highly rejective schools that the OP has on his current list of schools.

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They are not “engineering a collective”, because reading applications doesn’t provide them with the sort of information they need for that. Theya re accepting them based on the potential of each individual to fulfill whatever needs that college has.

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That made me spit out my coffee.

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